Scene + 

IV + 

Valère, Mariane, Dorine. + 

Valère + 

Madam, a piece of news⁠—quite new to me⁠— + 

Has just come out, and very fine it is. + 

Mariane + 

What piece of news? + 

Valère + 

Your marriage with Tartuffe. + 

Mariane + 

’Tis true my father has this plan in mind. + 

Valère + 

Your father, madam⁠ ⁠… + 

Mariane + 

Yes, he’s changed his plans, + 

And did but now propose it to me. + 

Valère + 

What! + 

Seriously? + 

Mariane + 

Yes, he was serious, + 

And openly insisted on the match. + 

Valère + 

And what’s your resolution in the matter, + 

Madam? + 

Mariane + 

I don’t know. + 

Valère + 

That’s a pretty answer. + 

You don’t know? + 

Mariane + 

No. + 

Valère + 

No? + 

Mariane + 

What do you advise? + 

Valère + 

I? My advice is, marry him, by all means. + 

Mariane + 

That’s your advice? + 

Valère + 

Yes. + 

Mariane + 

Do you mean it? + 

Valère + 

Surely. + 

A splendid choice, and worthy of your acceptance. + 

Mariane + 

Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel. + 

Valère + 

You’ll find no trouble taking it, I warrant. + 

Mariane + 

No more than you did giving it, be sure. + 

Valère + 

I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam. + 

Mariane + 

And I shall take it to oblige you, sir. + 

Dorine + 

Withdrawing to the back of the stage. + 

Let’s see what this affair will come to. + 

Valère + 

So, + 

That is your love? And it was all deceit + 

When you⁠ ⁠… + 

Mariane + 

I beg you, say no more of that. + 

You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept + 

The husband that is offered me; and I + 

Will tell you squarely that I mean to do so, + 

Since you have given me this good advice. + 

Valère + 

Don’t shield yourself with talk of my advice. + 

You had your mind made up, that’s evident; + 

And now you’re snatching at a trifling pretext + 

To justify the breaking of your word. + 

Mariane + 

Exactly so. + 

Valère + 

Of course it is; your heart + 

Has never known true love for me. + 

Mariane + 

Alas! + 

You’re free to think so, if you please. + 

Valère + 

Yes, yes, + 

I’m free to think so; and my outraged love + 

May yet forestall you in your perfidy, + 

And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand. + 

Mariane + 

No doubt of it; the love your high deserts + 

May win⁠ ⁠… + 

Valère + 

Good Lord, have done with my deserts! + 

I know I have but few, and you have proved it. + 

But I may find more kindness in another; + 

I know of someone, who’ll not be ashamed + 

To take your leavings, and make up my loss. + 

Mariane + 

The loss is not so great; you’ll easily + 

Console yourself completely for this change. + 

Valère + 

I’ll try my best, that you may well believe. + 

When we’re forgotten by a woman’s heart, + 

Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget; + 

Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to. + 

No other way can man such baseness prove, + 

As be a lover scorned, and still in love. + 

Mariane + 

In faith, a high and noble sentiment. + 

Valère + 

Yes; and it’s one that all men must approve. + 

What! Would you have me keep my love alive, + 

And see you fly into another’s arms + 

Before my very eyes; and never offer + 

To someone else the heart that you had scorned? + 

Mariane + 

Oh, no, indeed! For my part, I could wish + 

That it were done already. + 

Valère + 

What! You wish it? + 

Mariane + 

Yes. + 

Valère + 

This is insult heaped on injury; + 

I’ll go at once and do as you desire. + 

He takes a step or two as if to go away. + 

Mariane + 

Oh, very well then. + 

Valère + 

Turning back. + 

But remember this. + 

’Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass. + 

Mariane + 

Of course. + 

Valère + 

Turning back again. + 

And in the plan that I have formed + 

I only follow your example. + 

Mariane + 

Yes. + 

Valère + 

At the door. + 

Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed. + 

Mariane + 

So much the better. + 

Valère + 

Coming back again. + 

This is once for all. + 

Mariane + 

So be it, then. + 

Valère + 

He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns around. + 

Eh? + 

Mariane + 

What? + 

Valère + 

You didn’t call me? + 

Mariane + 

I? You are dreaming. + 

Valère + 

Very well, I’m gone. Madam, farewell. + 

He walks slowly away. + 

Mariane + 

Farewell, sir. + 

Dorine + 

I must say + 

You’ve lost your senses and both gone clean daft! + 

I’ve let you fight it out to the end o’ the chapter + 

To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there, + 

Mister Valère! + 

She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great show of resistance. + 

