XXXII + 

Clyde now was actually part and parcel of this local winter social scene. The Griffiths having introduced him to their friends and connections, it followed as a matter of course that he would be received in most homes here. But in this very limited world, where quite everyone who was anything at all knew everyone else, the state of oneвАЩs purse was as much, and in some instances even more, considered than oneвАЩs social connections. For these local families of distinction were convinced that not only oneвАЩs family but oneвАЩs wealth was the be-all and end-all of every happy union meant to include social security. And in consequence, while considering Clyde as one who was unquestionably eligible socially, still, because it had been whispered about that his means were very slender, they were not inclined to look upon him as one who might aspire to marriage with any of their daughters. Hence, while they were to the fore with invitations, still in so far as their own children and connections were concerned they were also to the fore with precautionary hints as to the inadvisability of too numerous contacts with him. + 

However, the mood of Sondra and her group being friendly toward him, and the observations and comments of their friends and parents not as yet too definite, Clyde continued to receive invitations to the one type of gathering that most interested himвБ†вАФthat which began and ended with dancing. And although his purse was short, he got on well enough. For once Sondra had interested herself in him, it was not long before she began to realize what his financial state was and was concerned to make his friendship for her at least as inexpensive as possible. And because of this attitude on her part, which in turn was conveyed to Bertine, Grant Cranston and others, it became possible on most occasions for Clyde, especially when the affair was local, to go here and there without the expenditure of any money. Even when the affair was at any point beyond Lycurgus and he consented to go, the car of another was delegated to pick him up. + 

Frequently after the New YearвАЩs Eve trip to Schenectady, which proved to be an outing of real import to both Clyde and SondraвБ†вАФseeing that on that occasion she drew nearer to him affectionately than ever beforeвБ†вАФit was Sondra herself who chose to pick him up in her car. He had actually succeeded in impressing her, and in a way that most flattered her vanity at the same time that it appealed to the finest trait in herвБ†вАФa warm desire to have someone, some youth like Clyde, who was at once attractive and of good social station, dependent upon her. She knew that her parents would not countenance an affair between her and Clyde because of his poverty. She had originally not contemplated any, though now she found herself wishing that something of the kind might be. + 

However, no opportunity for further intimacies occurred until one night about two weeks after the New YearвАЩs party. They were returning from a similar affair at Amsterdam, and after Bella Griffiths and Grant and Bertine Cranston had been driven to their respective homes, Stuart Finchley had called back: вАЬNow weвАЩll take you home, Griffiths.вАЭ At once Sondra, swayed by the delight of contact with Clyde and not willing to end it so soon, said: вАЬIf you want to come over to our place, IвАЩll make some hot chocolate before you go home. Would you like that?вАЭ + 

вАЬOh, sure I would,вАЭ Clyde had answered gayly. + 

вАЬHere goes then,вАЭ called Stuart, turning the car toward the Finchley home. вАЬBut as for me, IвАЩm going to turn in. ItвАЩs way after three now.вАЭ + 

вАЬThatвАЩs a good brother. Your beauty sleep, you know,вАЭ replied Sondra. + 

And having turned the car into the garage, the three made their way through the rear entrance into the kitchen. Her brother having left them, Sondra asked Clyde to be seated at a servantsвАЩ table while she brought the ingredients. But he, impressed by this culinary equipment, the like of which he had never seen before, gazed about wondering at the wealth and security which could sustain it. + 

вАЬMy, this is a big kitchen, isnвАЩt it?вАЭ he remarked. вАЬWhat a lot of things you have here to cook with, havenвАЩt you?вАЭ + 

And she, realizing from this that he had not been accustomed to equipment of this order before coming to Lycurgus and hence was all the more easily to be impressed, replied: вАЬOh, I donвАЩt know. ArenвАЩt all kitchens as big as this?вАЭ + 

