Scene I. The house.
Enter Hastings and Servant.
Hastings
You saw the old lady and Miss Neville drive off, you say?
Servant
Yes, your honour. They went off in a post coach, and the young Squire went on horseback. They’re thirty miles off by this time.
Hastings
Then all my hopes are over.
Servant
Yes, sir. Old Sir Charles has arrived. He and the old gentleman of the house have been laughing at Mr. Marlow’s mistake this half hour. They are coming this way.
Hastings
Then I must not be seen. So now to my fruitless appointment at the bottom of the garden. This is about the time.
Exit.
Enter Sir Charles and Hardcastle.
Hardcastle
Ha! ha! ha! The peremptory tone in which he sent forth his sublime commands!
Sir Charles
And the reserve with which I suppose he treated all your advances.
Hardcastle
And yet he might have seen something in me above a common innkeeper, too.
Sir Charles
Yes, Dick, but he mistook you for an uncommon innkeeper, ha! ha! ha!
Hardcastle
Well, I’m in too good spirits to think of anything but joy. Yes, my dear friend, this union of our families will make our personal friendships hereditary; and though my daughter’s fortune is but small—
Sir Charles
Why, Dick, will you talk of fortune to me? My son is possessed of more than a competence already, and can want nothing but a good and virtuous girl to share his happiness and increase it. If they like each other, as you say they do—
Hardcastle
If, man! I tell you they do like each other. My daughter as good as told me so.
Sir Charles
But girls are apt to flatter themselves, you know.
Hardcastle
I saw him grasp her hand in the warmest manner myself; and here he comes to put you out of your ifs, I warrant him.
Enter Marlow.
Marlow
I come, sir, once more, to ask pardon for my strange conduct. I can scarce reflect on my insolence without confusion.
Hardcastle
Tut, boy, a trifle! You take it too gravely. An hour or two’s laughing with my daughter will set all to rights again. She’ll never like you the worse for it.
Marlow
Sir, I shall be always proud of her approbation.
Hardcastle
Approbation is but a cold word, Mr. Marlow; if I am not deceived, you have something more than approbation thereabouts. You take me?
Marlow
Really, sir, I have not that happiness.
Hardcastle
Come, boy, I’m an old fellow, and know what’s what as well as you that are younger. I know what has passed between you; but mum.
Marlow
Sure, sir, nothing has passed between us but the most profound respect on my side, and the most distant reserve on hers. You don’t think, sir, that my impudence has been passed upon all the rest of the family.
Hardcastle
Impudence! No, I don’t say that—not quite impudence—though girls like to be played with, and rumpled a little too, sometimes. But she has told no tales, I assure you.
Marlow
I never gave her the slightest cause.
Hardcastle
Well, well, I like modesty in its place well enough; but this is overacting, young gentleman. You may be open. Your father and I will like you all the better for it.
Marlow
May I die, sir, if I ever—
Hardcastle
I tell you, she don’t dislike you; and as I’m sure you like her—
Marlow
Dear sir—I protest, sir—
Hardcastle
I see no reason why you should not be joined as fast as the parson can tie you.
Marlow
But hear me, sir—
Hardcastle
Your father approves the match; I admire it; every moment’s delay will be doing mischief; so—
Marlow
But why won’t you hear me? By all that’s just and true, I never gave Miss Hardcastle the slightest mark of my attachment, or even the most distant hint to suspect me of affection. We had but one interview, and that was formal, modest, and uninteresting.
Hardcastle
Aside. This fellow’s formal modest impudence is beyond bearing.
Sir Charles
And you never grasped her hand, or made any protestations?
Marlow
As Heaven is my witness, I came down in obedience to your commands. I saw the lady without emotion, and parted without reluctance. I hope you’ll exact no farther proofs of my duty, nor prevent me from leaving a house in which I suffer so many mortifications.
Exit.
Sir Charles
I’m astonished at the air of sincerity with which he parted.
Hardcastle
And I’m astonished at the deliberate intrepidity of his assurance.
Sir Charles
I dare pledge my life and honour upon his truth.
Hardcastle
Here comes my daughter, and I would stake my happiness upon her veracity.
Enter Miss Hardcastle.
Hardcastle
Kate, come hither, child. Answer us sincerely and without reserve: has Mr. Marlow made you any professions of love and affection?
Miss Hardcastle
The question is very abrupt, sir. But since you require unreserved sincerity, I think he has.
Hardcastle
To Sir Charles. You see.
Sir Charles
And pray, madam, have you and my son had more than one interview?
Miss Hardcastle
Yes, sir, several.
Hardcastle
To Sir Charles. You see.
Sir Charles
But did be profess any attachment?
Miss Hardcastle
A lasting one.
Sir Charles
Did he talk of love?
Miss Hardcastle
Much, sir.
Sir Charles
Amazing! And all this formally?
Miss Hardcastle
Formally.
Hardcastle
Now, my friend, I hope you are satisfied.
Sir Charles
And how did he behave, madam?
Miss Hardcastle
As most professed admirers do; said some civil things of my face; talked much of his want of merit, and the greatness of mine; mentioned his heart, gave a short tragedy speech, and ended with pretended rapture.
Sir Charles
Now I’m perfectly convinced, indeed. I know his conversation among women to be modest and submissive: this forward canting ranting manner by no means describes him; and, I am confident, he never sat for the picture.
Miss Hardcastle
Then, what, sir, if I should convince you to your face of my sincerity? If you and my papa, in about half an hour, will place yourselves behind that screen, you shall hear him declare his passion to me in person.
Sir Charles
Agreed. And if I find him what you describe, all my happiness in him must have an end.
Exit.
Miss Hardcastle
And if you don’t find him what I describe—I fear my happiness must never have a beginning.
Exeunt.