III + 

вАЬI looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded from a troupe of mimes, enthusiastic, fabulous. His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remainвБ†вАФwhy he did not instantly disappear. вАШI went a little farther,вАЩ he said, вАШthen still a little fartherвБ†вАФtill I had gone so far that I donвАЩt know how IвАЩll ever get back. Never mind. Plenty time. I can manage. You take Kurtz away quickвБ†вАФquickвБ†вАФI tell you.вАЩ The glamour of youth enveloped his parti-coloured rags, his destitution, his loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile wanderings. For monthsвБ†вАФfor yearsвБ†вАФhis life hadnвАЩt been worth a dayвАЩs purchase; and there he was gallantly, thoughtlessly alive, to all appearances indestructible solely by the virtue of his few years and of his unreflecting audacity. I was seduced into something like admirationвБ†вАФlike envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him unscathed. He surely wanted nothing from the wilderness but space to breathe in and to push on through. His need was to exist, and to move onwards at the greatest possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. If the absolutely pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of adventure had ever ruled a human being, it ruled this bepatched youth. I almost envied him the possession of this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have consumed all thought of self so completely, that even while he was talking to you, you forgot that it was heвБ†вАФthe man before your eyesвБ†вАФwho had gone through these things. I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing in every way he had come upon so far. + 

вАЬThey had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked. вАШWe talked of everything,вАЩ he said, quite transported at the recollection. вАШI forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem to last an hour. Everything! Everything!вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ Of love, too.вАЩ вАШAh, he talked to you of love!вАЩ I said, much amused. вАШIt isnвАЩt what you think,вАЩ he cried, almost passionately. вАШIt was in general. He made me see thingsвБ†вАФthings.вАЩ + 

вАЬHe threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, and the headman of my woodcutters, lounging near by, turned upon him his heavy and glittering eyes. I looked around, and I donвАЩt know why, but I assure you that never, never before, did this land, this river, this jungle, the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hopeless and so dark, so impenetrable to human thought, so pitiless to human weakness. вАШAnd, ever since, you have been with him, of course?вАЩ I said. + 

вАЬOn the contrary. It appears their intercourse had been very much broken by various causes. He had, as he informed me proudly, managed to nurse Kurtz through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you would to some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone, far in the depths of the forest. вАШVery often coming to this station, I had to wait days and days before he would turn up,вАЩ he said. вАШAh, it was worth waiting for!вБ†вАФsometimes.вАЩ вАШWhat was he doing? exploring or what?вАЩ I asked. вАШOh, yes, of courseвАЩ; he had discovered lots of villages, a lake, tooвБ†вАФhe did not know exactly in what direction; it was dangerous to inquire too muchвБ†вАФbut mostly his expeditions had been for ivory. вАШBut he had no goods to trade with by that time,вАЩ I objected. вАШThereвАЩs a good lot of cartridges left even yet,вАЩ he answered, looking away. вАШTo speak plainly, he raided the country,вАЩ I said. He nodded. вАШNot alone, surely!вАЩ He muttered something about the villages round that lake. вАШKurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?вАЩ I suggested. He fidgeted a little. вАШThey adored him,вАЩ he said. The tone of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eagerness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. вАШWhat can you expect?вАЩ he burst out; вАШhe came to them with thunder and lightning, you knowвБ†вАФand they had never seen anything like itвБ†вАФand very terrible. He could be very terrible. You canвАЩt judge Mr.¬†Kurtz as you would an ordinary man. No, no, no! NowвБ†вАФjust to give you an ideaвБ†вАФI donвАЩt mind telling you, he wanted to shoot me, too, one dayвБ†вАФbut I donвАЩt judge him.вАЩ вАШShoot you!вАЩ I cried. вАШWhat for?вАЩ вАШWell, I had a small lot of ivory the chief of that village near my house gave me. You see I used to shoot game for them. Well, he wanted it, and wouldnвАЩt hear reason. He declared he would shoot me unless I gave him the ivory and then cleared out of the country, because he could do so, and had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth to prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased. And it was true, too. I gave him the ivory. What did I care! But I didnвАЩt clear out. No, no. I couldnвАЩt leave him. I had to be careful, of course, till we got friendly again for a time. He had his second illness then. Afterwards I had to keep out of the way; but I didnвАЩt mind. He was living for the most part in those villages on the lake. When he came down to the river, sometimes he would take to me, and sometimes it was better for me to be careful. This man suffered too much. He hated all this, and somehow he couldnвАЩt get away. When I had a chance I begged him to try and leave while there was time; I offered to go back with him. And he would say yes, and then he would remain; go off on another ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; forget himself amongst these peopleвБ†вАФforget himselfвБ†вАФyou know.вАЩ вАШWhy! heвАЩs mad,вАЩ I said. He protested indignantly. Mr.¬†Kurtz couldnвАЩt be mad. If I had heard him talk, only two days ago, I wouldnвАЩt dare hint at such a thing.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ I had taken up my binoculars while we talked, and was looking at the shore, sweeping the limit of the forest at each side and at the back of the house. The consciousness of there being people in that bush, so silent, so quietвБ†вАФas silent and quiet as the ruined house on the hillвБ†вАФmade me uneasy. There was no sign on the face of nature of this amazing tale that was not so much told as suggested to me in desolate exclamations, completed by shrugs, in interrupted phrases, in hints ending in deep sighs. The woods were unmoved, like a maskвБ†вАФheavy, like the closed door of a prisonвБ†вАФthey looked with their air of hidden knowledge, of patient expectation, of unapproachable silence. The Russian was explaining to me that it was only lately that Mr.¬†Kurtz had come down to the river, bringing along with him all the fighting men of that lake tribe. He had been absent for several monthsвБ†вАФgetting himself adored, I supposeвБ†вАФand had come down unexpectedly, with the intention to all appearance of making a raid either across the river or down stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory had got the better of theвБ†вАФwhat shall I say?вБ†вАФless material aspirations. However he had got much worse suddenly. вАШI heard he was lying helpless, and so I came upвБ†вАФtook my chance,вАЩ said the Russian. вАШOh, he is bad, very bad.вАЩ I directed my glass to the house. There were no signs of life, but there was the ruined roof, the long mud wall peeping above the grass, with three little square window-holes, no two of the same size; all this brought within reach of my hand, as it were. And then I made a brusque movement, and one of the remaining posts of that vanished fence leaped up in the field of my glass. You remember I told you I had been struck at the distance by certain attempts at ornamentation, rather remarkable in the ruinous aspect of the place. Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its first result was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. Then I went carefully from post to post with my glass, and I saw my mistake. These round knobs were not ornamental but symbolic; they were expressive and puzzling, striking and disturbingвБ†вАФfood for thought and also for vultures if there had been any looking down from the sky; but at all events for such ants as were industrious enough to ascend the pole. They would have been even more impressive, those heads on the stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. Only one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. I was not so shocked as you may think. The start back I had given was really nothing but a movement of surprise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you know. I returned deliberately to the first I had seenвБ†вАФand there it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed eyelidsвБ†вАФa head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line of the teeth, was smiling, too, smiling continuously at some endless and jocose dream of that eternal slumber. + 

