We finally got our first assignment today. Well, not theirs; but it was the first time for me. i thought I'd feel anxious, but instead i was excited. I wondered if it had anything to do with the thrill. I knew any of the assignments could become dangerous, and I think that's what intrigued me most. It was likely that I was being naive but i brushed it off with the cool breeze that kissed my cheeks.
Astushi and I strode through the alleyway with confidence. well, I was confident at least. My dear friend however, looked a bit rattled. I could only assume it was because Dazai had ditched us, leaving us to handle it ourselves. I fought back the irritation in my veins as it tried to surface.
"There you are, weretiger," Shivers crawled down my spine from the voice alone. It held such innate malice and threat. I turned on my heel. The face seemed to match the venomous tongue. His long black hair sported silver tips, and black cloak engulfed his slender figure.
"Akutagawa," Astushi muttered like it was his last breath. A few drops of sweat were beginning to form on his porcelain skin. This man must've been intimidating to get this kind of reaction from my peer.
The raven haired boy didnt seem the slightest bit amused. "Rashomon," he called out. Extended versions of him seemed to crawl from behind his back, hurling themselves towards Atsushi with great speed.
It was like I was invisible. The way these two lashed at each other, back and fourth. It was obvious they had some kind of history between each other, sparing no explanations or introductions before immediately falling into battle.
I felt like a bystander with insatiable curiosity; though it was quick to turn into horror. Akutagawa somehow had Atsushi pinned to the ground. His back was to me, but i could imagine the victorious smirk on his face.
"There's quite a large bounty on your head," our enemy dug his heel into his spine. Atsushi writhed underneath. A string of groans and unpleasant whimpers were barely audible but I couldn't miss them. My pulse kicked up, seeing my friend in such a state.
The beast of Rashomon lifted, threatening to impale Atsushi, who was sprawled out against the dirt like a rag doll. His tiger form had receded, leaving him a bloody mess with scratches and gashes across his back and arms.
I dont know why I did it. Everything in my told me not to; but i lunged. For a moment, i was grateful that my presence had been disregarded. It gave me the perfect opportunity to pounce on Akitagawa. My hands made contact with the bare skin of his neck, and we were sent hurling into the illusion.
My stomach heaved in protest at the strong smell of iron. My jaw nearly fell from its hinge upon seeing Akutagawa tied to a black wall. Metal chains kept his limbs in place, and his head hung low on his shoulders. This was all it took for him to be in his own personal hell? For someone who seems so dangerous, this doesn't strike me as a fear he should have.
As if to answer my question, in came another man. He sported the same black trench coat, but i immediately recognized him. Dazai. Seeing him this way sent a wave of chills across my skin and goosebumps rose upon my flesh. I had never seen him look so.. content. He seemed happy to instill fear in this man.
"I'm only interested in results," Dazai snapped with the coldest of looks. His normally soft eyes held onto a dreadful form of rage. A whip was held tightly in his hands, and he didnt hesitate to bring it back. He lashed at Akutagawa with such force that I even flinched - though i was nowhere near close enough to get hit with it.
The screams of agony begged my eardrums to shatter as dazai repeated his merciless assault. The sound of the whip hitting moist flesh made my knees tremble. The sinister smile on the brunettes cheeks sent me spiraling into a thoughtful mess of fear and panic.
"Please! Stop!" i called. I couldnt take it anymore. I had no idea who this Akutagawa was, or what he could've possibly done to have angered Dazai to such a degree, but it needed to stop. I couldn't just stand by and watch.
I held my arms out and rushed forward. My boots scraped against the ground as I stumbled, barely catching my balance before approaching him.
It was clear that I put too much trust in this evil version of my partner. He didnt refrain in the slightest. Instead, he sent the whip in my direction. My head flung back and my body fell with the force. My cheek felt like it was set ablaze, and the crimson pools fell from the new laceration. I brought my hand up barely in time to block the blow from his next attack. My arm was quickly bit by the force of the leather weapon, and i hissed.
"Hey! Did you forget about me!" Akutagawa spit hastily onto the ground in front of him. It was a miracle he was still breathing, and I was surprised he had the ability to even speak.
Part of me felt like this was Akutagawas attempt at saving me. This was his he'll after all, not mine. I didn't get time to dwell on it before Dazai reared his fist, ready to send another crack my way.
"Dazai, please, stop," I whimpered with the whip still wrapped around my flesh from his next blow.
His satisfied laughter shook me to the core. The stinging intensified as the whip slithered off, only to be drawn back once more. This time, I turned my back to him. I couldnt stand another blow, but I braced for impact anyways. A scream hurled itself from my throat as the assaults continued against my spine.
