In Warning + 

They tell us, dear Kipling, you’re coming to shoot + 

In the hills of the wide, wild West. + 

There’s a lot of cost and a risk to boot⁠— + 

I don’t at all think it is best, + 

And hope it is only a jest. + 

For, Rudyard, although you’re a terrible swell + 

You’re not in high favor out here; + 

For you said San Francisco was meaner than⁠—well, + 

You said it was very small beer + 

And Chicago uncommonly queer. + 

You put your legs under our tables, you did, + 

You dined at the Jollidog Club; + 

And when of your hunger you well were rid + 

(And your manners too) like a cub + 

You snarled at the speeches and grub. + 

You said⁠—I don’t know the one half that you said, + 

But I know you pretended to meet + 

Some folk that existed not out of your head + 

Or an English comical sheet. + 

And you vilified Kearny street! + 

Our statesman apparently didn’t get far + 

In the favor of one so too, + 

Too utterly fine. Nor the plump cigar + 

Nor the shiny hat could woo + 

The sweet and beautiful You. + 

But hardest of all our hearts you wrung + 

With assorted pangs and woes + 

When you said you could speak the English tongue, + 

But not the American nose. + 

And you damned our orators o’s! + 

For all of this and for all of that + 

You’d better abate your flame, + 

And remain where pheasants are tame and fat + 

And the sportsman takes his aim, + 

As a general thing, at the game. + 

Out here when we go to shoot, perhaps + 

Nor beast nor bird we see; + 

So we just let go at the Britisher chaps + 

Who have made remarks too free, + 

And the same surcease to be. + 