вАЬI am not disclosing any trade secrets. In fact, the manager said afterwards that Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs methods had ruined the district. I have no opinion on that point, but I want you clearly to understand that there was nothing exactly profitable in these heads being there. They only showed that Mr.¬†Kurtz lacked restraint in the gratification of his various lusts, that there was something wanting in himвБ†вАФsome small matter which, when the pressing need arose, could not be found under his magnificent eloquence. Whether he knew of this deficiency himself I canвАЩt say. I think the knowledge came to him at lastвБ†вАФonly at the very last. But the wilderness had found him out early, and had taken on him a terrible vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think it had whispered to him things about himself which he did not know, things of which he had no conception till he took counsel with this great solitudeвБ†вАФand the whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at the core.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ I put down the glass, and the head that had appeared near enough to be spoken to seemed at once to have leaped away from me into inaccessible distance. + 

вАЬThe admirer of Mr.¬†Kurtz was a bit crestfallen. In a hurried, indistinct voice he began to assure me he had not dared to take theseвБ†вАФsay, symbolsвБ†вАФdown. He was not afraid of the natives; they would not stir till Mr.¬†Kurtz gave the word. His ascendancy was extraordinary. The camps of these people surrounded the place, and the chiefs came every day to see him. They would crawl.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ вАШI donвАЩt want to know anything of the ceremonies used when approaching Mr.¬†Kurtz,вАЩ I shouted. Curious, this feeling that came over me that such details would be more intolerable than those heads drying on the stakes under Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs windows. After all, that was only a savage sight, while I seemed at one bound to have been transported into some lightless region of subtle horrors, where pure, uncomplicated savagery was a positive relief, being something that had a right to existвБ†вАФobviouslyвБ†вАФin the sunshine. The young man looked at me with surprise. I suppose it did not occur to him that Mr.¬†Kurtz was no idol of mine. He forgot I hadnвАЩt heard any of these splendid monologues on, what was it? on love, justice, conduct of lifeвБ†вАФor whatnot. If it had come to crawling before Mr.¬†Kurtz, he crawled as much as the veriest savage of them all. I had no idea of the conditions, he said: these heads were the heads of rebels. I shocked him excessively by laughing. Rebels! What would be the next definition I was to hear? There had been enemies, criminals, workersвБ†вАФand these were rebels. Those rebellious heads looked very subdued to me on their sticks. вАШYou donвАЩt know how such a life tries a man like Kurtz,вАЩ cried KurtzвАЩs last disciple. вАШWell, and you?вАЩ I said. вАШI! I! I am a simple man. I have no great thoughts. I want nothing from anybody. How can you compare me toвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАК?вАЩ His feelings were too much for speech, and suddenly he broke down. вАШI donвАЩt understand,вАЩ he groaned. вАШIвАЩve been doing my best to keep him alive, and thatвАЩs enough. I had no hand in all this. I have no abilities. There hasnвАЩt been a drop of medicine or a mouthful of invalid food for months here. He was shamefully abandoned. A man like this, with such ideas. Shamefully! Shamefully! IвБ†вАФIвБ†вАФhavenвАЩt slept for the last ten nightsвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЩ + 

вАЬHis voice lost itself in the calm of the evening. The long shadows of the forest had slipped downhill while we talked, had gone far beyond the ruined hovel, beyond the symbolic row of stakes. All this was in the gloom, while we down there were yet in the sunshine, and the stretch of the river abreast of the clearing glittered in a still and dazzling splendour, with a murky and overshadowed bend above and below. Not a living soul was seen on the shore. The bushes did not rustle. + 

вАЬSuddenly round the corner of the house a group of men appeared, as though they had come up from the ground. They waded waist-deep in the grass, in a compact body, bearing an improvised stretcher in their midst. Instantly, in the emptiness of the landscape, a cry arose whose shrillness pierced the still air like a sharp arrow flying straight to the very heart of the land; and, as if by enchantment, streams of human beingsвБ†вАФof naked human beingsвБ†вАФwith spears in their hands, with bows, with shields, with wild glances and savage movements, were poured into the clearing by the dark-faced and pensive forest. The bushes shook, the grass swayed for a time, and then everything stood still in attentive immobility. + 

вАЬвАКвАШNow, if he does not say the right thing to them we are all done for,вАЩ said the Russian at my elbow. The knot of men with the stretcher had stopped, too, halfway to the steamer, as if petrified. I saw the man on the stretcher sit up, lank and with an uplifted arm, above the shoulders of the bearers. вАШLet us hope that the man who can talk so well of love in general will find some particular reason to spare us this time,вАЩ I said. I resented bitterly the absurd danger of our situation, as if to be at the mercy of that atrocious phantom had been a dishonouring necessity. I could not hear a sound, but through my glasses I saw the thin arm extended commandingly, the lower jaw moving, the eyes of that apparition shining darkly far in its bony head that nodded with grotesque jerks. KurtzвБ†вАФKurtzвБ†вАФthat means short in GermanвБ†вАФdonвАЩt it? Well, the name was as true as everything else in his lifeвБ†вАФand death. He looked at least seven feet long. His covering had fallen off, and his body emerged from it pitiful and appalling as from a winding-sheet. I could see the cage of his ribs all astir, the bones of his arm waving. It was as though an animated image of death carved out of old ivory had been shaking its hand with menaces at a motionless crowd of men made of dark and glittering bronze. I saw him open his mouth wideвБ†вАФit gave him a weirdly voracious aspect, as though he had wanted to swallow all the air, all the earth, all the men before him. A deep voice reached me faintly. He must have been shouting. He fell back suddenly. The stretcher shook as the bearers staggered forward again, and almost at the same time I noticed that the crowd of savages was vanishing without any perceptible movement of retreat, as if the forest that had ejected these beings so suddenly had drawn them in again as the breath is drawn in a long aspiration. + 

вАЬSome of the pilgrims behind the stretcher carried his armsвБ†вАФtwo shotguns, a heavy rifle, and a light revolver-carbineвБ†вАФthe thunderbolts of that pitiful Jupiter. The manager bent over him murmuring as he walked beside his head. They laid him down in one of the little cabinsвБ†вАФjust a room for a bed place and a campstool or two, you know. We had brought his belated correspondence, and a lot of torn envelopes and open letters littered his bed. His hand roamed feebly amongst these papers. I was struck by the fire of his eyes and the composed languor of his expression. It was not so much the exhaustion of disease. He did not seem in pain. This shadow looked satiated and calm, as though for the moment it had had its fill of all the emotions. + 

вАЬHe rustled one of the letters, and looking straight in my face said, вАШI am glad.вАЩ Somebody had been writing to him about me. These special recommendations were turning up again. The volume of tone he emitted without effort, almost without the trouble of moving his lips, amazed me. A voice! a voice! It was grave, profound, vibrating, while the man did not seem capable of a whisper. However, he had enough strength in himвБ†вАФfactitious no doubtвБ†вАФto very nearly make an end of us, as you shall hear directly. + 

вАЬThe manager appeared silently in the doorway; I stepped out at once and he drew the curtain after me. The Russian, eyed curiously by the pilgrims, was staring at the shore. I followed the direction of his glance. + 

вАЬDark human shapes could be made out in the distance, flitting indistinctly against the gloomy border of the forest, and near the river two bronze figures, leaning on tall spears, stood in the sunlight under fantastic headdresses of spotted skins, warlike and still in statuesque repose. And from right to left along the lighted shore moved a wild and gorgeous apparition of a woman. + 

