•• Like I keep saying I can’t, but life keeps showing me that I can••
Mom showed hers and my ID to the gatekeepers, and as she drove into the school compound, my heart clenched in my chest. Whether it was hope or fear, I couldn’t tell. I simply welcomed the freedom with open arms.
Some students had already arrived, clustered in groups as they waited to be sorted into their dorms. It was Sunday, and classes wouldn’t begin until Monday, so only the boarders were present, settling in before the term started.
Mom drove to the parking lot, a short distance from the reception block. As soon as she parked, I stepped out of the car. Mary followed, and we both hauled our boxes out of the trunk. I grabbed my school bag, ready to walk to the reception to collect my schedule and any other necessary information.
“Hey, no goodbye hug for me?” Mom’s voice stopped me mid-stride. A goodbye hug? Was this some twisted joke? Still, I forced a smile, turning back to face her.
“Of course,” I managed, suppressing a grimace as I walked toward her. I wrapped my arms around her in a brief, stiff embrace. Her expensive perfume nearly suffocated me. I glanced at Mary, who offered a sympathetic look; she knew how I truly felt about my family.
“Be good, okay? I love you.” Her words felt like ash in my mouth. Anger flared as her hands fell limply around mine. *I love you.* Honestly…
“Do you really?” I raised my chin, letting my anger blaze through my voice, my glare as menacing as I could make it. A flicker of hurt crossed her face, her arms drawing back slightly, her eyes darting to Mary for a silent, daring assessment. I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry with the rising tide of rage.
“Of course I do, do you ever doubt that?” The hurt vanished instantly. The woman I’d always known slipped back into her practiced role, discarding the saccharine lies. Her eyes hardened, flicking over Mary for a fraction of a second.
“Never,” I lied, watching her lips curve into a satisfied smile. I grabbed my box and walked away. Tears burned behind my eyelids, but I wouldn’t let them fall. Not for her. How could my own mother be so callous?
Lost in my fury, I didn’t notice I was walking too fast, didn’t see the group of students ahead until I collided with one of them.
“Hey, watch it!” A female voice shrieked, but I couldn’t focus on her face through the haze of tears.
“I’m so—” I began to apologize, but someone cut me off.
“Oh, it’s Mayo, the ‘dumb mistress.’ Let her be Clara, she’s always so clumsy and dumb?” A chorus of mocking laughter followed.
Why, Lord, why? I’d been so focused on escaping my house, on leaving hell behind, that I’d forgotten about my school demons—Stephanie and her clique of idiots. They always targeted me, and I always let them…not because I couldn’t fight back, but because of my condition. I couldn’t risk exposing it, couldn’t risk hurting anyone.
I’d never spoken back to these girls before, but not today. Today, I didn’t care. My mother hadn’t even cared about hurting *me*.
I wiped my eyes, ignoring the tears that slipped past. “Did you just call me dumb?” My eyes narrowed. I knew it was a pointless question, but I needed to say *something*.
“I thought you said she was dumb, how come she talks?” A new voice, belonging to a girl named Clara, chimed in. They all laughed again. She was new, I hadn’t seen her around before.
*She* thinks she’s in charge already?
“And who might you be? Forgive me, but you seem to be the least intelligent member of this little parade of stupidity,” I said, watching her pale face. If it was possible, she was as white as a sheet.
*Wow*. I wondered what bleaching cream she used to achieve such a shade. Even bleach couldn’t accomplish that.
She started to say something, but I didn’t give her the chance. I was too furious. “Just shut up! I don’t want your disease-carrying spit on my face. And you, Stephanie, I have two words for you—Be careful.” I turned and walked away, anger boiling in my veins, at my lack of cutting remarks, at myself for letting tears fall.
They started shouting for me to come back, but I ignored them, heading toward the reception desk.
I was still raging, *angry* didn’t even begin to describe it. I knew something was about to explode.
“When did you develop the liver to talk back to Stephanie?” Mary’s voice came from behind me. I rolled my eyes, unwilling to be teased.
“Is it not you I’m talking to, ni? Answer me, joor!” Her persistence prevailed, and I sighed, turning back to face her.
“When I realized I couldn’t rely on my best friend all the time,” I said, my tone sharper than intended. The deep breaths hadn’t helped, and my anger was surging back.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She challenged, her brows furrowing.
“You were there while I was crying, while I bumped into them. You saw them call me dumb. What did you do?” The questions I’d been holding back since secondary school finally tumbled out.
“I—” She tried to defend herself, but I didn’t let her.
“You what? Stood by and let them do whatever they wanted? You stood up for me when others bullied me, but when it came to Stephanie, you disappeared. All the while, you were watching from the sidelines. Why?” My voice rose, tears threatening to spill over.
“Because…Stephanie is…See, never mind. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do, and I was scared of what they might do to me if I tried to help you,” she pleaded. I shook my head, wiping furiously at my eyes. I didn’t want to deal with her lies. I was too furious.
“It’s okay. Just leave me alone now,” I said, praying she’d listen. I could feel it now…the other me, screaming to be freed.
Without thinking, I moved toward the front desk and picked up the flower vase. I didn’t know how, but I saw the vase aimed at Mary’s head. The last thing I heard was her scream and the shattering sound of glass before I collapsed to the ground in a convulsing spasm, foamy saliva dribbling down my mouth.
I did warn her, didn’t I?