June 7 + 

My ironical fate lured me this evening into another discussion on marriage in which I had to take up a position exactly opposite to the one I defended yesterday against R⁠⸺. In fact, I actually subverted to my own pressing requirements some of R⁠⸺’s own arguments! The argument, of course, was with Her. + 

Marriage, I urged, was an economic trap for guileless young men, and for my part (to give myself some necessary stiffening) I did not intend to enter upon any such hazardous course, even if I had the chance. Miss ⸻ said I was a funk⁠—to me who the day before had been hammering into R⁠⸺ my principle of “Plunge and damn the consequences.” I was informed I was an old woman afraid to go out without an umbrella, an old tabby cat afraid to leave the kitchen fire, etc., etc. + 

“Yes, I am afraid to go out without an umbrella,” I argued formally, “when it’s raining cats and dogs. As long as I am dry, I shall keep dry. As soon as I find myself caught in the rain or victimised by a passion, I shan’t be afraid of falling in love or getting wet. It would be a misadventure, but I am not going in search of one.” + 

All the same the discussion was very galling, for I was acting a part. + 

… The truth is I have philandered abominably with her. I know it. And now I am jibbing at the idea of marriage.⁠ ⁠… I am such an egotist, I want, I believe, a Princess of the Blood Royal. + 