Darkness feels like my life now. I sat alone, staring out my window. Light spilled through the blinds, but it didn’t feel…bright. Useless, even. I closed them. I knew I was spiraling. I always do. It doesn’t matter, though. I’m not needed here. Not by anyone. Others might think I am, but I don’t.
I mean, I have a life. Mom’s always there. Two good friends. But nothing feels right. Mom offers…things. She’s always offering. She thinks they’ll help. Talking, for example. Doesn’t help. She sits me down, asks how my day went. “Fine,” I say. A lie. The day was never fine. She knows it. She tries. It never works. So I retreat back into the dark.
Alone, in my dark room. Niall and Liam always ask me to come over. They know what’s wrong. I decline most of the time. I know it’s bad for me, but I don’t want to leave. I want to stay in bed, do nothing. Absolutely nothing. My phone buzzed. I flipped it over.
Niall: hey H.
Harry: hi.
Niall: How ya doing mate?
Harry: Fine.
Niall: Harry
Harry: I’m fine.
Niall: wanna come over? It’s Friday!
Harry: I’m busy.
Niall: please come over.
Harry: Okay. Fine. I will.
Niall: yay!
Harry: I’ll be over soon.
Niall: See you then.
I tossed my phone back on the bed and rubbed my face. This will be good. No, I don’t want to go. But it will be good for me. Niall has a bed. I picked up my phone and walked into the kitchen. Mom must have been cooking. The smell was amazing.
“Honey, where are you going?”
“Niall’s.”
“Okay sweetie, have fun.”
“Okay bye Mom.”
“Bye.” I walked out the front door and got in my car. Niall’s house wasn’t far, just ten minutes down the road. Small town perks. Not many people. Not much traffic. It was nice. I pulled out of the driveway and started down the road. It was only 5:30 PM, so not dark yet. This might be the last week before school started. Maybe one of the last times I’ll feel like doing this at all. I never turn the radio on, even though Mom suggests it. She thinks it might help me not think about…well, what I shouldn’t think about. It never does. It’s always there, a shadow that follows me everywhere. Doubt the radio could fix that.
I passed some kids playing outside. They looked so happy. I remember being a kid. Happiness seemed like all I had. No cares. Good grades, no effort required. A good home life. Lots of friends. Mom and Dad happy. Or, at least, I thought they were, until they started fighting. That’s when my happiness started to fade. I started staying in my room more. To escape the yelling. Then Dad left. I thought things would go back to normal. The shadow stayed. I’m used to it now. It’s just my new normal.
I pulled into Niall’s driveway. He came running out, all bubbly energy. I opened the car door.
“Hi Harry! I missed you.” He pulled me into a hug.
“I missed you too, Ni.”
“I figured maybe we could eat something.”
“Is your mom not home?”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m assuming you want me to cook.”
“No, I want *you* to be with me.” He smiled, tilting his head.
“And you wanted me to make food, yes, but mostly you just wanted to see me.”
“Okay whatever you say.” We walked into the house. It was small, cozy.
“So, tacos?”
“That sounds amazing!”
“Perfect.” I actually *am* pretty good at cooking. Don’t do it much, though. Mom always makes dinner.
“So Harry, how have you been?”
“Well Niall, still me.”
“I know. Do you think it’s gotten any better?”
“What do you want me to tell you?”
“I want to hear yes, but—”
“Well it’s a no.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Niall.”
“Maybe you should try talking to a therapist.”
“I wish it would help. I really do, but I’ve tried before.”
“Maybe you should try again.”
“Maybe.” I pulled the meat out of the freezer.
“Oh, by the way, Liam will be over.”
“Okay I’ll make more then.”
“Okay.” He said. I started getting the other ingredients out.
“Hey!” Liam yelled. He lived close too, walking distance.
“Hey Liam!”
“Hi!” I said.
“Hey Harry! What cha makin’?”
“Tacos.”
“Good, I’m starving.” We all laughed. Niall more than anyone. He laughed at anything. You could always get a chuckle out of him.
“Hey!” Liam said.
“What?”
“School. Starts. Soon.”
“You don’t have to remind us.” Niall said.
“I have to remind myself. You know I would forget.”
“Yes we know.” I said. Niall laughed. See. Told ya.
I set a plate of tacos on the table. “Mmmm. Harry these look really good.” Niall took a huge bite.
“Yeah great job Harry.” Liam grabbed one off the plate.
“Hopefully they taste good.” I said.
“They do!” Niall said, chewing.
“I’m glad. Niall, have you talked to your neighbor lately?”
“You mean Lilly?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“What mate? You really should. She seems very nice.”
“Oh she is. She’s also hot, and I think she’s coming to our school, so Liam, don’t get any ideas.”
“I’m not going to take her from you.”
“I’m just warning you. She’s mine.” Niall hissed.
“Okay okay. Harry, have you talked to anyone lately?”
“You mean like, ‘talked’ as in flirting?”
“Yeah.”
“No, probably never will.”
“Oh come on. I’m sure the perfect someone is out there.”
“Maybe. Does that mean I’ll find them? No.”
“Give it a try mate.” Liam added.
“One day, Liam.”
Hi! Sorry if this story is really bad. This is one of my first fan fics I have ever written. This part is also kind of short and a little boring, but I promise it will get more interesting as the story goes on. So let me know what you think of it. I’ll update soon. -C