вАЬShe walked with measured steps, draped in striped and fringed cloths, treading the earth proudly, with a slight jingle and flash of barbarous ornaments. She carried her head high; her hair was done in the shape of a helmet; she had brass leggings to the knee, brass wire gauntlets to the elbow, a crimson spot on her tawny cheek, innumerable necklaces of glass beads on her neck; bizarre things, charms, gifts of witch-men, that hung about her, glittered and trembled at every step. She must have had the value of several elephant tusks upon her. She was savage and superb, wild-eyed and magnificent; there was something ominous and stately in her deliberate progress. And in the hush that had fallen suddenly upon the whole sorrowful land, the immense wilderness, the colossal body of the fecund and mysterious life seemed to look at her, pensive, as though it had been looking at the image of its own tenebrous and passionate soul. + 

вАЬShe came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced us. Her long shadow fell to the waterвАЩs edge. Her face had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain mingled with the fear of some struggling, half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at us without a stir, and like the wilderness itself, with an air of brooding over an inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, and then she made a step forward. There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. She looked at us all as if her life had depended upon the unswerving steadiness of her glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw them up rigid above her head, as though in an uncontrollable desire to touch the sky, and at the same time the swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy embrace. A formidable silence hung over the scene. + 

вАЬShe turned away slowly, walked on, following the bank, and passed into the bushes to the left. Once only her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the thickets before she disappeared. + 

вАЬвАКвАШIf she had offered to come aboard I really think I would have tried to shoot her,вАЩ said the man of patches, nervously. вАШI have been risking my life every day for the last fortnight to keep her out of the house. She got in one day and kicked up a row about those miserable rags I picked up in the storeroom to mend my clothes with. I wasnвАЩt decent. At least it must have been that, for she talked like a fury to Kurtz for an hour, pointing at me now and then. I donвАЩt understand the dialect of this tribe. Luckily for me, I fancy Kurtz felt too ill that day to care, or there would have been mischief. I donвАЩt understand.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ NoвБ†вАФitвАЩs too much for me. Ah, well, itвАЩs all over now.вАЩ + 

вАЬAt this moment I heard KurtzвАЩs deep voice behind the curtain: вАШSave me!вБ†вАФsave the ivory, you mean. DonвАЩt tell me. Save me! Why, IвАЩve had to save you. You are interrupting my plans now. Sick! Sick! Not so sick as you would like to believe. Never mind. IвАЩll carry my ideas out yetвБ†вАФI will return. IвАЩll show you what can be done. You with your little peddling notionsвБ†вАФyou are interfering with me. I will return. I.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЩ + 

вАЬThe manager came out. He did me the honour to take me under the arm and lead me aside. вАШHe is very low, very low,вАЩ he said. He considered it necessary to sigh, but neglected to be consistently sorrowful. вАШWe have done all we could for himвБ†вАФhavenвАЩt we? But there is no disguising the fact, Mr.¬†Kurtz has done more harm than good to the Company. He did not see the time was not ripe for vigorous action. Cautiously, cautiouslyвБ†вАФthatвАЩs my principle. We must be cautious yet. The district is closed to us for a time. Deplorable! Upon the whole, the trade will suffer. I donвАЩt deny there is a remarkable quantity of ivoryвБ†вАФmostly fossil. We must save it, at all eventsвБ†вАФbut look how precarious the position isвБ†вАФand why? Because the method is unsound.вАЩ вАШDo you,вАЩ said I, looking at the shore, вАШcall it вАЬunsound method?вАЭвАКвАЩ вАШWithout doubt,вАЩ he exclaimed hotly. вАШDonвАЩt you?вАЩвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ вАШNo method at all,вАЩ I murmured after a while. вАШExactly,вАЩ he exulted. вАШI anticipated this. Shows a complete want of judgment. It is my duty to point it out in the proper quarter.вАЩ вАШOh,вАЩ said I, вАШthat fellowвБ†вАФwhatвАЩs his name?вБ†вАФthe brickmaker, will make a readable report for you.вАЩ He appeared confounded for a moment. It seemed to me I had never breathed an atmosphere so vile, and I turned mentally to Kurtz for reliefвБ†вАФpositively for relief. вАШNevertheless I think Mr.¬†Kurtz is a remarkable man,вАЩ I said with emphasis. He started, dropped on me a heavy glance, said very quietly, вАШhe was,вАЩ and turned his back on me. My hour of favour was over; I found myself lumped along with Kurtz as a partisan of methods for which the time was not ripe: I was unsound! Ah! but it was something to have at least a choice of nightmares. + 

вАЬI had turned to the wilderness really, not to Mr.¬†Kurtz, who, I was ready to admit, was as good as buried. And for a moment it seemed to me as if I also were buried in a vast grave full of unspeakable secrets. I felt an intolerable weight oppressing my breast, the smell of the damp earth, the unseen presence of victorious corruption, the darkness of an impenetrable night.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ The Russian tapped me on the shoulder. I heard him mumbling and stammering something about вАШbrother seamanвБ†вАФcouldnвАЩt concealвБ†вАФknowledge of matters that would affect Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs reputation.вАЩ I waited. For him evidently Mr.¬†Kurtz was not in his grave; I suspect that for him Mr.¬†Kurtz was one of the immortals. вАШWell!вАЩ said I at last, вАШspeak out. As it happens, I am Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs friendвБ†вАФin a way.вАЩ + 

вАЬHe stated with a good deal of formality that had we not been вАШof the same profession,вАЩ he would have kept the matter to himself without regard to consequences. вАШHe suspected there was an active ill-will towards him on the part of these white men thatвБ†вАФвАЩ вАШYou are right,вАЩ I said, remembering a certain conversation I had overheard. вАШThe manager thinks you ought to be hanged.вАЩ He showed a concern at this intelligence which amused me at first. вАШI had better get out of the way quietly,вАЩ he said earnestly. вАШI can do no more for Kurtz now, and they would soon find some excuse. WhatвАЩs to stop them? ThereвАЩs a military post three hundred miles from here.вАЩ вАШWell, upon my word,вАЩ said I, вАШperhaps you had better go if you have any friends amongst the savages near by.вАЩ вАШPlenty,вАЩ he said. вАШThey are simple peopleвБ†вАФand I want nothing, you know.вАЩ He stood biting his lip, then: вАШI donвАЩt want any harm to happen to these whites here, but of course I was thinking of Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs reputationвБ†вАФbut you are a brother seaman andвБ†вАФвАЩ вАШAll right,вАЩ said I, after a time. вАШMr.¬†KurtzвАЩs reputation is safe with me.вАЩ I did not know how truly I spoke. + 

вАЬHe informed me, lowering his voice, that it was Kurtz who had ordered the attack to be made on the steamer. вАШHe hated sometimes the idea of being taken awayвБ†вАФand then again.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ But I donвАЩt understand these matters. I am a simple man. He thought it would scare you awayвБ†вАФthat you would give it up, thinking him dead. I could not stop him. Oh, I had an awful time of it this last month.вАЩ вАШVery well,вАЩ I said. вАШHe is all right now.вАЩ вАШYe-e-es,вАЩ he muttered, not very convinced apparently. вАШThanks,вАЩ said I; вАШI shall keep my eyes open.вАЩ вАШBut quietвБ†вАФeh?вАЩ he urged anxiously. вАШIt would be awful for his reputation if anybody hereвБ†вАФвАЩ I promised a complete discretion with great gravity. вАШI have a canoe and three black fellows waiting not very far. I am off. Could you give me a few Martini-Henry cartridges?вАЩ I could, and did, with proper secrecy. He helped himself, with a wink at me, to a handful of my tobacco. вАШBetween sailorsвБ†вАФyou knowвБ†вАФgood English tobacco.вАЩ At the door of the pilothouse he turned roundвБ†вАФвАШI say, havenвАЩt you a pair of shoes you could spare?вАЩ He raised one leg. вАШLook.вАЩ The soles were tied with knotted strings sandalwise under his bare feet. I rooted out an old pair, at which he looked with admiration before tucking it under his left arm. One of his pockets (bright red) was bulging with cartridges, from the other (dark blue) peeped вАШTowsonвАЩs Inquiry,вАЩ etc., etc. He seemed to think himself excellently well equipped for a renewed encounter with the wilderness. вАШAh! IвАЩll never, never meet such a man again. You ought to have heard him recite poetryвБ†вАФhis own, too, it was, he told me. Poetry!вАЩ He rolled his eyes at the recollection of these delights. вАШOh, he enlarged my mind!вАЩ вАШGoodbye,вАЩ said I. He shook hands and vanished in the night. Sometimes I ask myself whether I had ever really seen himвБ†вАФwhether it was possible to meet such a phenomenon!вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ + 

