XLVII + 

вАЬHarriet, poor Harriet!вАЭвБ†вАФThose were the words; in them lay the tormenting ideas which Emma could not get rid of, and which constituted the real misery of the business to her. Frank Churchill had behaved very ill by herselfвБ†вАФvery ill in many waysвБ†вАФbut it was not so much his behaviour as her own, which made her so angry with him. It was the scrape which he had drawn her into on HarrietвАЩs account, that gave the deepest hue to his offence.вБ†вАФPoor Harriet! to be a second time the dupe of her misconceptions and flattery. Mr.¬†Knightley had spoken prophetically, when he once said, вАЬEmma, you have been no friend to Harriet Smith.вАЭвБ†вАФShe was afraid she had done her nothing but disservice.вБ†вАФIt was true that she had not to charge herself, in this instance as in the former, with being the sole and original author of the mischief; with having suggested such feelings as might otherwise never have entered HarrietвАЩs imagination; for Harriet had acknowledged her admiration and preference of Frank Churchill before she had ever given her a hint on the subject; but she felt completely guilty of having encouraged what she might have repressed. She might have prevented the indulgence and increase of such sentiments. Her influence would have been enough. And now she was very conscious that she ought to have prevented them.вБ†вАФShe felt that she had been risking her friendвАЩs happiness on most insufficient grounds. Common sense would have directed her to tell Harriet, that she must not allow herself to think of him, and that there were five hundred chances to one against his ever caring for her.вБ†вАФвАЬBut, with common sense,вАЭ she added, вАЬI am afraid I have had little to do.вАЭ + 

She was extremely angry with herself. If she could not have been angry with Frank Churchill too, it would have been dreadful.вБ†вАФAs for Jane Fairfax, she might at least relieve her feelings from any present solicitude on her account. Harriet would be anxiety enough; she need no longer be unhappy about Jane, whose troubles and whose ill-health having, of course, the same origin, must be equally under cure.вБ†вАФHer days of insignificance and evil were over.вБ†вАФShe would soon be well, and happy, and prosperous.вБ†вАФEmma could now imagine why her own attentions had been slighted. This discovery laid many smaller matters open. No doubt it had been from jealousy.вБ†вАФIn JaneвАЩs eyes she had been a rival; and well might anything she could offer of assistance or regard be repulsed. An airing in the Hartfield carriage would have been the rack, and arrowroot from the Hartfield storeroom must have been poison. She understood it all; and as far as her mind could disengage itself from the injustice and selfishness of angry feelings, she acknowledged that Jane Fairfax would have neither elevation nor happiness beyond her desert. But poor Harriet was such an engrossing charge! There was little sympathy to be spared for anybody else. Emma was sadly fearful that this second disappointment would be more severe than the first. Considering the very superior claims of the object, it ought; and judging by its apparently stronger effect on HarrietвАЩs mind, producing reserve and self-command, it would.вБ†вАФShe must communicate the painful truth, however, and as soon as possible. An injunction of secrecy had been among Mr.¬†WestonвАЩs parting words. вАЬFor the present, the whole affair was to be completely a secret. Mr.¬†Churchill had made a point of it, as a token of respect to the wife he had so very recently lost; and everybody admitted it to be no more than due decorum.вАЭвБ†вАФEmma had promised; but still Harriet must be excepted. It was her superior duty. + 

In spite of her vexation, she could not help feeling it almost ridiculous, that she should have the very same distressing and delicate office to perform by Harriet, which Mrs.¬†Weston had just gone through by herself. The intelligence, which had been so anxiously announced to her, she was now to be anxiously announcing to another. Her heart beat quick on hearing HarrietвАЩs footstep and voice; so, she supposed, had poor Mrs.¬†Weston felt when she was approaching Randalls. Could the event of the disclosure bear an equal resemblance!вБ†вАФBut of that, unfortunately, there could be no chance. + 

вАЬWell, Miss Woodhouse!вАЭ cried Harriet, coming eagerly into the roomвБ†вАФвАЬis not this the oddest news that ever was?вАЭ + 

