XXXI + 

In the meantime, however, AsaвАЩs condition had remained serious, and it was four entire months before it was possible for him to sit up again or for Mrs.¬†Griffiths to dream of resuming her lecturing scheme. But by that time, public interest in her and her sonвАЩs fate was considerably reduced. No Denver paper was interested to finance her return for anything she could do for them. And as for the public in the vicinity of the crime, it remembered Mrs.¬†Griffiths and her son most clearly, and in so far as she was concerned, sympatheticallyвБ†вАФbut only, on the other hand, to think of him as one who probably was guilty and in that case, being properly punished for his crimeвБ†вАФthat it would be as well if an appeal were not takenвБ†вАФorвБ†вАФif it wereвБ†вАФthat it be refused. These guilty criminals with their interminable appeals! + 

And with Clyde where he was, more and more executionsвБ†вАФalthough as he foundвБ†вАФand to his invariable horror, no one ever became used to such things there; farmhand Mowrer for the slaying of his former employer; officer Riordan for the slaying of his wifeвБ†вАФand a fine upstanding officer too but a minute before his death; and afterwards, within the month, the going of the Chinaman, who seemed, for some reason, to endure a long time (and without a word in parting to anyoneвБ†вАФalthough it was well known that he spoke a few words of English). And after him Larry Donahue, the overseas soldierвБ†вАФwith a grand callвБ†вАФjust before the door closed behind: вАЬGoodbye boys. Good luck.вАЭ + 

And after him againвБ†вАФbut, ohвБ†вАФthat was so hard; so much closer to ClydeвБ†вАФso depleting to his strength to think of bearing this deadly life here withoutвБ†вАФMiller NicholsonвБ†вАФno less. For after five months in which they had been able to walk and talk and call to each other from time to time from their cells and Nicholson had begun to advise him as to books to readвБ†вАФas well as one important point in connection with his own caseвБ†вАФon appealвБ†вАФor in the event of any second trial, i.e.вБ†вАФthat the admission of RobertaвАЩs letters as evidence, as they stood, at least, be desperately fought on the ground that the emotional force of them was detrimental in the case of any jury anywhere, to a calm unbiased consideration of the material facts presented by themвБ†вАФand that instead of the letters being admitted as they stood they should be digested for the facts alone and that digestвБ†вАФand that only offered to the jury. вАЬIf your lawyers can get the Court of Appeals to agree to the soundness of that you will win your case sure.вАЭ + 

And Clyde at once, after inducing a personal visit on the part of Jephson, laying this suggestion before him and hearing him say that it was sound and that he and Belknap would assuredly incorporate it in their appeal. + 

Yet not so long after that the guard, after locking his door on returning from the courtyard whispered, with a nod in the direction of NicholsonвАЩs cell, вАЬHis next. Did he tell you? Within three days.вАЭ + 

And at once Clyde shrivelingвБ†вАФthe news playing upon him as an icy and congealing breath. For he had just come from the courtyard with him where they had walked and talked of another man who had just been brought inвБ†вАФa Hungarian of Utica who was convicted of burning his paramourвБ†вАФin a furnaceвБ†вАФthen confessing itвБ†вАФa huge, rough, dark, ignorant man with a face like a gargoyle. And Nicholson saying he was more animal than man, he was sure. Yet no word about himself. And in three days! And he could walk and talk as though there was nothing to happen, although, according to the guard, he had been notified the night before. + 

And the next day the sameвБ†вАФwalking and talking as though nothing had happenedвБ†вАФlooking up at the sky and breathing the air. Yet Clyde, his companion, too sick and feverishвБ†вАФtoo awed and terrified from merely thinking on it all night to be able to say much of anything as he walked but thinking: вАЬAnd he can walk here. And be so calm. What sort of a man is this?вАЭ and feeling enormously overawed and weakened. + 