He had attacked me four more times before the illusion finally ended. The first thing I saw was the horror in Akutagawa's eyes before we both fell to our knees. Our breathing was heavy and rapid.
"Who the hell are you?" He seethed. The marks of his beating didnt fade with the illusion, and neither did mine. Blood was quickly pooling around us like a river overflowing a broken dam.
"So they still don't tell you anything," Dazai was cheerful behind me, even with his remark to the enemy.
I could see Akutagawa glare at him over my shoulder before he left with haste. I couldn't fathom how he even had the ability to get up and run after all that.
Everything finally sunk in as soon as he left. That was Akutagawas worst nightmare. He feared Dazai's wrath, and frankly, so did I. I couldnt get the image out of my head. The way he looked so happy to hurt us. The way he laughed almost like he was in a crazed state. The one thing that bothered me though; was how did we not die? We both made it out of alive.
Dazais grip on my shoulder tightened. I tensed in reflex. There was no way i could stand with these wounds so I remained in place, hunched over on my knees. My body was screaming at me to just lay down. To rest. Every wound was stinging as if I had been attacked by an entire hive of bees.
I glanced to where Atsushi was before me. He was no longer pinned to the ground, but he looked more concerned than he had ever been. His multicolored eyes said everything before the words left his mouth.
"Kiriko, what happened?" He trembled almost more than I did. As if understanding my discomfort, Dazai took a step back. My body begged for his warmth but my mind was happy with the distance.
I winced as i poked a finger to my cheek. My ability might have been an illusion, but the wounds we real. "Fatal fascination," i murmured into my blood stained hand. I felt oddly weightless. Like i was floating with the clouds themselves. The stinging was subsiding, and I knew that my adrenaline had finally began to kick in.
"What did you see? You were both screaming, and-" Atsushi paused, and i noticed his eyes looking to the person behind me. I assumed Dazai had silently found a way to tell him not to pry, and i was as grateful as i was mortified.
"She needs medical attention. Let's go, Atsushi" His voice was flat. It wasnt his usual cheerful or playful tone. He reached a hand out for me, and I immediately recoiled. The lacerations on my back screamed in protest as i scrambled backwards. I could feel the thick pool of blood underneath me, and by now i probably looked like a makeshift version of a vampire.
Dazai crouched down with his hands still outstretched. I stared at his open palm. I know it was just an illusion, and that fears tend to be irrational - but they always stem from something. There was a reason Akutagawa saw Dazai in such a negative light, and it surely wasnt because of the kindness he was offering me.
Dazai shuffled forward. My back hit the wall and he took the opportunity to grab my chin. He was gentle as can be as he tilted my head up.
"Look at me," he demanded, almost silently. I could swear i saw a sense of deep regret whirling around in those charismatic eyes of his. He held eye contact with me for a few moments.
When i refused to move, he spoke up again. "Did I do this? In the illusion? I heard you say my name," his stoic facade was quick to mask whatever thoughts he was having.
I felt tears slide down my cheeks as I closed my eyes. It stung as it made contact with the wound on my cheek. Dazai didnt ask permission before he pulled me up and into his arms.
I didnt dare open my eyes. I wouldnt be able to face him. Every part of me wanted so badly to run from him, but both my wounds and his calming scent kept me locked in place. Dazai was so contradictory. One minute he was aloof and humorous - and the next he was serious with layers upon layers of hidden truths.
"Good morning, sleeping beauty!" Yosano cheered far too loudly. My head pounded with her noise and the flash of sunlight as she ripped the curtains open.
I groaned and tossed the other way. My skin felt tight around the gashes from the whip, and i hissed as my sudden movements pulled at it. "Aren't you supposed to advise me to rest?" i groaned as I balled my hands into fists.
"I am, but somebody demanded that i wake you," i could hear the click of her heels as she marched around the room. I heard her exit the room before i even had the chance to question her. Whoever woke me would surely pay. That was a promise.
I felt a dip in my bed with the weight of somebody else. "Leave," I demanded.
I didnt care who it was. I was too uncomfortable to offer patience. I felt the person defiantly shift, and warmth spread across my thigh. I huffed. Much to my displeasure, i forced my lids open.
"What did you see?" Dazai interrogated. He offered his usual calm and collected posture, but at this point it only unsettled me.
"Why does it matter?" i rolled my eyes and shifted to try and turn away from him. He grabbed my shoulder, gently pinning me to the bed so I was forced to confront him.
