II + 

тАЬHave you anything to declare?тАЭ + 

тАЬWings.тАЭ + 

тАЬHave you wore them?тАЭ + 

тАЬSure.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs all right, then.тАЭ + 

тАЬDivine Discontent gets all the smiles all the time,тАЭ complained Fortitude to Prudence. тАЬGolly, but itтАЩs good to be on dry land.тАЭ + 

Unsteadily, but with renewed hope, the passengers had disembarked. + 

Father Rothschild fluttered a diplomatic laissez-passer and disappeared in the large car that had been sent to meet him. The others were jostling one another with their luggage, trying to attract the Customs officers and longing for a cup of tea. + 

тАЬI got half a dozen of the best stowed away,тАЭ confided the journalist. тАЬTheyтАЩre generally pretty easy after a bad crossing.тАЭ And sure enough he was soon settled in the corner of a first-class carriage (for the paper was, of course, paying his expenses) with his luggage safely chalked in the van. + 

It was some time before Adam could get attended to. + 

тАЬIтАЩve nothing but some very old clothes and some books,тАЭ he said. + 

But here he showed himself deficient in tact, for the manтАЩs casual air disappeared in a flash. + 

тАЬBooks, eh?тАЭ he said. тАЬAnd what sort of books, may I ask?тАЭ + 

тАЬLook for yourself.тАЭ + 

тАЬThank you, thatтАЩs what I mean to do. Books, indeed.тАЭ + 

Adam wearily unstrapped and unlocked his suitcase. + 

тАЬYes,тАЭ said the Customs officer menacingly, as though his worst suspicions had been confirmed, тАЬI should just about say you had got some books.тАЭ + 

One by one he took the books out and piled them on the counter. A copy of Dante excited his especial disgust. + 

тАЬFrench, eh?тАЭ he said. тАЬI guessed as much, and pretty dirty, too, I shouldnтАЩt wonder. Now just you wait while I look up these here booksтАЭтБатАФhow he said it!тБатАФтАЬin my list. Particularly against books the Home Secretary is. If we canтАЩt stamp out literature in the country, we can at least stop its being brought in from outside. ThatтАЩs what he said the other day in Parliament, and I says тАШHear, hear.тБатАКтБатАжтАЩ Hullo, hullo, whatтАЩs this, may I ask?тАЭ + 

Gingerly, as though it might at any moment explode, he produced and laid on the counter a large pile of typescript. + 

тАЬThatтАЩs a book too,тАЭ said Adam. тАЬOne IтАЩve just written. It is my memoirs.тАЭ + 

тАЬHo, it is, is it? Well, IтАЩll take that along, too, to the chief. You better come to.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut IтАЩve got to catch the train.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou come along. ThereтАЩs worse things than missing trains,тАЭ he hinted darkly. + 

They went together into an inner office, the walls of which were lined with contraband pornography and strange instruments, whose purpose Adam could not guess. From the next room came the shrieks and yells of poor Miss Runcible, who had been mistaken for a well-known jewel smuggler, and was being stripped to the skin by two terrific wardresses. + 

тАЬNow then, whatтАЩs this about books?тАЭ said the chief. + 

With the help of a printed list (which began тАЬAristotle, Works of (Illustrated)тАЭ) they went through AdamтАЩs books, laboriously, one at a time, spelling out the titles. + 

Miss Runcible came through the office, working hard with lipstick and compact. + 

тАЬAdam, darling, I never saw you on the boat,тАЭ she said. тАЬMy dear, I canтАЩt tell you the things that have been happening to me in there. The way they lookedтБатАКтБатАж too, too shaming. Positively surgical, my dear, and such wicked old women, just like Dowagers, my dear. As soon as I get to London I shall ring up every Cabinet Minister and all the newspapers and give them all the most shy-making details.тАЭ + 

The chief was at this time engrossed in AdamтАЩs memoirs, giving vent at intervals to a sinister chuckling sound that was partly triumphant and partly derisive, but in the main genuinely appreciative. + 

тАЬCoo, Bert,тАЭ he said. тАЬLook at this; thatтАЩs rich, ainтАЩt it?тАЭ + 

Presently he collected the sheets, tied them together and put them on one side. + 

