XX
St. Kilda
St. Kilda is a little island, practically nothing more than a rock of pliocene tufa far to the west of the Hebrides. A few stunted birches, a handful of heather and dry grass, flocks of nesting seagulls and semi-arctic butterflies of the order Polyommatus are all that lives on this lost outpost of our hemisphere, out amid the endless beating of the seas and the equally endless procession of clouds forever laden with rain. For that matter, St. Kilda has always been uninhabited, is now, and will forever be so.
Nevertheless it was there that His MajestyвАЩs ship Dragon dropped anchor, towards the end of autumn. Carpenters came off the ship with timbers and planks, and by evening they had built a large, low wooden house. The next day upholsterers arrived, bringing with them the finest and most comfortable furniture. On the third day stewards, cooks, and waiters emerged from the depths of the ship and carried into the building crockery, wine, preserves, and everything that civilization has provided for rich, fastidious, and powerful men.
On the morning of the fourth day there arrived on H.M.S. Edwin the English Premier, the Right Hon.¬†Sir W. OвАЩPatterney, half an hour later came the American Ambassador, Mr.¬†Horatio Bumm; and there followed him, each on a warship, the Chinese plenipotentiary, Mr.¬†Kei; the French Premier, Dudieu; the Imperial Russian General, Buchtin; the Imperial German Chancellor, Dr.¬†Wurm; the Italian Minister, Prince Trivelino; and the Japanese Ambassador, Baron Yanato. Sixteen English torpedo-boats cruised around St.¬†Kilda to prevent newspaper reporters from landing; for this Conference of the Supreme Council of the Great Powers, which had been summoned in great haste by the all-powerful Sir W. OвАЩPatterney, was to take place under conditions of the strictest secrecy. In fact, the large Danish whaling schooner Nyls Hans was torpedoed while attempting to slip through the cordon of destroyers by night. The losses included, in addition to the twelve men of the crew, Mr.¬†Joe Hashek, political correspondent of the Chicago Tribune. Nevertheless, the representative of the New York Herald, Mr.¬†I. Sawitt, spent the whole time on St.¬†Kilda disguised as a waiter, and we are indebted to his pen for the scanty accounts of that memorable assembly which survived even the subsequent historic catastrophes.
Mr.¬†I. Sawitt was of the opinion that this Conference on high politics was being held in this lonely spot in order to eliminate any direct influence of the Absolute on its decisions. In any other place the Absolute might well make its way into this gathering of serious statesmen in the guise of inspiration, enlightenment, or even miracle-workingвБ†вАФwhich would certainly be something utterly unprecedented in high politics.
The primary purpose of the Conference was ostensibly to reach an agreement on colonial policy. The States were to come to an agreement not to support or assist religious movements on the territory of other States. The incentive to this step was the German agitation in the Congo and Senegambia, as well as the subterranean French influence behind the outbreak of Mahdism in Muslim countries under British rule, and particularly the shipments of Karburators from Japan to Bengal, where a furious revolt of the most diverse sects was raging.
The deliberations were held behind closed doors. The only news given out for publication was that spheres of interest had been allotted to Germany in Kurdistan and to Japan on certain Greek islands. It would seem that the Anglo-Japanese and the Franco-German-Russian alliances were on this occasion unusually cordial.
In the afternoon Mr. G. H. Bondy arrived on a special torpedo-boat, and was received in audience by the Supreme Council.
Not until about five oвАЩclock (Greenwich time) did the illustrious diplomats sit down to luncheon, and it was here that I. Sawitt had the first opportunity of hearing with his own ears the representatives of the high contracting parties. After the meal they discussed sport and actresses. Sir W. OвАЩPatterney, with his poetвАЩs head with its white mane and soulful eyes, talked enthusiastically about salmon-fishing with His Excellency the French Premier, Dudieu, whose energetic gestures, loud voice, and a certain je ne sais quoi, revealed the former lawyer. Baron Yanato, refusing all liquid refreshment, listened silently and smiled as though his mouth were full of water. Dr.¬†Wurm turned over his papers, General Buchtin walked up and down the room with Prince Trivelino, Horatio Bumm was making cannons all by himself on the billiard-table (I have myself seen his lovely overhand mass√© stroke, which would win the admiration of any expert), while Mr.¬†Kei, looking like a very yellow and very withered old lady, fingered some kind of Buddhist rosary. He was a mandarin in his own Flowery Land.
