V
How He Shall Reconcile All Religions and Cast Them in the Same Mould
Now Jump-i’-th’-field, who also listened to us, had well-nigh enraged Jupiter and spoiled the whole affair; for said he, “Yea, yea; and then ’twill be in Germany as in fairyland, where it rains muscatels and nought else, and where twopenny pies grow in the night like mushrooms: and I too shall have to eat with both cheeks full at once like a thresher, and drink myself blind with Malvoisie.” “Yea, truly,” said Jupiter, “and that the more because I will curse thee with the undying hunger of Erysichthon, for methinks thou art one of them that do deride my majesty,” and to me said he, “I deemed I was among wood-spirits only: but meseems I have chanced upon a Momus or a Zoilus, the most envious creatures in the world. Is one to reveal to such traitors the decrees of heaven and so to cast pearls before swine?” So I saw plainly he would not willingly brook laughter, and therefore kept down mine own as best I could, and “Most gracious Jupiter,” said I, “thou wilt not, by reason of a rude forest-god’s indiscretion, conceal from thy Ganymede how things are further to happen in Germany.” “No, no,” said he, “but I command this mocker, who is like to Theon, to bridle his evil tongue in future, lest I turn him to a stone as Mercury did Battus. But do thou confess to me thou art truly my Ganymede, and that my jealous Juno hath driven thee from heaven in my absence.” So I promised to tell him all when I should have heard what I desired to know. Thereupon, “Dear Ganymede,” says he, “for deny not that thou art he—in those days shall gold-making be as common in Germany as is pot-making now, and every horseboy shall carry the philosophers’ stone about with him.” “Yea,” said I, “but how can Germany be so long in peace with all these different religions? Will not the opposing clergy urge on their flocks and so hatch another war?” “No, no,” says Jupiter, “my hero will know how to meet that difficulty cleverly, and before all things to unite all Christian religions in the world.” “O wonderful,” said I, “that were indeed a great work! How could it come about?” “I will with all my heart reveal it to thee,” answered Jupiter, “for after my hero hath made peace for all mankind he will address all the heads of the Christian world both spiritual and temporal, in a most moving speech, and so excellently impress upon them their hitherto most pernicious divisions in belief, that of themselves they will desire a general reconciliation and give over to him the accomplishment of such according to his own great wisdom. Then will he gather together the most skilful, most learned, and most pious theologians of all religions and appoint for them a place, as did once Ptolemy for the seventy-two translators, in a cheerful and yet quiet spot, where one can consider weighty matters undisturbed, and there provide them all with meat and drink and all necessaries, and command them so soon as possible, and yet with the ripest and most careful consideration, first to lay aside the strifes that there be between their religions, and next to set down in writing and with full clearness the right, true, holy Christian religion in accordance with Holy Writ; and with most ancient tradition, the recognised sense of the Fathers. At which time Pluto will sorely scratch his head as fearing the lessening of his kingdom: yea, and will devise all manner of plans and tricks to foist in an ‘and,’ and if not to stop the whole thing, yet at least to postpone it sine die, that is forever. So will he hint to each theologian of his interest, his order, his peaceful life, his wife and child, and his privileges, and aught else that might sway his inclinations. But my brave hero also will not be idle: he will so long as this council shall last have all the bells in Christendom rung, and so call all Christian people to pray without ceasing to the Almighty, and to ask for the sending of the Spirit of Truth. And if he shall see that one or another doth allow himself to be tempted by Pluto, then will he plague the whole assembly with hunger as in a Roman conclave, and if they yet delay to complete so holy a work, then will he preach them all a sermon through the gallows, or show them his wonderful sword, and so first with kindness, but at last with severity and threats, bring them to come to the business in hand, and no longer as before to befool the world with their stiff-necked false doctrines. So when unity is arrived at, then will he proclaim a great festival and declare to the whole world this purified religion; and whosoever opposes it, him will he torment with pitch and sulphur or smear that heretic with box-grease and present him to Pluto as a New Year’s gift. And now, dear Ganymede, thou knowest all thou didst desire to know: and now tell me in turn the reason why thou hast left heaven, where thou hast poured me so many a draught of nectar.”