тАЬWell, see here,тАЭ he said. тАЬYou can take these books on architecture and the dictionary, and I donтАЩt mind stretching a point for once and letting you have the history books, too. But this book on Economics comes under Subversive Propaganda. That you leaves behind. And this here Purgatorio doesnтАЩt look right to me, so that stays behind, pending inquiries. But as for this autobiography, thatтАЩs just downright dirt, and we burns that straight away, see.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut, good heavens, there isnтАЩt a word in the bookтБатАФyou must be misinterpreting it.тАЭ + 

тАЬNot so much of it. I knows dirt when I sees it or I shouldnтАЩt be where I am today.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut do you realize that my whole livelihood depends on this book?тАЭ + 

тАЬAnd my livelihood depends on stopping works like this coming into the country. Now тАЩook it quick if you donтАЩt want a police-court case.тАЭ + 

тАЬAdam, angel, donтАЩt fuss or we shall miss the train.тАЭ + 

Miss Runcible took his arm and led him back to the station and told him all about a lovely party that was going to happen that night. + 

тАЬQueer, who felt queer?тАЭ + 

тАЬYou did, Arthur.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo I neverтБатАКтБатАж just tired.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt certainly was stuffy in there just for a bit.тАЭ + 

тАЬWonderful how that old girl cheered things up. Got a meeting next week in the Albert Hall.тАЭ + 

тАЬShouldnтАЩt be surprised if I didnтАЩt go. What do you say, Mr.┬аHenderson?тАЭ + 

тАЬShe got a troupe of angels, so she said. All dressed up in white with wings, lovely. Not a bad-looker herself, if it comes to that.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat did you put in the plate, Arthur?тАЭ + 

тАЬHalf-crown.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo did I. Funny thing, I ainтАЩt never give a half-crown like that before. She kind of draws it out of you, damned if she doesnтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou wonтАЩt get away from the Albert Hall not without putting your hand in your pocket.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, but IтАЩd like to see those angels dressed up, eh, Mr.┬аHenderson?тАЭ + 

тАЬFanny, surely that is Agatha Runcible, poor Viola ChasmтАЩs daughter?тАЭ + 

тАЬI wonder Viola allows her to go about like that. If she were my daughter.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬYour daughter, Fanny.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬKitty, that was not kind.тАЭ + 

тАЬMy dear, I only meantтБатАКтБатАж have you, by the way, heard of her lately?тАЭ + 

тАЬThe last we heard was worse than anything, Kitty. She has left Buenos Aires. I am afraid she has severed her connection with Lady Metroland altogether. They think that she is in some kind of touring company.тАЭ + 

тАЬDarling, IтАЩm sorry. I should never have mentioned it, but whenever I see Agatha Runcible I canтАЩt help thinkingтБатАКтБатАж girls seem to know so much nowadays. We had to learn everything for ourselves, didnтАЩt we, Fanny, and it took so long. If IтАЩd had Agatha RuncibleтАЩs chances.тБатАКтБатАж Who is the young man with her?тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know, and, frankly, I donтАЩt think, do you?тБатАКтБатАж He has that self-contained look.тАЭ + 

тАЬHe has very nice eyes. And he moves well.тАЭ + 

тАЬI dare say when it came to the pointтБатАКтБатАж Still, as I say, if I had had Agatha RuncibleтАЩs advantagesтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬWhat are you looking for, darling?тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy, darling, such an extraordinary thing. Here is the sal volatile next to my brushes all the time.тАЭ + 

тАЬFanny, how awful of me, if IтАЩd only knownтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬI dare say there must have been another bottle you saw on the dressing-table, sweetest. Perhaps the maid put it there. You never know at the Lotti, do you?тАЭ + 

тАЬFanny, forgive meтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬBut, dearest, what is there to forgive? After all, you did see another bottle, didnтАЩt you, Kitty darling?тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy, look, thereтАЩs Miles.тАЭ + 

тАЬMiles?тАЭ + 

тАЬYour son, darling. My nephew, you know.тАЭ + 

тАЬMiles. Do you know, Kitty, I believe it is. He never comes to see me now, the naughty boy.тАЭ + 

тАЬMy dear, he looks terribly tapette.тАЭ + 

тАЬDarling, I know. It is a great grief to me. Only I try not to think about it too muchтБатАФhe had so little chance with poor Throbbing what he was.тАЭ + 

