VIII
She had lost the sense of time, and did not know how late it was till she came out into the street and saw that all the windows were dark between Miss HatchardтАЩs and the Royall house.
As she passed from under the black pall of the Norway spruces she fancied she saw two figures in the shade about the duck-pond. She drew back and watched; but nothing moved, and she had stared so long into the lamplit room that the darkness confused her, and she thought she must have been mistaken.
She walked on, wondering whether Mr.┬аRoyall was still in the porch. In her exalted mood she did not greatly care whether he was waiting for her or not: she seemed to be floating high over life, on a great cloud of misery beneath which everyday realities had dwindled to mere specks in space. But the porch was empty, Mr.┬аRoyallтАЩs hat hung on its peg in the passage, and the kitchen lamp had been left to light her to bed. She took it and went up.
The morning hours of the next day dragged by without incident. Charity had imagined that, in some way or other, she would learn whether Harney had already left; but VerenaтАЩs deafness prevented her being a source of news, and no one came to the house who could bring enlightenment.
Mr.┬аRoyall went out early, and did not return till Verena had set the table for the midday meal. When he came in he went straight to the kitchen and shouted to the old woman: тАЬReady for dinnerтБатАФтАЭ then he turned into the dining-room, where Charity was already seated. HarneyтАЩs plate was in its usual place, but Mr.┬аRoyall offered no explanation of his absence, and Charity asked none. The feverish exaltation of the night before had dropped, and she said to herself that he had gone away, indifferently, almost callously, and that now her life would lapse again into the narrow rut out of which he had lifted it. For a moment she was inclined to sneer at herself for not having used the arts that might have kept him.
She sat at table till the meal was over, lest Mr.┬аRoyall should remark on her leaving; but when he stood up she rose also, without waiting to help Verena. She had her foot on the stairs when he called to her to come back.
тАЬIтАЩve got a headache. IтАЩm going up to lie down.тАЭ
тАЬI want you should come in here first; IтАЩve got something to say to you.тАЭ
She was sure from his tone that in a moment she would learn what every nerve in her ached to know; but as she turned back she made a last effort of indifference.
Mr.┬аRoyall stood in the middle of the office, his thick eyebrows beetling, his lower jaw trembling a little. At first she thought he had been drinking; then she saw that he was sober, but stirred by a deep and stern emotion totally unlike his usual transient angers. And suddenly she understood that, until then, she had never really noticed him or thought about him. Except on the occasion of his one offense he had been to her merely the person who is always there, the unquestioned central fact of life, as inevitable but as uninteresting as North Dormer itself, or any of the other conditions fate had laid on her. Even then she had regarded him only in relation to herself, and had never speculated as to his own feelings, beyond instinctively concluding that he would not trouble her again in the same way. But now she began to wonder what he was really like.
He had grasped the back of his chair with both hands, and stood looking hard at her. At length he said: тАЬCharity, for once letтАЩs you and me talk together like friends.тАЭ
Instantly she felt that something had happened, and that he held her in his hand.
тАЬWhere is Mr.┬аHarney? Why hasnтАЩt he come back? Have you sent him away?тАЭ she broke out, without knowing what she was saying.
The change in Mr.┬аRoyall frightened her. All the blood seemed to leave his veins and against his swarthy pallor the deep lines in his face looked black.
тАЬDidnтАЩt he have time to answer some of those questions last night? You was with him long enough!тАЭ he said.
Charity stood speechless. The taunt was so unrelated to what had been happening in her soul that she hardly understood it. But the instinct of self-defense awoke in her.
тАЬWho says I was with him last night?тАЭ
тАЬThe whole place is saying it by now.тАЭ
тАЬThen it was you that put the lie into their mouths.тБатАФOh, how IтАЩve always hated you!тАЭ she cried.
She had expected a retort in kind, and it startled her to hear her exclamation sounding on through silence.
