IX + 

A New Use for a Tea-Table + 

If I were to detail the ordinary events of my daily life at this time, they might prove instructive to people who are not familiar with the inside of palaces; if I revealed some of the secrets I learnt, they might prove of interest to the statesmen of Europe. I intend to do neither of these things. I should be between the Scylla of dullness and the Charybdis of indiscretion, and I feel that I had far better confine myself strictly to the underground drama which was being played beneath the surface of Ruritanian politics. I need only say that the secret of my imposture defied detection. I made mistakes. I had bad minutes: it needed all the tact and graciousness whereof I was master to smooth over some apparent lapses of memory and unmindfulness of old acquaintances of which I was guilty. But I escaped, and I attribute my escape, as I have said before, most of all, to the very audacity of the enterprise. It is my belief that, given the necessary physical likeness, it was far easier to pretend to be King of Ruritania than it would have been to personate my next-door neighbour. One day Sapt came into my room. He threw me a letter, saying: + 

тАЬThatтАЩs for youтБатАФa womanтАЩs hand, I think. But IтАЩve some news for you first.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhatтАЩs that?тАЭ + 

тАЬThe kingтАЩs at the Castle of Zenda,тАЭ said he. + 

тАЬHow do you know?тАЭ + 

тАЬBecause the other half of MichaelтАЩs Six are there. I had enquiries made, and theyтАЩre all thereтБатАФLauengram, Krafstein, and young Rupert Hentzau; three rogues, too, on my honour, as fine as live in Ruritania.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell?тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, Fritz wants you to march to the castle with horse, foot, and artillery.тАЭ + 

тАЬAnd drag the moat?тАЭ I asked. + 

тАЬThat would be about it,тАЭ grinned Sapt, тАЬand we shouldnтАЩt find the kingтАЩs body then.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou think itтАЩs certain heтАЩs there?тАЭ + 

тАЬVery probable. Besides the fact of those three being there, the drawbridge is kept up, and no one goes in without an order from young Hentzau or Black Michael himself. We must tie Fritz up.тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩll go to Zenda,тАЭ said I. + 

тАЬYouтАЩre mad.тАЭ + 

тАЬSome day.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, perhaps. YouтАЩll very likely stay there though, if you do.тАЭ + 

тАЬThat may be, my friend,тАЭ said I carelessly. + 

тАЬHis Majesty looks sulky,тАЭ observed Sapt. тАЬHowтАЩs the love affair?тАЭ + 

тАЬDamn you, hold your tongue!тАЭ I said. + 

He looked at me for a moment, then he lit his pipe. It was quite true that I was in a bad temper, and I went on perversely: + 

тАЬWherever I go, IтАЩm dogged by half a dozen fellows.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know you are; I send тАЩem,тАЭ he replied composedly. + 

тАЬWhat for?тАЭ + 

тАЬWell,тАЭ said Sapt, puffing away, тАЬit wouldnтАЩt be exactly inconvenient for Black Michael if you disappeared. With you gone, the old game that we stopped would be playedтБатАФor heтАЩd have a shot at it.тАЭ + 

тАЬI can take care of myself.тАЭ + 

тАЬDe Gautet, Bersonin, and Detchard are in Strelsau; and any one of them, lad, would cut your throat as readilyтБатАФas readily as I would Black MichaelтАЩs, and a deal more treacherously. WhatтАЩs the letter?тАЭ + 

I opened it and read it aloud: + 

тАЬIf the king desires to know what it deeply concerns the king to know, let him do as this letter bids him. At the end of the New Avenue there stands a house in large grounds. The house has a portico, with a statue of a nymph on it. A wall encloses the garden; there is a gate in the wall at the back. At twelve oтАЩclock tonight, if the king enters alone by that gate, turns to the right, and walks twenty yards, he will find a summerhouse, approached by a flight of six steps. If he mounts and enters, he will find someone who will tell him what touches most dearly his life and his throne. This is written by a faithful friend. He must be alone. If he neglects the invitation his life will be in danger. Let him show this to no one, or he will ruin a woman who loves him: Black Michael does not pardon.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo,тАЭ observed Sapt, as I ended, тАЬbut he can dictate a very pretty letter.тАЭ + 