The following morning Nicholson did not appearвБ†вАФbut remained in his cell destroying many letters he had received from many places. And near noon, calling to Clyde who was two cells removed from him on the other side: вАЬIвАЩm sending you something to remember me by.вАЭ But not a word as to his going. + 

And then the guard bringing two booksвБ†вАФRobinson Crusoe and the Arabian Nights. That night NicholsonвАЩs removal from his cellвБ†вАФand the next morning before dawn the curtains; the same procession passing through, which was by now an old story to Clyde. But somehow this was so differentвБ†вАФso intimateвБ†вАФso cruel. And as he passed, calling: вАЬGod bless you all. I hope you have good luck and get out.вАЭ And then that terrible stillness that followed the passing of each man. + 

And Clyde thereafterвБ†вАФlonelyвБ†вАФterribly so. Now there was no one hereвБ†вАФno oneвБ†вАФin whom he was interested. He could only sit and readвБ†вАФand thinkвБ†вАФor pretend to be interested in what these others said, for he could not really be interested in what they said. His was a mind that, freed from the miseries that had now befallen him, was naturally more drawn to romance than to reality. Where he read at all he preferred the light, romantic novel that pictured some such world as he would have liked to share, to anything that even approximated the hard reality of the world without, let alone this. Now what was going to become of him eventually? So alone was he! Only letters from his mother, brother and sisters. And Asa getting no better, and his mother not able to return as yetвБ†вАФthings were so difficult there in Denver. She was seeking a religious school in which to teach somewhereвБ†вАФwhile nursing Asa. But she was asking the Rev. Duncan McMillan, a young minister whom she had encountered in Syracuse, in the course of her work there, to come and see him. He was so spiritual and so kindly. And she was sure, if he would but come, that Clyde would find him a helpful and a strong support in these, his dark and weary hours when she could no longer be with him herself. + 

For while Mrs.¬†Griffiths was first canvassing the churches and ministers of this section for aid for her son, and getting very little from any quarter, she had met the Rev. Duncan McMillan in Syracuse, where he was conducting an independent, nonsectarian church. He was a young, and like herself or Asa, unordained minister or evangelist of, however, far stronger and more effective temperament religiously. At the time Mrs.¬†Griffiths appeared on the scene, he had already read much concerning Clyde and RobertaвБ†вАФand was fairly well satisfied that, by the verdict arrived at, justice had probably been done. However, because of her great sorrow and troubled search for aid he was greatly moved. + 

He, himself, was a devoted son. And possessing a highly poetic and emotional though so far repressed or sublimated sex nature, he was one who, out of many in this northern region, had been touched and stirred by the crime of which Clyde was presumed to be guilty. Those highly emotional and tortured letters of RobertaвАЩs! Her seemingly sad life at Lycurgus and Biltz! How often he had thought of those before ever he had encountered Mrs.¬†Griffiths. The simple and worthy virtues which Roberta and her family had seemingly represented in that romantic, pretty country world from which they had derived. Unquestionably Clyde was guilty. And yet here, suddenly, Mrs.¬†Griffiths, very lorn and miserable and maintaining her sonвАЩs innocence. At the same time there was Clyde in his cell doomed to die. Was it possible that by any strange freak or circumstanceвБ†вАФa legal mistake had been made and Clyde was not as guilty as he appeared? + 

The temperament of McMillan was exceptionalвБ†вАФtense, exotic. A present hour St.¬†Bernard, Savonarola, St.¬†Simeon, Peter the Hermit. Thinking of life, thought, all forms and social structures as the word, the expression, the breath of God. No less. Yet room for the Devil and his angerвБ†вАФthe expelled LuciferвБ†вАФgoing to and fro in the earth. Yet, thinking on the Beatitudes, on the Sermon on the Mount, on St.¬†John and his direct seeing and interpretation of Christ and God. вАЬHe that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me, scattereth.вАЭ A strange, strong, tense, confused, merciful and too, after his fashion beautiful soul; sorrowing with misery yearning toward an impossible justice. + 