тАЬYes, I know,тАЭ Mr.┬аRoyall said slowly. тАЬBut that ainтАЩt going to help us much now.тАЭ
тАЬIt helps me not to care a straw what lies you tell about me!тАЭ
тАЬIf theyтАЩre lies, theyтАЩre not my lies: my Bible oath on that, Charity. I didnтАЩt know where you were: I wasnтАЩt out of this house last night.тАЭ
She made no answer and he went on: тАЬIs it a lie that you were seen coming out of Miss HatchardтАЩs nigh onto midnight?тАЭ
She straightened herself with a laugh, all her reckless insolence recovered. тАЬI didnтАЩt look to see what time it was.тАЭ
тАЬYou lost girlтБатАКтБатАж youтБатАКтБатАж you.тБатАКтБатАж Oh, my God, why did you tell me?тАЭ he broke out, dropping into his chair, his head bowed down like an old manтАЩs.
CharityтАЩs self-possession had returned with the sense of her danger. тАЬDo you suppose IтАЩd take the trouble to lie to you? Who are you, anyhow, to ask me where I go to when I go out at night?тАЭ
Mr.┬аRoyall lifted his head and looked at her. His face had grown quiet and almost gentle, as she remembered seeing it sometimes when she was a little girl, before Mrs.┬аRoyall died.
тАЬDonтАЩt letтАЩs go on like this, Charity. It canтАЩt do any good to either of us. You were seen going into that fellowтАЩs houseтБатАКтБатАж you were seen coming out of it.тБатАКтБатАж IтАЩve watched this thing coming, and IтАЩve tried to stop it. As God sees me, I have.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
тАЬAh, it was you, then? I knew it was you that sent him away!тАЭ
He looked at her in surprise. тАЬDidnтАЩt he tell you so? I thought he understood.тАЭ He spoke slowly, with difficult pauses, тАЬI didnтАЩt name you to him: IтАЩd have cut my hand off sooner. I just told him I couldnтАЩt spare the horse any longer; and that the cooking was getting too heavy for Verena. I guess heтАЩs the kind thatтАЩs heard the same thing before. Anyhow, he took it quietly enough. He said his job here was about done, anyhow; and there didnтАЩt another word pass between us.тБатАКтБатАж If he told you otherwise he told you an untruth.тАЭ
Charity listened in a cold trance of anger. It was nothing to her what the village saidтБатАКтБатАж but all this fingering of her dreams!
тАЬIтАЩve told you he didnтАЩt tell me anything. I didnтАЩt speak with him last night.тАЭ
тАЬYou didnтАЩt speak with him?тАЭ
тАЬNo.тБатАКтБатАж ItтАЩs not that I care what any of you sayтБатАКтБатАж but you may as well know. Things ainтАЩt between us the way you thinkтБатАКтБатАж and the other people in this place. He was kind to me; he was my friend; and all of a sudden he stopped coming, and I knew it was you that done itтБатАФyou!тАЭ All her unreconciled memory of the past flamed out at him. тАЬSo I went there last night to find out what youтАЩd said to him: thatтАЩs all.тАЭ
Mr.┬аRoyall drew a heavy breath. тАЬBut, thenтБатАФif he wasnтАЩt there, what were you doing there all that time?тБатАФCharity, for pityтАЩs sake, tell me. IтАЩve got to know, to stop their talking.тАЭ
This pathetic abdication of all authority over her did not move her: she could feel only the outrage of his interference.
тАЬCanтАЩt you see that I donтАЩt care what anybody says? ItтАЩs true I went there to see him; and he was in his room, and I stood outside for ever so long and watched him; but I dursnтАЩt go in for fear heтАЩd think IтАЩd come after him.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ She felt her voice breaking, and gathered it up in a last defiance. тАЬAs long as I live IтАЩll never forgive you!тАЭ she cried.
Mr.┬аRoyall made no answer. He sat and pondered with sunken head, his veined hands clasped about the arms of his chair. Age seemed to have come down on him as winter comes on the hills after a storm. At length he looked up.
