August 27 + 

My gratuity has turned out to be unexpectedly small. I hoped at least for one year’s salary. And the horrible thing is I might live for several years longer! No one was ever more enthusiastic for death than I am at this moment. I hate this world with its war, and I bitterly regret I never managed to buy laudanum in time. There are only E⁠⸺ and dear R⁠⸺ and one or two others⁠—the rest of the people I know I hate en bloc. If only I could get at them. I hate to have to leave them to themselves without getting my own back. + 