XXIX
How a Man Step by Step May Attain Unto Intoxication and Finally Unawares Become Blind Drunk
At this banquet (and I take it it happens likewise at others) all came to table like Christians. Grace was said very quietly, and to all appearance very piously. And this pious silence lasted as long as they had to deal with the soup and the first courses, as one had been at a Quakers’ meeting. But hardly had each one said “God’s blessing!” three or four times when all was already livelier. Nor can I describe how each one’s voice grew louder and louder: I could but compare the whole company to an orator, that beginneth softly at the first and endeth with thunder. Then dishes were served called savouries, which, being strongly seasoned, are appointed to be eaten before the drinking begin, that it may go the livelier, and likewise dessert, to give a flavour to the wine, to say nothing of all manner of French pottages and Spanish olla podridas, which by a thousand artful preparations and unnumbered ingredients were in such wise spiced, devilled, disguised, and seasoned (and all to further the drinking) that they, by such added ingredients and spices, were altogether changed in their substance and different from what Nature had made them, so that Gnaeus Manlius himself, though he had come direct from Africa and had with him the best of cooks, yet had not recognised them. Then thought I: “Is’t not like enough that these things should disturb the senses of any man who can take delight in them and the drink too (whereto they be specially appointed) and change him, or even transform him, to a beast? Who knows if even Circe used any other means but these when she did change Ulysses his companions into swine?” For I saw how these guests at one time devoured the food like hogs and then swilled like sows, then carried themselves like asses, and last of all were as sick as farmers’ dogs. The noble wines of Hochheim, of Bacharach, and of Klingenberg they tipped into their bellies in glasses as big as buckets, which presently showed their effects higher up, in the head. And thereupon I saw with wonder how all changed; for here were reputable folk, which just before were in possession of their five senses and sitting in peace by one another, now beginning of a sudden to act the fool and to play the silliest tricks in the world. And the great follies which they did commit and the huge draughts which they drank to each other became bigger as time went on, so that it seemed as if fooleries and draughts strove with each other which of them should be accounted the greater: but at last this contest ended in a filthy piggishness. ’Twas not wonderful that I understood not whence their giddiness came: inasmuch as the effect of wine, and drunkenness itself, were until now quite unknown to me: and this left in my roguish remembrance thereafter all manner of merry pranks and fantastic imaginings: their strange looks I could see; but the cause of their condition I knew not. Indeed up till then each one had emptied the pot with a good appetite: but when now their bellies were full ’twas as hard with them as with a wagoner, that can fare well enough with his team over level ground, yet up the hill can scarcely toil. But though their heads were bemused, their want of strength was made good: in one man’s case by his courage, well soaked in wine: in another the loyal desire to drink yet one health to his friend: in a third that German chivalry which must do his neighbour right. But even such efforts must fail in the long run. Then would one challenge another to pour the wine in in buckets to the health of the princes or of dear friends or of a mistress. And at this many a one’s eyes turned in his head, and the cold sweat broke out: yet still the drinking must go on; yea, at the last they must make a noise with drums, fifes, and stringed instruments, and shot off the ordnance, doubtless for this cause, because the wine must take their bellies by assault. Then did I wonder where they could be rid of it all, for I knew not that they would turn out the same before ’twas well warm within them (and that with great pains) out of the very place into which they had just before poured it to the great danger of their health.
At this feast was also my pastor: and because he was a man like other men, he must retire for a while. So I followed him and “Pastor,” said I, “why do these folk behave so strangely? How comes it that they do reel this way and that? Sure it seems to me they be no longer in their senses; for they have all eaten and drunken themselves full, and swear devil take them if they can drink more, and yet they cease not to swill. Be they compelled thereto, or is it in God’s despite that they of their free will waste all things so wantonly?”
“Dear child,” answered the pastor, “when the wine is in the wit is out. This is nought compared with what is to come. Tomorrow at daybreak ’twill be hardly time for them to break up; for though they have already crammed their bellies, yet they are not yet right merry.”
So I answered, “Then do not their bellies burst if they stuff them so continually? Can, then, their souls, which are God’s image, abide in such fat hog’s bodies, in which they lie, as it were, in dark cells and verminous dungeons, imprisoned without knowledge of God? Their precious souls, I say, how can they so let themselves be tortured? Be not their senses, of which their souls should be served, buried as in the bowels of unreasoning beasts?”
“Hold thou thy tongue,” answered the pastor, “or thou mayest get thee a sound thrashing: here ’tis no time to preach, or I could do it better than thou.” So when I heard this I looked on in silence further, and saw how they wantonly spoiled food and drink, notwithstanding that the poor Lazarus, that might have been nourished therewith, languished, before our gates in the shape of many hundred expelled peasants of the Wetterau, whose hunger looked out through their eyes: for in the town there was famine.