Once more I can’t sleep. My heart is filled with anxiety. I am shivering with cold. I am still thinking of Russia. + 

Man is not slow to utilise his experiences to his advantage. There is something very subtle about it. I had no sooner learned to love Russia than I hastened home to lavish affection on my own children, Peter and Jena. The very desire to love them was wonderful after my coldness and hardness of heart that had made me forget their existence. + 

I bought them some fruit from a stand: a thing I had not done for a long time. I rather fear now that it may upset their little stomachs. Jena has grown so thin that it makes my heart ache to look at him. His eyes are pensive like Lidotchka’s. He used to be such a happy little fellow! Has the trouble affected him too? + 

A horrible fear has come over me again, I must go to bed, even though I can’t sleep; it may prevent horrible thoughts from entering my head. The children⁠ ⁠… Russia.⁠ ⁠… + 

I haven’t seen Sashenka today. She came home when I was at the office, and has not been able to get away again, I suppose. I am sorry I did not see her. I wanted to go to the hospital, but after my long absence I was afraid it might look funny. + 

Sashenka, Sashenka, my dear! + 

This, then, is the meaning of Russia! + 