вАЬWhat news do you mean?вАЭ replied Emma, unable to guess, by look or voice, whether Harriet could indeed have received any hint. + 

вАЬAbout Jane Fairfax. Did you ever hear anything so strange? Oh!вБ†вАФyou need not be afraid of owning it to me, for Mr.¬†Weston has told me himself. I met him just now. He told me it was to be a great secret; and, therefore, I should not think of mentioning it to anybody but you, but he said you knew it.вАЭ + 

вАЬWhat did Mr.¬†Weston tell you?вАЭвБ†вАФsaid Emma, still perplexed. + 

вАЬOh! he told me all about it; that Jane Fairfax and Mr.¬†Frank Churchill are to be married, and that they have been privately engaged to one another this long while. How very odd!вАЭ + 

It was, indeed, so odd; HarrietвАЩs behaviour was so extremely odd, that Emma did not know how to understand it. Her character appeared absolutely changed. She seemed to propose showing no agitation, or disappointment, or peculiar concern in the discovery. Emma looked at her, quite unable to speak. + 

вАЬHad you any idea,вАЭ cried Harriet, вАЬof his being in love with her?вБ†вАФYou, perhaps, might.вБ†вАФYou (blushing as she spoke) who can see into everybodyвАЩs heart; but nobody elseвБ†вАФвАЭ + 

вАЬUpon my word,вАЭ said Emma, вАЬI begin to doubt my having any such talent. Can you seriously ask me, Harriet, whether I imagined him attached to another woman at the very time that I wasвБ†вАФtacitly, if not openlyвБ†вАФencouraging you to give way to your own feelings?вБ†вАФI never had the slightest suspicion, till within the last hour, of Mr.¬†Frank ChurchillвАЩs having the least regard for Jane Fairfax. You may be very sure that if I had, I should have cautioned you accordingly.вАЭ + 

вАЬMe!вАЭ cried Harriet, colouring, and astonished. вАЬWhy should you caution me?вБ†вАФYou do not think I care about Mr.¬†Frank Churchill.вАЭ + 

вАЬI am delighted to hear you speak so stoutly on the subject,вАЭ replied Emma, smiling; вАЬbut you do not mean to deny that there was a timeвБ†вАФand not very distant eitherвБ†вАФwhen you gave me reason to understand that you did care about him?вАЭ + 

вАЬHim!вБ†вАФnever, never. Dear Miss Woodhouse, how could you so mistake me?вАЭ turning away distressed. + 

вАЬHarriet!вАЭ cried Emma, after a momentвАЩs pauseвБ†вАФвАЬWhat do you mean?вБ†вАФGood Heaven! what do you mean?вБ†вАФMistake you!вБ†вАФAm I to suppose then?вБ†вАФвАЭ + 

She could not speak another word.вБ†вАФHer voice was lost; and she sat down, waiting in great terror till Harriet should answer. + 

Harriet, who was standing at some distance, and with face turned from her, did not immediately say anything; and when she did speak, it was in a voice nearly as agitated as EmmaвАЩs. + 

вАЬI should not have thought it possible,вАЭ she began, вАЬthat you could have misunderstood me! I know we agreed never to name himвБ†вАФbut considering how infinitely superior he is to everybody else, I should not have thought it possible that I could be supposed to mean any other person. Mr.¬†Frank Churchill, indeed! I do not know who would ever look at him in the company of the other. I hope I have a better taste than to think of Mr.¬†Frank Churchill, who is like nobody by his side. And that you should have been so mistaken, is amazing!вБ†вАФI am sure, but for believing that you entirely approved and meant to encourage me in my attachment, I should have considered it at first too great a presumption almost, to dare to think of him. At first, if you had not told me that more wonderful things had happened; that there had been matches of greater disparity (those were your very words);вБ†вАФI should not have dared to give way toвБ†вАФI should not have thought it possibleвБ†вАФBut if you, who had been always acquainted with himвБ†вАФвАЭ + 