I had arrived at the same conclusion, and was about to throw the letter away, when I saw there was more writing on the other side. + 

тАЬHallo! thereтАЩs some more.тАЭ + 

тАЬIf you hesitate,тАЭ the writer continued, тАЬconsult Colonel SaptтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬEh,тАЭ exclaimed that gentleman, genuinely astonished. тАЬDoes she take me for a greater fool than you?тАЭ + 

I waved to him to be silent. + 

тАЬAsk him what woman would do most to prevent the duke from marrying his cousin, and therefore most to prevent him becoming king? And ask if her name begins withтБатАФA?тАЭ + 

I sprang to my feet. Sapt laid down his pipe. + 

тАЬAntoinette de Mauban, by heaven!тАЭ I cried. + 

тАЬHow do you know?тАЭ asked Sapt. + 

I told him what I knew of the lady, and how I knew it. He nodded. + 

тАЬItтАЩs so far true that sheтАЩs had a great row with Michael,тАЭ said he, thoughtfully. + 

тАЬIf she would, she could be useful,тАЭ I said. + 

тАЬI believe, though, that Michael wrote that letter.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo do I, but I mean to know for certain. I shall go, Sapt.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, I shall go,тАЭ said he. + 

тАЬYou may go as far as the gate.тАЭ + 

тАЬI shall go to the summerhouse.тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm hanged if you shall!тАЭ + 

I rose and leant my back against the mantelpiece. + 

тАЬSapt, I believe in that woman, and I shall go.тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt believe in any woman,тАЭ said Sapt, тАЬand you shanтАЩt go.тАЭ + 

тАЬI either go to the summerhouse or back to England,тАЭ said I. + 

Sapt began to know exactly how far he could lead or drive, and when he must follow. + 

тАЬWeтАЩre playing against time,тАЭ I added. тАЬEvery day we leave the king where he is there is fresh risk. Every day I masquerade like this, there is fresh risk. Sapt, we must play high; we must force the game.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo be it,тАЭ he said, with a sigh. + 

To cut the story short, at half-past eleven that night Sapt and I mounted our horses. Fritz was again left on guard, our destination not being revealed to him. It was a very dark night. I wore no sword, but I carried a revolver, a long knife, and a bullтАЩs-eye lantern. We arrived outside the gate. I dismounted. Sapt held out his hand. + 

тАЬI shall wait here,тАЭ he said. тАЬIf I hear a shot, IтАЩllтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬStay where you are; itтАЩs the kingтАЩs only chance. You mustnтАЩt come to grief too.тАЭ + 

тАЬYouтАЩre right, lad. Good luck!тАЭ + 

I pressed the little gate. It yielded, and I found myself in a wild sort of shrubbery. There was a grass-grown path and, turning to the right as I had been bidden, I followed it cautiously. My lantern was closed, the revolver was in my hand. I heard not a sound. Presently a large dark object loomed out of the gloom ahead of me. It was the summerhouse. Reaching the steps, I mounted them and found myself confronted by a weak, rickety wooden door, which hung upon the latch. I pushed it open and walked in. A woman flew to me and seized my hand. + 

тАЬShut the door,тАЭ she whispered. + 

I obeyed and turned the light of my lantern on her. She was in evening dress, arrayed very sumptuously, and her dark striking beauty was marvellously displayed in the glare of the bullтАЩs-eye. The summerhouse was a bare little room, furnished only with a couple of chairs and a small iron table, such as one sees in a tea garden or an open-air caf├й. + 

тАЬDonтАЩt talk,тАЭ she said. тАЬWeтАЩve no time. Listen! I know you, Mr.┬аRassendyll. I wrote that letter at the dukeтАЩs orders.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo I thought,тАЭ said I. + 

