III + 

I + 

A memorial service was held for Vernon in the little old church at Abbotsford under the shadows of Abbots Puissants, as it had been held for his father. The two last of the Deyres were not to lie in the family vault. One in South Africa, one in France. + 

In NellтАЩs memory afterwards the proceedings seemed shadowed by the monumental bulk of Mrs.┬аLevinneтБатАФa vast matriarchal figure dwarfing everything else. She herself had to bite her lips not to laugh hysterically. The whole thing was so funny somehowтБатАФso unlike Vernon. + 

Her mother was there, elegant and aloof. Uncle Sydney was there, in black broadcloth, restraining himself from jingling his money with great difficulty, and with a suitable тАЬmournerтАЩsтАЭ face. Myra Deyre was there in heavy crape, weeping copiously and unrestrainedly. But it was Mrs.┬аLevinne who dominated the proceedings. She came back with them afterwards to the sitting-room at the inn, identifying herself with the family. + 

тАЬPoor dear boyтБатАФpoor dear gallant boy! IтАЩve always thought of him like another thon.тАЭ + 

She was genuinely distressed. Tears splashed down on her black bodice. She patted Myra on the shoulder. + 

тАЬNow, now, my dear, you mustnтАЩt take on so. You mustnтАЩt indeed. ItтАЩs our duty, all of us, to bear up. You gave him to his country. You couldnтАЩt do more. HereтАЩs NellтБатАФas brave as can be.тАЭ + 

тАЬEverything I had in the world,тАЭ sobbed Myra. тАЬFirst husband, then son. Nothing left.тАЭ + 

She stared ahead of her through blood-suffused eyes in a kind of ecstasy of bereavement. + 

тАЬThe very best sonтБатАФwe were everything to each other.тАЭ She caught Mrs.┬аLevinneтАЩs hand. тАЬYouтАЩll know what it feels like if SebastianтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

A spasm of fear passed across Mrs.┬аLevinneтАЩs face. She clenched her hands. + 

тАЬI see theyтАЩve sent up some sandwiches and some port,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney, creating a diversion. тАЬVery thoughtful. Very thoughtful. A little drop of port, Myra dear. YouтАЩve been through a great strain, you know.тАЭ + 

Myra waved away port with a horror-stricken hand. Uncle Sydney was made to feel that he had displayed callousness. + 

тАЬWeтАЩve all got to keep up,тАЭ he said. тАЬItтАЩs our duty.тАЭ + 

His hand stole to his pocket and he began to jingle. + 

тАЬSyd!тАЭ + 

тАЬSorry, Myra.тАЭ + 

Again Nell felt that wild desire to giggle. She didnтАЩt want to cry. She wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh.тБатАКтБатАж AwfulтБатАФto feel like that. + 

тАЬI thought everything went off very nicely,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney. тАЬVery nicely indeed. A most impressive lot of the villagers attended. You wouldnтАЩt like to stroll round Abbots Puissants? That was a very nice letter putting it at our disposal today.тАЭ + 

тАЬI hate the place,тАЭ said Myra vehemently. тАЬI always have.тАЭ + 

тАЬI suppose, Nell, youтАЩve seen the lawyers? I understand Vernon made a perfectly simple will before going out to France, leaving everything to you. In that case, Abbots Puissants is now yours. It was not entailed and in any case there are no Deyres now in existence.тАЭ + 

Nell said: тАЬThank you, Uncle Sydney, IтАЩve seen the lawyer. He was very kind and explained everything to me.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs more than any lawyer can do as a rule,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney. тАЬThey make the simplest thing sound difficult. ItтАЩs not my business to advise you, but I know thereтАЩs no man in your family who can do so. Much the best thing you can do is to sell it. ThereтАЩs no money to keep it up, you know. You understand that?тАЭ + 

