The Telegram
Scene: Telegraph office in Houston.
Enter handsome black velour cape, trimmed with jet and braid, with Tibetan fur collar, all enclosing lovely young lady.
Young lady
Oh, I want to send a telegram at once, if you please. Give me about six blanks, please. Writes about ten minutes. How much will this amount to, please?
Clerk
Counting words. Sixteen dollars and ninety-five cents, ma’am.
Young lady
Goodness gracious! I’ve only thirty cents with me. Suspiciously. How is it you charge so much, when the post-office only requires two cents?
Clerk
We claim to deliver messages quicker than the post-office, ma’am. You can send ten words to Waco for twenty-five cents.
Young lady
Give me another blank, please: I guess that will be enough. After five minutes’ hard work she produces the following: “Ring was awfully lovely. Come down as soon as you can. Mamie.”
Clerk
This contains eleven words. That will be thirty cents.
Young lady
Oh, gracious! I wanted that nickel to buy gum with.
Clerk
Let’s see. You might strike out, “awfully,” and that will make it all right.
Young lady
Indeed I shan’t. You ought to see that ring. I’ll give you the thirty cents.
Clerk
To whom is this to be sent?
Young lady
It seems to me you are rather inquisitive, sir.
Clerk
Wearily. I assure you there is no personal interest expressed in the question. We have to know the name and address in order to send the message.
Young lady
Oh, yes. I didn’t think of that. She writes the name and address, pays the thirty cents and departs. Twenty minutes later she returns, out of breath.
Young lady
Oh, I forgot something. Have you sent it off yet?
Clerk
Yes, ten minutes ago.
Young lady
Oh, I’m so sorry. It isn’t the way I wanted it at all. Can’t you telegraph and have it changed for me?
Clerk
Is it anything important?
Young lady
Yes: I wanted to underscore the words “awfully lovely.” Will you have that attended to at once?
Clerk
Certainly, and we have some real nice violet extract; would you like a few drops on your telegram?
Young lady
Oh, yes: so kind of you. I expect to send all my telegrams through your office, you have been so accommodating. Good morning.