Suddenly all the diplomats grouped themselves round M. Dudieu, who was explaining: вАЬYes, gentlemen, cвАЩest √Іa. We cannot remain indifferent to Him. We must either recognize Him or deny Him. We Frenchmen are in favour of the latter course!вАЭ
вАЬThatвАЩs because HeвАЩs showing himself such an anti-militarist in your country,вАЭ said Prince Trivelino with a certain malicious pleasure.
вАЬNo, gentlemen,вАЭ cried Dudieu, вАЬdonвАЩt deceive yourselves on that point. The French army is quite unaffected. Such an anti-militarist! Bah! We already had any number of anti-militarists! Beware of Him, gentlemen. He is a demagogue, a communist, a bigot, Heaven knows what not, but always a radical. Oui, un rabouliste, cвАЩest √Іa. He sticks to the wildest popular catchwords. He goes with the mob. Now in your HighnessвАЩs countryвАЭвБ†вАФhe turned suddenly to Prince TrivelinoвБ†вАФвАЬHe is a nationalist, intoxicating Himself with dreams of a great Roman Empire. But take care, your Highness: thatвАЩs what He does in the cities, but in the country districts He hobnobs with the parsons and performs miracles at the shrines of the Virgin. He works for the Vatican with one hand and for the Quirinal with the other. Either there is some design in it orвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ I donвАЩt know what. Gentlemen, we can quite frankly admit it: He is making things difficult for us all.вАЭ
вАЬIn my country,вАЭ said Horatio Bumm thoughtfully, leaning on his cue, вАЬHe goes in for sport as well. HeвАЩs a real big sportsman. He goes in for all sorts of games. HeвАЩs made amazing records in sports even among chapel-folk. HeвАЩs a Socialist. HeвАЩs on the side of the Wets. He changes water into drink. Why, just lately, at a White House banquet, everybody present, everybody, mind you, got frightfully drunk. They didnвАЩt take anything but water, you see, but He changed it into drink after it was down.вАЭ
вАЬThatвАЩs queer,вАЭ said Sir W. OвАЩPatterney. вАЬIn my country He strikes one as much more of a Conservative. He behaves like an omnipotent clergyman. Holds meetings, processions, sermons in the streets, and such things. I think He is opposed to us Liberals.вАЭ
Baron Yanato then said smilingly: вАЬIn my country He is quite at home. A very, very nice God. He has adapted Himself very well. Indeed, a very great Japanese.вАЭ
вАЬWhat do you mean, Japanese?вАЭ croaked out General Buchtin. вАЬWhat are you talking about, batushko? HeвАЩs a Russian, a genuine Russian, a Slav. With the great Russian soul, your Excellency. HeвАЩs on the side of us muzhiks. Not long ago our Archimandrite arranged a procession in his honour: ten thousand candles, and people, gospodin, thick as poppy seeds. All the Christian souls of Mother Russia had gathered together for it. He even performed miracles for us. For He is our Father,вАЭ added the General, crossing himself and bowing low.
The German Imperial Chancellor approached, and after listening for a while in silence, he said: вАЬYes, He knows just how to appeal to the people. In every case, He adopts the mentality of the country He is in. Considering His age, He isвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ hmвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ astoundingly elastic. We notice it in the countries just around us. In Czechoslovakia, for instance, He behaves like a colossal individualist. Everyone there has his own Absolute all to himself, so to speak. We ourselves have a State Absolute. With us the Absolute immediately developed into the higher consciousness of the State. In Poland He acts like a kind of alcohol; with us He acts likeвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ likeвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ a sort of Higher Command, verstehen sie mich?вАЭ
вАЬEven in your Catholic provinces?вАЭ asked Prince Trivelino with a smile.