тАЬIn twenty minutes three men will be here to kill you.тАЭ + 

тАЬThreeтБатАФthe three?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes. You must be gone by then. If not, tonight youтАЩll be killedтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬOr they will.тАЭ + 

тАЬListen, listen! When youтАЩre killed, your body will be taken to a low quarter of the town. It will be found there. Michael will at once arrest all your friendsтБатАФColonel Sapt and Captain von Tarlenheim firstтБатАФproclaim a state of siege in Strelsau, and send a messenger to Zenda. The other three will murder the king in the castle, and the duke will proclaim either himself or the princessтБатАФhimself, if he is strong enough. Anyhow, heтАЩll marry her, and become king in fact, and soon in name. Do you see?тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs a pretty plot. But why, madame, do youтБатАФ?тАЭ + 

тАЬSay IтАЩm a ChristianтБатАФor say IтАЩm jealous. My God! shall I see him marry her? Now go; but rememberтБатАФthis is what I have to tell youтБатАФthat never, by night or by day, are you safe. Three men follow you as a guard. Is it not so? Well, three follow them; MichaelтАЩs three are never two hundred yards from you. Your life is not worth a moment if ever they find you alone. Now go. Stay, the gate will be guarded by now. Go down softly, go past the summerhouse, on for a hundred yards, and youтАЩll find a ladder against the wall. Get over it, and fly for your life.тАЭ + 

тАЬAnd you?тАЭ I asked. + 

тАЬI have my game to play too. If he finds out what I have done, we shall not meet again. If not, I may yetтБатАФBut never mind. Go at once.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut what will you tell him?тАЭ + 

тАЬThat you never cameтБатАФthat you saw through the trick.тАЭ + 

I took her hand and kissed it. + 

тАЬMadame,тАЭ said I, тАЬyou have served the king well tonight. Where is he in the castle?тАЭ + 

She sank her voice to a fearful whisper. I listened eagerly. + 

тАЬAcross the drawbridge you come to a heavy door; behind that liesтБатАФHark! WhatтАЩs that?тАЭ + 

There were steps outside. + 

тАЬTheyтАЩre coming! TheyтАЩre too soon! Heavens! theyтАЩre too soon!тАЭ and she turned pale as death. + 

тАЬThey seem to me,тАЭ said I, тАЬto be in the nick of time.тАЭ + 

тАЬClose your lantern. See, thereтАЩs a chink in the door. Can you see them?тАЭ + 

I put my eye to the chink. On the lowest step I saw three dim figures. I cocked my revolver. Antoinette hastily laid her hand on mine. + 

тАЬYou may kill one,тАЭ said she. тАЬBut what then?тАЭ + 

A voice came from outsideтБатАФa voice that spoke perfect English. + 

тАЬMr.┬аRassendyll,тАЭ it said. + 

I made no answer. + 

тАЬWe want to talk to you. Will you promise not to shoot till weтАЩve done?тАЭ + 

тАЬHave I the pleasure of addressing Mr.┬аDetchard?тАЭ I said. + 

тАЬNever mind names.тАЭ + 

тАЬThen let mine alone.тАЭ + 

тАЬAll right, sire. IтАЩve an offer for you.тАЭ + 

I still had my eye to the chink. The three had mounted two steps more; three revolvers pointed full at the door. + 

тАЬWill you let us in? We pledge our honour to observe the truce.тАЭ + 

тАЬDonтАЩt trust them,тАЭ whispered Antoinette. + 

тАЬWe can speak through the door,тАЭ said I. + 

тАЬBut you might open it and fire,тАЭ objected Detchard; тАЬand though we should finish you, you might finish one of us. Will you give your honour not to fire while we talk?тАЭ + 

тАЬDonтАЩt trust them,тАЭ whispered Antoinette again. + 

A sudden idea struck me. I considered it for a moment. It seemed feasible. + 

тАЬI give my honour not to fire before you do,тАЭ said I; тАЬbut I wonтАЩt let you in. Stand outside and talk.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs sensible,тАЭ he said. + 