вАЬWhen I woke up shortly after midnight his warning came to my mind with its hint of danger that seemed, in the starred darkness, real enough to make me get up for the purpose of having a look round. On the hill a big fire burned, illuminating fitfully a crooked corner of the station-house. One of the agents with a picket of a few of our blacks, armed for the purpose, was keeping guard over the ivory; but deep within the forest, red gleams that wavered, that seemed to sink and rise from the ground amongst confused columnar shapes of intense blackness, showed the exact position of the camp where Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs adorers were keeping their uneasy vigil. The monotonous beating of a big drum filled the air with muffled shocks and a lingering vibration. A steady droning sound of many men chanting each to himself some weird incantation came out from the black, flat wall of the woods as the humming of bees comes out of a hive, and had a strange narcotic effect upon my half-awake senses. I believe I dozed off leaning over the rail, till an abrupt burst of yells, an overwhelming outbreak of a pent-up and mysterious frenzy, woke me up in a bewildered wonder. It was cut short all at once, and the low droning went on with an effect of audible and soothing silence. I glanced casually into the little cabin. A light was burning within, but Mr.¬†Kurtz was not there. + 

вАЬI think I would have raised an outcry if I had believed my eyes. But I didnвАЩt believe them at firstвБ†вАФthe thing seemed so impossible. The fact is I was completely unnerved by a sheer blank fright, pure abstract terror, unconnected with any distinct shape of physical danger. What made this emotion so overpowering wasвБ†вАФhow shall I define it?вБ†вАФthe moral shock I received, as if something altogether monstrous, intolerable to thought and odious to the soul, had been thrust upon me unexpectedly. This lasted of course the merest fraction of a second, and then the usual sense of commonplace, deadly danger, the possibility of a sudden onslaught and massacre, or something of the kind, which I saw impending, was positively welcome and composing. It pacified me, in fact, so much that I did not raise an alarm. + 

вАЬThere was an agent buttoned up inside an ulster and sleeping on a chair on deck within three feet of me. The yells had not awakened him; he snored very slightly; I left him to his slumbers and leaped ashore. I did not betray Mr.¬†KurtzвБ†вАФit was ordered I should never betray himвБ†вАФit was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice. I was anxious to deal with this shadow by myself aloneвБ†вАФand to this day I donвАЩt know why I was so jealous of sharing with anyone the peculiar blackness of that experience. + 

вАЬAs soon as I got on the bank I saw a trailвБ†вАФa broad trail through the grass. I remember the exultation with which I said to myself, вАШHe canвАЩt walkвБ†вАФhe is crawling on all-foursвБ†вАФIвАЩve got him.вАЩ The grass was wet with dew. I strode rapidly with clenched fists. I fancy I had some vague notion of falling upon him and giving him a drubbing. I donвАЩt know. I had some imbecile thoughts. The knitting old woman with the cat obtruded herself upon my memory as a most improper person to be sitting at the other end of such an affair. I saw a row of pilgrims squirting lead in the air out of Winchesters held to the hip. I thought I would never get back to the steamer, and imagined myself living alone and unarmed in the woods to an advanced age. Such silly thingsвБ†вАФyou know. And I remember I confounded the beat of the drum with the beating of my heart, and was pleased at its calm regularity. + 

вАЬI kept to the track thoughвБ†вАФthen stopped to listen. The night was very clear; a dark blue space, sparkling with dew and starlight, in which black things stood very still. I thought I could see a kind of motion ahead of me. I was strangely cocksure of everything that night. I actually left the track and ran in a wide semicircle (I verily believe chuckling to myself) so as to get in front of that stir, of that motion I had seenвБ†вАФif indeed I had seen anything. I was circumventing Kurtz as though it had been a boyish game. + 

вАЬI came upon him, and, if he had not heard me coming, I would have fallen over him, too, but he got up in time. He rose, unsteady, long, pale, indistinct, like a vapour exhaled by the earth, and swayed slightly, misty and silent before me; while at my back the fires loomed between the trees, and the murmur of many voices issued from the forest. I had cut him off cleverly; but when actually confronting him I seemed to come to my senses, I saw the danger in its right proportion. It was by no means over yet. Suppose he began to shout? Though he could hardly stand, there was still plenty of vigour in his voice. вАШGo awayвБ†вАФhide yourself,вАЩ he said, in that profound tone. It was very awful. I glanced back. We were within thirty yards from the nearest fire. A black figure stood up, strode on long black legs, waving long black arms, across the glow. It had hornsвБ†вАФantelope horns, I thinkвБ†вАФon its head. Some sorcerer, some witch-man, no doubt: it looked fiendlike enough. вАШDo you know what you are doing?вАЩ I whispered. вАШPerfectly,вАЩ he answered, raising his voice for that single word: it sounded to me far off and yet loud, like a hail through a speaking-trumpet. вАШIf he makes a row we are lost,вАЩ I thought to myself. This clearly was not a case for fisticuffs, even apart from the very natural aversion I had to beat that ShadowвБ†вАФthis wandering and tormented thing. вАШYou will be lost,вАЩ I saidвБ†вАФвАШutterly lost.вАЩ One gets sometimes such a flash of inspiration, you know. I did say the right thing, though indeed he could not have been more irretrievably lost than he was at this very moment, when the foundations of our intimacy were being laidвБ†вАФto endureвБ†вАФto endureвБ†вАФeven to the endвБ†вАФeven beyond. + 

