Scene + 

IV + 

Another room in the same. + 

Enter Surly and Dame Pliant. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Lady, you see into what hands you are fallen; + 

’Mongst what a nest of villains! And how near + 

Your honour was t’ have catched a certain clap, + 

Through your credulity, had I but been + 

So punctually forward, as place, time, + 

And other circumstances would have made a man; + 

For you’re a handsome woman: would you were wise too! + 

I am a gentleman come here disguised, + 

Only to find the knaveries of this citadel; + 

And where I might have wronged your honour, and have not, + 

I claim some interest in your love. You are, + 

They say, a widow, rich: and I’m a bachelor, + 

Worth nought: your fortunes may make me a man, + 

As mine have preserved you a woman. Think upon it, + 

And whether I have deserved you or no. + 

Dame Pliant + 

I will, sir. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

And for these household-rogues, let me alone + 

To treat with them. + 

Enter Subtle. + 

Subtle + 

How doth my noble Diego, + 

And my dear madam Countess? Hath the Count + 

Been courteous, lady? Liberal, and open? + 

Donzel, methinks you look melancholic, + 

After your coitum, and scurvy: truly, + 

I do not like the dullness of your eye; + 

It hath a heavy cast, ’tis upsee Dutch, + 

And says you are a lumpish whoremaster. + 

Be lighter, and I will make your pockets so. + 

Attempts to pick them. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Throws open his cloak. Will you, don bawd and pickpurse? + 

Strikes him down. + 

How now! Reel you? + 

Stand up, sir, you shall find, since I am so heavy, + 

I’ll give you equal weight. + 

Subtle + 

Help! Murder! + 

Pertinax Surly + 

No, sir, + 

There’s no such thing intended: a good cart, + 

And a clean whip shall ease you of that fear. + 

I am the Spanish Don “that should be cozened, + 

Do you see, cozened?” Where’s your Captain Face, + 

That parcel broker, and whole-bawd, all rascal! + 

Enter Face, in his uniform. + 

Face + 

How, Surly! + 

Pertinax Surly + 

O, make your approach, good Captain. + 

I have found from whence your copper rings and spoons + 

Come, now, wherewith you cheat abroad in taverns. + 

’Twas here you learned t’ anoint your boot with brimstone, + 

Then rub men’s gold on’t for a kind of touch, + 

And say ’twas naught, when you had changed the colour, + 

That you might have’t for nothing. And this Doctor, + 

Your sooty, smoky-bearded compeer, he + 

Will close you so much gold, in a bolt’s head, + 

And, on a turn, convey in the stead another + 

With sublimed mercury, that shall burst in the heat, + 

And fly out all in fumo! Then weeps Mammon; + 

Then swoons his worship. + 

Face slips out. + 

Or, he is the Faustus, + 

That casteth figures and can conjure, cures + 

Plagues, piles, and pox, by the ephemerides, + 

And holds intelligence with all the bawds + 

And midwives of three shires: while you send in⁠— + 

Captain!⁠—what! Is he gone?⁠—damsels with child, + 

Wives that are barren, or the waiting-maid + 

With the green sickness. + 

Seizes Subtle as he is retiring. + 

—Nay, sir, you must tarry, + 

Though he be ’scaped; and answer by the ears, sir. + 

Reenter Face, with Kastril. + 

Face + 

Why, now’s the time, if ever you will quarrel + 

Well, as they say, and be a true-born child: + 

The Doctor and your sister both are abused. + 

Kastril + 

Where is he? Which is he? He is a slave, + 

Whate’er he is, and the son of a whore.⁠—Are you + 

The man, sir, I would know? + 

Pertinax Surly + 

I should be loath, sir, + 

To confess so much. + 

Kastril + 

Then you lie in your throat. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

How! + 

Face + 

To Kastril. A very errant rogue, sir, and a cheater, + 

Employed here by another conjurer + 

That does not love the Doctor, and would cross him, + 

If he knew how. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Sir, you are abused. + 

