Scene + 

III + 

The Piazza of Covent Garden. + 

Enter Sparkish with a letter in his hand, Pinchwife following. + 

Sparkish + 

But who would have thought a woman could have been false to me? By the world, I could not have thought it. + 

Pinchwife + 

You were for giving and taking liberty: she has taken it only, sir, now you find in that letter. You are a frank person, and so is she, you see there. + 

Sparkish + 

Nay, if this be her hand⁠—for I never saw it. + 

Pinchwife + 

’Tis no matter whether that be her hand or no; I am sure this hand, at her desire, led her to Mr. Horner, with whom I left her just now, to go fetch a parson to ’em at their desire too, to deprive you of her forever; for it seems yours was but a mock marriage. + 

Sparkish + 

Indeed, she would needs have it that ’twas Harcourt himself, in a parson’s habit, that married us; but I’m sure he told me ’twas his brother Ned. + 

Pinchwife + 

O, there ’tis out; and you were deceived, not she: for you are such a frank person. But I must be gone.⁠—You’ll find her at Mr. Horner’s. Go, and believe your eyes. + 

Exit. + 

Sparkish + 

Nay, I’ll to her, and call her as many crocodiles, sirens, harpies, and other heathenish names, as a poet would do a mistress who had refused to hear his suit, nay more, his verses on her.⁠—But stay, is not that she following a torch at t’other end of the Piazza? and from Horner’s certainly⁠—’tis so. + 

Enter Alithea following a torch, and Lucy behind. + 

You are well met, madam, though you don’t think so. What, you have made a short visit to Mr. Horner? but I suppose you’ll return to him presently, by that time the parson can be with him. + 

Alithea + 

Mr. Horner and the parson, sir! + 

Sparkish + 

Come, madam, no more dissembling, no more jilting; for I am no more a frank person. + 

Alithea + 

How’s this? + 

Lucy + 

So, ’twill work, I see. Aside. + 

Sparkish + 

Could you find out no easy country fool to abuse? none but me, a gentleman of wit and pleasure about the town? But it was your pride to be too hard for a man of parts, unworthy false woman! false as a friend that lends a man money to lose; false as dice, who undo those that trust all they have to ’em. + 

Lucy + 

He has been a great bubble, by his similes, as they say. Aside. + 

Alithea + 

You have been too merry, sir, at your wedding-dinner, sure. + 

Sparkish + 

What, d’ye mock me too? + 

Alithea + 

Or you have been deluded. + 

Sparkish + 

By you. + 

Alithea + 

Let me understand you. + 

Sparkish + 

Have you the confidence, (I should call it something else, since you know your guilt,) to stand my just reproaches? you did not write an impudent letter to Mr. Horner? who I find now has clubbed with you in deluding me with his aversion for women, that I might not, forsooth, suspect him for my rival. + 

Lucy + 

D’ye think the gentleman can be jealous now, madam? Aside. + 

Alithea + 

I write a letter to Mr. Horner! + 

Sparkish + 

Nay, madam, do not deny it. Your brother showed it me just now; and told me likewise, he left you at Horner’s lodging to fetch a parson to marry you to him; and I wish you joy, madam, joy, joy; and to him too, much joy; and to myself more joy, for not marrying you. + 

Alithea + 

Aside. So, I find my brother would break off the match; and I can consent to’t, since I see this gentleman can be made jealous.⁠—Aloud. O Lucy, by his rude usage and jealousy, he makes me almost afraid I am married to him. Art thou sure ’twas Harcourt himself, and no parson, that married us? + 

Sparkish + 

No, madam, I thank you. I suppose, that was a contrivance too of Mr. Horner’s and yours, to make Harcourt play the parson; but I would as little as you have him one now, no, not for the world. For, shall I tell you another truth? I never had any passion for you till now, for now I hate you. ’Tis true, I might have married your portion, as other men of parts of the town do sometimes; and so, your servant. And to show my unconcernedness, I’ll come to your wedding, and resign you with as much joy, as I would a stale wench to a new cully; nay, with as much joy as I would after the first night, if I had been married to you. There’s for you; and so your servant, servant. + 

Exit. + 

Alithea + 

How was I deceived in a man! + 

Lucy + 

You’ll believe then a fool may be made jealous now? for that easiness in him that suffers him to be led by a wife, will likewise permit him to be persuaded against her by others. + 

Alithea + 

But marry Mr. Horner! my brother does not intend it, sure: if I thought he did, I would take thy advice, and Mr. Harcourt for my husband. And now I wish, that if there be any over-wise woman of the town, who, like me, would marry a fool for fortune, liberty, or title, first, that her husband may love play, and be a cully to all the town but her, and suffer none but Fortune to be mistress of his purse; then, if for liberty, that he may send her into the country, under the conduct of some huswifely mother-in-law; and if for title, may the world give ’em none but that of cuckold. + 

Lucy + 

And for her greater curse, madam, may he not deserve it. + 

Alithea + 

Away, impertinent! Is not this my old Lady Lanterlu’s? + 

Lucy + 

Yes, madam.⁠—Aside. And here I hope we shall find Mr. Harcourt. + 

Exeunt. + 