вАЬвАКвАШI had immense plans,вАЩ he muttered irresolutely. вАШYes,вАЩ said I; вАШbut if you try to shout IвАЩll smash your head withвБ†вАФвАЩ There was not a stick or a stone near. вАШI will throttle you for good,вАЩ I corrected myself. вАШI was on the threshold of great things,вАЩ he pleaded, in a voice of longing, with a wistfulness of tone that made my blood run cold. вАШAnd now for this stupid scoundrelвБ†вАФвАЩ вАШYour success in Europe is assured in any case,вАЩ I affirmed steadily. I did not want to have the throttling of him, you understandвБ†вАФand indeed it would have been very little use for any practical purpose. I tried to break the spellвБ†вАФthe heavy, mute spell of the wildernessвБ†вАФthat seemed to draw him to its pitiless breast by the awakening of forgotten and brutal instincts, by the memory of gratified and monstrous passions. This alone, I was convinced, had driven him out to the edge of the forest, to the bush, towards the gleam of fires, the throb of drums, the drone of weird incantations; this alone had beguiled his unlawful soul beyond the bounds of permitted aspirations. And, donвАЩt you see, the terror of the position was not in being knocked on the headвБ†вАФthough I had a very lively sense of that danger, tooвБ†вАФbut in this, that I had to deal with a being to whom I could not appeal in the name of anything high or low. I had, even like the niggers, to invoke himвБ†вАФhimselfвБ†вАФhis own exalted and incredible degradation. There was nothing either above or below him, and I knew it. He had kicked himself loose of the earth. Confound the man! he had kicked the very earth to pieces. He was alone, and I before him did not know whether I stood on the ground or floated in the air. IвАЩve been telling you what we saidвБ†вАФrepeating the phrases we pronouncedвБ†вАФbut whatвАЩs the good? They were common everyday wordsвБ†вАФthe familiar, vague sounds exchanged on every waking day of life. But what of that? They had behind them, to my mind, the terrific suggestiveness of words heard in dreams, of phrases spoken in nightmares. Soul! If anybody ever struggled with a soul, I am the man. And I wasnвАЩt arguing with a lunatic either. Believe me or not, his intelligence was perfectly clearвБ†вАФconcentrated, it is true, upon himself with horrible intensity, yet clear; and therein was my only chanceвБ†вАФbarring, of course, the killing him there and then, which wasnвАЩt so good, on account of unavoidable noise. But his soul was mad. Being alone in the wilderness, it had looked within itself, and, by heavens! I tell you, it had gone mad. I hadвБ†вАФfor my sins, I supposeвБ†вАФto go through the ordeal of looking into it myself. No eloquence could have been so withering to oneвАЩs belief in mankind as his final burst of sincerity. He struggled with himself, too. I saw itвБ†вАФI heard it. I saw the inconceivable mystery of a soul that knew no restraint, no faith, and no fear, yet struggling blindly with itself. I kept my head pretty well; but when I had him at last stretched on the couch, I wiped my forehead, while my legs shook under me as though I had carried half a ton on my back down that hill. And yet I had only supported him, his bony arm clasped round my neckвБ†вАФand he was not much heavier than a child. + 

вАЬWhen next day we left at noon, the crowd, of whose presence behind the curtain of trees I had been acutely conscious all the time, flowed out of the woods again, filled the clearing, covered the slope with a mass of naked, breathing, quivering, bronze bodies. I steamed up a bit, then swung down stream, and two thousand eyes followed the evolutions of the splashing, thumping, fierce river-demon beating the water with its terrible tail and breathing black smoke into the air. In front of the first rank, along the river, three men, plastered with bright red earth from head to foot, strutted to and fro restlessly. When we came abreast again, they faced the river, stamped their feet, nodded their horned heads, swayed their scarlet bodies; they shook towards the fierce river-demon a bunch of black feathers, a mangy skin with a pendent tailвБ†вАФsomething that looked a dried gourd; they shouted periodically together strings of amazing words that resembled no sounds of human language; and the deep murmurs of the crowd, interrupted suddenly, were like the responses of some satanic litany. + 

вАЬWe had carried Kurtz into the pilothouse: there was more air there. Lying on the couch, he stared through the open shutter. There was an eddy in the mass of human bodies, and the woman with helmeted head and tawny cheeks rushed out to the very brink of the stream. She put out her hands, shouted something, and all that wild mob took up the shout in a roaring chorus of articulated, rapid, breathless utterance. + 

вАЬвАКвАШDo you understand this?вАЩ I asked. + 

вАЬHe kept on looking out past me with fiery, longing eyes, with a mingled expression of wistfulness and hate. He made no answer, but I saw a smile, a smile of indefinable meaning, appear on his colourless lips that a moment after twitched convulsively. вАШDo I not?вАЩ he said slowly, gasping, as if the words had been torn out of him by a supernatural power. + 

вАЬI pulled the string of the whistle, and I did this because I saw the pilgrims on deck getting out their rifles with an air of anticipating a jolly lark. At the sudden screech there was a movement of abject terror through that wedged mass of bodies. вАШDonвАЩt! donвАЩt you frighten them away,вАЩ cried someone on deck disconsolately. I pulled the string time after time. They broke and ran, they leaped, they crouched, they swerved, they dodged the flying terror of the sound. The three red chaps had fallen flat, face down on the shore, as though they had been shot dead. Only the barbarous and superb woman did not so much as flinch, and stretched tragically her bare arms after us over the sombre and glittering river. + 

вАЬAnd then that imbecile crowd down on the deck started their little fun, and I could see nothing more for smoke. + 

вАЬThe brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice the speed of our upward progress; and KurtzвАЩs life was running swiftly, too, ebbing, ebbing out of his heart into the sea of inexorable time. The manager was very placid, he had no vital anxieties now, he took us both in with a comprehensive and satisfied glance: the вАШaffairвАЩ had come off as well as could be wished. I saw the time approaching when I would be left alone of the party of вАШunsound method.вАЩ The pilgrims looked upon me with disfavour. I was, so to speak, numbered with the dead. It is strange how I accepted this unforeseen partnership, this choice of nightmares forced upon me in the tenebrous land invaded by these mean and greedy phantoms. + 

вАЬKurtz discoursed. A voice! a voice! It rang deep to the very last. It survived his strength to hide in the magnificent folds of eloquence the barren darkness of his heart. Oh, he struggled! he struggled! The wastes of his weary brain were haunted by shadowy images nowвБ†вАФimages of wealth and fame revolving obsequiously round his unextinguishable gift of noble and lofty expression. My Intended, my station, my career, my ideasвБ†вАФthese were the subjects for the occasional utterances of elevated sentiments. The shade of the original Kurtz frequented the bedside of the hollow sham, whose fate it was to be buried presently in the mould of primeval earth. But both the diabolic love and the unearthly hate of the mysteries it had penetrated fought for the possession of that soul satiated with primitive emotions, avid of lying fame, of sham distinction, of all the appearances of success and power. + 

вАЬSometimes he was contemptibly childish. He desired to have kings meet him at railway-stations on his return from some ghastly Nowhere, where he intended to accomplish great things. вАШYou show them you have in you something that is really profitable, and then there will be no limits to the recognition of your ability,вАЩ he would say. вАШOf course you must take care of the motivesвБ†вАФright motivesвБ†вАФalways.вАЩ The long reaches that were like one and the same reach, monotonous bends that were exactly alike, slipped past the steamer with their multitude of secular trees looking patiently after this grimy fragment of another world, the forerunner of change, of conquest, of trade, of massacres, of blessings. I looked aheadвБ†вАФpiloting. вАШClose the shutter,вАЩ said Kurtz suddenly one day; вАШI canвАЩt bear to look at this.вАЩ I did so. There was a silence. вАШOh, but I will wring your heart yet!вАЩ he cried at the invisible wilderness. + 

вАЬWe broke downвБ†вАФas I had expectedвБ†вАФand had to lie up for repairs at the head of an island. This delay was the first thing that shook KurtzвАЩs confidence. One morning he gave me a packet of papers and a photographвБ†вАФthe lot tied together with a shoestring. вАШKeep this for me,вАЩ he said. вАШThis noxious foolвАЩ (meaning the manager) вАШis capable of prying into my boxes when I am not looking.вАЩ In the afternoon I saw him. He was lying on his back with closed eyes, and I withdrew quietly, but I heard him mutter, вАШLive rightly, die, dieвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЩ I listened. There was nothing more. Was he rehearsing some speech in his sleep, or was it a fragment of a phrase from some newspaper article? He had been writing for the papers and meant to do so again, вАШfor the furthering of my ideas. ItвАЩs a duty.вАЩ + 

