IX + 

The Ceremony + 

Cyril Keval, district reporter on the staff of the Prague PeopleвАЩs Journal, hurried into evening-dress for the occasion and dashed off to Stvanice just after six oвАЩclock in the evening, to write up the ceremonial opening of the new Central Karburator Electric Power Station for Greater Prague. He shouldered his way through the curious crowds that overflowed the whole Petrov quarter, penetrated the three ranks of police, and reached a small concrete structure decorated with flags. From inside the little building could be heard the objurgations of the workmen, who were, of course, behind time with the erecting of the machine, and were now trying to catch up. The whole Central Power Station was an insignificant affair, no bigger than a public convenience. Old Cvancara of the Venkov was walking pensively up and down in front of it, looking somewhat like a meditative heron. + 

вАЬWell, my friend,вАЭ he said quietly to the young journalist, вАЬitвАЩs safe to bet on something happening today. IвАЩve never yet seen a function where there wasnвАЩt some silly incident or other. And IвАЩve been at it now, young fellow, for forty years.вАЭ + 

вАЬBut it is amazing, isnвАЩt it, sir?вАЭ Keval returned. вАЬFancy this little building lighting the whole city of Prague and driving the trams and trains for sixty kilometres round, besides supplying power for thousands of factories andвБ†вАФandвБ†вАФвАЭ + 

Mr.¬†Cvancara shook his head sceptically. вАЬWeвАЩll see, my young friend, weвАЩll see. Nothing nowadays can surprise any of us of the old guard, butвАЭвБ†вАФand here Cvancara lowered his voice to a whisperвБ†вАФвАЬwell, just look round and youвАЩll see that they havenвАЩt even got a reserve Karburator handy. Suppose this one broke down, or even, say, went up in the air, what thenвБ†вАФdo you see what I mean?вАЭ + 

Keval was annoyed at not having thought of this himself, so he dissented. вАЬThatвАЩs out of the question, sir,вАЭ he began. вАЬI have reliable information. This power station here is only for show. The real Central Station is somewhere else; itвАЩsвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ itвАЩsвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЭ he whispered, and pointed with his finger, вАЬright down underground, I mustnвАЩt say where. HavenвАЩt you noticed, sir, that they are continually repairing the streets in Prague?вАЭ + 

вАЬTheyвАЩve been doing it these forty years,вАЭ said Mr.¬†Cvancara gloomily. + 

вАЬWell, there you have it,вАЭ Keval lied triumphantly. вАЬMilitary reasons, you know. A huge system of underground passages, storehouses, powder-magazines, and so on. My information is quite trustworthy. TheyвАЩve got sixteen underground Karburator fortresses right round Prague. On the surface thereвАЩs not a trace of it, only football fields, a mineral-water stand, or a patriotic monument. Ha, ha! Do you see now? ThatвАЩs why theyвАЩre putting up all these memorials.вАЭ + 

вАЬYoung man,вАЭ observed Mr.¬†Cvancara, вАЬwhat does the present generation know of war? We could tell them something. Aha, here comes the Burgomaster.вАЭ + 

вАЬAnd the new Minister for War. You see, I told you so. The Director of the Technical Institute. The Chairman of the M.E.C. The Chief Rabbi.вАЭ + 

вАЬThe French Ambassador, the Minister of Public Works. I say, my friend, weвАЩd better see about getting inside. The Archbishop, the Italian Ambassador, the President of the Senate, the Chief of the Sokol organization; youвАЩll find that thereвАЩs somebody theyвАЩve left out.вАЭ + 

Just then Mr.¬†Cyril Keval gave up his place to a lady, and so was separated from the doyen of the journalists and lost his place near the entrance through which the endless stream of the personages invited was pouring. Then the strains of the national anthem were heard, and the orders to the guard of honour rang out, proclaiming the arrival of the Chief of State. Accompanied by a retinue of gentlemen in top-hats and uniforms, the President advanced along the crimson carpet towards the little concrete structure. Mr.¬†Keval stood on tiptoe, confounding himself and his politeness. + 

вАЬIвАЩll never get in now,вАЭ he said to himself. вАЬCvancara is right,вАЭ he went on ruminating. вАЬThey always do something silly. Fancy putting up that little hut for an imposing ceremony like this. Ah well, the Czechoslovak Press Bureau will supply the speeches, and one can soon work up the trimmingsвБ†вАФdeep impressiveness of the occasion, magnificent progress, enthusiastic reception for the PresidentвБ†вАФвАЭ + 

A sudden hush within the building made itself felt outside, and someone began to reel off the official address. Mr.¬†Keval yawned and sauntered round the little building with his hands in his pockets. It was getting dark. The guards were in full-dress uniform with white gloves and rubber truncheons. Crowds of people were standing tightly packed along the banks. The opening address was far too long, as usual. Who was it speaking, anyway? + 

