Chapter 0: Reasons
Jungkook’s P.O.V.
It’s a peculiar thing, how time seems to warp when you dread something. When you desperately wish to slow it down, it rushes forward with infuriating speed.
Fifteen minutes before lunch break, our teacher paused mid-sentence, clapping her hands with theatrical flair. “I’m thrilled to announce that I can finally put my idea into action! Our ‘Month of Confessions’ is about to begin!”
She stood before the class, beaming, expecting applause. Her students, however, met her announcement with a chilling silence.
“Err… Mr. Jeon,” she continued, her enthusiasm undeterred, “has volunteered to be the first participant in this delightful tradition. It’ll… well, hopefully… improve the dynamics within the classroom.”
My parents had assured me it would force me out of my shell, help me accept my differences. I’d begged them for anything *but* further exposure.
The teacher gestured for me to stand. “Come on, Jungkookie. It’ll be okay.”
“But Ms. Brown! Seon already—"
“Complimenting me on my body shape doesn’t count!” she snapped, her smile faltering. “Honestly, kids, you’re thirteen…”
I dragged my feet across the room, towards the front desk. Every eye in the classroom fixed on me with a cold curiosity. I let out a shallow breath when one boy deliberately crumpled a paper ball and tossed it at another. No one acknowledged the gesture; only the teacher glared at the offender.
It took everything I had to avoid looking towards the figure at the back of the room. I actively refused to meet his gaze.
The journey felt endless, my gaze fixed on my own feet as classmates began a full-blown paper war. A single student observed the chaos, but it didn’t offer me any comfort.
“We don’t have much time,” Ms. Brown said, her voice laced with urgency. “If you’re ready to do this, I strongly suggest you do it now.”
“Do you think Robert will…?” I whispered, my voice trembling.
“Don’t be silly! He’s the last person you should worry about.” She placed a warm hand on my shoulder. “Everyone, please!”
I nervously worked my fingers together. Once you say it, there’s no taking it back. Once they know, they won’t leave you alone. Once *he* knows… what then?
A paper ball struck my face. “He can’t speak, Ms. Brown, he’s a mute.” Another hit me on the head. I remained silent. “See?” The class erupted in laughter.
“Cut it off!” she yelled, her voice cracking with frustration.
I seized the moment. “I… I-I… err…” The words caught in my throat. No sound escaped my lips.
Another paper ball slammed into me. “Speak normally, god damn it!”
“CUT IT OFF!” With a frustrated sigh, the teacher turned to me. “If you don’t feel comfortable telling them, you should just—”
“I’m gay,” I blurted out. “I like boys.”
A wave of relief washed over me, mixed with a strange exhilaration. Ms. Brown called me brave. Looking around, half the class was clapping, mostly the girls, and Robert met my eyes with a proud, radiant green gaze. My parents were right; I was strong enough.
At the back of the classroom, Kim Taehyung didn’t seem remotely impressed. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his reaction.
“Lame!”
“Tell us something we don’t know!”
The teacher prepared to quell the next wave of jeers, but Robert intervened. “SHUT UP! JUST SHUT–FUCKING–UP!”
Neither of them earned anything but mocking laughter.
Finally, the minutes ticked by, and as I reached for my bag, Robert playfully bumped my shoulder. “I’m glad you managed to resist the urge to pee your pants! I saw how terrified you were, and still, it went relatively smoothly,” he said. “I think it did, at least. Why didn’t you tell me first?”
“I-I guess I was scared you’d think it was… weird… or that you’d get the wrong idea…”
“You thought I’d assume you’re in love with me?” I nodded sheepishly. “Ridiculous!” He laughed. “You always tell me we’re like brothers; that would be disgusting.”
He gathered his belongings, and we walked towards the school’s backyard, talking as we went.
“I-I’m just happy it didn’t end too badly…”
Robert nudged me again. “Take a breath, pal. I can only imagine how stressful that was, and you handled yourself like a champion!”
“You think so?” I grinned.
“Yeah!” He dropped his bag near the thickest tree. “I’m saying you were awesome! You had the guts to speak your mind when those assholes were trying to tear you down.”