Mrs.¬†Griffiths in her talks with him had maintained that he was to remember that Roberta was not wholly guiltless. Had she not sinned with her son? And how was he to exculpate her entirely? A great legal mistake. Her son was being most unjustly executedвБ†вАФand by the pitiful but none-the-less romantic and poetic letters of this girl which should never have been poured forth upon a jury of men at all. They were, as she now maintained, incapable of judging justly or fairly where anything sad in connection with a romantic and pretty girl was concerned. She had found that to be true in her mission work. + 

And this idea now appealed to the Rev. Duncan as important and very likely true. And perhaps, as she now contended, if only some powerful and righteous emissary of God would visit Clyde and through the force of his faith and GodвАЩs word make him seeвБ†вАФwhich she was sure he did not yet, and which she in her troubled state, and because she was his mother, could not make himвБ†вАФthe blackness and terror of his sin with Roberta as it related to his immortal soul here and hereafterвБ†вАФthen in gratitude to, reverence and faith in God, would be washed away, all his iniquity, would it not? For irrespective of whether he had committed the crime now charged against him or notвБ†вАФand she was convinced that he had notвБ†вАФwas he not, nevertheless, in the shadow of the electric chairвБ†вАФin danger at any time through death (even before a decision should be reached) of being called before his makerвБ†вАФand with the deadly sin of adultery, to say nothing of all his lies and false conduct, not only in connection with Roberta but that other girl there in Lycurgus, upon him? And by conversion and contrition should he not be purged of this? If only his soul were savedвБ†вАФshe and he too would be at peace in this world. + 

And after a first and later a second pleading letter from Mrs.¬†Griffiths, in which, after she had arrived at Denver, she set forth ClydeвАЩs loneliness and need of counsel and aid, the Rev. Duncan setting forth for Auburn. And once thereвБ†вАФhaving made it clear to the warden what his true purpose wasвБ†вАФthe spiritual salvation of ClydeвАЩs soul, for his own, as well as his mother and GodвАЩs sake, he was at once admitted to the death house and to ClydeвАЩs presenceвБ†вАФthe very door of his cell, where he paused and looked through, observing Clyde lying most wretchedly on his cot trying to read. And then McMillan outlining his tall, thin figure against the bars and without introduction of any kind, beginning, his head bowed in prayer: + 

вАЬHave mercy upon me, O God, according to Thy loving-kindness; according unto the multitude of Thy tender mercies, blot out my transgressions.вАЭ + 

вАЬWash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.вАЭ + 

вАЬFor I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.вАЭ + 

вАЬAgainst Thee, Thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight, that Thou mightest be justified when Thou speakest and be clear when Thou judgest.вАЭ + 

вАЬBehold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.вАЭ + 

вАЬBehold, Thou desireth truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden part Thou shalt make me to know wisdom.вАЭ + 

вАЬPurge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.вАЭ + 

вАЬMake me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which Thou hast broken may rejoice.вАЭ + 

вАЬHide Thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.вАЭ + 

вАЬCreate in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.вАЭ + 

вАЬCast me not away from Thy presence; and take not Thy holy spirit away from me.вАЭ + 

вАЬRestore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and uphold me with Thy free spirit.вАЭ + 

вАЬThen will I teach transgressors Thy ways; and sinners will be converted unto Thee.вАЭ + 

вАЬDeliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Thy righteousness.вАЭ + 

вАЬO Lord, open Thou my lips; and my mouth shall show forth Thy praise.вАЭ + 

вАЬFor Thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it; Thou delightest not in burnt offering.вАЭ + 

вАЬThe sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.вАЭ + 

He pausedвБ†вАФbut only after he had intoned, and in a most sonorous and really beautiful voice the entire 51st Psalm. And then looking up, because Clyde, much astonished, had first sat up and then risenвБ†вАФand curiously enticed by the clean and youthful and vigorous if pale figure had approached nearer the cell door, he now added: + 

