November 12 + 

What a wreck my existence has become and⁠—dragging down others with me. + 

If only I could rest assured that after I am dead these Journals will be tenderly cared for⁠—as tenderly as this blessed infant! It would be cruel if even after I have paid the last penalty, my efforts and sufferings should continue to remain unknown or disregarded. What I would give to know the effect I shall produce when published! I am tortured by two doubts⁠—whether these MSS. (the labour and hope of many years) will survive accidental loss and whether they really are of any value. I have no faith in either. + 