XLVII
Prodigious Events of the Reign of Kanaglou, Mangogul’s Grandfather
The favorite was very young. Born towards the end of Erguebzed’s reign, she had scarce any idea at all of the court of Kanaglou. A word accidentally dropt had given her a curiosity to know the prodigies, which the genius Cucufa had wrought in favour of that good prince; and none could more faithfully inform her than Selim. He had been an eyewitness and even a sharer in them, and was thoroughly versed in the history of his time. One day that he was alone with her, Mirzoza put him on that topic, and asked him if the reign of Kanaglou, which made so great noise, had seen greater wonders, than those, which then engrossed the attention of Congo?
“I have no interest, madam,” answered Selim, “in preferring times past to those of the reigning prince. Great things are come to pass under him, but they are perhaps no more than specimens of those which will continue to render Mangogul illustrious; and my time is too far advanced, to flatter my self with seeing them.”
“You are mistaken,” replied Mirzoza; “you have acquired, and will keep the epithet of eternal. But tell me what you have seen.”
“Madam,” continued Selim, “Kanaglou’s reign was long, and our poets have named it the golden age. This title suits it upon several accounts. It has been signalized by successes and victories: but the advantages were blended with crosses, which prove that this gold was sometimes mixed with bad alloy. The court, which sets the example to the rest of the empire, was very gallant. The Sultan had mistresses, the nobility piqued themselves on imitating him, and the lower people insensibly assumed the same air. The magnificence in dress, furniture, and equipages, was excessive. Delicacy in feasting was reduced to an art. People gam’d high, ran in debt, paid nobody, and spent while they had either money or credit. There were very good laws enacted against luxury, but not put in execution. Towns were taken, provinces conquered, palaces begun, and the empire drained of men and money. The people sung victory, and were starving at the same time. The great had stately castles and delightful gardens, and their lands lay uncultivated. A hundred ships of war had rendered us masters of the sea, and the terror of our neighbours: but a good calculator made an exact estimate what it cost the government to keep these hulks in good order; and notwithstanding the remonstrances of the rest of the ministry, they were ordered to be turned into a bonfire. The royal treasury was a great empty coffer, which this wretched economy did not fill; gold and silver became so scarce, that the mints were, on a summer’s morning, converted into paper-mills. To complete our happiness, Kanaglou suffered himself to be persuaded by a set of fanatics, that it was of the utmost importance, that all his subjects should resemble him, and that they should have blue eyes, snub noses, and red whiskers, as well as he: and he expelled from Congo above two millions of people, who were not blessed with these regimentals, or who refused to counterfeit them. Such, madam, was this golden age; such those good old times, which you daily hear regretted: but let those dotards prate on, and do you believe that we have our Turennes and our Colberts, that, all things considered, the present is better than the time past; and that if the people are happier under Mangogul than they were under Kanaglou, his highness’s reign is more illustrious than that of his grandfather, because the happiness of the subject is the exact measure of the greatness of the prince. But let us return to the particulars of Kanaglou’s reign.
“I will begin by the origin of the Pantins.”
“Selim, I will excuse you, I know that story by heart,” says the favorite, “proceed to other matters.”
“Madam,” answered Selim, “might one ask from whom you have it?”
“Why,” says Mirzoza, “it is published.”
“True Madam,” replied Selim, “and by people, who knew nothing of the matter. I am out of humour, when I see little obscure private persons, who have never been near princes, but at a public entry into the metropolis, or some such other ceremony, pretend to write their history.
“Madam,” continued Selim, “we had spent the night at a masquerade in the great salons in the Seraglio, when the genius Cucufa, a vowed protector of the reigning family, appeared to us, and commanded us to go to bed, and sleep twenty four hours on a stretch. He was obeyed, and at the expiration of this term, the Seraglio was found to be transformed into a vast and magnificent galery of Pantins. At one end appeared Kanaglou seated on his throne: a long packthread, almost worn out, hung down between his legs: an old decrepit fairy was incessantly pulling it, and with a turn of her wrist, moved an innumerable multitude of subaltern Pantins, to whom fine imperceptible threads answered, which issued from Kanaglou’s fingers and toes. She pulled, and in an instant the seneschal drew up, and sealed ruinous edicts; or pronounced a panegyric on the fairy, which was prompted by his secretary: the minister of war sent card matches to the army; the superintendant of the finances built houses, and suffered the soldiery to starve; and so of the other Pantins.
“When any of the Pantins happened to execute their movements awkwardly, by not lifting up their arms sufficiently, or not bowing their knee in a proper manner, the fairy cut their threads with a jerk of her left hand, and they became paralytic. I shall never forget two most valiant emirs, whom she found deficient in their duty, and who were ever after deprived of the use of their arms.
“The threads which issued from every part of Kanaglou’s body, were extended to immense distances, and from the palace of Congo, put whole armies of Pantins into motion or winter quarters, even to the remotest parts of Monoémugi. With one pull of the packthread, a town was besieged, the trenches were opened, they battered in breach, and the enemy was preparing to capitulate; but upon a second pull, the besiegers fire slackened, the attacks were not carried on with the same vigour, troops came to the relief of the place, dissentions were kindled among the generals: we were attacked, surprised, beaten, and routed.
“These bad tidings never gave any concern to Kanaglou: he seldom heard them, till they were forgot by his subjects: and the fairy would not suffer him to be informed of them, but by Pantins, who had each a thread fastened to the tip of their tongue, and who said no more than what she thought proper, on pain of being struck dumb.