вАЬI bring you, Clyde, the mercy and the salvation of your God. He has called on me and I have come. He has sent me that I may say unto you though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be whiteвБ†вАФlike snow. Though they be red, like crimson, they shall be as wool. Come now, let us reason together with the Lord.вАЭ + 

He paused and stared at Clyde tenderly. A warm, youthful, half smile, half romantic, played about his lips. He liked the youth and refinement of Clyde, who, on his part was plainly taken by this exceptional figure. Another religionist, of course. But the Protestant chaplain who was here was nothing like this manвБ†вАФneither so arresting nor attractive. + 

вАЬDuncan McMillan is my name,вАЭ he said, вАЬand I come from the work of the Lord in Syracuse. He has sent meвБ†вАФjust as he sent your mother to me. She has told me all that she believes. I have read all that you have said. And I know why you are here. But it is to bring you spiritual joy and gladness that I am here.вАЭ + 

And he suddenly quoted from Psalms 13:2, вАЬвАКвАШHow shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart, daily.вАЩ That is from Psalms 13:2. And here is another thing that now comes to me as something that I should say to you. It is from the Bible, tooвБ†вАФthe Tenth Psalm: вАШHe hath said in his heart, I shall not be moved, for I shall never be in adversity.вАЩ But you are in adversity, you see. We all are, who live in sin. And here is another thing that comes to me, just now to say. It is from Psalm 10:11: вАШHe hath said in his heart, God hath forgotten. He hideth His face.вАЩ And I am told to say to you that He does not hide His face. Rather I am told to quote this to you from the Eighteenth Psalm: вАШThey prevented me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my stay. He sent from above, He took me, He drew me out of many waters.вАЩ + 

вАЬвАКвАШHe delivered me from my strong enemy. + 

вАЬвАКвАШAnd from them which hated me, for they were too many for me. + 

вАЬвАКвАШHe brought me forth also unto a large place. + 

вАЬвАКвАШHe delivered me because He delighted in me.вАЩ + 

вАЬClyde, those are all words addressed to you. They come to me here to say to you just as though they were being whispered to me. I am but the mouthpiece for these words spoken direct to you. Take counsel with your own heart. Turn from the shadow to the light. Let us break these bonds of misery and gloom; chase these shadows and this darkness. You have sinned. The Lord can and will forgive. Repent. Join with Him who has shaped the world and keeps it. He will not spurn your faith; He will not neglect your prayers. TurnвБ†вАФin yourselfвБ†вАФin the confines of this cellвБ†вАФand say: вАШLord, help me. Lord, hear Thou my prayer. Lord, lighten mine eyes!вАЩ + 

вАЬDo you think there is no GodвБ†вАФand that He will not answer you? Pray. In your trouble turn to HimвБ†вАФnot meвБ†вАФor any other. But to Him. Pray. Speak to Him. Call to Him. Tell Him the truth and ask for help. As surely as you are here before meвБ†вАФand if in your heart you truly repent of any evil you have doneвБ†вАФtruly, truly, you will hear and feel Him. He will take your hand. He will enter this cell and your soul. You will know Him by the peace and the light that will fill your mind and heart. Pray. And if you need me again to help you in any wayвБ†вАФto pray with youвБ†вАФor to do you any service of any kindвБ†вАФto cheer you in your lonelinessвБ†вАФyou have only to send for me; drop me a card. I have promised your mother and I will do what I can. The warden has my address.вАЭ He paused, serious and conclusive in his toneвБ†вАФbecause up to this time, Clyde had looked more curious and astonished than anything else. + 

At the same time because of ClydeвАЩs extreme youthfulness and a certain air of lonely dependence which marked him ever since his mother and Nicholson had gone: вАЬIвАЩll always be in easy reach. I have a lot of religious work over in Syracuse but IвАЩll be glad to drop it at any time that I can really do anything more for you.вАЭ And here he turned as if to go. + 

