“Leave a message after the beep.”
“Hey, it’s me, Yoongi…” He closed his eyes, the familiar ache settling in his chest. “I promised I’d call until you answer, or forgive me. So here I am again.”
He allowed himself a small, self-deprecating smile. Minutes stretched into silence before he continued, his voice raspy with exhaustion.
“Last night I dreamed of you. It’s like I can’t scrub you from my memory. You seep into my veins, into my soul, until you’ve taken root in my brain. You haunt my dreams, and God, I find myself clinging to those nightmares because waking up means facing an empty space where you should be. You are the most vital part of me. *Were* the most vital part of me…”
Yoongi’s voice cracked. He swallowed hard, fighting back the rising tide of tears. Minutes ticked by, filled only with the static hum of the phone line. He began again, his voice barely a whisper.
“I know I destroyed everything. I didn’t mean to. I still adore you. I still love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. Right now, I need you more than air. I need *your* love. I’m losing my mind. I’m losing myself. Now, I don’t even feel your scent, your shadow, your laugh… they haunt me. You were the anchor, the one who kept me tethered to sanity. And now… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know *if* I’m still here.”
The tears finally spilled over, tracing paths down his pale skin. He forced another breath, bracing himself to continue.
“Please, let’s meet. I’ll wait at the coffee shop near your house at three pm tomorrow. I just want to see your face again. I love you.”
It was 3:17 pm. Yoongi’s anxiety clawed at him, a frantic beast in his chest. He refused to believe you wouldn’t come. He *needed* to believe you’d come.
The bell above the coffee shop door chimed, and his breath hitched. It was you. Your eyes were swollen, crimson-rimmed from sleepless crying. You looked utterly hollowed out.
Yoongi surged to his feet, gesturing for you to join him. You slid into the seat across from him, but kept your gaze fixed on your hands.
Silence descended, thick and suffocating. Yoongi couldn’t tear his eyes away from you, but you stubbornly refused to meet his.
“I’m so glad you came,” he finally managed, reaching for your hand. You flinched back, your fingers curling inward.
“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, the words laced with pain. Fresh tears welled in your eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
Yoongi’s hand fell back to his lap, clenching into a fist. He took a ragged breath.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve anything from you. I hurt you, and I’m truly, deeply sorry. For everything you’ve had to endure because of me. But I can’t live without you. I can’t be *me* without you.”
You heard the tremor in his voice, saw his knuckles white as he gripped his thighs. You finally lifted your gaze, and his eyes met yours. He was looking at his hands, tears streaming down his face.
“I’m so sorry, love. I broke my promise to never hurt you, but here we are now. I hurt you, and now I’m hurting myself…”
You followed his gaze to his wrists, noticing the faded scars crisscrossing his skin. He was staring at them, his expression a mixture of anguish and self-loathing.
“What did you do?” you asked, your voice barely audible, tears blurring your vision.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, his eyes locked on yours. “I’m so sorry.”
You both sat there, silent and weeping. This time, you reached for his hand. Your fingers brushed his skin, and a tremor ran through him. He’d missed your touch so desperately. Slowly, you traced the scars on the back of his hand. You leaned in, pressing your lips against the pale skin. Yoongi closed his eyes, the familiar ache of longing flooding his veins. The feeling of your lips on his skin was the sensation he’d craved for weeks.
“I love you,” he breathed against your lips, and you looked at him.
He leaned in, pressing a kiss to your lips without warning. He deepened it, desperate to feel you again.
After what felt like an eternity, you broke the kiss.
“I love you,” Yoongi repeated, his voice raw with emotion.
He gently touched your cheek, then hesitated, reaching for your hand again. You turned your face away.
“I… I don’t think I’m ready,” you whispered, your voice barely a thread.
Yoongi withdrew his hand, his expression crumbling. He took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers with his.
“It’s okay.” He whispered, his voice trembling. “I understand.”
He pressed his lips to your hand, and you shivered at the contact. You missed his touch, missed the warmth of his skin, but you weren’t sure you were ready to let him back in. Or if you ever would be.
You sat there in silence, Yoongi tracing patterns on your skin with his thumb. He was savoring the sensation, the simple act of holding your hand. He was happy to be near you again, to feel the warmth of your skin against his.
“I think… I should go.”
Yoongi’s head snapped up, his eyes wide with fear. Tears welled in his eyes.