тАЬCharity, you say you donтАЩt care; but youтАЩre the proudest girl I know, and the last to want people to talk against you. You know thereтАЩs always eyes watching you: youтАЩre handsomer and smarter than the rest, and thatтАЩs enough. But till lately youтАЩve never given them a chance. Now theyтАЩve got it, and theyтАЩre going to use it. I believe what you say, but they wonтАЩt.тБатАКтБатАж It was Mrs.┬аTom Fry seen you going inтБатАКтБатАж and two or three of them watched for you to come out again.тБатАКтБатАж YouтАЩve been with the fellow all day long every day since he come hereтБатАКтБатАж and IтАЩm a lawyer, and I know how hard slander dies.тАЭ He paused, but she stood motionless, without giving him any sign of acquiescence or even of attention. тАЬHeтАЩs a pleasant fellow to talk toтБатАФI liked having him here myself. The young men up here ainтАЩt had his chances. But thereтАЩs one thing as old as the hills and as plain as daylight: if heтАЩd wanted you the right way heтАЩd have said so.тАЭ
Charity did not speak. It seemed to her that nothing could exceed the bitterness of hearing such words from such lips.
Mr.┬аRoyall rose from his seat. тАЬSee here, Charity Royall: I had a shameful thought once, and youтАЩve made me pay for it. IsnтАЩt that score pretty near wiped out?тБатАКтБатАж ThereтАЩs a streak in me I ainтАЩt always master of; but IтАЩve always acted straight to you but that once. And youтАЩve known I wouldтБатАФyouтАЩve trusted me. For all your sneers and your mockery youтАЩve always known I loved you the way a man loves a decent woman. IтАЩm a good many years older than you, but IтАЩm head and shoulders above this place and everybody in it, and you know that too. I slipped up once, but thatтАЩs no reason for not starting again. If youтАЩll come with me IтАЩll do it. If youтАЩll marry me weтАЩll leave here and settle in some big town, where thereтАЩs men, and business, and things doing. ItтАЩs not too late for me to find an opening.тБатАКтБатАж I can see it by the way folks treat me when I go down to Hepburn or Nettleton.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
Charity made no movement. Nothing in his appeal reached her heart, and she thought only of words to wound and wither. But a growing lassitude restrained her. What did anything matter that he was saying? She saw the old life closing in on her, and hardly heeded his fanciful picture of renewal.
тАЬCharityтБатАФCharityтБатАФsay youтАЩll do it,тАЭ she heard him urge, all his lost years and wasted passion in his voice.
тАЬOh, whatтАЩs the use of all this? When I leave here it wonтАЩt be with you.тАЭ
She moved toward the door as she spoke, and he stood up and placed himself between her and the threshold. He seemed suddenly tall and strong, as though the extremity of his humiliation had given him new vigour.
тАЬThatтАЩs all, is it? ItтАЩs not much.тАЭ He leaned against the door, so towering and powerful that he seemed to fill the narrow room. тАЬWell, then look here.тБатАКтБатАж YouтАЩre right: IтАЩve no claim on youтБатАФwhy should you look at a broken man like me? You want the other fellowтБатАКтБатАж and I donтАЩt blame you. You picked out the best when you seen itтБатАКтБатАж well, that was always my way.тАЭ He fixed his stern eyes on her, and she had the sense that the struggle within him was at its highest. тАЬDo you want him to marry you?тАЭ he asked.
They stood and looked at each other for a long moment, eye to eye, with the terrible equality of courage that sometimes made her feel as if she had his blood in her veins.
тАЬDo you want him toтБатАФsay? IтАЩll have him here in an hour if you do. I ainтАЩt been in the law thirty years for nothing. HeтАЩs hired Carrick FryтАЩs team to take him to Hepburn, but he ainтАЩt going to start for another hour. And I can put things to him so he wonтАЩt be long deciding.тБатАКтБатАж HeтАЩs soft: I could see that. I donтАЩt say you wonтАЩt be sorry afterwardтБатАФbut, by God, IтАЩll give you the chance to be, if you say so.тАЭ
She heard him out in silence, too remote from all he was feeling and saying for any sally of scorn to relieve her. As she listened, there flitted through her mind the vision of Liff HyattтАЩs muddy boot coming down on the white bramble-flowers. The same thing had happened now; something transient and exquisite had flowered in her, and she had stood by and seen it trampled to earth. While the thought passed through her she was aware of Mr.┬аRoyall, still leaning against the door, but crestfallen, diminished, as though her silence were the answer he most dreaded.
тАЬI donтАЩt want any chance you can give me: IтАЩm glad heтАЩs going away,тАЭ she said.