Kastril + 

You lie: + 

And ’tis no matter. + 

Face + 

Well said, sir! He is + 

The impudent’st rascal⁠— + 

Pertinax Surly + 

You are indeed: Will you hear me, sir? + 

Face + 

By no means: bid him be gone. + 

Kastril + 

Begone, sir, quickly. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

This ’s strange!⁠—Lady, do you inform your brother. + 

Face + 

There is not such a foist in all the town, + 

The Doctor had him presently; and finds yet, + 

The Spanish Count will come here. + 

Aside. + 

—Bear up, Subtle. + 

Subtle + 

Yes, sir, he must appear within this hour. + 

Face + 

And yet this rogue would come in a disguise, + 

By the temptation of another spirit, + 

To trouble our art, though he could not hurt it! + 

Kastril + 

Ay, + 

I know⁠— + 

To his sister. + 

Away, you talk like a foolish mauther. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Sir, all is truth she says. + 

Face + 

Do not believe him, sir. + 

He is the lying’st swabber! Come your ways, sir. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

You are valiant out of company! + 

Kastril + 

Yes, how then, sir? + 

Enter Drugger, with a piece of damask. + 

Face + 

Nay, here’s an honest fellow, too, that knows him, + 

And all his tricks. Make good what I say, Abel, + 

Aside to Drugger. + 

This cheater would have cozened thee o’ the widow.⁠— + 

He owes this honest Drugger here, seven pound, + 

He has had on him, in twopenny ’orths of tobacco. + 

Drugger + 

Yes, sir. And he has damned himself three terms to pay me. + 

Face + 

And what does he owe for lotium? + 

Drugger + 

Thirty shillings, sir; + 

And for six syringes. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Hydra of villainy! + 

Face + 

Nay, sir, you must quarrel him out o’ the house. + 

Kastril + 

I will: + 

—Sir, if you get not out of doors, you lie; + 

And you are a pimp. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Why, this is madness, sir, + 

Not valour in you; I must laugh at this. + 

Kastril + 

It is my humour: you are a pimp and a trig, + 

And an Amadis de Gaul, or a Don Quixote. + 

Drugger + 

Or a knight o’ the curious coxcomb, do you see? + 

Enter Ananias. + 

Ananias + 

Peace to the household! + 

Kastril + 

I’ll keep peace for no man. + 

Ananias + 

Casting of dollars is concluded lawful. + 

Kastril + 

Is he the constable? + 

Subtle + 

Peace, Ananias. + 

Face + 

No, sir. + 

Kastril + 

Then you are an otter, and a shad, a whit, + 

A very tim. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

You’ll hear me, sir? + 

Kastril + 

I will not. + 

Ananias + 

What is the motive? + 

Subtle + 

Zeal in the young gentleman, + 

Against his Spanish slops. + 

Ananias + 

They are profane, + 

Lewd, superstitious, and idolatrous breeches. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

New rascals! + 

Kastril + 

Will you begone, sir? + 

Ananias + 

Avoid, Satan! + 

Thou art not of the light: That ruff of pride + 

About thy neck, betrays thee; and is the same + 

With that which the unclean birds, in seventy-seven, + 

Were seen to prank it with on divers coasts: + 

Thou look’st like Antichrist, in that lewd hat. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

