Sleeping Beauty
Scene
I
A special train, a chair car, occupied by students. An upperclassman is attempting to sleep.
Upperclassman
Things have quieted down and I’ll get a chance for a nap. He dozes.
A classmate
Hey, wake up! All out for Hunkusville!
Upperclassman
Aw, set on a tack. He dozes.
A Freshman begins blowing a horn.
Upperclassman
Enough is too darned much! He chases all the Freshmen out. He dozes.
Scene
II
Upperclassman is snoring contentedly.
Somebody drops the brasses of the brass drum.
Upperclassman
Who—what—hey, what time is it?
The Porter
One-thirty, suh.
Upperclassman
Fine. Everybody’s asleep now. Now for a good nap. He dozes.
The train whistles for a station.
Upperclassman
Curses! He dozes.
Scene
III
A few minutes later. A flock of girls come through.
Girls
Supposedly singing. I gotta gal, her name is Lulu! I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!
Upperclassman
Jumps seven feet out of seat. Ye gods, what next!
Girls
Seventeenth verse, same as the fist, I love Lulu … Exit.
Upperclassman
Applesauce. He dozes.
Scene
IV
Upperclassman sleeping. Girls return.
Girls
Still singing. Seven hundredth verse, same as the fist, I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!
Upperclassman develops deep and enduring hatred for the name Lulu.
Upperclassman
Hey, what time is it?
The porter
Two-thirty, suh.
Upperclassman
How much longer before we pull in?
The porter
One two hours, suh.
Girls
Here’s a nice place to sit; you don’t mind do you? They sing. Eight hundredth verse, same as the first—
Upperclassman
No, I don’t mind. Grinds teeth and bites hunks out of chair arm.
One hour later.
Girls
Seven thousandth verse, same as the first, I gotta girl, her name is Lulu, I love Lulu—
Upperclassman
Conductor, is there no chance at all for a train robbery, holdups, murders and all that you know?
Conductor
No chance at all, sir.
Upperclassman
Darn.