“Please, stay.” He whispered, tightening his grip on your hand. “Don’t leave me again.”
You didn’t want to make him cry again. You didn’t want to see him hurt himself again. But you needed time.
“I’m sorry, Yoongi.”
“Can I at least walk you home?” he asked, his eyes pleading.
You nodded and stood up to leave.
The wind whipped through your hair as you walked side by side. You and Yoongi walked in silence, not a single word exchanged. He kept reaching for your hand, but each time you pulled away. Yoongi was dying inside. He wanted to pull you close, to hold you and never let go. But you, you were afraid. Afraid that if you forgot him, he’d hurt you again.
“Don’t call me,” you said when you reached your apartment.
Yoongi was about to respond, but you didn’t let him.
“I just need time, Yoongi. I need to think about it. About everything.”
Yoongi nodded, his expression unreadable. He took your hand again. This time, you didn’t pull away. Feeling his warm hand in yours sent a shiver through you. He took a step closer, until he was standing directly in front of you. You could feel his breath on your skin.
“I love you,” he said, his voice a low murmur.
Your heart shattered with each syllable. Do you still love him? Is he the one? You didn’t know. Or, at least, you weren’t sure. You looked down, unable to meet his gaze.
He gently kissed your forehead, then cupped your face in his hands. He leaned in, pressing his lips against yours. He deepened the kiss, without warning, without permission. He just *needed* to feel you again.
After a few minutes, you broke the kiss, gasping for air.
“I love you,” he repeated, his voice raspy with emotion.
He gently touched your cheek, then hesitated, reaching for your hand again. You turned your face away.
“I-I don’t think I’m ready…” you whispered, your voice trembling.
Yoongi withdrew his hand, his expression a mask of pain. He took your hand in his and intertwined your fingers with his.
“It’s okay.” He whispered back. “I understand.”
He slowly pressed his lips to your hand. You shivered at the contact. You missed his lips on your skin, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to be with him again. Or if you ever would be.
You both sat there in silence. Yoongi kept playing with your fingers. He was enjoying feeling your warm skin against his again. He missed all of this. He was happy seeing you again, feeling your skin against his.
“I think, I should go.”
Yoongi looked at you. The tears were appearing in his eyes again.
“P-please, stay.” he whispered and started holding your hand tighter. “Don’t leave me again.”
You didn’t want to make him cry again. You didn’t want him to hurt himself again but you couldn’t stay with him right now. You needed time.
“I’m sorry, Yoongi.”
“Can I at least walk you home?” he asked, eyes not leaving yours.
You nodded and stood up to leave.
The wind was playing with your hair. You and Yoongi walked silently, without any words. The whole time Yoongi was trying to hold your hand but everytime you moved it away. Yoongi was dying inside. He wanted to hold you near him and never let go but you, you were scared that if you forget him, he will hurt you again.
“Don’t call me.” you said when you finally reached your apartment.
Yoongi was about to say something but you didn’t let him.
“I just need time, Yoongi. I need to think about it. About everything.”
Yoongi nodded. He took your hand. This time you let him to do this. Feeling his warm hand on your skin made you shiver once more. He took some steps closer. He was right in front of you. You could felt his hot breath against your skin.
“I love you.” Yoongi said it again.
Your heart was breaking everytime you hear him saying this. Do you still love him? Is he the one for you? You didn’t know or at least you weren’t sure. You looked down. You couldn’t keep the eye contact with him.
He gently kissed your forehead. He placed his fingers on your chin to make you to look at him again. He leaned on and slowly kissed you. The kiss was full of passion and love. Yoongi deepened the kiss. He placed his other hand on your waist. You wanted to move away but you couldn’t. You wanted it but at the same time you were broken.
After few minutes you broke the kiss to get some air.
“Just say that you still love me.” Yoongi breathed out.
His eyes weren’t leaving your face. It’s like he was trying to find the answer. He was trying to see love in your eyes. Love for him.
Being so close to him was so hard for you. You could felf his whole warm body against yours. His breath near your face, his hands on your waist. It was so much for you. You missed every inch of him, every part of him. But you weren’t sure if you still loved him.
“Please.” he whispered again. “Just say you love me.”
You could see the tears in his eyes. You gently pushed him away.
“I’m sorry.” you whispered and unlocked your door.
You left Yoongi standing behind your door. You closed your eyes and sat down on the floor. The tears were streaming down your face.