March 15 + 

[At a public dinner at the Holborn Restaurant] J⁠⸺⁠replied to the toast of the Ladies. Feeble! H⁠⸺ and I stood and had a silent toast to E⁠⸺ and N⁠⸺ by just winking one eye at each other. He sat opposite me. + 

If I had been asked to reply to this toast I should have said with the greatest gusto, something as follows⁠— + 

[Here follows the imaginary speech in full, composed the same night before going to sleep.] + 

Yet I am taken for a soft fool! My manner is soft, self-conscious, shy. What a lot of self-glorification I lose thereby! What a lot of self-torture I gain in its stead! + 