вАЬHis was an impenetrable darkness. I looked at him as you peer down at a man who is lying at the bottom of a precipice where the sun never shines. But I had not much time to give him, because I was helping the engine-driver to take to pieces the leaky cylinders, to straighten a bent connecting-rod, and in other such matters. I lived in an infernal mess of rust, filings, nuts, bolts, spanners, hammers, ratchet-drillsвБ†вАФthings I abominate, because I donвАЩt get on with them. I tended the little forge we fortunately had aboard; I toiled wearily in a wretched scrapheapвБ†вАФunless I had the shakes too bad to stand. + 

вАЬOne evening coming in with a candle I was startled to hear him say a little tremulously, вАШI am lying here in the dark waiting for death.вАЩ The light was within a foot of his eyes. I forced myself to murmur, вАШOh, nonsense!вАЩ and stood over him as if transfixed. + 

вАЬAnything approaching the change that came over his features I have never seen before, and hope never to see again. Oh, I wasnвАЩt touched. I was fascinated. It was as though a veil had been rent. I saw on that ivory face the expression of sombre pride, of ruthless power, of craven terrorвБ†вАФof an intense and hopeless despair. Did he live his life again in every detail of desire, temptation, and surrender during that supreme moment of complete knowledge? He cried in a whisper at some image, at some visionвБ†вАФhe cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath: + 

вАЬвАКвАШThe horror! The horror!вАЩ + 

вАЬI blew the candle out and left the cabin. The pilgrims were dining in the messroom, and I took my place opposite the manager, who lifted his eyes to give me a questioning glance, which I successfully ignored. He leaned back, serene, with that peculiar smile of his sealing the unexpressed depths of his meanness. A continuous shower of small flies streamed upon the lamp, upon the cloth, upon our hands and faces. Suddenly the managerвАЩs boy put his insolent black head in the doorway, and said in a tone of scathing contempt: + 

вАЬвАКвАШMistah KurtzвБ†вАФhe dead.вАЩ + 

вАЬAll the pilgrims rushed out to see. I remained, and went on with my dinner. I believe I was considered brutally callous. However, I did not eat much. There was a lamp in thereвБ†вАФlight, donвАЩt you knowвБ†вАФand outside it was so beastly, beastly dark. I went no more near the remarkable man who had pronounced a judgment upon the adventures of his soul on this earth. The voice was gone. What else had been there? But I am of course aware that next day the pilgrims buried something in a muddy hole. + 

вАЬAnd then they very nearly buried me. + 

вАЬHowever, as you see, I did not go to join Kurtz there and then. I did not. I remained to dream the nightmare out to the end, and to show my loyalty to Kurtz once more. Destiny. My destiny! Droll thing life isвБ†вАФthat mysterious arrangement of merciless logic for a futile purpose. The most you can hope from it is some knowledge of yourselfвБ†вАФthat comes too lateвБ†вАФa crop of unextinguishable regrets. I have wrestled with death. It is the most unexciting contest you can imagine. It takes place in an impalpable greyness, with nothing underfoot, with nothing around, without spectators, without clamour, without glory, without the great desire of victory, without the great fear of defeat, in a sickly atmosphere of tepid scepticism, without much belief in your own right, and still less in that of your adversary. If such is the form of ultimate wisdom, then life is a greater riddle than some of us think it to be. I was within a hairвАЩs breadth of the last opportunity for pronouncement, and I found with humiliation that probably I would have nothing to say. This is the reason why I affirm that Kurtz was a remarkable man. He had something to say. He said it. Since I had peeped over the edge myself, I understand better the meaning of his stare, that could not see the flame of the candle, but was wide enough to embrace the whole universe, piercing enough to penetrate all the hearts that beat in the darkness. He had summed upвБ†вАФhe had judged. вАШThe horror!вАЩ He was a remarkable man. After all, this was the expression of some sort of belief; it had candour, it had conviction, it had a vibrating note of revolt in its whisper, it had the appalling face of a glimpsed truthвБ†вАФthe strange commingling of desire and hate. And it is not my own extremity I remember bestвБ†вАФa vision of greyness without form filled with physical pain, and a careless contempt for the evanescence of all thingsвБ†вАФeven of this pain itself. No! It is his extremity that I seem to have lived through. True, he had made that last stride, he had stepped over the edge, while I had been permitted to draw back my hesitating foot. And perhaps in this is the whole difference; perhaps all the wisdom, and all truth, and all sincerity, are just compressed into that inappreciable moment of time in which we step over the threshold of the invisible. Perhaps! I like to think my summing-up would not have been a word of careless contempt. Better his cryвБ†вАФmuch better. It was an affirmation, a moral victory paid for by innumerable defeats, by abominable terrors, by abominable satisfactions. But it was a victory! That is why I have remained loyal to Kurtz to the last, and even beyond, when a long time after I heard once more, not his own voice, but the echo of his magnificent eloquence thrown to me from a soul as translucently pure as a cliff of crystal. + 

вАЬNo, they did not bury me, though there is a period of time which I remember mistily, with a shuddering wonder, like a passage through some inconceivable world that had no hope in it and no desire. I found myself back in the sepulchral city resenting the sight of people hurrying through the streets to filch a little money from each other, to devour their infamous cookery, to gulp their unwholesome beer, to dream their insignificant and silly dreams. They trespassed upon my thoughts. They were intruders whose knowledge of life was to me an irritating pretence, because I felt so sure they could not possibly know the things I knew. Their bearing, which was simply the bearing of commonplace individuals going about their business in the assurance of perfect safety, was offensive to me like the outrageous flauntings of folly in the face of a danger it is unable to comprehend. I had no particular desire to enlighten them, but I had some difficulty in restraining myself from laughing in their faces so full of stupid importance. I daresay I was not very well at that time. I tottered about the streetsвБ†вАФthere were various affairs to settleвБ†вАФgrinning bitterly at perfectly respectable persons. I admit my behaviour was inexcusable, but then my temperature was seldom normal in these days. My dear auntвАЩs endeavours to вАШnurse up my strengthвАЩ seemed altogether beside the mark. It was not my strength that wanted nursing, it was my imagination that wanted soothing. I kept the bundle of papers given me by Kurtz, not knowing exactly what to do with it. His mother had died lately, watched over, as I was told, by his Intended. A clean-shaved man, with an official manner and wearing gold-rimmed spectacles, called on me one day and made inquiries, at first circuitous, afterwards suavely pressing, about what he was pleased to denominate certain вАШdocuments.вАЩ I was not surprised, because I had had two rows with the manager on the subject out there. I had refused to give up the smallest scrap out of that package, and I took the same attitude with the spectacled man. He became darkly menacing at last, and with much heat argued that the Company had the right to every bit of information about its вАШterritories.вАЩ And said he, вАШMr.¬†KurtzвАЩs knowledge of unexplored regions must have been necessarily extensive and peculiarвБ†вАФowing to his great abilities and to the deplorable circumstances in which he had been placed: thereforeвБ†вАФвАЩ I assured him Mr.¬†KurtzвАЩs knowledge, however extensive, did not bear upon the problems of commerce or administration. He invoked then the name of science. вАШIt would be an incalculable loss if,вАЩ etc., etc. I offered him the report on the вАШSuppression of Savage Customs,вАЩ with the postscriptum torn off. He took it up eagerly, but ended by sniffing at it with an air of contempt. вАШThis is not what we had a right to expect,вАЩ he remarked. вАШExpect nothing else,вАЩ I said. вАШThere are only private letters.вАЩ He withdrew upon some threat of legal proceedings, and I saw him no more; but another fellow, calling himself KurtzвАЩs cousin, appeared two days later, and was anxious to hear all the details about his dear relativeвАЩs last moments. Incidentally he gave me to understand that Kurtz had been essentially a great musician. вАШThere was the making of an immense success,вАЩ said the man, who was an organist, I believe, with lank grey hair flowing over a greasy coat-collar. I had no reason to doubt his statement; and to this day I am unable to say what was KurtzвАЩs profession, whether he ever had anyвБ†вАФwhich was the greatest of his talents. I had taken him for a painter who wrote for the papers, or else for a journalist who could paintвБ†вАФbut even the cousin (who took snuff during the interview) could not tell me what he had beenвБ†вАФexactly. He was a universal geniusвБ†вАФon that point I agreed with the old chap, who thereupon blew his nose noisily into a large cotton handkerchief and withdrew in senile agitation, bearing off some family letters and memoranda without importance. Ultimately a journalist anxious to know something of the fate of his вАШdear colleagueвАЩ turned up. This visitor informed me KurtzвАЩs proper sphere ought to have been politics вАШon the popular side.вАЩ He had furry straight eyebrows, bristly hair cropped short, an eyeglass on a broad ribbon, and, becoming expansive, confessed his opinion that Kurtz really couldnвАЩt write a bitвБ†вАФвАШbut heavens! how that man could talk. He electrified large meetings. He had faithвБ†вАФdonвАЩt you see?вБ†вАФhe had the faith. He could get himself to believe anythingвБ†вАФanything. He would have been a splendid leader of an extreme party.вАЩ вАШWhat party?вАЩ I asked. вАШAny party,вАЩ answered the other. вАШHe was anвБ†вАФanвБ†вАФextremist.вАЩ Did I not think so? I assented. Did I know, he asked, with a sudden flash of curiosity, вАШwhat it was that had induced him to go out there?вАЩ вАШYes,вАЩ said I, and forthwith handed him the famous Report for publication, if he thought fit. He glanced through it hurriedly, mumbling all the time, judged вАШit would do,вАЩ and took himself off with this plunder. + 