тАЬThe sins of the fathers, FannyтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Somewhere not far from Maidstone Mr.┬аOutrage became fully conscious. Opposite him in the carriage the two detectives slept, their bowler hats jammed forwards on their foreheads, their mouths open, their huge red hands lying limply in their laps. Rain beat on the windows; the carriage was intensely cold and smelt of stale tobacco. Inside there were advertisements of horrible picturesque ruins; outside in the rain were hoardings advertising patent medicines and dog biscuits. тАЬEvery Molassine dog cake wags a tail,тАЭ Mr.┬аOutrage read, and the train repeated over and over again, тАЬRight Honourable gent, Right Honourable gent, Right Honourable gentleman, Right Honourable gentтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Adam got into the carriage with the Younger Set. They still looked a bit queer, but they cheered up wonderfully when they heard about Miss RuncibleтАЩs outrageous treatment at the hands of the Customs officers. + 

тАЬWell,тАЭ they said, тАЬWell! how too, too shaming, Agatha, darling,тАЭ they said. тАЬHow devastating, how un-policeman-like, how goat-like, how sick-making, how too, too awful.тАЭ And then they began talking about Archie SchwertтАЩs party that night. + 

тАЬWhoтАЩs Archie Schwert?тАЭ asked Adam. + 

тАЬOh, heтАЩs someone new since you went away. The most bogus man. Miles discovered him, and since then heтАЩs been climbing and climbing and climbing, my dear, till he hardly knows us. HeтАЩs rather sweet, really, only too terribly common, poor darling. He lives at the Ritz, and I think thatтАЩs rather grand, donтАЩt you?тАЭ + 

тАЬIs he giving his party there?тАЭ + 

тАЬMy dear, of course not. In Edward ThrobbingтАЩs house. HeтАЩs MilesтАЩ brother, you know, only heтАЩs frightfully dim and political, and doesnтАЩt know anybody. He got ill and went to Kenya or somewhere and left his perfectly sheepish house in Hertford Street, so weтАЩve all gone to live there. YouтАЩd better come, too. The caretakers didnтАЩt like it a bit at first, but we gave them drinks and things, and now theyтАЩre simply thrilled to the marrow about it and spend all their time cutting out тАШbits,тАЩ my dear, from the papers about our goings on. + 

тАЬOne awful thing is we havenтАЩt got a car. Miles broke it, EdwardтАЩs, I mean, and we simply canтАЩt afford to get it mended, so I think we shall have to move soon. EverythingтАЩs getting rather broken up, too, and dirty, if you know what I mean. Because, you see, there arenтАЩt any servants, only the butler and his wife, and they are always tight now. So demoralising. Mary Mouse has been a perfect angel, and sent us great hampers of caviar and things.тБатАКтБатАж SheтАЩs paying for ArchieтАЩs party tonight, of course.тАЭ + 

тАЬDo you know, I rather think IтАЩm going to be sick again?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, Miles!тАЭ + 

(Oh, Bright Young People!) + 

Packed all together in a second-class carriage, the angels were late in recovering their good humour. + 

тАЬSheтАЩs taken Prudence off in her car again,тАЭ said Divine Discontent, who once, for one delirious fortnight, had been Mrs.┬аApeтАЩs favourite girl. тАЬCanтАЩt see what she sees in her. WhatтАЩs London like, Fortitude? I never been there but once.тАЭ + 

тАЬJust exactly heaven. Shops and all.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat are the men like, Fortitude?тАЭ + 

тАЬSay, donтАЩt you never think of nothing but men, Chastity?тАЭ + 

тАЬI should say I do. I was only asking.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, they ainтАЩt much to look at, not after the shops. But they has their uses.тАЭ + 

тАЬSay, did you hear that? YouтАЩre a cute one, Fortitude. Did you hear what Fortitude said? She said тАШthey have their uses.тАЩтАКтАЭ + 

тАЬWhat, shops?тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, silly, men.тАЭ + 

тАЬMen. ThatтАЩs a good one, I should say.тАЭ + 

Presently the train arrived at Victoria, and all these passengers were scattered all over London. + 

Adam left his bag at ShepheardтАЩs Hotel, and drove straight to Henrietta Street to see his publishers. It was nearly closing time, so that most of the staff had packed up and gone home, but by good fortune Mr.┬аSam Benfleet, the junior director with whom Adam always did his business, was still in his room correcting proofs for one of his women novelists. He was a competent young man, with a restrained elegance of appearance (the stenographer always trembled slightly when she brought him his cup of tea). + 