вАЬThose are mere local differences,вАЭ replied Dr.¬†Wurm. вАЬDonвАЩt attach any importance to them, gentlemen. Germany is more united than ever before. But I must thank you, Prince, for the Catholic Karburators that you are smuggling over to us. Fortunately they are poorly made, like all Italian products.вАЭ
вАЬCome, come, gentlemen,вАЭ interrupted Sir W. OвАЩPatterney. вАЬNeutrality in religious questions, please. For my own part, I use a double hook for salmon. The other day I caught one as long as that, look! Fourteen pounds.вАЭ
вАЬAnd what about the Papal Nuncio?вАЭ asked Dr.¬†Wurm quietly.
вАЬThe Holy See requests us to maintain order at all costs. It wants us to have mysticism prohibited by the police. That wouldnвАЩt do in England, and altogetherвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶ Well, I assure you it weighed quite fourteen pounds. Heavens, I had all I could do to keep from falling into the water!вАЭ
Baron Yanato smiled still more politely. вАЬBut we do not wish for neutrality. He is a great Japanese. The whole world can adopt the Japanese faith. We, too, would like to send out missionaries for once, and teach religion.вАЭ
вАЬBaron,вАЭ said Sir W. OвАЩPatterney gravely, вАЬyou know that the excellent relations existing between our GovernmentsвБ†вАКвБ†вА¶вАЭ
вАЬEngland can adopt the Japanese faith,вАЭ smiled Baron Yanato, вАЬand our relations will be even better.вАЭ
вАЬStop, batushko,вАЭ cried General Buchtin. вАЬWeвАЩll have no Japanese faith. If thereвАЩs to be any faith, then it must be the Orthodox faith. And do you know why? First, because it is orthodox, and secondly, because it is Russian, and thirdly, because our Czar so wills it, and fourthly, because we, my friend, have the biggest army. I do everything like a soldier, gentlemen: downright frankly and openly. If thereвАЩs to be a religion, then itвАЩs to be our Orthodox religion.вАЭ
вАЬBut, gentlemen, that is not the question,вАЭ cried Sir W. OвАЩPatterney excitedly. вАЬThat isnвАЩt what weвАЩre here for!вАЭ
вАЬQuite right,вАЭ said Dr.¬†Wurm. вАЬWe have to agree upon a common line of conduct with regard to God.вАЭ
вАЬWhich one?вАЭ suddenly asked the Chinese plenipotentiary, Mr.¬†Kei, lifting at last his wrinkled eyelids.
вАЬWhich one?вАЭ repeated Dr.¬†Wurm in astonishment. вАЬWhy, surely thereвАЩs only one.вАЭ
вАЬOur Japanese God,вАЭ smiled Baron Yanato blandly.
вАЬThe Orthodox Greek God, batushko, and none other,вАЭ contradicted the General, as red in the face as a turkey-cock.
вАЬBuddha,вАЭ Mr.¬†Kei said, and again dropped his lids, becoming the very counterpart of a dried-up mummy.
Sir W. OвАЩPatterney stood up agitatedly. вАЬGentlemen,вАЭ he said, вАЬkindly follow me.вАЭ
Thereupon the diplomats again proceeded to the council chamber. At eight oвАЩclock in the evening His Excellency, General Buchtin, rushed out, purple in the face, and clenching his fists. After him came Dr.¬†Wurm, agitatedly arranging his papers. Sir W. OвАЩPatterney, regardless of polite usage, came out with his hat on his head: his face was deep red; M. Dudieu followed him in silence. Prince Trivelino walked away, looking very pale, Baron Yanato at his heels with his perpetual smile. The last to leave was Mr.¬†Kei, with downcast eyes, an exceedingly long black rosary sliding through his fingers.
This concludes the report which I. Sawitt published in the Herald. No official communication concerning this Conference was given out, except the one already mentioned relating to the spheres of interest, and if any decision was taken it was apparently of no great value. For already, to use the familiar gynaecological phrase, unforeseen events were shaping themselves in the вАЬwomb of history.вАЭ