A Competitor + 

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, + 

My legs are not so very straight; + 

My spine, I’m sorry to observe, + 

Maintains a most rebellious curve; + 

My neck is skinny, and my bust + 

Would justify a husband’s trust. + 

But papa thinks his Mary Ann + 

Is built upon a gorgeous plan. + 

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, + 

I take the liberty to state + 

That Venuses would go on strike + 

If ordered to be all alike; + 

For some are made for this, and some + 

For that⁠—you take ’em as they come. + 

But papa says: “My Mary Ann + 

Knocks out the whole damn caravan!” + 

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, + 

They think in Greaserville I’m great⁠— + 

They say in Greaserville: “You bet + 

She’ll make them hens get up and get! + 

She’s just a bird!” So when I clout + 

Myself in cheese-cloth you look out! + 

For papa says: “My Mary Ann + 

Has win whenever she has ran.” + 

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, + 

I’m giving you the business straight: + 

Make any standards that you please + 

Beneath my cloth I’m just the cheese. + 

I care not what the artists say⁠— + 

I’m in it and I’m in to stay. + 

For papa says: “If Mary Ann + 

Will advertise she’ll get a man.” + 

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, + 

Head Venus-herder of the State, + 

Round up your girls. But Frona, dear + 

I think it very, very queer + 

That you yourself do not compete. + 

Are you too plump or too petite? + 

My papa says: “Why, Mary Ann, + 

She’s from Beërsheba to Dan!” + 