XX
Eighth Trial of the Ring
The Vapors
There was a time, as we have seen, when the women dreaded the prating of their Toys, were stifled, and died away; but another succeeded, when they set themselves above this dread, threw away their muzzles, and had nothing beyond the vapors.
The favorite, among her attendants, had a very singular young lady. Her humour was charming, though uneven. She changed countenance ten times a day; but whatever face she put on, was pleasing. Unique in her melancholy, as well as in her gaiety, there slip’d from her, in her most extravagant moments, things of exquisite sense; and in her fits of sadness she uttered very diverting extravagances.
Mirzoza was so used to Callirhoe (for that is the name of this young mad girl) that she could hardly be without her. One time that the Sultan complain’d to the favorite of somewhat restless and cold, which he remark’d in her; “Prince,” said she, embarrassed at his reproach, “without my three beasts, my nightingale, my lapdog and Callirhoe, I am good for nothing; and you see that I have not the last.”
“And why is she not here?” said Mangogul. “I can’t tell,” answered Mirzoza; “but I remember, that some months ago she told me, that if Mazul made the campaign, she could not avoid having the vapors; and Mazul set out yesterday.”
“I easily excuse her,” said the Sultan: “for I look on her vapors to be well grounded. But upon what account do a hundred other women take it into their heads to be vapor’d, who have young husbands, and besides take care to be well provided with lovers?”
“Prince,” answered a courtier, “ ’tis a fashionable disease. It is genteel in a woman to have the vapors. Without a lover and the vapors, she knows nothing of the world: and there is not a citizen’s wife in Banza, who does not affect to have them.”
Mangogul smiled, and resolved to visit some of these vaporish women immediately. He went directly to Salica’s house, and found her in bed, with her neck quite bare, her eyes flaming, and her hair dishevel’d; and at her bed’s side the little stammering humpback’d physician Farfadi, telling her stories: while she was stretching out, now one arm, then another, yawning, sighing, putting her hand to her head, and exclaiming bitterly: “Alas I can’t bear it—throw the windows open—give me air—I shall faint, I shall die.—”
Mangogul took advantage of the moment that her affrighted women were assisting Farfadi in lightening the bed-cloths, to turn his ring on her, and instantly these words were heard: “Oh! how tired I am of this humor! behold, madam has taken into her noddle to have the vapors. This farce will last eight days at least, and may I die, if I know the cause: for after Farfadi’s efforts to ferret out this disease, I think it is in the wrong to continue.”
“Good,” said the Sultan turning off his ring, “I understand. This dame has the vapors in favor of her physician. Let us try elsewhere.”
He went from Salica’s house to that of Arsinoe, which is not far from it. On entering her chambers he heard loud bursts of laughter, and advanced, thinking to find her in company: but she was alone; and Mangogul was not much surprised. “A woman who gives herself the vapors,” says he, “gives them melancholy or merry, as is most convenient.” He turn’d his ring on her, and presently her Toy began to laugh unmercifully. From these immoderate laughing fits it made a sudden transition to ridiculous lamentations on the absence of Narces, whom it advised as a friend to hasten his return; and continued to sob, weep, groan, sigh, and be comfortless, as if it had buried all its relations.
The Sultan, who could hardly refrain from laughing aloud at so whimsical an affliction, turn’d off his ring and departed; leaving Arsinoe and her Toy to lament at leisure, and inferring the falsity of the proverb.