вАЬHarriet!вАЭ cried Emma, collecting herself resolutelyвБ†вАФвАЬLet us understand each other now, without the possibility of farther mistake. Are you speaking ofвБ†вАФMr.¬†Knightley?вАЭ + 

вАЬTo be sure I am. I never could have an idea of anybody elseвБ†вАФand so I thought you knew. When we talked about him, it was as clear as possible.вАЭ + 

вАЬNot quite,вАЭ returned Emma, with forced calmness, вАЬfor all that you then said, appeared to me to relate to a different person. I could almost assert that you had named Mr.¬†Frank Churchill. I am sure the service Mr.¬†Frank Churchill had rendered you, in protecting you from the gipsies, was spoken of.вАЭ + 

вАЬOh! Miss Woodhouse, how you do forget!вАЭ + 

вАЬMy dear Harriet, I perfectly remember the substance of what I said on the occasion. I told you that I did not wonder at your attachment; that considering the service he had rendered you, it was extremely natural:вБ†вАФand you agreed to it, expressing yourself very warmly as to your sense of that service, and mentioning even what your sensations had been in seeing him come forward to your rescue.вБ†вАФThe impression of it is strong on my memory.вАЭ + 

вАЬOh, dear,вАЭ cried Harriet, вАЬnow I recollect what you mean; but I was thinking of something very different at the time. It was not the gipsiesвБ†вАФit was not Mr.¬†Frank Churchill that I meant. No! (with some elevation) I was thinking of a much more precious circumstanceвБ†вАФof Mr.¬†KnightleyвАЩs coming and asking me to dance, when Mr.¬†Elton would not stand up with me; and when there was no other partner in the room. That was the kind action; that was the noble benevolence and generosity; that was the service which made me begin to feel how superior he was to every other being upon earth.вАЭ + 

вАЬGood God!вАЭ cried Emma, вАЬthis has been a most unfortunateвБ†вАФmost deplorable mistake!вБ†вАФWhat is to be done?вАЭ + 

вАЬYou would not have encouraged me, then, if you had understood me? At least, however, I cannot be worse off than I should have been, if the other had been the person; and nowвБ†вАФit is possibleвБ†вАФвАЭ + 

She paused a few moments. Emma could not speak. + 

вАЬI do not wonder, Miss Woodhouse,вАЭ she resumed, вАЬthat you should feel a great difference between the two, as to me or as to anybody. You must think one five hundred million times more above me than the other. But I hope, Miss Woodhouse, that supposingвБ†вАФthat ifвБ†вАФstrange as it may appearвБ†вАФ. But you know they were your own words, that more wonderful things had happened, matches of greater disparity had taken place than between Mr.¬†Frank Churchill and me; and, therefore, it seems as if such a thing even as this, may have occurred beforeвБ†вАФand if I should be so fortunate, beyond expression, as toвБ†вАФif Mr.¬†Knightley should reallyвБ†вАФif he does not mind the disparity, I hope, dear Miss Woodhouse, you will not set yourself against it, and try to put difficulties in the way. But you are too good for that, I am sure.вАЭ + 

Harriet was standing at one of the windows. Emma turned round to look at her in consternation, and hastily said, + 

вАЬHave you any idea of Mr.¬†KnightleyвАЩs returning your affection?вАЭ + 

вАЬYes,вАЭ replied Harriet modestly, but not fearfullyвБ†вАФвАЬI must say that I have.вАЭ + 

EmmaвАЩs eyes were instantly withdrawn; and she sat silently meditating, in a fixed attitude, for a few minutes. A few minutes were sufficient for making her acquainted with her own heart. A mind like hers, once opening to suspicion, made rapid progress. She touchedвБ†вАФshe admittedвБ†вАФshe acknowledged the whole truth. Why was it so much worse that Harriet should be in love with Mr.¬†Knightley, than with Frank Churchill? Why was the evil so dreadfully increased by HarrietвАЩs having some hope of a return? It darted through her, with the speed of an arrow, that Mr.¬†Knightley must marry no one but herself! + 

