For Expulsion + 

They say, Brig. Roberts, you have seven wives, + 

And every one a beauty! As to that + 

I’m not informed; in the domestic hives + 

Of Utah, where I’ve sometimes hung my hat, + 

Not all the dames were comely. Like a cat + 

That has nine lives and must support them all, + 

You have to hustle round a bit, I fancy. + 

Now don’t you really agree with Paul + 

That women are the devil?⁠—even Nancy + 

And Mary Jane and Caroline and Ella + 

And Ruth and Adeline and Isabella! + 

If I had half as many wives as you + 

(That’s three wives and a half as I compute) + 

I hardly know what I’d be driven to. + 

I might in desperation play the flute, + 

Or Congress find in me a raw recruit. + 

Then, I suppose, the country would uprise + 

And say the things I least should care to hear: + 

And virtuous editors would damn my eyes, + 

And cartilaginous virgins pain my ear. + 

And now and then some pious person clamor, + 

Blessed with one wife, ten wenches and no grammar. + 

All that and more you’re suffering, my friend, + 

For, having married all the maids you saw, + 

You contumaciously refuse to bend + 

A corrigible back to altered law + 

And leave them (all but one) lamenting. Pshaw! + 

Don’t be so squeamish. Yes, the children may + 

Lament a little too when made acquainted + 

With their mischance in being put away, + 

And your own countenance with shame be painted; + 

But that’s the smallest price for which we’ll sell + 

A seat in Congress and a bed in Hell. + 