вАЬThus I was left at last with a slim packet of letters and the girlвАЩs portrait. She struck me as beautifulвБ†вАФI mean she had a beautiful expression. I know that the sunlight can be made to lie, too, yet one felt that no manipulation of light and pose could have conveyed the delicate shade of truthfulness upon those features. She seemed ready to listen without mental reservation, without suspicion, without a thought for herself. I concluded I would go and give her back her portrait and those letters myself. Curiosity? Yes; and also some other feeling perhaps. All that had been KurtzвАЩs had passed out of my hands: his soul, his body, his station, his plans, his ivory, his career. There remained only his memory and his IntendedвБ†вАФand I wanted to give that up, too, to the past, in a wayвБ†вАФto surrender personally all that remained of him with me to that oblivion which is the last word of our common fate. I donвАЩt defend myself. I had no clear perception of what it was I really wanted. Perhaps it was an impulse of unconscious loyalty, or the fulfilment of one of those ironic necessities that lurk in the facts of human existence. I donвАЩt know. I canвАЩt tell. But I went. + 

вАЬI thought his memory was like the other memories of the dead that accumulate in every manвАЩs lifeвБ†вАФa vague impress on the brain of shadows that had fallen on it in their swift and final passage; but before the high and ponderous door, between the tall houses of a street as still and decorous as a well-kept alley in a cemetery, I had a vision of him on the stretcher, opening his mouth voraciously, as if to devour all the earth with all its mankind. He lived then before me; he lived as much as he had ever livedвБ†вАФa shadow insatiable of splendid appearances, of frightful realities; a shadow darker than the shadow of the night, and draped nobly in the folds of a gorgeous eloquence. The vision seemed to enter the house with meвБ†вАФthe stretcher, the phantom-bearers, the wild crowd of obedient worshippers, the gloom of the forests, the glitter of the reach between the murky bends, the beat of the drum, regular and muffled like the beating of a heartвБ†вАФthe heart of a conquering darkness. It was a moment of triumph for the wilderness, an invading and vengeful rush which, it seemed to me, I would have to keep back alone for the salvation of another soul. And the memory of what I had heard him say afar there, with the horned shapes stirring at my back, in the glow of fires, within the patient woods, those broken phrases came back to me, were heard again in their ominous and terrifying simplicity. I remembered his abject pleading, his abject threats, the colossal scale of his vile desires, the meanness, the torment, the tempestuous anguish of his soul. And later on I seemed to see his collected languid manner, when he said one day, вАШThis lot of ivory now is really mine. The Company did not pay for it. I collected it myself at a very great personal risk. I am afraid they will try to claim it as theirs though. HвАЩm. It is a difficult case. What do you think I ought to doвБ†вАФresist? Eh? I want no more than justice.вАЩвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ He wanted no more than justiceвБ†вАФno more than justice. I rang the bell before a mahogany door on the first floor, and while I waited he seemed to stare at me out of the glassy panelвБ†вАФstare with that wide and immense stare embracing, condemning, loathing all the universe. I seemed to hear the whispered cry, вАЬThe horror! The horror!вАЭ + 

вАЬThe dusk was falling. I had to wait in a lofty drawing-room with three long windows from floor to ceiling that were like three luminous and bedraped columns. The bent gilt legs and backs of the furniture shone in indistinct curves. The tall marble fireplace had a cold and monumental whiteness. A grand piano stood massively in a corner; with dark gleams on the flat surfaces like a sombre and polished sarcophagus. A high door openedвБ†вАФclosed. I rose. + 

вАЬShe came forward, all in black, with a pale head, floating towards me in the dusk. She was in mourning. It was more than a year since his death, more than a year since the news came; she seemed as though she would remember and mourn forever. She took both my hands in hers and murmured, вАШI had heard you were coming.вАЩ I noticed she was not very youngвБ†вАФI mean not girlish. She had a mature capacity for fidelity, for belief, for suffering. The room seemed to have grown darker, as if all the sad light of the cloudy evening had taken refuge on her forehead. This fair hair, this pale visage, this pure brow, seemed surrounded by an ashy halo from which the dark eyes looked out at me. Their glance was guileless, profound, confident, and trustful. She carried her sorrowful head as though she were proud of that sorrow, as though she would say, вАШIвБ†вАФI alone know how to mourn for him as he deserves.вАЩ But while we were still shaking hands, such a look of awful desolation came upon her face that I perceived she was one of those creatures that are not the playthings of Time. For her he had died only yesterday. And, by Jove! the impression was so powerful that for me, too, he seemed to have died only yesterdayвБ†вАФnay, this very minute. I saw her and him in the same instant of timeвБ†вАФhis death and her sorrowвБ†вАФI saw her sorrow in the very moment of his death. Do you understand? I saw them togetherвБ†вАФI heard them together. She had said, with a deep catch of the breath, вАШI have survivedвАЩ while my strained ears seemed to hear distinctly, mingled with her tone of despairing regret, the summing up whisper of his eternal condemnation. I asked myself what I was doing there, with a sensation of panic in my heart as though I had blundered into a place of cruel and absurd mysteries not fit for a human being to behold. She motioned me to a chair. We sat down. I laid the packet gently on the little table, and she put her hand over it.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ вАШYou knew him well,вАЩ she murmured, after a moment of mourning silence. + 

