XIII
Of Simplicissimus’ Strange Fancies and Castles in the Air, and How He Guarded His Treasure
Now they that know the worth of money, and therefore take it for their god, have no little reason on their side; for if there be a man in the world that hath experienced its powers and well-nigh divine virtues, that man am I. For I know how a man fares that hath a fair provision thereof; yet have I never yet known how he should feel that had never a farthing in his pouch. Yea, I could even take upon me to prove that this same money possesses all virtues and powers more than any precious stones; for it can drive away all melancholia like the diamond: it causeth love and inclination to study, like the emerald (for so comes it that commonly students have more money than poor folk’s children): it taketh away fear and maketh man joyful and happy like unto the ruby: ’tis often an hindrance to sleep, like the garnet: on the other hand, it hath great power to produce repose of mind and so sleep, like the jacinth: it strengtheneth the heart and maketh a man jolly and companionable, lively and kind, like the sapphire and amethyst: it driveth away bad dreams, giveth joy, sharpeneth the understanding, and if one have a plaint against another it gaineth him the victory, like the sardius (and in especial if the judge’s palm be first well oiled therewith): it quencheth unchaste desire, for by means of gold one can possess fair women: and in a word, ’tis not to be expressed what gold can do, as I have before set forth in my book intituled Black and White, if any man know how rightly to use and employ this information. As to mine own money that I had then brought together, both with robbery and the finding of this treasure, it had a special power of its own: for first of all it made me prouder than I was before, so much so that it vexed me to the heart that I must still be called “Simplicissimus” only. It spoiled my sleep like the amethyst: for many a night I lay awake and did speculate how I could put it out to advantage and get more to put to it. Yea, and it made me a most perfect reckoner, for I must calculate what mine uncoined silver and gold might be worth, and adding this to that which I had borrowed here and there, and which yet was in my purse, I found without the precious stones a fine overplus. Yet did my money prove to me its inborn roguery and evil inclination to temptation, inasmuch as it did fully expound to me the proverb “He that hath much will ever have more,” and made me so miserly that any man might well have hated me. From my money I got many foolish plans and strange fancies in my brain, and yet could follow out no conceit of all that I devised. At one time I thought I would leave the wars and betake myself somewhither and spend my days in fatness a-looking out of the window; but quickly I did repent me of that, and in especial because I considered what a free life I now led and what hopes I had to become a great Jack. And then my thought was this, “Up and away, Simplicissimus, and get thyself made a nobleman and raise thine own company of dragoons for the emperor at thine own cost: and presently thou art a perfected young lord that with the times can rise yet higher.” Yet as soon as I reflected that this my greatness could be made small by any unlucky engagement, or be ended by a peace that should bring the war soon to a finish, I could not find this plan to my taste. So then I began to wish I had my full age as a man: for hadst thou that, said I to myself, thou couldst take a rich young wife, and so buy thee a nobleman’s estate somewhere and lead a peaceful life. There would I betake myself to the rearing of cattle and enjoy my sufficiency to the full: yet as I knew I was too young for this, I must let that plan go by the board also.
Such and the like conceits had I many, till at last I resolved to give over my best effects to some man of substance in some safe town to keep, and to wait how fortune would further deal with me. Now at that time I had my Jupiter still with me: for indeed I could not be rid of him: and at times the man could talk most reasonably and for weeks together would be sane and sober: but above all things he held me dear for my goodness to him; and seeing me in deep thought he says to me, “Dear son, give away your blood-money; gold, silver, and all.” “And why?” said I, “dear Jupiter?” “Oh,” says he, “to get you friends and be rid of your useless cares.” To which I answered, “I would fain have more of such.” Then says he, “Get more: but in such fashion will ye never in your life have more friends nor more peace: leave it to old misers to be greedy, but do ye so behave as becomes a fine young lad: for ye shall sooner lack good friends than good money.”
So I pondered on the matter, and found that Jupiter reasoned well of the case: yet greed had such hold on me that I could not resolve to give away aught. Yet I did at last present to the commandant a pair of silver-gilt double tankards and to my captain a couple of silver saltcellars, by which I achieved nothing more than to make their mouths water for the rest: for these were rare pieces of antiquity. My true comrade Jump-i’-th’-field I rewarded with twelve rix-dollars; who in return advised me I should either make away with my riches or else expect to fall into misfortune by their means: for, said he, it liked the officers not that a common soldier should have more money than they: and he himself had known this: that one comrade should secretly murder another for the sake of money: till now, said he, I had been able to keep secret what I had gotten in booty, for all believed I had spent it on clothes, horses, and arms: but now I could conceal nought nor make folks believe I had no secret store of money: for each one made out the treasure I had found to be greater than it was: and yet I spent not so much as before. Nor could he help but hear what rumours went about among the men: and were he in my place he would let wars be wars: would settle himself in safety somewhere, and let our Lord God rule the world as He will. But I answered, “Harkye, brother, how can I throw to the winds my hopes of an ensigncy?” “Yea, yea,” says Jump-i’-th’-field, “but devil take me if thou ever get thine ensigncy. The others that wait for it would help to break thy neck a thousand times over if they saw that such a post was vacant and thou to have it. Teach me not how to know salmon from trout, for my father was a fisherman! And be not angry with me, brother, for I have seen how it fares in war longer than thou. Seest thou not how many a sergeant grows grey with his spontoon that deserved to have a company before many others. Thinkest thou they are not fellows that have some right to hope? And indeed they have more right to such promotion than thou, as thou thyself must confess.” Nor could I answer aught, for Jump-i’-th’-field did but speak the truth from an honest German heart, and flattered me not: yet must I bite my lip in secret: for I thought at that time mighty well of myself. Yet I weighed this speech and that of my Jupiter full carefully, and considered that I had no single natural-born friend that would help me in straits or would revenge my death open or secret. And I myself could see plain enough how it stood with me: yet neither my desire of honour nor of money would leave me: and still less my hope to become great, to leave the wars, and to be in peace; nay, rather I held to my first plan; and when a chance offered for Cologne, whither I, with some hundred dragoons, was ordered to convoy certain carriers and wagons of merchandise from Münster, I packed up my treasure, took it with me, and gave it in charge to one of the first merchants of that city to be drawn out on production of an exact list of the things. Now it was seventy-four marks of uncoined silver, fifteen marks of gold, eighty Joachim dollars, and in a sealed casket divers rings and jewels, which, with gold and precious stones, weighed eight and a half pounds in all, together with 893 ancient golden coins that were worth each a gold gulden and a half. With me I took my Jupiter, as he desired it, and had kinsfolk of repute in Cologne: to whom he boasted of the good turns I had done him and caused me to be received of them with great honour. Yet did he never cease to counsel me that I should bestow my money better and buy myself friends that would be of more service to me than money in my purse.