I must give way. + 

Kastril + 

Be gone, sir. + 

Pertinax Surly + 

But I’ll take + 

A course with you⁠— + 

Ananias + 

Depart, proud Spanish fiend! + 

Pertinax Surly + 

Captain and Doctor. + 

Ananias + 

Child of perdition! + 

Kastril + 

Hence, sir!⁠— + 

Exit Surly. + 

Did I not quarrel bravely? + 

Face + 

Yes, indeed, sir. + 

Kastril + 

Nay, an I give my mind to’t, I shall do’t. + 

Face + 

O, you must follow, sir, and threaten him tame: + 

He’ll turn again else. + 

Kastril + 

I’ll return him then. + 

Exit. + 

Subtle takes Ananias aside. + 

Face + 

Drugger, this rogue prevented us for thee: + 

We had determined that thou should’st have come + 

In a Spanish suit, and have carried her so; and he, + 

A brokerly slave! Goes, puts it on himself. + 

Hast brought the damask? + 

Drugger + 

Yes, sir. + 

Face + 

Thou must borrow + 

A Spanish suit. Hast thou no credit with the players? + 

Drugger + 

Yes, sir; did you never see me play the Fool? + 

Face + 

I know not, Nab: Aside.⁠—Thou shalt, if I can help it.⁠— + 

Hieronimo’s old cloak, ruff, and hat will serve; + 

I’ll tell thee more when thou bring’st ’em. + 

Exit Drugger. + 

Ananias + 

Sir, I know + 

The Spaniard hates the Brethren, and hath spies + 

Upon their actions: and that this was one + 

I make no scruple.⁠—But the holy Synod + 

Have been in prayer and meditation for it; + 

And ’tis revealed no less to them than me, + 

That casting of money is most lawful. + 

Subtle + 

True. + 

But here I cannot do it: if the house + 

Should chance to be suspected, all would out, + 

And we be locked up in the Tower forever, + 

To make gold there for the state, never come out; + 

And then are you defeated. + 

Ananias + 

I will tell + 

This to the Elders and the weaker Brethren, + 

That the whole company of the separation + 

May join in humble prayer again. + 

Subtle + 

And fasting. + 

Ananias + 

Yea, for some fitter place. The peace of mind + 

Rest with these walls! + 

Exit. + 

Subtle + 

Thanks, courteous Ananias. + 

Face + 

What did he come for? + 

Subtle + 

About casting dollars, + 

Presently out of hand. And so I told him, + 

A Spanish minister came here to spy, + 

Against the faithful⁠— + 

Face + 

I conceive. Come, Subtle, + 

Thou art so down upon the least disaster! + 

How wouldst thou ha’ done, if I had not help’t thee out? + 

Subtle + 

I thank thee, Face, for the angry boy, i’faith. + 

Face + 

Who would have looked it should have been that rascal, + 

Surly? He had dyed his beard and all. Well, sir. + 

Here’s damask come to make you a suit. + 

Subtle + 

Where’s Drugger? + 

Face + 

He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habit; + 

I’ll be the count, now. + 

Subtle + 

But where’s the widow? + 

Face + 

Within, with my lord’s sister; Madam Dol + 

Is entertaining her. + 

Subtle + 

By your favour, Face, + 

Now she is honest, I will stand again. + 

Face + 

You will not offer it. + 

Subtle + 

Why? + 

Face + 

Stand to your word, + 

Or⁠—here comes Dol, she knows⁠— + 

Subtle + 

You are tyrannous still. + 

Enter Dol, hastily. + 

Face + 

Strict for my right.⁠—How now, Dol! + 

Hast [thou] told her, + 

The Spanish count will come? + 

Dol Common + 

Yes; but another is come, + 

You little looked for! + 

Face + 

Who’s that? + 

Dol Common + 

Your master; + 

The master of the house. + 

Subtle + 

How, Dol! + 

Face + 

She lies, + 

This is some trick. Come, leave your quiblins, Dorothy. + 

Dol Common + 

Look out, and see. + 

Face goes to the window. + 

Subtle + 

Art thou in earnest? + 

Dol Common + 

’Slight, + 

Forty of the neighbours are about him, talking. + 

Face + 

’Tis he, by this good day. + 

Dol Common + 

’Twill prove ill day + 

For some on us. + 

Face + 

We are undone, and taken. + 

Dol Common + 

Lost, I’m afraid. + 

Subtle + 

You said he would not come, + 

While there died one a week within the liberties. + 

Face + 

No: ’twas within the walls. + 

Subtle + 

Was’t so! Cry you mercy. + 

I thought the liberties. What shall we do now, Face? + 

Face + 

Be silent: not a word, if he call or knock. + 

I’ll into mine old shape again and meet him, + 

Of Jeremy, the butler. In the meantime, + 

Do you two pack up all the goods and purchase, + 

That we can carry in the two trunks. I’ll keep him + 

Off for today, if I cannot longer: and then + 

At night, I’ll ship you both away to Ratcliff, + 

Where we will meet tomorrow, and there we’ll share. + 

Let Mammon’s brass and pewter keep the cellar; + 

We’ll have another time for that. But, Dol, + 

Prithee go heat a little water quickly; + 

Subtle must shave me: all my Captain’s beard + 

Must off, to make me appear smooth Jeremy. + 

You’ll do it? + 

Subtle + 

Yes, I’ll shave you, as well as I can. + 

Face + 

And not cut my throat, but trim me? + 

Subtle + 

You shall see, sir. + 

Exeunt. + 