Clyde, thinking of the poverty he knew, and assuming from this that she was scarcely aware of anything less than this, was all the more overawed by the plethora of the world to which she belonged. What means! Only to think of being married to such a girl, when all such as this would become an everyday state. One would have a cook and servants, a great house and car, no one to work for, and only orders to give, a thought which impressed him greatly. It made her various self-conscious gestures and posings all the more entrancing. And she, sensing the import of all this to Clyde, was inclined to exaggerate her own inseparable connection with it. To him, more than anyone else, as she now saw, she shone as a star, a paragon of luxury and social supremacy. + 

Having prepared the chocolate in a commonplace aluminum pan, to further impress him she sought out a heavily chased silver service which was in another room. She poured the chocolate into a highly ornamented urn and then carried it to the table and put it down before him. Then swinging herself up beside him, she said: вАЬNow, isnвАЩt this chummy? I just love to get out in the kitchen like this, but I can only do it when the cookвАЩs out. He wonвАЩt let anyone near the place when heвАЩs here.вАЭ + 

вАЬOh, is that so?вАЭ asked Clyde, who was quite unaware of the ways of cooks in connection with private homesвБ†вАФan inquiry which quite convinced Sondra that there must have been little if any real means in the world from which he sprang. Nevertheless, because he had come to mean so much to her, she was by no means inclined to turn back. And so when he finally exclaimed: вАЬIsnвАЩt it wonderful to be together like this, Sondra? Just think, I hardly got a chance to say a word to you all evening, alone,вАЭ she replied, without in any way being irritated by the familiarity, вАЬYou think so? IвАЩm glad you do,вАЭ and smiled in a slightly supercilious though affectionate way. + 

And at the sight of her now in her white satin and crystal evening gown, her slippered feet swinging so intimately near, a faint perfume radiating to his nostrils, he was stirred. In fact, his imagination in regard to her was really inflamed. Youth, beauty, wealth such as thisвБ†вАФwhat would it not mean? And she, feeling the intensity of his admiration and infected in part at least by the enchantment and fervor that was so definitely dominating him, was swayed to the point where she was seeing him as one for whom she could careвБ†вАФvery much. WerenвАЩt his eyes bright and darkвБ†вАФvery liquid and eager? And his hair! It looked so enticing, lying low upon his white forehead. She wished that she could touch it nowвБ†вАФsmooth it with her hands and touch his cheeks. And his handsвБ†вАФthey were thin and sensitive and graceful. Like Roberta, and Hortense and Rita before her, she noticed them. + 

But he was silent now with a tightly restrained silence which he was afraid to liberate in words. For he was thinking: вАЬOh, if only I could say to her how beautiful I really think she is. If I could just put my arms around her and kiss her, and kiss her, and kiss her, and have her kiss me in the same way.вАЭ And strangely, considering his first approaches toward Roberta, the thought was without lust, just the desire to constrain and fondle a perfect object. Indeed, his eyes fairly radiated this desire and intensity. And while she noted this and was in part made dubious by it, since it was the thing in Clyde she most fearedвБ†вАФstill she was intrigued by it to the extent of wishing to know its further meaning. + 

And so she now said, teasingly: вАЬWas there anything very important you wanted to say?вАЭ + 

вАЬIвАЩd like to say a lot of things to you, Sondra, if you would only let me,вАЭ he returned eagerly. вАЬBut you told me not to.вАЭ + 

вАЬOh, so I did. Well, I meant that, too. IвАЩm glad you mind so well.вАЭ There was a provoking smile upon her lips and she looked at him as much as to say: вАЬBut you donвАЩt really believe I meant all of that, do you?вАЭ + 

Overcome by the suggestion of her eyes, Clyde got up and, taking both her hands in his and looking directly into her eyes, said: вАЬYou didnвАЩt mean all of it, then, did you, Sondra? Not all of it, anyhow. Oh, I wish I could tell you all that I am thinking.вАЭ His eyes spoke, and now sharply conscious again of how easy it was to inflame him, and yet anxious to permit him to proceed as he wished, she leaned back from him and said, вАЬOh, yes, IвАЩm sure I did. You take almost everything too seriously, donвАЩt you?вАЭ But at the same time, and in spite of herself, her expression relaxed and she once more smiled. + 