Valère + 

What do you want, Dorine? + 

Dorine + 

Come here. + 

Valère + 

No, no, I’m quite beside myself. + 

Don’t hinder me from doing as she wishes. + 

Dorine + 

Stop! + 

Valère + 

No. You see, I’m fixed, resolved, determined. + 

Dorine + 

So! + 

Mariane + 

Aside. Since my presence pains him, makes him go, + 

I’d better go myself, and leave him free. + 

Dorine + 

Leaving Valère, and running after Mariane. + 

Now t’other! Where are you going? + 

Mariane + 

Let me be. + 

Dorine. + 

Come back. + 

Mariane + 

No, no, it isn’t any use. + 

Valère + 

Aside. ’Tis clear the sight of me is torture to her; + 

No doubt, t’were better I should free her from it. + 

Dorine + 

Leaving Mariane and running after Valère. + 

Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say. + 

Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you. + 

She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage. + 

Valère + 

To Dorine. What’s your idea? + 

Mariane + 

To Dorine. What can you mean to do? + 

Dorine + 

Set you to rights, and pull you out o’ the scrape. + 

To Valère. Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now? + 

Valère + 

Didn’t you hear the things she said to me? + 

Dorine + 

To Mariane. Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion? + 

Mariane + 

Didn’t you see the way he treated me? + 

Dorine + 

Fools, both of you. + 

To Valère. She thinks of nothing else + 

But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it. + 

To Mariane. And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing + 

But just to marry you, I stake my life on’t. + 

Mariane + 

To Valère. Why did you give me such advice then, pray? + 

Valère + 

To Mariane. Why ask for my advice on such a matter? + 

Dorine + 

You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands. + 

To Valère. Come, yours. + 

Valère + 

Giving Dorine his hand. + 

What for? + 

Dorine + 

To Mariane. Now, yours. + 

Mariane + 

Giving Dorine her hand. + 

But what’s the use? + 

Dorine + 

Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you⁠— + 

You love each other better than you think. + 

Valère and Mariane hold each other’s hands some time without looking at each other. + 

Valère + 

At last turning toward Mariane. + 

Come, don’t be so ungracious now about it; + 

Look at a man as if you didn’t hate him. + 

Mariane looks sideways toward Valère, with just a bit of a smile. + 

Dorine + 

My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be! + 

Valère + 

To Mariane. But come now, have I not a just complaint? + 

And truly, are you not a wicked creature + 

To take delight in saying what would pain me? + 

Mariane + 

And are you not yourself the most ungrateful⁠ ⁠… ? + 

Dorine + 

Leave this discussion till another time; + 

Now, think how you’ll stave off this plaguey marriage. + 

Mariane + 

Then tell us how to go about it. + 

Dorine + 

Well, + 

We’ll try all sorts of ways. + 

To Mariane. Your father’s daft; + 

To Valère. This plan is nonsense. + 

To Mariane. You had better humour + 

His notions by a semblance of consent, + 

So that in case of danger, you can still + 

Find means to block the marriage by delay. + 

If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me. + 

One day you’ll fool them with a sudden illness, + 

Causing delay; another day, ill omens: + 

You’ve met a funeral, or broke a mirror, + 

Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all, + 

They cannot marry you to anyone + 

Without your saying yes. But now, methinks, + 

They mustn’t find you chattering together. + 

To Valère. You, go at once and set your friends at work + 

To make him keep his word to you; while we + 

Will bring the brother’s influence to bear, + 

And get the stepmother on our side, too. + 

Goodbye. + 

Valère + 

To Mariane. Whatever efforts we may make, + 

My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you. + 

Mariane + 

To Valère. I cannot answer for my father’s whims; + 

But no one save Valère shall ever have me. + 

Valère + 

You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes⁠ ⁠… + 

Dorine + 

Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling! + 

Now go. + 

Valère + 

Starting to go, and coming back again. + 

One last word⁠ ⁠… + 

Dorine + 

What a gabble and pother! + 

Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t’other. + 

She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions. + 