Vice Versa + 

Down in the state of Maine, the story goes, + 

A woman, to secure a lapsing pension, + 

Married a soldier⁠—though the good Lord knows + 

That very common act scarce takes attention. + 

What makes it worthy to be writ and read⁠— + 

The man she married had been nine hours dead! + 

Now, marrying a corpse is not an act + 

Familiar to our daily observation, + 

And so I crave her pardon if the fact + 

Suggests this interesting speculation: + 

Should some mischance restore the man to life + 

Would she be then a widow, or a wife? + 

Let casuists contest the point; I’m not + 

Disposed to grapple with so great a matter. + 

’Twould tie my thinker in a double knot + 

And drive me staring mad as any hatter⁠— + 

Though I submit that hatters are, in fact, + 

Sane, and all other human beings cracked. + 

Small thought have I of Destiny or Chance; + 

Luck seems to me the same thing as Intention; + 

In metaphysics I could ne’er advance, + 

And think it of the Devil’s own invention. + 

Enough of joy to know: Though when I wed + 

I must be married, yet I may be dead. + 