Her own conduct, as well as her own heart, was before her in the same few minutes. She saw it all with a clearness which had never blessed her before. How improperly had she been acting by Harriet! How inconsiderate, how indelicate, how irrational, how unfeeling had been her conduct! What blindness, what madness, had led her on! It struck her with dreadful force, and she was ready to give it every bad name in the world. Some portion of respect for herself, however, in spite of all these demeritsвБ†вАФsome concern for her own appearance, and a strong sense of justice by HarrietвБ†вАФ(there would be no need of compassion to the girl who believed herself loved by Mr.¬†KnightleyвБ†вАФbut justice required that she should not be made unhappy by any coldness now,) gave Emma the resolution to sit and endure farther with calmness, with even apparent kindness.вБ†вАФFor her own advantage indeed, it was fit that the utmost extent of HarrietвАЩs hopes should be enquired into; and Harriet had done nothing to forfeit the regard and interest which had been so voluntarily formed and maintainedвБ†вАФor to deserve to be slighted by the person, whose counsels had never led her right.вБ†вАФRousing from reflection, therefore, and subduing her emotion, she turned to Harriet again, and, in a more inviting accent, renewed the conversation; for as to the subject which had first introduced it, the wonderful story of Jane Fairfax, that was quite sunk and lost.вБ†вАФNeither of them thought but of Mr.¬†Knightley and themselves. + 

Harriet, who had been standing in no unhappy reverie, was yet very glad to be called from it, by the now encouraging manner of such a judge, and such a friend as Miss Woodhouse, and only wanted invitation, to give the history of her hopes with great, though trembling delight.вБ†вАФEmmaвАЩs tremblings as she asked, and as she listened, were better concealed than HarrietвАЩs, but they were not less. Her voice was not unsteady; but her mind was in all the perturbation that such a development of self, such a burst of threatening evil, such a confusion of sudden and perplexing emotions, must create.вБ†вАФShe listened with much inward suffering, but with great outward patience, to HarrietвАЩs detail.вБ†вАФMethodical, or well arranged, or very well delivered, it could not be expected to be; but it contained, when separated from all the feebleness and tautology of the narration, a substance to sink her spiritвБ†вАФespecially with the corroborating circumstances, which her own memory brought in favour of Mr.¬†KnightleyвАЩs most improved opinion of Harriet. + 

Harriet had been conscious of a difference in his behaviour ever since those two decisive dances.вБ†вАФEmma knew that he had, on that occasion, found her much superior to his expectation. From that evening, or at least from the time of Miss WoodhouseвАЩs encouraging her to think of him, Harriet had begun to be sensible of his talking to her much more than he had been used to do, and of his having indeed quite a different manner towards her; a manner of kindness and sweetness!вБ†вАФLatterly she had been more and more aware of it. When they had been all walking together, he had so often come and walked by her, and talked so very delightfully!вБ†вАФHe seemed to want to be acquainted with her. Emma knew it to have been very much the case. She had often observed the change, to almost the same extent.вБ†вАФHarriet repeated expressions of approbation and praise from himвБ†вАФand Emma felt them to be in the closest agreement with what she had known of his opinion of Harriet. He praised her for being without art or affectation, for having simple, honest, generous, feelings.вБ†вАФShe knew that he saw such recommendations in Harriet; he had dwelt on them to her more than once.вБ†вАФMuch that lived in HarrietвАЩs memory, many little particulars of the notice she had received from him, a look, a speech, a removal from one chair to another, a compliment implied, a preference inferred, had been unnoticed, because unsuspected, by Emma. Circumstances that might swell to half an hourвАЩs relation, and contained multiplied proofs to her who had seen them, had passed undiscerned by her who now heard them; but the two latest occurrences to be mentioned, the two of strongest promise to Harriet, were not without some degree of witness from Emma herself.вБ†вАФThe first, was his walking with her apart from the others, in the lime-walk at Donwell, where they had been walking some time before Emma came, and he had taken pains (as she was convinced) to draw her from the rest to himselfвБ†вАФand at first, he had talked to her in a more particular way than he had ever done before, in a very particular way indeed!вБ†вАФ(Harriet could not recall it without a blush.) He seemed to be almost asking her, whether her affections were engaged.вБ†вАФBut as soon as she (Miss Woodhouse) appeared likely to join them, he changed the subject, and began talking about farming:вБ†вАФThe second, was his having sat talking with her nearly half an hour before Emma came back from her visit, the very last morning of his being at HartfieldвБ†вАФthough, when he first came in, he had said that he could not stay five minutesвБ†вАФand his having told her, during their conversation, that though he must go to London, it was very much against his inclination that he left home at all, which was much more (as Emma felt) than he had acknowledged to her. The superior degree of confidence towards Harriet, which this one article marked, gave her severe pain. + 