He kept his place a moment longer, his hand on the doorknob. тАЬCharity!тАЭ he pleaded. She made no answer, and he turned the knob and went out. She heard him fumble with the latch of the front door, and saw him walk down the steps. He passed out of the gate, and his figure, stooping and heavy, receded slowly up the street.
For a while she remained where he had left her. She was still trembling with the humiliation of his last words, which rang so loud in her ears that it seemed as though they must echo through the village, proclaiming her a creature to lend herself to such vile suggestions. Her shame weighed on her like a physical oppression: the roof and walls seemed to be closing in on her, and she was seized by the impulse to get away, under the open sky, where there would be room to breathe. She went to the front door, and as she did so Lucius Harney opened it.
He looked graver and less confident than usual, and for a moment or two neither of them spoke. Then he held out his hand. тАЬAre you going out?тАЭ he asked. тАЬMay I come in?тАЭ
Her heart was beating so violently that she was afraid to speak, and stood looking at him with tear-dilated eyes; then she became aware of what her silence must betray, and said quickly: тАЬYes: come in.тАЭ
She led the way into the dining-room, and they sat down on opposite sides of the table, the cruet-stand and japanned breadbasket between them. Harney had laid his straw hat on the table, and as he sat there, in his easy-looking summer clothes, a brown tie knotted under his flannel collar, and his smooth brown hair brushed back from his forehead, she pictured him, as she had seen him the night before, lying on his bed, with the tossed locks falling into his eyes, and his bare throat rising out of his unbuttoned shirt. He had never seemed so remote as at the moment when that vision flashed through her mind.
тАЬIтАЩm so sorry itтАЩs goodbye: I suppose you know IтАЩm leaving,тАЭ he began, abruptly and awkwardly; she guessed that he was wondering how much she knew of his reasons for going.
тАЬI presume you found your work was over quicker than what you expected,тАЭ she said.
тАЬWell, yesтБатАФthat is, no: there are plenty of things I should have liked to do. But my holidayтАЩs limited; and now that Mr.┬аRoyall needs the horse for himself itтАЩs rather difficult to find means of getting about.тАЭ
тАЬThere ainтАЩt any too many teams for hire around here,тАЭ she acquiesced; and there was another silence.
тАЬThese days here have beenтБатАФawfully pleasant: I wanted to thank you for making them so,тАЭ he continued, his colour rising.
She could not think of any reply, and he went on: тАЬYouтАЩve been wonderfully kind to me, and I wanted to tell you.тБатАКтБатАж I wish I could think of you as happier, less lonely.тБатАКтБатАж Things are sure to change for you by and by.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
тАЬThings donтАЩt change at North Dormer: people just get used to them.тАЭ
The answer seemed to break up the order of his prearranged consolations, and he sat looking at her uncertainly. Then he said, with his sweet smile: тАЬThatтАЩs not true of you. It canтАЩt be.тАЭ
The smile was like a knife-thrust through her heart: everything in her began to tremble and break loose. She felt her tears run over, and stood up.
тАЬWell, goodbye,тАЭ she said.
She was aware of his taking her hand, and of feeling that his touch was lifeless.
тАЬGoodbye.тАЭ He turned away, and stopped on the threshold. тАЬYouтАЩll say goodbye for me to Verena?тАЭ
She heard the closing of the outer door and the sound of his quick tread along the path. The latch of the gate clicked after him.
The next morning when she arose in the cold dawn and opened her shutters she saw a freckled boy standing on the other side of the road and looking up at her. He was a boy from a farm three or four miles down the Creston road, and she wondered what he was doing there at that hour, and why he looked so hard at her window. When he saw her he crossed over and leaned against the gate unconcernedly. There was no one stirring in the house, and she threw a shawl over her nightgown and ran down and let herself out. By the time she reached the gate the boy was sauntering down the road, whistling carelessly; but she saw that a letter had been thrust between the slats and the crossbar of the gate. She took it out and hastened back to her room.
The envelope bore her name, and inside was a leaf torn from a pocket-diary.
Dear Charity:
I canтАЩt go away like this. I am staying for a few days at Creston River. Will you come down and meet me at Creston pool? I will wait for you till evening.