The weight of the past settled over me, a familiar ache. My father’s illness had stolen him just before my fifteenth birthday, a wound that hadn’t healed. Shortly after, Michael, my brother, had left, unable to bear witness to Mom’s grief. Then there was Liam, the boy who’d arrived promising solace, only to shatter my heart and leave me adrift. I’d believed Ethan would mend everything, that he’d complete me. But, predictably, I hadn’t been enough to keep him around. I hadn’t been what he wanted.
Heavy footsteps thundered up the stairs, and my door slammed open.
“Marie? Are you alright? I heard a crash and—” Her gaze landed on the shards of glass scattered across the floor, her eyes widening in alarm.
“What happened? Did you hurt yourself?” she asked, wincing. I rolled onto my side, facing her.
“Alice, no. I threw the picture frame across the room. It broke,” I snapped, my voice raw. She carefully navigated around the glass fragments, kneeling beside my bed.
“I just don’t want you to fall back into that, Marie. It breaks my heart to see you hurt yourself.” Tears welled in her eyes.
“I’m not,” I replied, her fingers brushing strands of hair from my face. “Promise me, Marie. Promise me you won’t go back to that, no matter what.” I looked up at her, pleading.
“I promise, Alice,” I choked out, desperate for sleep. She wrapped her arms around me, rubbing my shoulder soothingly.
“Good.” She said softly. I turned away from her, feigning sleep, but the moment she closed the door, the dam broke. I wept until I was numb, staring at the wall, desperately trying to hold myself together.
~~~~~~~
The insistent chime of my TV timer roused me. The screen flickered to life, showcasing the gaudy set of “Who Will I Date.” There he was—Harry. He sang the theme song with a practiced smile, then the camera zoomed in for a close-up. His eyes, a startling shade of sea green, sent a familiar tremor through me.
“Hello everyone, I am Harry Styles and thank you for watching. Tonight is our first night of the show and we are in Houston, Texas,” he announced cheerfully.
I watched the show, but my focus was elsewhere. I was lost in thoughts of Ethan, replaying memories, and questioning everything.
“Alright ladies and lads, that is the end of our show. Next week we will be coming live from Los Angeles, sign up on our website if you would like to be on our show. Thank you and goodnight.” He winked at the camera, and the show ended.
I decided it was time to get up. I rolled over and tossed my feet onto the cold wood floor, a shiver racing up my spine. It felt…good. It meant the numbness I’d been battling for days had finally lifted.
I walked downstairs and looked around my empty apartment.
“Alice?” I called out, but received no answer. I glanced around the corner.
“I’m in the living room, Marie,” she called back.
Entering the living room, I felt a blast of cool air from the vent as the air conditioning kicked on. The chill ran down my spine, a welcome sensation. It was good to feel *something,* even if it was unpleasant. It confirmed I was alive, that I wasn’t simply existing in a numb void. I felt like I’d been existing on autopilot, devoid of sensation—dull, useless, boring, alone, heartbroken.