“You’re right, I did!” I said, joining him beneath the tree. “You always know how to make things even better.”
“Oh, I do, alright.” Robert chuckled, then pulled out his lunchbox, gesturing for me to lean closer. “Chocolate?”
While the cafeteria descended into chaos, the two of us enjoyed our preferred homemade snacks at our favorite spot, chatting and laughing. The peace was shattered by unexpected company:
“Excuse me for interrupting your lovely date.”
I glanced up at the source of the voice. The cold stare and bored expression from our last lesson hadn’t faded. Instead, Kim Taehyung wore a cool, amused smirk I’d forever recognize.
I had a sickening premonition of what was about to happen.
“It’s not a date, and I have a girlfriend!” Robert referenced a girl who occasionally kissed his cheek.
“Imaginary, maybe.” Taehyung scoffed, and the others echoed his sentiment.
For as long as I could remember, I’d had one best friend and one sworn enemy. The numbers were tragically unbalanced; I had only one ally while Taehyung had a whole group flanking him, ready to attack on his command. My friend possessed nothing more than a decent ability to speak without stuttering as much as myself. Kim Taehyung and his “gang of douchebags,” as Robert called them, had far more.
In seconds, they spilled our food on the ground. I was lying on my stomach, Robert on his back, both getting kicked and punched repeatedly. Taehyung grabbed the collar of my shirt and pinned me against the tree. “I should have known you were a faggot,” he sneered. “You scream like a little girl.” He spat on my face.
If I kicked Taehyung with my scrawny legs, it would hurt me more than him. If I tried to hit him with my noodle arms, it would inflict no damage, only enrage him. If I attempted to punch one of his friends, I’d break at least one of my own bones.
Thirteen-year-old me was utterly helpless. A few hits from Taehyung left me bruised and aching, despite him being the slimmest and least intimidating of the bunch.
“Let me go…” I sobbed. “Leave us alone, please…”
“Why would I?” I heard him say, his voice dripping with contempt. “This is too much fun.”
True to his words, Taehyung didn’t relent. We endured it until the bell rang, only then did they finally leave.
“Robert!” I scrambled to his side. “Are you alright?” My lip throbbed, my stomach ached, my chest tightened. It was agonizing to ask.
“I am… I’m fine, and you?” he answered, his voice strained.
“No, you’re not! You’ve got a black eye again, where else did they get you?”
I hurried to wrap his arm around my sore, aching body and limp away. By the end of that school day, our favorite spot was tainted. And when I entered my front door, my fists remained clenched.
It was supposed to be *my* day, nerve-wracking yet empowering. I’d done it, faced them all, knowing they could use my confession against me, yet refusing to care. I’d shared everything because I could. That day was supposed to be a triumph.
And it wasn’t. It was ruined by Kim Taehyung.
“What happened?!” Mom grabbed my face and examined it with a concerned expression. “Is it because you told them?”
“No, he doesn’t need a reason… But he did call me a fa— — You know what.”
My father appeared in the living room. “Who did?!”
“Kim Taehyung, who else?” My mother pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, honey. No one has the right to hurt you.”
“That kid, I wish I could teach him a lesson. He’s so tough after all,” Dad said through clenched teeth.
It all ended abruptly soon after.
My mother, a famous author, had a reputation for beautifully written novels that every citizen of the country had read at least once. My father was a successful businessman, a respected owner of a large company. That year, we moved abroad temporarily, ostensibly for his career. I understood it was a lie. Their intention was different.
It worked. I didn’t have many friends, only Robert, whom I called daily. But the others weren’t harassing me.
That was the best part; there was no Kim Taehyung to ravage my peaceful life.
I couldn’t bear the mere thought of him. I began to fantasize about revenge for everything he’d done to me, and for a long time, these fantasies consumed my thoughts, even invading my dreams.
I believed I wouldn’t harm anyone in return, that I’d be too terrified to act. The thought, however, kept me focused, pushing me to work out, study hard, and strive for excellence.
The next time I meet him, I’ll be a man.
Next chapter: “Have Its and the Have Nots”
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