Scene
I
A meadow near Frogmore with a field-path and two stiles, one hard-by, the other at a distance.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans in doublet and hose; a drawn sword in one hand and an open book in the other. Simple on the look-out up a tree.
Sir Hugh Evans
Calls. I pray you now, good Master Slender’s serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
Simple
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
Sir Hugh Evans
I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.
Simple
I will, Sir.
Sir Hugh Evans
Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities for the ’ork: pless my soul! Sings.
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow—
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Sings.
Melodious birds sing madrigals—
Whenas I sat in Pabylon—
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow—
Simple
Descending the tree. Yonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.
Sir Hugh Evans
He’s welcome.
Sings.
To shallow rivers, to whose falls—
Heaven prosper the right!—What weapons is he?
Simple
No weapons, sir. Points. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
Sir Hugh Evans
Pray you give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Reads in a book. Simple takes up gown from ground.
Enter Page and Justice Shallow over the near stile, with Slender following. At the same time Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby are seen climbing the stile afar off.
Justice Shallow
How now, Master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
Slender
Aside. Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Page
’Save you, good Sir Hugh!
Sir Hugh Evans
Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
Justice Shallow
What, the sword and the word! Do you study them both, Master Parson?
Page
And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day!
Sir Hugh Evans
There is reasons and causes for it.
Page
We are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson.
Sir Hugh Evans
Fery well; what is it?
Page
Looks over Sir Hugh Evans’ shoulder. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
Justice Shallow
I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
Sir Hugh Evans
What is he?
Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby approach.
Page
I think you know him: He turns. Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
Sir Hugh Evans
Got’s will and His passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
Page
Why?
Sir Hugh Evans
He has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates and Galen—raises his voice and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Doctor Caius runs forward with rapier and dagger drawn.
Page
I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
Slender
Aside. O, sweet Anne Page!
Justice Shallow
It appears so, by his weapons. Keep them asunder; here comes Doctor Caius. He crosses his path.
Page
Steps in front of Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
Justice Shallow
So do you, good Master Doctor.
Host
Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole and hack our English. They are disarmed.
Doctor Caius
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear: verefore will you not meet-a me?
Sir Hugh Evans
Aside to Doctor Caius. Pray you use your patience; in good time.
Doctor Caius
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
Sir Hugh Evans
Aside to Doctor Caius. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men’s humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. Aloud. I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cogscomb for missing your meetings and appointments.
Doctor Caius
Diable!—Jack Rugby—mine Host de Jarretiere—have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I did appoint?
Sir Hugh Evans
As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine host of the Garter.
Host
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaullia; French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!
Doctor Caius
Ay, dat is very good; excellent!
Host
Peace, I say! Hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? No; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so;—give me thy hand, celestial; so. Joins their hands. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places; your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. To Page and Justice Shallow. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.
Justice Shallow
Trust me, a mad host!—Follow, gentlemen, follow. He mounts the stile.
Slender
Aside. O, sweet Anne Page!
Exeunt Justice Shallow, Slender, Page, and Host.
Doctor Caius
Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?
Sir Hugh Evans
This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
Doctor Caius
By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
Sir Hugh Evans
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
Exeunt.