**Prologue**
(Author's Note removed. The following is the entire chapter rewritten for clarity and emotional impact.)
The warning, a whisper against the static of the digital world, was buried deep in the comments section. It read: *This is a boyxboy story. If you don't like it, leave. No rude comments. I'll delete them and block you. This is meant to be a safe space.* The author, Undercover, continued, *There might be themes here – cutting, dark thoughts, and the complexities of queer relationships. I want to forewarn you. It won't be constant, but it will be present.* A tremor of apprehension, and a flicker of anticipation, ran through me. This book wouldn't be all sadness, she promised. There would be love, happiness, secrets… an emotional rollercoaster. A chance to be taken.
Vote, comment, fan add, and share. It would mean a lot.
(A note from the author: Braxton and Ash are old character names. Braxton is now Theodore, Ash is now Noah.)
Just so you know.
Remember, not edited.
**8th Grade**
“Hey Theo,” I asked, turning to my best friend as we walked down the school hallway. “Do you want to come over tomorrow?”
He mumbled, barely glancing my way. “No, sorry. Can’t hang out today. I’m going to play soccer at Cody’s.”
A familiar knot tightened in my chest. He knew how much I disliked Cody, how he’d started picking on me because I wasn’t as physically imposing as the other boys.
“Why would you hang out with him?” I whined, frustration bubbling over. “He’s rude to me. You’re my best friend, and you know I don’t like him.”
“Yeah, but he saw me play yesterday,” Theo shrugged, his eyes alight with a newfound excitement. “He thought I was awesome. His dad’s the high school coach. He said with him knowing people, I could be on the team easily.”
It was undeniable; Theo was good at soccer. But the price felt too high.
“Fine, whatever,” I sighed, letting the resentment simmer. “Let’s just hang out later this week, okay?”
“Awesome,” Theo grinned, already turning towards the door. “See ya later, Noah.” He ran home, leaving me standing alone in the hallway.
**Two Weeks Later**
A week had passed since Theo’s last casual dismissal. I’d tried calling him countless times, each unanswered call deepening a growing fear. It felt like a chasm was opening between us, and the silence was deafening.
Desperate, I decided to go to his house. It wasn’t far, just a mile away. “Mom, I’m going over Theo’s,” I called out as I left. No reply was needed.
I knocked on his door, waited, and waited.
“Oh, hello Noah,” Theo’s mom answered, her tone polite but distant. “How are you?”
“I need to see Theo.”
“Oh, just come on in. He’s in his room.”
I hurried down the hall, and froze at the doorway. Theo was inside, surrounded by Cody and their friends.
They all looked up as I entered. Cody sneered, while the others were indifferent.
“What’s this nerd doing here?” Cody sneered.
“I don’t know,” Theo said, looking uncomfortable. “Um, Asher, why are you here?”
“I was wondering why we haven’t talked in a while,” I blurted out, trying to ignore the growing dread.
Before Theo could answer, Cody cut in. “Maybe he doesn’t want a fucking loner as a friend anymore. He wants to hang out with people who are actually interesting.” The words were laced with ice.
My eyes welled up. “Oh, look, the queer cries too. What a loser, right?” Cody said, staring pointedly at Theo.
I waited for Theo’s reply, for him to defend me, to deny the accusation. But the answer shattered me.
“Right,” Theo sneered, his voice cold and dismissive. “He’s a total loser. I don’t know why I wasted my time on such a fag.”
I couldn’t breathe. I gave Theo one last tearful glance and fled the room, stumbling down the stairs past his mother, who asked if I was okay. I ignored her question and ran, blindly, until I reached my own house.
I slammed the door behind me and locked myself in my room. The weight of betrayal crushed me. I’d lost my best friend, the one person I’d trusted to never leave me.
I’d always been different. I loved school, reading, and writing. I wasn’t athletic, and I’d thought Theo was okay with that.
I was relieved that the school year was over. I couldn't bear to face him for an entire summer.
***Two Months Later*** Picture on the side
I hadn’t left my room in weeks. I barely ate, and my parents were starting to worry.
My mom asked if I was alright the day after it happened a month ago. I hadn’t told her the whole story, just that Theo and I weren’t friends anymore.
My parents were talking about sending me to my grandmother's. She was the one who understood me the most and could help me with my problems.
But she was gone.
She died a month ago.
The news hit me like a physical blow. I stopped talking, stopped smiling. I just stared into the darkness, replaying the what-ifs in my head. I was lost, confused, and utterly alone.
I had nothing left. My parents didn’t understand me, my best friend had abandoned me for popularity, my grandmother was gone forever, and my life was unraveling.
I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom, drawn by a morbid curiosity. I looked in the mirror and saw my sickly pale skin, dark circles under my eyes, and my lips dry and cracked. My body was wasting away.
I saw an eyebrow razor on the counter. The sharp tip glinted in the dim light. I wondered what it would feel like to glide it across my skin.
I’d heard that cutting took the pain away, that it offered a fleeting moment of freedom.
I’d give anything for that freedom.
I grabbed the razor and sat on the toilet, slowly positioning it against my bicep. I ran the blade across my skin, and felt the sting of the cut. A tearful smile twisted my lips.
For the first time in months, I felt something other than emptiness.
After two more cuts, I cleaned up the mess and climbed back into bed, pulling the black comforters around me.
What do I have left before I lose myself completely in this four-by-four box I call a room?
I was left with these thoughts as I drifted into a restless sleep, haunted by darkness.
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Hello, so this is it for my first part. I am so excited for this story. I actually want to finish. This might be short or long we never know. Thank you for reading this much it means a lot.
Undercover