XXV + 

How Simplicissimus Was Transformed from a Boy Into a Girl and Fell Into Divers Adventures of Love + 

From this veracious history it may be seen that all prophecies are not to be despised, as some foolish folk despise them, that will believe nothing. And so can anyone conclude from this that it is hard for any man to avoid his predestined end, whether his mishap be predicted to him long before or shortly before by such prophecies as I have spoken of. And to the question, whether ’tis necessy, or helpful, and good for a man to have his fortune foretold and his nativity cast, I answer only this, that old Herzbruder told me much that I often wished and still wish he had told me nothing of at all: for the misfortunes which he foretold I have never been able to shun, and those that still await me do turn my hair grey, and that to no purpose, because it matters not whether I torment myself or not: they will happen to me as did the rest. But as to strokes of good luck that are prophesied to any man, of them I hold that they be ever deceitful, or at least be not so fully accomplished as the unlucky prophecies. For how did it help me that old Herzbruder swore by all that was holy I was born and bred of noble parents, since I knew of none but my dad and my mammy, which were but common peasants in the Spessart? In like manner, how did it help Wallenstein, the Duke of Friedland, that ’twas prophesied to him he should once be crowned king with stringed music thereto? Doth not all the world know how he was lulled to his ruin at Eger? Others may worry their brains over such questions: but I must to my story. + 

So when I had lost my two Herzbruders in the manner before described, I took a disgust at the whole camp before Magdeburg, which otherwise I had been wont to call a town of flax and straw with earthen walls. For now I was as tired of mine office of a fool as I had had to eat it up with iron spoons: this only I was resolved on: to suffer no man to fool me more, but to be rid of my jester’s garb should it cost me life and limb. And that design I carried out but scurvily, for otherwise I had no opportunity. + 

For Oliver the secretary, which after the old Herzbruder’s death was appointed to be my governor, often gave me permission to ride with the servants a-foraging: so as we came once on a time to a great village, wherein was plunder very fit for the troopers’ purpose, and as each went to and fro into the houses to find what could be carried off, I stole away, and searched to find some old peasant’s clothing for which I could exchange my fool’s cap: yet I found not what I desired but must be content with a woman’s clothing: that I put on, seeing myself alone, and threw mine own away into a corner, imagining now nothing else but that I was delivered from all mine afflictions. In this dress I walked across the street, where were certain officers’ wives, and made such mincing steps as perhaps Achilles did when his mother brought him disguised as a maiden to consort with Lycomedes his daughter: yet was I hardly outside the house when some foragers caught sight of me, and taught me to run faster: for when they cried “Halt, halt;” I ran the quicker, and before they could overtake me I came to the said officers’ ladies, and falling on my knees before them, besought them, in the name of all womanly honour and virtue, they should protect me from those rascals. And this my prayer not only found a good reception, but I was hired by the wife of a captain of horse, whom I served until Magdeburg and the fort at Werben and Havelberg and Perleberg were all taken by our people. + 

The captain’s wife was no baby, but yet young, and came so to dote on my smooth face and straight limbs that at length, after long trouble and vain circumlocutions, she gave me to understand in all too plain German where the shoe pinched. But at that time I was far too conscientious, and pretended I understood not, nor would I show any outward indication by which any man might judge me to be aught but a virtuous maiden. Now the captain and his servant lay sick in that same hospital, so he bade his wife to have me better clothed that she might not be put to shame by my miserable peasant’s kirtle. So that she did and more than she was bidden; for she dressed me up like a French doll, and that did but fan the fire wherewith all three were a-burning: yea, and it waxed so that master and man begged of me that which I could not grant to them, and that which I refused to the lady, though with all manner of courtesy. At last the captain determined to take an opportunity to get by force from me that which ’twas impossible he should have: but that his wife marked, and being in hopes to overcome my resistance in the end, blocked all the ways and laid all manner of obstacles in the path, so that he thought he must in the end go mad or lunatick. Once on a time when my master and mistress were asleep, the servant came to the carriage in which I had to sleep every night, bemoaned his love for me with hot tears, and begged most solemnly for grace and mercy. But I showed myself harder than any stone, and gave him to understand I would keep my chastity till I was married. Then he offered me marriage a thousand times over, yet all he could get from me was an assurance ’twas impossible for me to marry him. Whereupon he became desperate or pretended it, and drawing his sword, set the point at his breast and the hilt against the carriage, and acted just as if he would stab himself. So I thought, the devil is a rogue, and therefore spoke him fair and comforted him, saying I would next morning give him a certain answer: with that he was content and went to bed, but I stayed awake the longer because I reflected on my strange condition: for I could see that in the end my trick must be discovered, for the captain’s wife became more and more importunate with her enticements, the captain more impudent in his designs, and the servant more desperate in his constant love: and out of such a labyrinth I could see no escape. Yet if the lady left me in peace, the captain tormented me, and when I had peace from both of them at night, then the servant beset me, so that my women’s clothes were worse to wear than my fool’s cap. Then indeed (but far too late) I thought of the departed Herzbruder’s prophecy and warning, and could imagine nothing else but that I was already fast in the prison he spoke of and in danger of life and limb. For the woman’s apparel kept me imprisoned, since I could not get out of it, and the captain would have handled me roughly if he had once found out who I was, and had caught me at the toilet with his fair wife. What should I do? I resolved at length the same night to reveal myself to the servant as soon as ’twas day, for I thought, “his desires will then cease, and if thou art free with thy ducats to him he will help thee to man’s clothes again and so out of all thy straits.” Which was all well devised enough if luck would have had it so: but that was against me. For my friend Hans took day to begin just after midnight, and came to get his “Yes” from me, and began to hammer on the carriage-cover even then when I was soundest asleep, calling out a little too loud, “Sabina, Sabina, oh my beloved, rise up and keep your promise to me,” and so waked the captain before me, who had his tent close by the carriage. And now he saw green and yellow before his eyes, for jealousy had already got a hold of him: yet he came not out to disturb us, but only got up, to see how the thing would end. At last the servant woke me with his importunities, and would force me either to come out of the carriage to him or to let him in to me, but I rebuked him and asked did he take me for a whore? My promise of yesterday was on condition of marriage, without which he should have nought to do with me. He answered I must in any case rise, for it began to grow light, to prepare the food for the family in good time: then he would fetch wood and water and light the fire for me. “Well,” said I, “if thou wilt do that I can sleep the longer: only go away and I will soon follow.” Yet as the fool would not give over, I got up, more to do my work than to pleasure him, for methought his desperate madness of yesterday had left him. I should say that I would pass pretty well for a maidservant in the field, for with the Croats I had learned how to boil, bake, and wash: as for spinning, soldiers’ wives do it not on a campaign. All other women’s work which I could not do, such as brushing and braiding hair, my mistress gladly forgave me, for she knew well I had never learned it. + 

But as I came out of the coach with my sleeves turned up, my Hans was so inflamed by the sight of my white arms that he could not refrain himself, but must kiss me; and I not greatly resisting that, the captain, before whose eyes this took place, could bear it no longer, but sprang with drawn sword out of the tent to give my poor lover a thrust: but he ran off and forgot to come back; so says the captain to me, “Thou whore in grain,” says he, “I will teach thee⁠ ⁠…” and more he could not say for very rage, but struck at me as if he were mad. But I beginning to cry out, he must needs stop lest he should alarm the camp: for both armies, Saxon and Imperialist, lay close together expecting the approach of the Swedes under Banér. + 