On the subject of the first of the two circumstances, she did, after a little reflection, venture the following question. вАЬMight he not?вБ†вАФIs not it possible, that when enquiring, as you thought, into the state of your affections, he might be alluding to Mr.¬†MartinвБ†вАФhe might have Mr.¬†MartinвАЩs interest in view?вАЭ But Harriet rejected the suspicion with spirit. + 

вАЬMr.¬†Martin! No indeed!вБ†вАФThere was not a hint of Mr.¬†Martin. I hope I know better now, than to care for Mr.¬†Martin, or to be suspected of it.вАЭ + 

When Harriet had closed her evidence, she appealed to her dear Miss Woodhouse, to say whether she had not good ground for hope. + 

вАЬI never should have presumed to think of it at first,вАЭ said she, вАЬbut for you. You told me to observe him carefully, and let his behaviour be the rule of mineвБ†вАФand so I have. But now I seem to feel that I may deserve him; and that if he does choose me, it will not be anything so very wonderful.вАЭ + 

The bitter feelings occasioned by this speech, the many bitter feelings, made the utmost exertion necessary on EmmaвАЩs side, to enable her to say in reply, + 

вАЬHarriet, I will only venture to declare, that Mr.¬†Knightley is the last man in the world, who would intentionally give any woman the idea of his feeling for her more than he really does.вАЭ + 

Harriet seemed ready to worship her friend for a sentence so satisfactory; and Emma was only saved from raptures and fondness, which at that moment would have been dreadful penance, by the sound of her fatherвАЩs footsteps. He was coming through the hall. Harriet was too much agitated to encounter him. вАЬShe could not compose herselfвБ†вАФMr.¬†Woodhouse would be alarmedвБ†вАФshe had better go;вАЭвБ†вАФwith most ready encouragement from her friend, therefore, she passed off through another doorвБ†вАФand the moment she was gone, this was the spontaneous burst of EmmaвАЩs feelings: вАЬOh God! that I had never seen her!вАЭ + 

The rest of the day, the following night, were hardly enough for her thoughts.вБ†вАФShe was bewildered amidst the confusion of all that had rushed on her within the last few hours. Every moment had brought a fresh surprise; and every surprise must be matter of humiliation to her.вБ†вАФHow to understand it all! How to understand the deceptions she had been thus practising on herself, and living under!вБ†вАФThe blunders, the blindness of her own head and heart!вБ†вАФshe sat still, she walked about, she tried her own room, she tried the shrubberyвБ†вАФin every place, every posture, she perceived that she had acted most weakly; that she had been imposed on by others in a most mortifying degree; that she had been imposing on herself in a degree yet more mortifying; that she was wretched, and should probably find this day but the beginning of wretchedness. + 

To understand, thoroughly understand her own heart, was the first endeavour. To that point went every leisure moment which her fatherвАЩs claims on her allowed, and every moment of involuntary absence of mind. + 