His face contorted a little bit as we held our gaze. "You begged me to stop," he tilted his head to the side. If i didnt know any better, I would almost say he was remorseful. But there was no way of erasing what had happened, and I couldnt shake the feeling of uncertainty around him.
"Why should I tell you? Youre just going to leave again," I tore my eyes from his, opting to glare into the ceiling instead.
"Leave?" He pulled his hand away from me, and I didn't bother trying to guess what he was feeling. That was becoming a puzzle that was far more advanced than I was ready for.
"Like you always do," I muttered.
Dazai was silent for a few moments before he spoke. "You mean in regards to my apartment?"
I sighed heavily. My lacerations burned as I shifted in the bed, resting my back against the wall to take some strain off my body. "I guess you could say that," I didn't want to talk about this, especially now, but I knew he wouldn't let it rest until I gave him something to go off of. He was persistent.
"You are entitled to your privacy"
"So that means you should have to leave your own home?"
"I don't mind"
"Where do you even go?"
There was a heavy pause. He was quite the hypocrite, that Dazai. He loved to pry open others brains, but he didn't enjoy it when the roles were reversed.
"Dazai," I pressed.
"I visit a friend," his tone was solemn, but it had a hint of hidden nostalgia. I wondered why a friend would entice such a reaction, but I didn't have the energy to give it more thought.
"You don't have to leave. I don't mind sleeping on the floor," I sighed for what felt like the hundredth time today.
Dazai gave his iconic smile. "You could always just share the bed with me," he teased.
My eyes shot daggers at him. If looks could kill, he'd be barely hanging on. "Not a chance"
He gave a fake and dramatic pout that fell from his lips as quickly as it came. "You wound me," he pressed a hand over his heart.
I rolled my eyes as his gesture. I let out an annoyed grunt as I pushed myself back down on the bed. I tugged the thin blanket up and pulled it over my shoulder.
"Do you not like being alone?" His tone fell into a serious note, and my body went rigid as I heard it.
"I've spent my entire life alone," I retorted. It was true, for the most part. I was very used to not having company.
"That doesn't mean you enjoy it," he said.
I couldn't even deny it. I had slept better with him on the floor than I ever had in my entire life. With him next to me, it seemed like I was in a bubble. Like the worlds dangers would not harm me, just for the night.
No matter how safe he made me feel then, I wasn't so sure it would be the same now. A newfound fear of the man at my feet had built itself a home in my mind, and it would likely be there for a long time.
"Dazai?" I called out.
I couldn't see him, but I could feel him turn his head to look at me.
"Why were you Akutagawa's hell?"
He breathed out heavily, like a burden has just sat right on his shoulders. "Kiriko, can you guess what I used to do before I came to work for the agency?" He sounded more cheerful than I had anticipated. It was like I had heard him slip on his mask.
His question bounced around my skull. What did I even really know about him? I knew he wanted to commit suicide with a woman, for whatever deranged reason. I knew that he has some sort of history with Akutagawa.
Who was Akutagawa even? He was clearly an enemy. Dazai said "they" earlier when he was berating him. As if he knew something that the others didn't.
Did they used to work together? What kind of job would have you out here doing bounty hunts? Or just running up and.. well.. attacking people?
And then it hit me. My lungs barely kept up as the words fell from my mouth in a near-silent whisper.
"The port mafia,"
"I'm impressed," he was quick to respond. "Nobody has ever been able to guess it. Not even Atsushi"
I kept my back turned to him. "Why would you ever work for such awful people?"
The silence was dreadful. Painful, even. The clock on the wall antagonized me with every tick as the hand moved. Every second that passed felt like centuries with the heavy atmosphere as it loomed over my head.
"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions where you're exposed to violence and death, you can brush against a man's true nature. I thought I could find a reason to live somehow," his smooth tone was hauntingly sweet. Like his words just wrapped me up in the most sinfully pleasant blanket.
"Why is it that you wish to die?" I asked through the fabric of my not-so-sweet, actual blanket
"Let's turn that around. Is there really any value to this thing we call living?" He countered.
I was beginning to hate how often he was right. He seemed to have all the worlds answers right at his fingertips. If I were someone else, anyone else, I would've been able to argue with him. I would've been able to give him a proper answer.
"There never is," I breathed out.
"Do you believe that's the case for everyone?" I felt the weight difference in my bed as he stood up. His shoes tapped against the floor with each step he took towards the exit of the infirmary room.
"No. I believe that everyone besides myself can find value in life. You included," I let myself stay tucked away in the safety of the bed. I didn't mind that he didn't offer a response before he left. I didn't think my brain could take any more deep thought for the day.