“Another time we young fools were all charmed with an adventure, which gave bitter scandal to the godly. The women all at once became tumblers, and fell to walking with their heads down, their legs up in air, and their hands in their slippers.
“This threw all our former knowledge into confusion; and we were obliged to commence a course of studies on these new physiognomies. Many were slighted, who ceased to be thought lovely, as soon as they showed themselves; and others, who were never so much as talked of, gained vastly by making themselves known. Their petticoats and gowns falling over their eyes, put them in danger, either of losing their way, or stumbling: wherefore the former were shortened, and the latter cut open before. Such is the origin of short petticoats and open gowns. When the women returned to the use of their feet, they retained this part of their dress as it was: and if we thoroughly consider the petticoats of our fine ladies, we shall easily perceive, that they were not made to be worn, as they are worn at this day.
“Any mode, that has but one drift, will soon pass away: in order to make it lasting, it ought to answer two ends at least. In those same days a secret was discovered for plumping the breasts downward: and it is used at this day for plumping them upward.
“The devout women, surprised to find their heads down, and their heels up in the air, at first covered themselves with their hands: but this attention made them lose their poise, and stumble in their walks. By the advice of the Bramins, they afterwards tied their petticoats about their legs with little black ribbons. The gay part of the sex found this expedient ridiculous, and publicly declared, that it incommoded their respiration, and threw them into the vapours. This prodigy was attended with happy consequences; it occasioned a number of marriages, or somewhat like them, and a crowd of conversions. All those, who had disagreeable buttocks, ran headlong into the religious party, and took little black ribbons. Four missions of Bramins would not have made so many proselytes.
“We had scarcely got rid of this trial, when we underwent another, less universal indeed, but not less instructive. The young girls, one and all, from thirteen to eighteen, nineteen, twenty years of age, and upwards, rose on a fine summer’s morning, the middle finger caught, guess where, madam?” says Selim to the favorite. “It was not in their mouth, nor in their ear, nor infine, à la Turque. Their disease was easily guess’d, and the remedy quickly applied. From that time may our custom be dated of marrying children, who are fit for nothing but dressing their dolls.
“Another blessing: Kanaglou’s court swarmed with Petits-maîtres, and I had the honour to be of the number. One day as I was entertaining them with the young French nobility, I perceived our shoulders working upwards, till they became higher than our heads: but that was not all; in an instant we all fell to whirling about on one heel.”
“And what rarity was there in that?” said the favorite.
“Nothing, madam,” replied Selim, “but that the first metamorphosis is the origin of the round shoulders, so much in vogue in your infancy; and the second, that of the scoffers, whose reign is not yet over. Then, as now, a discourse was begun to some one person, which by a sudden twirl on the heel, was continued to a second, and finished to a third, to whom it became half unintelligible, half impertinent.
“Another time we all found our selves short sighted, and were forced to have recourse to Bion: the rogue made us pay ten sequins for glasses, which we continued to use, even after recovering our sight. Thence come, madam, the opera spy glasses.
“I could never learn what the fine ladies did to the Genius Cucufa about this time; but he took severe vengeance of them. At the end of a certain year, whereof they had spent the nights in balls, banquets, and gaming, and the days in dressing, or between the arms of their lovers, they were all astonished to find themselves horridly ugly. One was as black as a mole, another bronzed over; a third pale and lean, a fourth of a sickly yellow, and full of wrinkles. There was a necessity to palliate this fatal enchantment, and our chemists found out the white, the red, pomatums, waters, venus’s handkerchiefs, virgin’s milk, patches, and a thousand other cosmetics, which they employed, to avoid appearing ugly, and becoming frightful. Cucufa still held them under this curse, when Erguebzed, who loved beautiful women, became their intercessor. The Genius did all that he could; but the charm was so powerful, that he was not able to dissolve it thoroughly; and the court ladies remained such as you see them at this day.”
“Was the fate of the other charms the same?” says Mirzoza. “No, madam,” answered Selim, “they lasted some longer, some shorter: the round shoulders sunk by degrees, and people stood upright: and for fear of being thought humpback’d, they turned up their noses to the wind, and danced as they walked. The whirlgig motion continued, and they whirl about to this day. Broach a serious or sensible conversation in presence of a young lord of the bel air; and Zeste, you shall see him wheel away from you in an instant, and go mutter out a parody to some body, who asks him the news of the war, or of his health; or to whisper in his ear, that he supped last night with Miss Rabon, and that she is an adorable girl; that there is a new romance coming abroad; that he has read some pages of it, and that it is fine, very fine: and then another twirl or two towards a lady, whom he asks if she has seen the new opera, and answers her, that Miss Dangeville has performed to a miracle.”
Mirzoza found these ridicules very diverting, and asked Selim if he had been a sharer in them. “How, madam,” replied the old courtier, “was it possible not to have them, without passing for a man come from the other world? I put on the round shoulders, I stood erect, I danced in walking, I cock’d the spyglass, I whirled about, I hissed like the rest: and the utmost efforts of my judgment went no farther than to be one of the first in taking up these several biases, and none of the last in shaking them off.” Selim was got thus far, when Mangogul appeared. The African author does not inform us, what was become of him, or what were his occupations during this preceding chapter. Probably the princes of Congo may be allowed to perform indifferent actions, to say miserable things sometimes, and to resemble the rest of mankind, who spend a great part of their lives in doing nothing, or such things at least, as are not worthy of being known.