November 9 + 

In the evening asked her to be my wife. She refused. Once perhaps⁠ ⁠… but now.⁠ ⁠… + 

I don’t think I have any moral right to propose to any woman seeing the state of my health and I did not actually intend or wish to.⁠ ⁠… It was just to get it off my mind⁠—a plain statement.⁠ ⁠… If I don’t really and truly love her it was a perfectly heartless comedy. But I have good reason to believe I do. With me, moments of headstrong passion alternate with moods of perfectly immobile self-introspection. It is a relief to have spoken. + 