Scene: a Study + 

Dramatis Personae: Smith, Conscience, Mephistopheles + 

Enter Smith down centre. + 

He seats himself at table and opens a Thucydides. + 

Enter Conscience through ceiling R., Mephistopheles through floor L. + 

Conscience + 

With a kindly smile. Precisely what I was about to remark, my dear lad. A little Thucydides would be a very good thing. Thucydides, as you doubtless know, was a very famous Athenian historian. Date? + 

Smith + 

Er⁠—um⁠—let me see. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Aside. Look in the Introduction and pretend you did it by accident. + 

Smith + 

Having done so. 431 BC. circ. + 

Conscience wipes away a tear. + 

Conscience + 

Thucydides made himself a thorough master of the concisest of styles. + 

Mephistopheles + 

And in doing so became infernally obscure. Excuse shop. + 

Smith + 

Gloomily. Hum! + 

Mephistopheles + 

Sneeringly. Ha! + 

Long pause. + 

Conscience + 

Gently. Do you not think, my dear lad, that you had better begin? Time and tide, as you are aware, wait for no man. And⁠— + 

Smith + 

Yes? + 

Conscience + 

Well, you know, that examination tomorrow. + 

Smith + 

Yes? + 

Conscience + 

You have not, I fear, a very firm grasp of the subject. However, if you work hard till eleven⁠— + 

Smith + 

Gloomily. Hum! Three hours! + 

Mephistopheles + 

Cheerily. Exactly so. Three hours. A little more if anything. By the way, excuse me asking, but have you prepared the subject thoroughly during the term? + 

Smith + 

My dear sir! Of course! + 

Conscience + 

Reprovingly. ???!!??! + 

Smith + 

Well, perhaps, not quite so much as I might have done. Such a lot of things to do this term. Cricket, for instance. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Rather. Talking of cricket, you seemed to be shaping rather well last Saturday. I had just run up on business, and someone told me you made eighty not out. Get your century all right? + 

Smith + 

Brightening at the recollection. Just a bit⁠—117 not out. I hit⁠—but perhaps you’ve heard? + 

Mephistopheles + 

Not at all, not at all. Let’s hear all about it. + 

Conscience seeks to interpose, but is prevented by Mephistopheles, who eggs Smith on to talk cricket for over an hour. + 

Conscience + 

At last; in an acid voice. That is a history of the Peloponnesian war by Thucydides on the table in front of you. I thought I would mention it, in case you had forgotten. + 

Smith + 

Great Scott, yes! Here, I say, I must start. + 

Conscience + 

Hear! Hear! + 

Mephistopheles + 

Insinuatingly. One moment. Did you say you had prepared this book during the term? Afraid I’m a little hard of hearing. Eh, what? + 

Smith + 

Well⁠—er no, I have not. Have you ever played billiards with a walking-stick and five balls? + 

Mephistopheles + 

Quite so, quite so. I quite understand. Don’t you distress yourself, old chap. You obviously can’t get through a whole book of Thucydides in under two hours, can you? + 

Conscience + 

Severely. He might, by attentive application to study, master a considerable portion of the historian’s chef d’oeuvre in that time. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Yes, and find that not one of the passages he had prepared was set in the paper. + 

Conscience + 

At the least, he would, if he were to pursue the course which I have indicated, greatly benefit his mind. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Gives a short, derisive laugh. + 

Long pause. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Looking towards bookshelf. Hullo, you’ve got a decent lot of books, pommy word you have. Rodney Stone, Vice Versa, Many Cargoes. Ripping. Ever read Many Cargoes? + 

Conscience + 

Glancing at his watch. I am sorry, but I must really go now. I will see you some other day. + 

Exit sorrowfully. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Well, thank goodness he’s gone. Never saw such a fearful old bore in my life. Can’t think why you let him hang on to you so. We may as well make a night of it now, eh? No use your trying to work at this time of night. + 

Smith + 

Not a bit. + 

Mephistopheles + 

Did you say you’d not read Many Cargoes? + 

Smith + 

Never. Only got it today. Good? + 

Mephistopheles + 

Simply ripping. All short stories. Make you yell. + 

Smith + 

With a last effort. But don’t you think⁠— + 

Mephistopheles + 

Oh no. Besides, you can easily get up early tomorrow for the Thucydides. + 

Smith + 

Of course I can. Never thought of that. Heave us Many Cargoes. Thanks. + 

Begins to read. Mephistopheles grins fiendishly, and vanishes through floor enveloped in red flame. Sobbing heard from the direction of the ceiling. + 

Scene closes. + 