How long had Mr.¬†Knightley been so dear to her, as every feeling declared him now to be? When had his influence, such influence begun?вБ†вАФWhen had he succeeded to that place in her affection, which Frank Churchill had once, for a short period, occupied?вБ†вАФShe looked back; she compared the twoвБ†вАФcompared them, as they had always stood in her estimation, from the time of the latterвАЩs becoming known to herвБ†вАФand as they must at any time have been compared by her, had itвБ†вАФoh! had it, by any blessed felicity, occurred to her, to institute the comparison.вБ†вАФShe saw that there never had been a time when she did not consider Mr.¬†Knightley as infinitely the superior, or when his regard for her had not been infinitely the most dear. She saw, that in persuading herself, in fancying, in acting to the contrary, she had been entirely under a delusion, totally ignorant of her own heartвБ†вАФand, in short, that she had never really cared for Frank Churchill at all! + 

This was the conclusion of the first series of reflection. This was the knowledge of herself, on the first question of inquiry, which she reached; and without being long in reaching it.вБ†вАФShe was most sorrowfully indignant; ashamed of every sensation but the one revealed to herвБ†вАФher affection for Mr.¬†Knightley.вБ†вАФEvery other part of her mind was disgusting. + 

With insufferable vanity had she believed herself in the secret of everybodyвАЩs feelings; with unpardonable arrogance proposed to arrange everybodyвАЩs destiny. She was proved to have been universally mistaken; and she had not quite done nothingвБ†вАФfor she had done mischief. She had brought evil on Harriet, on herself, and she too much feared, on Mr.¬†Knightley.вБ†вАФWere this most unequal of all connections to take place, on her must rest all the reproach of having given it a beginning; for his attachment, she must believe to be produced only by a consciousness of HarrietвАЩs;вБ†вАФand even were this not the case, he would never have known Harriet at all but for her folly. + 

Mr.¬†Knightley and Harriet Smith!вБ†вАФIt was a union to distance every wonder of the kind.вБ†вАФThe attachment of Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax became commonplace, threadbare, stale in the comparison, exciting no surprise, presenting no disparity, affording nothing to be said or thought.вБ†вАФMr.¬†Knightley and Harriet Smith!вБ†вАФSuch an elevation on her side! Such a debasement on his! It was horrible to Emma to think how it must sink him in the general opinion, to foresee the smiles, the sneers, the merriment it would prompt at his expense; the mortification and disdain of his brother, the thousand inconveniences to himself.вБ†вАФCould it be?вБ†вАФNo; it was impossible. And yet it was far, very far, from impossible.вБ†вАФWas it a new circumstance for a man of first-rate abilities to be captivated by very inferior powers? Was it new for one, perhaps too busy to seek, to be the prize of a girl who would seek him?вБ†вАФWas it new for anything in this world to be unequal, inconsistent, incongruousвБ†вАФor for chance and circumstance (as second causes) to direct the human fate? + 

Oh! had she never brought Harriet forward! Had she left her where she ought, and where he had told her she ought!вБ†вАФHad she not, with a folly which no tongue could express, prevented her marrying the unexceptionable young man who would have made her happy and respectable in the line of life to which she ought to belongвБ†вАФall would have been safe; none of this dreadful sequel would have been. + 

How Harriet could ever have had the presumption to raise her thoughts to Mr.¬†Knightley!вБ†вАФHow she could dare to fancy herself the chosen of such a man till actually assured of it!вБ†вАФBut Harriet was less humble, had fewer scruples than formerly.вБ†вАФHer inferiority, whether of mind or situation, seemed little felt.вБ†вАФShe had seemed more sensible of Mr.¬†EltonвАЩs being to stoop in marrying her, than she now seemed of Mr.¬†KnightleyвАЩs.вБ†вАФAlas! was not that her own doing too? Who had been at pains to give Harriet notions of self-consequence but herself?вБ†вАФWho but herself had taught her, that she was to elevate herself if possible, and that her claims were great to a high worldly establishment?вБ†вАФIf Harriet, from being humble, were grown vain, it was her doing too. + 