The three mounted the last step, and stood just outside the door. I laid my ear to the chink. I could hear no words, but DetchardтАЩs head was close to that of the taller of his companions (De Gautet, I guessed). + 

тАЬHтАЩm! Private communications,тАЭ thought I. Then I said aloud: + 

тАЬWell, gentlemen, whatтАЩs the offer?тАЭ + 

тАЬA safe-conduct to the frontier, and fifty thousand pounds English.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, no,тАЭ whispered Antoinette in the lowest of whispers. тАЬThey are treacherous.тАЭ + 

тАЬThat seems handsome,тАЭ said I, reconnoitering through the chink. They were all close together, just outside the door now. + 

I had probed the hearts of the ruffians, and I did not need AntoinetteтАЩs warning. They meant to rush me as soon as I was engaged in talk. + 

тАЬGive me a minute to consider,тАЭ said I; and I thought I heard a laugh outside. + 

I turned to Antoinette. + 

тАЬStand up close to the wall, out of the line of fire from the door,тАЭ I whispered. + 

тАЬWhat are you going to do?тАЭ she asked in fright. + 

тАЬYouтАЩll see,тАЭ said I. + 

I took up the little iron table. It was not very heavy for a man of my strength, and I held it by the legs. The top, protruding in front of me, made a complete screen for my head and body. I fastened my closed lantern to my belt and put my revolver in a handy pocket. Suddenly I saw the door move ever so slightlyтБатАФperhaps it was the wind, perhaps it was a hand trying it outside. + 

I drew back as far as I could from the door, holding the table in the position that I have described. Then I called out: + 

тАЬGentlemen, I accept your offer, relying on your honour. If you will open the doorтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬOpen it yourself,тАЭ said Detchard. + 

тАЬIt opens outwards,тАЭ said I. тАЬStand back a little, gentlemen, or I shall hit you when I open it.тАЭ + 

I went and fumbled with the latch. Then I stole back to my place on tiptoe. + 

тАЬI canтАЩt open it!тАЭ I cried. тАЬThe latch has caught.тАЭ + 

тАЬTut! IтАЩll open it!тАЭ cried Detchard. тАЬNonsense, Bersonin, why not? Are you afraid of one man?тАЭ + 

I smiled to myself. An instant later the door was flung back. The gleam of a lantern showed me the three close together outside, their revolvers levelled. With a shout, I charged at my utmost pace across the summerhouse and through the doorway. Three shots rang out and battered into my shield. Another moment, and I leapt out and the table caught them full and square, and in a tumbling, swearing, struggling mass, they and I and that brave table, rolled down the steps of the summerhouse to the ground below. Antoinette de Mauban shrieked, but I rose to my feet, laughing aloud. + 

De Gautet and Bersonin lay like men stunned. Detchard was under the table, but, as I rose, he pushed it from him and fired again. I raised my revolver and took a snap shot; I heard him curse, and then I ran like a hare, laughing as I went, past the summerhouse and along by the wall. I heard steps behind me, and turning round I fired again for luck. The steps ceased. + 

тАЬPlease God,тАЭ said I, тАЬshe told me the truth about the ladder!тАЭ for the wall was high and topped with iron spikes. + 

Yes, there it was. I was up and over in a minute. Doubling back, I saw the horses; then I heard a shot. It was Sapt. He had heard us, and was battling and raging with the locked gate, hammering it and firing into the keyhole like a man possessed. He had quite forgotten that he was not to take part in the fight. Whereat I laughed again, and said, as I clapped him on the shoulder: + 

тАЬCome home to bed, old chap. IтАЩve got the finest tea-table story that ever you heard!тАЭ + 

He started and cried: тАЬYouтАЩre safe!тАЭ and wrung my hand. But a moment later he added: + 

тАЬAnd what the devil are you laughing at?тАЭ + 

тАЬFour gentlemen round a tea-table,тАЭ said I, laughing still, for it had been uncommonly ludicrous to see the formidable three altogether routed and scattered with no more deadly weapon than an ordinary tea-table. + 

Moreover, you will observe that I had honourably kept my word, and not fired till they did. + 