Today Is Friday
Three Roman soldiers are in a drinking-place at eleven o’clock at night. There are barrels around the wall. Behind the wooden counter is a Hebrew wine-seller. The three Roman soldiers are a little cockeyed.
1st Roman Soldier
You tried the red?
2nd Soldier
No, I ain’t tried it.
1st Soldier
You better try it.
2nd Soldier
All right, George, we’ll have a round of the red.
Hebrew Wine-seller
Here you are, gentlemen. You’ll like that. He sets down an earthenware pitcher that he has filled from one of the casks. That’s a nice little wine.
1st Soldier
Have a drink of it yourself. He turns to the third Roman soldier who is leaning on a barrel. What’s the matter with you?
3rd Roman Soldier
I got a gut-ache.
2nd Soldier
You’ve been drinking water.
1st Soldier
Try some of the red.
3rd Soldier
I can’t drink the damn stuff. It makes my gut sour.
1st Soldier
You been out here too long.
3rd Soldier
Hell, don’t I know it?
1st Soldier
Say, George, can’t you give this gentleman something to fix up his stomach?
Hebrew Wine-seller
I got it right here.
The third Roman soldier tastes the cup that the wine-seller has mixed for him.
3rd Soldier
Hey, what you put in that, camel chips?
Wine-seller
You drink that right down, Lootenant. That’ll fix you up right.
3rd Soldier
Well, I couldn’t feel any worse.
1st Soldier
Take a chance on it. George fixed me up fine the other day.
Wine-seller
You were in bad shape, Lootenant. I know what fixes up a bad stomach.
The third Roman soldier drinks the cup down.
3rd Roman Soldier
Jesus Christ. He makes a face.
2nd Soldier
That false alarm!
1st Soldier
Oh, I don’t know. He was pretty good in there today.
2nd Soldier
Why didn’t he come down off the cross?
1st Soldier
He didn’t want to come down off the cross. That’s not his play.
2nd Soldier
Show me a guy that doesn’t want to come down off the cross.
1st Soldier
Aw, hell, you don’t know anything about it. Ask George there. Did he want to come down off the cross, George?
Wine-seller
I’ll tell you, gentlemen, I wasn’t out there. It’s a thing I haven’t taken any interest in.
2nd Soldier
Listen, I seen a lot of them—here and plenty of other places. Any time you show me one that doesn’t want to get down off the cross when the time comes—when the time comes, I mean—I’ll climb right up with him.
1st Soldier
I thought he was pretty good in there today.
3rd Soldier
He was all right.
2nd Roman Soldier
You guys don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not saying whether he was good or not. What I mean is, when the time comes. When they first start nailing him, there isn’t none of them wouldn’t stop it if they could.
1st Soldier
Didn’t you follow it, George?
Wine-seller
No, I didn’t take any interest in it, Lootenant.
1st Soldier
I was surprised how he acted.
3rd Soldier
The part I don’t like is the nailing them on. You know, that must get to you pretty bad.
2nd Soldier
It isn’t that that’s so bad, as when they first lift ’em up. He makes a lifting gesture with his two palms together. When the weight starts to pull on ’em. That’s when it gets ’em.
3rd Roman Soldier
It takes some of them pretty bad.
1st Soldier
Ain’t I seen ’em? I seen plenty of them. I tell you, he was pretty good in there today.
The second Roman soldier smiles at the Hebrew wine-seller.
2nd Soldier
You’re a regular Christer, big boy.
1st Soldier
Sure, go on and kid him. But listen while I tell you something. He was pretty good in there today.
2nd Soldier
What about some more wine?
The wine-seller looks up expectantly. The third Roman soldier is sitting with his head down. He does not look well.
3rd Soldier
I don’t want any more.
2nd Soldier
Just for two, George.
The wine-seller puts out a pitcher of wine, a size smaller than the last one. He leans forward on the wooden counter.
1st Roman Soldier
You see his girl?
2nd Soldier
Wasn’t I standing right by her?
1st Soldier
She’s a nice-looker.
2nd Soldier
I knew her before he did. He winks at the wine-seller.
1st Soldier
I used to see her around the town.
2nd Soldier
She used to have a lot of stuff. He never brought her no good luck.
1st Soldier
Oh, he ain’t lucky. But he looked pretty good to me in there today.
2nd Soldier
What become of his gang?
1st Soldier
Oh, they faded out. Just the women stuck by him.
2nd Roman Soldier
They were a pretty yellow crowd. When they seen him go up there they didn’t want any of it.
1st Soldier
The women stuck all right.
2nd Soldier
Sure, they stuck all right.
1st Roman Soldier
You see me slip the old spear into him?
2nd Roman Soldier
You’ll get into trouble doing that some day.
1st Soldier
It was the least I could do for him. I’ll tell you he looked pretty good to me in there today.
Hebrew Wine-seller
Gentlemen, you know I got to close.
1st Roman Soldier
We’ll have one more round.
2nd Roman Soldier
What’s the use? This stuff don’t get you anywhere. Come on, let’s go.
1st Soldier
Just another round.
3rd Roman Soldier
Getting up from the barrel. No, come on. Let’s go. I feel like hell tonight.
1st Soldier
Just one more.
2nd Soldier
No, come on. We’re going to go. Good night, George. Put it on the bill.
Wine-seller
Good night, gentlemen. He looks a little worried. You couldn’t let me have a little something on account, Lootenant?
2nd Roman Soldier
What the hell, George! Wednesday’s payday.
Wine-seller
It’s all right, Lootenant. Good night, gentlemen.
The three Roman soldiers go out the door into the street.
Outside in the street.
2nd Roman Soldier
George is a kike just like all the rest of them.
1st Roman Soldier
Oh, George is a nice fella.
2nd Soldier
Everybody’s a nice fella to you tonight.
3rd Roman Soldier
Come on, let’s go up to the barracks. I feel like hell tonight.
2nd Soldier
You been out here too long.
3rd Roman Soldier
No, it ain’t just that. I feel like hell.
2nd Soldier
You been out here too long. That’s all.
Curtain.