вАЬвАКвАШIntimacy grows quickly out there,вАЩ I said. вАШI knew him as well as it is possible for one man to know another.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШAnd you admired him,вАЩ she said. вАШIt was impossible to know him and not to admire him. Was it?вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШHe was a remarkable man,вАЩ I said, unsteadily. Then before the appealing fixity of her gaze, that seemed to watch for more words on my lips, I went on, вАШIt was impossible not toвБ†вАФвАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШLove him,вАЩ she finished eagerly, silencing me into an appalled dumbness. вАШHow true! how true! But when you think that no one knew him so well as I! I had all his noble confidence. I knew him best.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШYou knew him best,вАЩ I repeated. And perhaps she did. But with every word spoken the room was growing darker, and only her forehead, smooth and white, remained illumined by the inextinguishable light of belief and love. + 

вАЬвАКвАШYou were his friend,вАЩ she went on. вАШHis friend,вАЩ she repeated, a little louder. вАШYou must have been, if he had given you this, and sent you to me. I feel I can speak to youвБ†вАФand oh! I must speak. I want youвБ†вАФyou who have heard his last wordsвБ†вАФto know I have been worthy of him.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ It is not pride.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ Yes! I am proud to know I understood him better than anyone on earthвБ†вАФhe told me so himself. And since his mother died I have had no oneвБ†вАФno oneвБ†вАФtoвБ†вАФtoвБ†вАФвАЩ + 

вАЬI listened. The darkness deepened. I was not even sure whether he had given me the right bundle. I rather suspect he wanted me to take care of another batch of his papers which, after his death, I saw the manager examining under the lamp. And the girl talked, easing her pain in the certitude of my sympathy; she talked as thirsty men drink. I had heard that her engagement with Kurtz had been disapproved by her people. He wasnвАЩt rich enough or something. And indeed I donвАЩt know whether he had not been a pauper all his life. He had given me some reason to infer that it was his impatience of comparative poverty that drove him out there. + 

вАЬвАКвАШвА¶¬†Who was not his friend who had heard him speak once?вАЩ she was saying. вАШHe drew men towards him by what was best in them.вАЩ She looked at me with intensity. вАШIt is the gift of the great,вАЩ she went on, and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the accompaniment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heardвБ†вАФthe ripple of the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the wind, the murmurs of the crowds, the faint ring of incomprehensible words cried from afar, the whisper of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an eternal darkness. вАШBut you have heard him! You know!вАЩ she cried. + 

вАЬвАКвАШYes, I know,вАЩ I said with something like despair in my heart, but bowing my head before the faith that was in her, before that great and saving illusion that shone with an unearthly glow in the darkness, in the triumphant darkness from which I could not have defended herвБ†вАФfrom which I could not even defend myself. + 

вАЬвАКвАШWhat a loss to meвБ†вАФto us!вАЩвБ†вАФshe corrected herself with beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, вАШTo the world.вАЩ By the last gleams of twilight I could see the glitter of her eyes, full of tearsвБ†вАФof tears that would not fall. + 

вАЬвАКвАШI have been very happyвБ†вАФvery fortunateвБ†вАФvery proud,вАЩ she went on. вАШToo fortunate. Too happy for a little while. And now I am unhappy forвБ†вАФfor life.вАЩ + 

вАЬShe stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose, too. + 

вАЬвАКвАШAnd of all this,вАЩ she went on mournfully, вАШof all his promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, of his noble heart, nothing remainsвБ†вАФnothing but a memory. You and IвБ†вАФвАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШWe shall always remember him,вАЩ I said hastily. + 

вАЬвАКвАШNo!вАЩ she cried. вАШIt is impossible that all this should be lostвБ†вАФthat such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothingвБ†вАФbut sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I knew of them, tooвБ†вАФI could not perhaps understandвБ†вАФbut others knew of them. Something must remain. His words, at least, have not died.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШHis words will remain,вАЩ I said. + 

вАЬвАКвАШAnd his example,вАЩ she whispered to herself. вАШMen looked up to himвБ†вАФhis goodness shone in every act. His exampleвБ†вАФвАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШTrue,вАЩ I said; вАШhis example, too. Yes, his example. I forgot that.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШBut I do not. I cannotвБ†вАФI cannot believeвБ†вАФnot yet. I cannot believe that I shall never see him again, that nobody will see him again, never, never, never.вАЩ + 

вАЬShe put out her arms as if after a retreating figure, stretching them back and with clasped pale hands across the fading and narrow sheen of the window. Never see him! I saw him clearly enough then. I shall see this eloquent phantom as long as I live, and I shall see her, too, a tragic and familiar Shade, resembling in this gesture another one, tragic also, and bedecked with powerless charms, stretching bare brown arms over the glitter of the infernal stream, the stream of darkness. She said suddenly very low, вАШHe died as he lived.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШHis end,вАЩ said I, with dull anger stirring in me, вАШwas in every way worthy of his life.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШAnd I was not with him,вАЩ she murmured. My anger subsided before a feeling of infinite pity. + 

вАЬвАКвАШEverything that could be doneвБ†вАФвАЩ I mumbled. + 

вАЬвАКвАШAh, but I believed in him more than anyone on earthвБ†вАФmore than his own mother, more thanвБ†вАФhimself. He needed me! Me! I would have treasured every sigh, every word, every sign, every glance.вАЩ + 

вАЬI felt like a chill grip on my chest. вАШDonвАЩt,вАЩ I said, in a muffled voice. + 

вАЬвАКвАШForgive me. IвБ†вАФI have mourned so long in silenceвБ†вАФin silence.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ You were with himвБ†вАФto the last? I think of his loneliness. Nobody near to understand him as I would have understood. Perhaps no one to hear.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШTo the very end,вАЩ I said, shakily. вАШI heard his very last words.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЩ I stopped in a fright. + 

вАЬвАКвАШRepeat them,вАЩ she murmured in a heartbroken tone. вАШI wantвБ†вАФI wantвБ†вАФsomethingвБ†вАФsomethingвБ†вАФtoвБ†вАФto live with.вАЩ + 

вАЬI was on the point of crying at her, вАШDonвАЩt you hear them?вАЩ The dusk was repeating them in a persistent whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind. вАШThe horror! The horror!вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШHis last wordвБ†вАФto live with,вАЩ she insisted. вАШDonвАЩt you understand I loved himвБ†вАФI loved himвБ†вАФI loved him!вАЩ + 

вАЬI pulled myself together and spoke slowly. + 

вАЬвАКвАШThe last word he pronounced wasвБ†вАФyour name.вАЩ + 

вАЬI heard a light sigh and then my heart stood still, stopped dead short by an exulting and terrible cry, by the cry of inconceivable triumph and of unspeakable pain. вАШI knew itвБ†вАФI was sure!вАЩвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ She knew. She was sure. I heard her weeping; she had hidden her face in her hands. It seemed to me that the house would collapse before I could escape, that the heavens would fall upon my head. But nothing happened. The heavens do not fall for such a trifle. Would they have fallen, I wonder, if I had rendered Kurtz that justice which was his due? HadnвАЩt he said he wanted only justice? But I couldnвАЩt. I could not tell her. It would have been too darkвБ†вАФtoo dark altogether.вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЭ + 

Marlow ceased, and sat apart, indistinct and silent, in the pose of a meditating Buddha. Nobody moved for a time. вАЬWe have lost the first of the ebb,вАЭ said the Director suddenly. I raised my head. The offing was barred by a black bank of clouds, and the tranquil waterway leading to the uttermost ends of the earth flowed sombre under an overcast skyвБ†вАФseemed to lead into the heart of an immense darkness. + 