тАЬNo, she canтАЩt print that,тАЭ he kept saying, endorsing one after another of the printerтАЩs protests. тАЬNo, damn it, she canтАЩt print that. SheтАЩll have us all in prison.тАЭ For it was one of his most exacting duties to тАЬginger upтАЭ the more reticent of the manuscripts submitted and тАЬtone downтАЭ the more тАЬoutspokenтАЭ until he had reduced them all to the acceptable moral standard of his day. + 

He greeted Adam with the utmost cordiality. + 

тАЬWell, well, Adam, how are you? This is nice. Sit down. Have a cigarette. What a day to arrive in London. Did you have a good crossing?тАЭ + 

тАЬNot too good.тАЭ + 

тАЬI say, I am sorry. Nothing so beastly as a beastly crossing, is there? Why donтАЩt you come round to dinner at Wimpole Street tonight? IтАЩve got some rather nice Americans coming. Where are you staying?тАЭ + 

тАЬAt тАШShepheardтАЩsтАЩтБатАФLottie CrumpтАЩs.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, thatтАЩs always fun. IтАЩve been trying to get an autobiography out of Lottie for ten years. And that reminds me. YouтАЩre bringing us your manuscript, arenтАЩt you? Old Rampole was asking about it only the other day. ItтАЩs a week overdue, you know. I hope youтАЩll like the preliminary notices weтАЩve sent out. WeтАЩve fixed the day of publication for the second week in December, so as to give it a fortnightтАЩs run before Johnnie HoopтАЩs autobiography. ThatтАЩs going to be a seller. Sails a bit near the wind in places. We had to cut out some thingsтБатАФyou know what old Rampole is. Johnnie didnтАЩt like it a bit. But IтАЩm looking forward terribly to reading yours.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, Sam, rather an awful thing happened about thatтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬI say, I hope youтАЩre not going to say itтАЩs not finished. The date on the contract, you knowтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬOh, itтАЩs finished all right. Burnt.тАЭ + 

тАЬBurnt?тАЭ + 

тАЬBurnt.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat an awful thing. I hope you are insured.тАЭ + 

Adam explained the circumstances of the destruction of his autobiography. There was a longish pause while Sam Benfleet thought. + 

тАЬWhat worries me is how are we going to make that sound convincing to old Rampole.тАЭ + 

тАЬI should think it sounded convincing enough.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou donтАЩt know old Rampole. ItтАЩs sometimes very difficult for me, Adam, working under him. Now if I had my own way IтАЩd say, тАШTake your own time. Start again. DonтАЩt worryтБатАКтБатАжтАЩ But thereтАЩs old Rampole. HeтАЩs a devil for contracts, you know, and you did say, didnтАЩt youтБатАКтБатАжтАК? ItтАЩs all very difficult. You know, I wish it hadnтАЩt happened.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo do I, oddly enough,тАЭ said Adam. + 

тАЬThereтАЩs another difficulty. YouтАЩve had an advance already, havenтАЩt you? Fifty pounds, wasnтАЩt it? Well, you know, that makes things very difficult. Old Rampole never likes big advances like that to young authors. You know I hate to say it, but I canтАЩt help feeling that the best thing would be for you to repay the advanceтБатАФplus interest, of course, old Rampole would insist on thatтБатАФand cancel the contract. Then if you ever thought of rewriting the book, well, of course, we should be delighted to consider it. I suppose thatтБатАФwell, I mean, it would be quite convenient, and all that, to repay the advance?тАЭ + 

тАЬNot only inconvenient, but impossible,тАЭ said Adam in no particular manner. + 

There was another pause. + 

тАЬDeuced awkward,тАЭ said Sam Benfleet. тАЬItтАЩs a shame the way the Customs House officers are allowed to take the law into their own hands. Quite ignorant men, too. Liberty of the subject, I mean, and all that. I tell you what weтАЩll do. WeтАЩll start a correspondence about it in the New Statesman.тБатАКтБатАж It is all so deuced awkward. But I think I can see a way out. I suppose you could get the book rewritten in time for the Spring List? Well, weтАЩll cancel the contract and forget all about the advance. No, no, my dear fellow, donтАЩt thank me. If only I was alone here IтАЩd be doing that kind of thing all day. Now instead weтАЩll have a new contract. It wonтАЩt be quite so good as the last, IтАЩm afraid. Old Rampole wouldnтАЩt stand for that. IтАЩll tell you what, weтАЩll give you our standard first-novel contract. IтАЩve got a printed form here. It wonтАЩt take a minute to fill up. Just sign here.тАЭ + 