вАЬI canвАЩt help it, Sondra. I canвАЩt! I canвАЩt!вАЭ he began, eagerly and almost vehemently. вАЬYou donвАЩt know what effect you have on me. YouвАЩre so beautiful. Oh, you are. You know you are. I think about you all the time. Really I do, Sondra. YouвАЩve made me just crazy about you, so much so that I can hardly sleep for thinking about you. Gee, IвАЩm wild! I never go anywhere or see you any place but what I think of you all the time afterward. Even tonight when I saw you dancing with all those fellows I could hardly stand it. I just wanted you to be dancing with meвБ†вАФno one else. YouвАЩve got such beautiful eyes, Sondra, and such a lovely mouth and chin, and such a wonderful smile.вАЭ + 

He lifted his hands as though to caress her gently, yet holding them back, and at the same time dreamed into her eyes as might a devotee into those of a saint, then suddenly put his arms about her and drew her close to him. She, thrilled and in part seduced by his words, instead of resisting as definitely as she would have in any other case, now gazed at him, fascinated by his enthusiasms. She was so trapped and entranced by his passion for her that it seemed to her now as though she might care for him as much as he wished. Very, very much, if she only dared. He, too, was beautiful and alluring to her. He, too, was really wonderful, even if he were poorвБ†вАФso much more intense and dynamic than any of these other youths that she knew here. Would it not be wonderful if, her parents and her state permitting, she could share with him completely such a mood as this? Simultaneously the thought came to her that should her parents know of this it might not be possible for her to continue this relationship in any form, let alone to develop it or enjoy it in the future. Yet regardless of this thought now, which arrested and stilled her for a moment, she continued to yearn toward him. Her eyes were warm and tenderвБ†вАФher lips wreathed with a gracious smile. + 

вАЬIвАЩm sure I oughtnвАЩt to let you say all these things to me. I know I shouldnвАЩt,вАЭ she protested weakly, yet looking at him affectionately. вАЬIt isnвАЩt the right thing to do, I know, but stillвБ†вАФвАЭ + 

вАЬWhy not? Why isnвАЩt it right, Sondra? Why maynвАЩt I when I care for you so much?вАЭ His eyes became clouded with sadness, and she, noting it, exclaimed: вАЬOh, well,вАЭ then paused, вАЬIвБ†вАФIвБ†вАФвАЭ She was about to add, вАЬDonвАЩt think they would ever let us go on with it,вАЭ but instead she only replied, вАЬI guess I donвАЩt know you well enough.вАЭ + 

вАЬOh, Sondra, when I love you so much and IвАЩm so crazy about you! DonвАЩt you care at all like I care for you?вАЭ + 

Because of the uncertainty expressed by her, his eyes were now seeking, frightened, sad. The combination had an intense appeal for her. She merely looked at him dubiously, wondering what could be the result of such an infatuation as this. And he, noting the wavering something in her own eyes, pulled her closer and kissed her. Instead of resenting it she lay for a moment willingly, joyously, in his arms, then suddenly sat up, the thought of what she was permitting him to doвБ†вАФkiss her in this wayвБ†вАФand what it must mean to him, causing her on the instant to recover all her poise. вАЬI think youвАЩd better go now,вАЭ she said definitely, yet not unkindly. вАЬDonвАЩt you?вАЭ + 

And Clyde, who himself had been surprised and afterwards a little startled, and hence reduced by his own boldness, now pleaded rather weakly, and yet submissively. вАЬAngry?вАЭ + 

And she, in turn sensing his submissiveness, that of the slave for the master, and in part liking and in part resenting it, since like Roberta and Hortense, even she preferred to be mastered rather than to master, shook her head negatively and a little sadly. + 

вАЬItвАЩs very late,вАЭ was all she said, and smiled tenderly. + 

And Clyde, realizing that for some reason he must not say more, had not the courage or persistence or the background to go further with her now, went for his coat and, looking sadly but obediently back at her, departed. + 