I looked up into his bright, shining blue eyes, then quickly down to his worn, black Vans.
“Ethan, I can’t. Just go, please.” I murmured. He slipped his fingers under my chin, lifting my gaze until our eyes locked.
“Please, Marie,” he choked out, the raw emotion in his voice a plea. I decided, hesitantly, to give him a chance.
“What do you want?” I squeaked, my voice barely a whisper. He slid his hand down mine, intertwining our fingers.
“Can we take a walk, love?” He was wearing the grey, blue, and white striped shirt I’d gotten him last year for his birthday. I’d always loved it because it made his eyes pop. Dark blue skinny jeans completed the look—the uniform of a boy band bad boy.
“Marie, I just need you to know how sorry I am. I never meant for any of this to happen. She told me she’d help me with my math grades. I’m failing, and if I don’t pull up my scores, I won’t graduate this year. I never told you that. We started talking, and I swear, I don’t feel anything for her. I got caught up in the moment, babe. I only care about you.” He paused, his voice cracking. “I haven’t been able to sleep, go to band practice… this is the first time I’ve left the house in days.” He stopped abruptly, yanking me back against him as I continued walking, his grip tightening on my hand.
He grabbed my hips and spun me around, so I was staring up into his eyes. He was so much taller than me. I was falling for him again, and I hated myself for feeling it. The way his blue eyes sparkled, the way he could speak with such emotion while remaining cool and collected, the pierced ears he sometimes played with, the way he bit his lip and toyed with his lip ring when he was nervous… and the spark I felt when I was with him, holding his hand. It was all too much.
“Ethan, I love you. I love you so, so much, but—” I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears. “But I can’t go back to you right now. You hurt me so badly, and I need to focus on myself now. You left me torn, broken, more mentally tangled than I’ve ever been. You need to prove to me that you love me.” The words tumbled out, raw and unfiltered.
A single tear traced a path down my cheek. He brought a hand up, slowly wiping it away. He was taking in everything I’d said, absorbing the weight of my words. One hand remained on my waist; the other gently pushed a strand of hair away from my face. His touch was so soft, so innocent. He took a step closer. I bit my lower lip, a nervous habit. He stepped closer, and I instinctively rose up on my tiptoes, drawn to him despite everything. He brought my face closer to his, and slowly, softly, pressed his lips against mine.
He kissed me, again and again, losing count in the heat of it. The bitterness and sweetness of the moment overwhelmed me. I surrendered, letting myself get lost in the sensation. Every thought of how he’d hurt me vanished, replaced by a desperate need for connection. I felt safe with him, and it shattered my judgment. I brought him closer, wrapping my hands around his neck. He responded in kind, pulling me closer, holding me up so I wouldn’t lose my balance. Another tear rolled down my cheek. I was a mess of conflicting emotions.
“Marie,” Ethan moaned softly against my lips, biting my bottom lip. I broke the kiss, gasping for breath. “Ethan, I uhm, I—”
He cut me off with another kiss, silencing my protests. “Don’t speak,” he murmured against my lips, then broke the kiss and whispered softly, his warm breath ghosting across my skin. “I need to see you. I haven’t talked to you in weeks, and I miss seeing your beautiful, beautiful face.”
I gazed down at the chipped pavement, needing to ground myself. “I really need to go, Ethan.” I sighed, sliding my hands down his shoulders, past his tattoos. I couldn’t even blame him for what had just happened. I’d kissed him back, weak and yielding. Memories flooded my mind, a dangerous tide pulling me under.