Then Keval noticed a little window in the concrete wall of the Central Station about two metres from the ground. He looked around, then leapt up like a flash, caught hold of the grating, and drew his clever head up to the window. Aha, the speaker was the Burgomaster of Greater Prague, all red in the face; beside him stood G. H. Bondy, Chairman of the M.E.C., representing the contracting firm, biting his lips. The President had his hand on the lever of the machine, ready to press it down at a given signal: an instant later the festal illuminations of the whole of Prague would flare out, the bands would play, the fireworks would begin to blaze. + 

The Minister of Public Works was turning and twisting nervously; doubtless he was to speak when the Burgomaster had finished. A young Army officer was pulling at his tiny moustache, the Ambassadors were pretending to be giving their whole souls to the address, of which they understood not a single word, two Trade Union delegates were not moving an eyelashвБ†вАФin short, вАЬthe proceedings passed off without a hitch,вАЭ Mr.¬†Keval said to himself as he jumped down again. + 

He then ran five times round the whole Stvanice district, came back to the Central Power Station, and again sprang up to the little window. The Burgomaster was still speaking. Straining his ears, Keval could hear вАЬвА¶¬†And then came the disastrous period of the Battle of the White Mountain.вАЭ He dropped down the wall again quickly, sat down, and lit a cigar. It was already very dark. Overhead the little stars twinkled through the branches of the trees. вАЬItвАЩs surprising that they didnвАЩt wait until the President pressed the lever to light up too,вАЭ Keval said to himself. Otherwise, Prague was in darkness. The black stream of the Vltava rolled on without a lamp reflected in its waters. Everything quivered with expectation of the solemn moment that was to bring the light. + 

When Keval had finished his cigar, he went back to the Power Station and once more hoisted himself up to the little window. The Burgomaster was still talking, and his face was now of a purple bordering on blackness. The Chief of State was standing with his hand on the lever, the personages present were talking together in low tones, only the foreign Ambassadors listened on unmoving. At the very back, the head of Mr.¬†Cvancara could be seen nodding drowsily. + 

Sheer physical exhaustion brought the Burgomaster to an end, and the Minister of Public Works began speaking. He was obviously cutting his sentences down unmercifully to shorten his address. The Chief of State was now holding the lever in his left hand. Old Billington, the doyen of the Diplomatic Corps, had passed away on his feet, preserving even in death the expression of an attentive listener. Then the Minister put an end to his speech as though with an axe. + 

G. H. Bondy raised his head, looked about with heavy eyes, and said a few words, apparently something to the effect that the M.E.C. was handing over its work to the public for the use and benefit of our metropolis, and so concluded. The Chief of State drew himself erect and pressed the lever. Then, in an instant, the whole of Prague shone out as a vast expanse of light, the crowds cheered, the bells in all the steeples began to swing, and from the Marianske fort there sounded the first boom of the cannon. + 

Still hanging to his grating, Keval looked around towards the city. Flaming rockets shot up from St≈Щelecky Island; HradƒНany, Pet≈Щ√≠n, and even Letna, were aglow with garlands of electric lamps, distant bands began competing with each other, illuminated biplanes circled above Stvanice, while the immense V16 soared up from Vy≈°ehrad all bedecked with lanterns. The crowds removed their hats, the police stood like statues, their hands raised to their helmets in salute. Two batteries boomed out from the bastions, answered by the monitors from near Karl√≠n. + 

Keval again pressed his face to the bars to see the conclusion of the ceremonies over the Karburator taking place inside. The next instant he uttered a hoarse cry, rolled his eyes, and once more squeezed himself still closer to the window. Then he uttered something like вАЬOh, God!вАЭ, loosened his hold on the grating, and dropped heavily to the earth. Before he had actually reached the ground, someone rushing away from the place knocked into him. Keval seized him by the coat, and the man looked round. It was G. H. Bondy; he was as pale as death. + 

вАЬWhat has happened, sir?вАЭ Keval stammered. вАЬWhat are they doing in there?вАЭ + 

вАЬLet go of me,вАЭ Bondy panted. вАЬFor ChristвАЩs sake, let go. And get out of here, as quick as you can.вАЭ + 

вАЬBut what has happened to them in there?вАЭ + 

вАЬLet me go,вАЭ shouted Bondy; and knocking Keval back with his fist, he disappeared among the trees. + 

Trembling all over, Keval supported himself against the trunk of a tree. From the interior of the concrete building came sounds as of savages chanting a hymn. + 

A few days later the Czechoslovak Press Bureau published the following obscure statement: + 

Contrary to the reports issued by a local publication which have obtained some currency abroad, we are able to state on the very best authority that no improper incidents of any kind took place on the occasion of the formal opening of the Karburator Central Power Station. In connection with this, the Burgomaster of Greater Prague has resigned his office and has gone into the country to recuperate. Mr.¬†Billington, doyen of the Diplomatic Corps, is, contrary to published reports, well and active. The fact is that all present declare that nothing in their experience has ever made so powerful an impression upon them. Every citizen has the right to fall to the earth and worship God, and the performance of miracles is not in conflict with any official position whatever in a democratic State. It is in any case decidedly improper to connect the Chief of State with regrettable incidents occasioned only by insufficient ventilation, combined with excessive strain upon the nerves. + 