Nell did understand. She saw that Uncle Sydney was making it clear to her that no Bent money was coming her way. Myra would leave her money back to her own family. That, of course, was only natural. Nell would never have dreamed of anything else. + 

As a matter of fact, Uncle Sydney had at once tackled Myra as to whether there was a child coming. Myra said she didnтАЩt think so. Uncle Sydney said she had better make sure. тАЬI donтАЩt know exactly how the law stands, but as it is, if you were to pop off tomorrow having left your money to Vernon, it might go to her. No good taking any chances.тАЭ + 

Myra said tearfully that it was very unkind of him to suggest that she was going to die. + 

тАЬNothing of the sort. You women are all alike. Carrie sulked for a week when I insisted on her making a proper will. We donтАЩt want good money to go out of the family.тАЭ + 

Above all, he did not want good money to go to Nell. He disliked Nell whom he regarded as EnidтАЩs supplanter. And he loathed Mrs.┬аVereker, who always managed to make him feel hot and clumsy and uncertain about his hands. + 

тАЬNell, of course, will take legal advice,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker sweetly. + 

тАЬDonтАЩt think I want to butt in,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney. + 

Nell felt a passionate pang of regret. If only she were going to have a child. Vernon had been so afraid for her. тАЬIt would be so dreadful for you, darling, if I were to be killed and you were left with all the trouble and worry of a child and very little moneyтБатАФBesidesтБатАФyou never knowтБатАФyou might die. I couldnтАЩt bear to risk it.тАЭ + 

And really, it had seemed better and more prudent to wait. + 

But now she was sorry. Her motherтАЩs consolations had seemed coldly brutal to her. + 

тАЬYouтАЩre not going to have a baby, are you, Nell? Well, I must say IтАЩm thankful. Naturally, youтАЩll marry again and itтАЩs so much better when there are no encumbrances.тАЭ + 

In answer to a passionate protest, Mrs.┬аVereker had smiled. тАЬI oughtnтАЩt to have said that just now. But you are only a girl still. Vernon himself would have wanted you to be happy.тАЭ + 

Nell thought: тАЬNever! She doesnтАЩt understand!тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, well, itтАЩs a sad world,тАЭ said Mr.┬аBent, surreptitiously helping himself to a sandwich. тАЬThe flower of our manhood being mown down. But all the same IтАЩm proud of England. IтАЩm proud of being an Englishman. I like to feel that IтАЩm doing my bit in England just as much as these boys are doing it out there. WeтАЩre doubling our output of explosives next month. Night and day shifts. IтАЩm proud of BentтАЩs, I can tell you.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt must be wonderfully profitable,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker. + 

тАЬThatтАЩs not the way I like to look at it,тАЭ said Mr.┬аBent. тАЬI like to look at it that IтАЩm serving my country.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, I hope we all try to do our bit,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аLevinne. тАЬI have a working party twice a week, and IтАЩm interethting myself in all these poor girls who are having war babieth.тАЭ + 

тАЬThereтАЩs too much loose thinking going about,тАЭ said Mr.┬аBent. тАЬWe mustnтАЩt get lax. England has never been lax.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, weтАЩve got to look after the children at any rate,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аLevinne. She added: тАЬHow is Joe? I thought I might see her here today.тАЭ + 

Both Uncle Sydney and Myra looked embarrassed. It was clear that Joe was what is known as a тАЬdelicate subject.тАЭ They skated lightly over the topic. War work in ParisтБатАФvery busyтБатАФunable to get leave. + 

Mr.┬аBent looked at his watch. + 

тАЬMyra, weтАЩve not too much time before the train. Must get back tonight. Carrie, my wife, you know, is very far from well. ThatтАЩs why she wasnтАЩt able to be here today.тАЭ He sighed. тАЬItтАЩs odd how often things turn out for the best. It was a great disappointment to us not having a son. And yet, in a way, weтАЩve been spared a good deal. Think of the anxiety we might be in today. The ways of Providence are wonderful.тАