XXIII
Tenth Trial of the Ring
The Dogs
Mangogul went immediately to Haria’s house; and as he took pleasure in soliloquy, he said within himself: “This woman never goes to bed without her four dogs, and either Toys know nothing of those animals, or hers will give me some account of them; for, thank God, ’tis well known that she loves her dogs to admiration.” At the end of this monology he found himself in Haria’s antechamber, and his olfactory organ already informed him of madam having her usual company in bed with her. These were a little shag-dog, a spaniel, and two pug-dogs. The Sultan drew out his snuffbox, took two pinches of Spanish by way of preservative, and approached Haria. She was asleep, but the pack, who were upon the watch, hearing some noise, fell to barking, and woke her. “Peace, my children,” said she, but in so mild a tone, that she could not be suspected of speaking to her daughters, “go to sleep, go to sleep, and don’t disturb my rest nor your own.”
Haria was formerly young and pretty. She had had lovers of her own rank, but they all disappear’d even sooner than her charms. By way of comforting herself for this desertion, she gave into a whimsical sort of pomp, and her footmen were the handsomest fellows in Banza. She grew older and older, and years threw her into economy: she restrained herself to four dogs and two Bramins, and became a model of edification. And surely the most envenom’d satyr could find no room to carp at this management; and for above ten years Haria was in peaceful possession of a high reputation of virtue, and of those animals. Nay, her tenderness for the pug-dogs was so well known, that the Bramins were no longer suspected of sharing it.
Haria renewed her intreaty to those beasts, and they had the complaisance to obey. Then Mangogul applied his ring, and the superannuated Toy set about relating the last of its adventures. It was such a vast while since the first were atchieved, that it had almost lost the very remembrance of them. “Withdraw, Pompey,” it said with a hoarse voice, “you fatigue me. I like Dido better; I find her more gentle.” Pompey, who was absolutely ignorant of the Toy’s voice, went on in his own way: but Haria awaking, continued. “Get away, then, you little rogue, you hinder me from taking rest. That is well some times: but too much is too much.” Pompey withdrew. Dido took his place, and Haria fell asleep.
Mangogul, who had suspended the energy of his ring, turn’d it on, and the antiquated Toy, uttering a deep, sigh, fell to jabbering, and said: “Alas! how I am grieved for the death of my large greyhound; she was the best little wife, the most caressing creature: she never ceased giving amusement. She was so sensible, so genteel. Ye are but beasts in comparison of her. That naughty master of mine killed her.—Poor Zinzolina, I never think of her, without watering my plants. I thought it would have been the death of my mistress. She neither eat nor drank for two days, and narrowly escaped losing her senses. Judge of her sorrow: her director, her friends, nay her very pug-dogs were kept from me. Orders were issued to her women to refuse the door of her apartment to my master, under the penalty of being turn’d off.—‘That monster has robb’d me of my dear Zinzolina,’ cried she; ‘let him not appear before me, I am resolved never to see him more.’ ”
Mangogul, curious of learning the circumstances of Zinzolina’s death, revived the electrical power of his ring by rubbing it on the skirt of his doublet, pointed it at Haria, and the Toy resumed: “Haria, Ramadec’s widow, coiffed herself with Sindor. This youth was of good birth, had no other fortune, but a certain merit which pleases the sex, and was, after dogs, Haria’s predominant taste. Sindor’s indigence conquered his repugnance to Haria’s years and dogs. Twenty thousand crowns a year blinded his eyes with regard to the wrinkles of his mistress, and the inconveniency of the pug-dogs; and he married her.
“He was in hopes of getting the better of our beasts by his talents, and complaisant behavior; and to bring them into disgrace from the very commencement of his reign; but he was deceived. After the expiration of some months, when he thought he had merited much by his services; he took into his head to remonstrate to madam, that her dogs were not as good company in bed for him as for her; that it was ridiculous to have more than three; and that to admit more than one at a time, was turning the nuptial bed into a kennel.
“ ‘I advise you,’ said Haria, in a furious tone, ‘to attack me with such speeches. Truly it well becomes a pitiful younger son from Gascony, whom I have taken from a garret, which was not good enough for my dogs, to give himself airs of nicety! To be sure, your sheets were perfumed, my little squire, when you dwelt in furnish’d lodgings. Know this once for all, that my dogs were long before you in possession of my bed, and that you may choose either to quit it, or be content to share it with them.’
“The declaration was peremptory, and our dogs remain’d masters of their post. But one night, as we were all asleep, Sindor, in turning unluckily kick’d Zinzolina. The hound, not used to such treatment, bit the calf of his leg; and madam was immediately awaked by Sindor’s cries. ‘What is the matter with you, Sir, one would think your throat was cutting: you dream.’
“ ‘It is your dogs, madam, that devour me, and your greyhound has just torn off a piece of my leg.’
“ ‘Is that all?’ says Haria, turning from him. ‘You make a vast noise for nothing.’
“Sindor, piqued at this discourse, jump’d out of bed, swearing that he would never set his foot in it again, till the pack was banish’d thence. He employ’d friends, in order to obtain the exile of the dogs: but they all failed in that important negotiation. Haria’s answer to them was, that Sindor was a knight of the post, whom she had drawn out of a cockloft, which he shared with rats and mice; that it ill became him to be so nice; that he slept the whole night long; that she loved her dogs; that they amused her; that from her infancy she had taken a liking to their caresses; and that she was resolved never to deprive herself of them till death. ‘Tell him besides,’ continued she, addressing the mediators, ‘that if he does not humbly submit to my will, he will repent it while he lives; that I will retract the donation I have made him, and will add it to the sums which I have bequeathed by my will, for the support of my dear children.’
“Between you and me,” added the Toy, “Sindor must have been a great fool, to hope that she would do for him, what could not be obtained by twenty lovers, a director, a confessor, with a legion of Bramins, who had all lost their Latin on that head. Meanwhile, as often as Sindor met our animals, he was seized with such fits of passion, as he could hardly conquer. One day the unfortunate Zinzolina fell in his way. He took her by the neck, and threw her out of the window. The poor creature was kill’d by the fall. Then it was, that a fine noise was made. Haria, with inflamed countenance, and eyes bathed in tears—”
The Toy was going to repeat what it had already told; for Toys willingly fall into repetitions: but Mangogul cut its words short. Its silence was not of long duration: when the prince thought he had put this doting Toy out of its road, he restored it the freedom of speech; and the Tatler, bursting out into a loud laugh, resumed by way of recollection: “But apropos, I forgot to tell you what pass’d on Haria’s wedding-night. I have seen a power of ridiculous things in my life, but never one that came up to this. After a splendid supper, the bride and bridegroom were conduced to their apartment. Everybody retired except madam’s women who undress her: she is undress’d, put to bed, and Sindor alone remains with her. Observing that the shag-dog, the two pugs, and the greyhound, more alert than himself, were taking possession of his bride; ‘permit me, madam,’ he said, ‘to remove these rivals a little.’
“ ‘My dear, do what you can,’ answered Haria: ‘for my part, I have not the courage to drive them away; these little animals are so attached to me; and I have been so long without any other company.’
“ ‘Perhaps,’ replied Sindor, ‘they will have the politeness this night to surrender the fort to me, which I must take possession of.’
“ ‘Try, sir,’ said Haria.
“At first Sindor tried gentle means, and pray’d Zinzolina to retire to a corner. But the untractable animal fell to growling: the alarm spread among the rest of the troop; and the pug-dogs and shag-dog bark’d as if their mistress’s throat was cutting. Sindor, losing all patience at this noise, tosses away one of the pugs, drives off the other, and seizes Pompey by the paw. Pompey, the faithful Pompey, abandoned by his allies, endeavour’d to repair this loss by the advantages of the post. Fix’d on his mistress’s thighs, with eyes inflamed, hair standing an end, and open mouth, he grin’d, and show’d the enemy two rows of very sharp teeth. Sindor made several assaults on him, and Pompey repell’d him as often, with bitten fingers and torn ruffles. The action lasted above a quarter of an hour with an obstinacy which gave diversion to none but Haria; when Sindor had recourse to a stratagem against an enemy, whom he despaired conquering by force. He provoked Pompey with the right hand. Pompey watching this motion, did not observe that of the left, and was seized by the neck. He made most vigorous efforts to disengage himself, but in vain. He was obliged to quit the field of battle, and surrender up Haria. Sindor took possession of her, but not without effusion of blood: in all likelihood Haria had resolved that her wedding-night should be a bloody one: her animals made a good defence, and disappointed not her expectations.”
“There,” says Mangogul, “is a Toy, that could write a Gazette better than my secretary.” And now well knowing what notions to form of lap dogs, he return’d to the favorite.
“Prepare yourself,” said he, as soon as he saw her, “to hear the most extravagant things in the world. ’Tis much worse than the baboons of Palabria. Could you believe, that Haria’s four dogs were the rivals, and the preferred rivals of her husband; and that the death of a greyhound has raised a quarrel between that couple, never to be made up.”
“What do you say,” replied the favorite, “of rivals and dogs. I am quite in the dark. I know that Haria loves her dogs excessively; but I know at the same time that Sindor is a hot-temper’d man, who perhaps did not use all that complaisance, which women require, to whom a man owes his fortune. But yet, whatever has been his conduct, I cannot conceive that it has drawn rivals on him. Haria is so venerable, that I could wish your highness would vouchsafe to explain yourself more intelligibly.”
“Listen,” says Mangogul, “and agree that women have excessively whimsical tastes, to say nothing worse;” then he related Haria’s history to her word for word, as the Toy had told it. Mirzoza could not refrain from laughter at the first night’s battle: but presently resuming a serious air:
“I can’t tell,” said she to Mangogul, “what indignation seizes me. I shall have an aversion for these animals and all those who keep any, and I shall declare to my women that I will turn off the first, who shall be even suspected of having a lapdog.”
“Pray,” replied the Sultan, “why will you extend your hatred so far? You women are always upon extremes. These animals are good for hunting, are necessary in the country, and have many other uses, without reckoning that which Haria makes of them.”
“In truth,” said Mirzoza, “I begin to believe that your highness will find it a difficult task to light on a virtuous woman.”
“I told you so,” answered Mangogul; “but let us not be over hasty: you may one time or other upbraid me with being indebted to your want of patience for a declaration, which I pretend to owe entirely to the trials of my ring. I have some in my mind, which will astonish you. All secrets are not yet unveiled; and I expect to draw more important discoveries from those Toys, which remain to be consulted.”
Mirzoza was in perpetual apprehensions for her own. Mangogul’s discourse threw her into such uneasiness, as she was not able to conceal from him: but the Sultan, who had bound himself by an oath, and in his heart had a regard for religion, used his best endeavours to calm her mind, gave her some very tender kisses, and went to his council, whither affairs of moment called him.