XVIII
How Simplicissimus Wasted His Spring in the Wrong Place
In this wise we came to converse with one another, and I found so much courtesy among them that they invited me to sit down and offered me a piece of black bread and thin cow’s milk cheese, both of which I did thankfully accept. At last they became so familiar with me that they hinted I should, as a travelling scholar, tell their fortunes: and I, knowing somewhat of physiognomies and palmistry, began to tell to one after the other such stuff as I deemed would content them, that I might not lose credit with them; for in spite of all I was not at my ease among these wild woodmen. Then would they learn curious arts from me: but I fobbed them off with promises for the next day, and desired they would suffer me to rest a little. And having so played the gipsy for them. I laid myself down a little apart, more to listen and to perceive how they were minded than as having any great desire to sleep (though my appetite thereto was not lacking); and the more I snored the more wakeful they appeared. So they put their heads together and began to dispute one against another who I might be: they held that I could be no soldier because I wore black clothing, nor no townsman-blade, that could so suddenly appear far from all men’s dwellings in the Muckenloch (for so was the wood called) at so unwonted a time. At the last they resolved I must be a journeyman Latinist that had lost his way, or, as I myself had declared, a travelling scholar, because I could so excellently tell fortunes. “Yea,” says another, “yet he knew not all for that reason: ’tis some wandering soldier, maybe, that hath so disguised himself to spy out our cattle and the secret ways of the wood. Aha! if we knew that we would so put him to sleep that he should forget ever to wake again.” But another quickly took him up, that held the contrary and would have me to be somewhat else. Meanwhile I lay there and pricked up my ears and thought, “If these clodhoppers set upon me, two or three of them will need to bite the dust before they make an end of me.” But while they took counsel and I tormented myself with fears, of a sudden I found myself lying in a pool of water. O horrors! now was Troy lost and all my splendid plans gone to naught, for by the smell I perceived ’twas mine own mineral spring. With that, for very rage and despite, I fell into such a frenzy that I well-nigh had fallen on those six peasants and fought them all. “Ye godless rogues,” says I to them, and therewith sprang up with my terrible cudgel, “by this spring that welleth forth where I have lain ye well may see who I am; it were small wonder if I should so trounce ye all that the devil should fetch ye, because ye have dared to cherish such evil thoughts in your hearts,” and thereto I added looks so threatening and terrible that all were afraid of me. Yet presently I came to myself and perceived what folly I committed. “Nay,” thought I, “ ’tis better to lose the spring than one’s life, and that thou canst easily forfeit if thou attack these clowns.” So I gave them fair words again, and before they could recollect themselves: “Arise,” said I, “and taste of this noble spring which ye and all other woodmen and resin-gatherers will henceforth be able to enjoy in this wilderness through my help.”
Now this my discourse they understood not, but looked one upon another like live stockfish till they saw me very soberly take the first draught out of my hat. Then one by one they arose from beside their fire, and looked upon this miracle and tasted the water; but instead of being grateful to me as they should have been, they began to curse and said they would I had chanced on some other spot with my spring: for if their lord came to know of it, then must the whole district of Dornstett do forced-work to make a road thither, which would bring great hardship upon them. “But,” says I, “on the contrary, ye will all have your profit therefrom: for ye can turn your fowls, your eggs, your butter, and your cattle and the rest more easily into money.” “Nay, nay,” said they, “the lord will put in an innkeeper that will take all the profit alone: and we must be his poor fools to keep road and path in trim for him, and earn no thanks thereby.”
But at last they disagreed: for two were for keeping the spring and four demanded of me that I should take it away; which, had it been in my power, I had willingly done whether it pleased them or teased them. So as day began to break, and I had no more to do there, but must rather take heed lest we came together by the ears, I said that unless they were minded that all the cows in that valley should give red milk as long as the spring flowed they must presently show me the way to Seebach; with which they were content, and to that end sent two of them with me; for one had feared to go with me alone.
So I departed thence, and though the whole land there was barren and bore nothing but pine-cones, yet would I with a curse have made it yet poorer, for there I had lost all my hopes; yet went I silently enough with my guides till I came to the top of the hill, where I could a little trace my way by the lie of the country. And there I said to them, “Now, my masters, ye can turn your new spring to fine profit if ye go forthwith and tell your lords of its coming up; for that will bring ye a rich reward, seeing that the prince will surely build about it for the glory and gain of the country, and for the promotion of his own interest will have it made known to all the world.” “Yea,” said they, “fools should we be in truth so to bind rods for our own backs; we had rather the devil would take thee and thy spring too: thou hast heard enough to know why we desire it not.” “Ah, miscreants!” quoth I, “should I not call ye disloyal rogues that depart so far from the ways of your pious forefathers, which were so true to their prince that he could boast that he might venture to lay his head upon the knees of any of his subjects and there sleep in safety. But ye blackcaps, to ’scape a trifling task for which ye would in time be recompensed and of which all your posterity would reap a rich reward, ye be so dishonest as to refuse to make known this healing spring, which were both to the profit of your worshipful prince and also to the welfare and health of many a sick man. What would it cost ye though each should do a few days’ forced work to that end?” “How,” said they, “we would rather kill thee that thy spring might remain unknown.” “Ye night-birds,” says I, “there must be more of ye for that,” and therewith heaved up my cudgel and chased them to all the devils, and thereafter went my way down hill westwards and southwards, and so came after much toil and tumble about sunset to my farm, and found it true indeed what my dad had prophesied to me, namely, that I should get naught from this pilgrimage save weary legs and the way back for the way thither.