But Clyde, now taken by himвБ†вАФhis vital, confident and kindly mannerвБ†вАФso different to the tense, fearful and yet lonely life here, called after him: вАЬOh, donвАЩt go just yet. Please donвАЩt. ItвАЩs very nice of you to come and see me and IвАЩm obliged to you. My mother wrote me you might. You see, itвАЩs very lonely here. I havenвАЩt thought much of what you were saying, perhaps, because I havenвАЩt felt as guilty as some think I am. But IвАЩve been sorry enough. And certainly anyone in here pays a good deal.вАЭ His eyes looked very sad and strained. + 

And at once, McMillan, now deeply touched for the first time replied: вАЬClyde, you neednвАЩt worry. IвАЩll come to see you again within a week, because now I see you need me. IвАЩm not asking you to pray because I think you are guilty of the death of Roberta Alden. I donвАЩt know. You havenвАЩt told me. Only you and God know what your sins and your sorrows are. But I do know you need spiritual help and He will give you thatвБ†вАФoh, fully. вАШThe Lord will be a refuge for the oppressed; a refuge in time of trouble.вАЩвАКвАЭ + 

He smiled as though he were now really fond of Clyde. And Clyde feeling this and being intrigued by it, replied that there wasnвАЩt anything just then that he wanted to say except to tell his mother that he was all rightвБ†вАФand make her feel a little better about him, maybe, if he could. Her letters were very sad, he thought. She worried too much about him. Besides he, himself, wasnвАЩt feeling so very goodвБ†вАФnot a little run down and worried these days. Who wouldnвАЩt be in his position? Indeed, if only he could win to spiritual peace through prayer, he would be glad to do it. His mother had always urged him to prayвБ†вАФbut up to now he was sorry to say he hadnвАЩt followed her advice very much. He looked very distrait and gloomyвБ†вАФthe marked prison pallor having long since settled on his face. + 

And the Reverend Duncan, now very much touched by his state, replied: вАЬWell, donвАЩt worry, Clyde. Enlightenment and peace are surely going to come to you. I can see that. You have a Bible there, I see. Open it anywhere in Psalms and read. The 51st, 91st, 23rd. Open to St.¬†John. Read it allвБ†вАФover and over. Think and prayвБ†вАФand think on all the things about youвБ†вАФthe moon, the stars, the sun, the trees, the seaвБ†вАФyour own beating heart, your body and strengthвБ†вАФand ask yourself who made them. How did they come to be? Then, if you canвАЩt explain them, ask yourself if the one who made them and youвБ†вАФwhoever he is, whatever he is, wherever he is, isnвАЩt strong and wise enough and kind enough to help you when you need helpвБ†вАФprovide you with light and peace and guidance, when you need them. Just ask yourself what of the Maker of all this certain reality. And then ask HimвБ†вАФthe Creator of it allвБ†вАФto tell you how and what to do. DonвАЩt doubt. Just ask and see. Ask in the nightвБ†вАФin the day. Bow your head and pray and see. Verily, He will not fail you. I know because I have that peace.вАЭ + 

He stared at Clyde convincinglyвБ†вАФthen smiled and departed. And Clyde, leaning against his cell door, began to wonder. The Creator! His Creator! The Creator of the World!вБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ Ask and seeвБ†вАФ! + 

And yetвБ†вАФthere was still lingering here in him that old contempt of his for religion and its fruitsвБ†вАФthe constant and yet fruitless prayers and exhortations of his father and mother. Was he going to turn to religion now, solely because he was in difficulties and frightened like these others? He hoped not. Not like that, anyway. + 

Just the same the mood, as well as the temperament of the Reverend Duncan McMillanвБ†вАФhis young, forceful, convinced and dramatic body, face, eyes, now intrigued and then moved Clyde as no religionist or minister in all his life before ever had. He was interested, arrested and charmed by the manвАЩs faithвБ†вАФwhether at once or not at allвБ†вАФeverвБ†вАФhe could come to put the reliance in it that plainly this man did. + 