тАЬMay I just see the terms?тАЭ + 

тАЬOf course, my dear fellow. They look a bit hard at first, I know, but itтАЩs our usual form. We made a very special case for you, you know. ItтАЩs very simple. No royalty on the first two thousand, then a royalty of two and a half percent, rising to five percent, on the tenth thousand. We retain serial, cinema, dramatic, American, Colonial and translation rights, of course. And, of course, an option on your next twelve books on the same terms. ItтАЩs a very straightforward arrangement really. DoesnтАЩt leave room for any of the disputes which embitter the relations of author and publisher. Most of our authors are working on a contract like that.тБатАКтБатАж Splendid. Now donтАЩt you bother any more about that advance. I understand perfectly, and IтАЩll square old Rampole somehow, even if it comes out of my directorтАЩs fees.тАЭ + 

тАЬSquare old Rampole,тАЭ repeated Mr.┬аBenfleet thoughtfully as Adam went downstairs. It was fortunate, he reflected, that none of the authors ever came across the senior partner, that benign old gentleman, who once a week drove up to board meetings from the country, whose chief interest in the business was confined to the progress of a little book of his own about beekeeping, which they had published twenty years ago and, though he did not know it, allowed long ago to drop out of print. He often wondered in his uneasy moments what he would find to say when Rampole died. + 

It was about now that Adam remembered that he was engaged to be married. The name of his young lady was Nina Blount. So he went into a tube station to a telephone-box, which smelt rather nasty, and rang her up. + 

тАЬHullo.тАЭ + 

тАЬHullo.тАЭ + 

тАЬMay I speak to Miss Blount, please?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩll just see if sheтАЩs in,тАЭ said Miss BlountтАЩs voice. тАЬWhoтАЩs speaking, please?тАЭ She was always rather snobbish about the fiction of having someone to answer the telephone. + 

тАЬMr.┬аFenwick-Symes.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh.тАЭ + 

тАЬAdam, you know.тБатАКтБатАж How are you, Nina?тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, IтАЩve got rather a pain just at present.тАЭ + 

тАЬPoor Nina, shall I come round and see you?тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, donтАЩt do that, darling, because IтАЩm just going to have a bath. Why donтАЩt we dine together?тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, I asked Agatha Runcible to dinner.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy?тАЭ + 

тАЬSheтАЩd just had all her clothes taken off by some sailors.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, I know, itтАЩs all in the evening paper tonight.тБатАКтБатАж Well, IтАЩll tell you what. LetтАЩs meet at Archie SchwertтАЩs party. Are you going?тАЭ + 

тАЬI rather said I would.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs all right, then. DonтАЩt dress up. No one will, except Archie.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, I say. Nina, thereтАЩs one thingтБатАФI donтАЩt think I shall be able to marry you after all.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, Adam, you are a bore. Why not?тАЭ + 

тАЬThey burnt my book.тАЭ + 

тАЬBeasts. Who did?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩll tell you about it tonight.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, do. Goodbye, darling.тАЭ + 

тАЬGoodbye, my sweet.тАЭ + 

He hung up the receiver and left the telephone-box. People had crowded into the Underground station for shelter from the rain, and were shaking their umbrellas and reading their evening papers. Adam could see the headlines over their shoulders. + 

PeerтАЩs DaughterтАЩs Dover Ordeal + 

Serious Allegations by Society Beauty + 

Hon.┬аA. Runcible Says + 

тАЬToo ShamingтАЭ + 

тАЬPoor pretty,тАЭ said an indignant old woman at his elbow. тАЬDisgraceful, I calls it. And such a good sweet face. I see her picture in the papers only yesterday. Nasty prying minds. ThatтАЩs what they got. And her poor father and all. Look, Jane, thereтАЩs a piece about him, too. тАШInterviewed at the Carlton Club this evening, Lord Chasm,тАЩ thatтАЩs her dad, тАШrefused to make a definite statement. тАЬThe matter shall not be allowed to rest here,тАЭ he said.тАЩ And quite right, too, I says. You know I feels about that girl just as though it was me own daughter. Seeing her picture so often and our Sarah having done the back stairs, Tuesdays, at them flats where her aunt used to liveтБатАФthe one as had that тАЩorrible divorce last year.тАЭ + 

Adam bought a paper. He had just ten shillings left in the world. It was too wet to walk, so he took a very crowded tube train to Dover Street and hurried across in the rain to ShepheardтАЩs Hotel (which, for the purposes of the narrative, may be assumed to stand at the corner of Hay Hill). + 