Chapter_273

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September 28

Having lived on this planet now for the space of twenty-four years, I can claim with some cogency that I am qualified to express some sort of opinion about it. I therefore hereby record that I find myself in an absorbingly interesting place where I live, move and have my being, dominated by one monstrous feature above all others⁠—the mystery of it all! Everything is so astonishing, my own existence so incredible!

Nothing explains itself. Everyone is dumb. It is like walking about at a masqued Ball.⁠ ⁠… Even I myself am a mystery to me. How wonderful and frightening that is⁠—to feel yourself⁠—your innermost and most substantial possession to be a mystery, incomprehensible. I look at myself in the mirror and mock at myself. On some days I am to myself as strange and unfamiliar as a Pterodactyl. There is a certain grim humour in finding myself here possessed of a perfectly arbitrary arrangement of lineaments when I never asked to be here and never selected my own attributes. To the dignity of a human being it seems like a coarse practical joke.⁠ ⁠… My own freakish physique is certainly a joke.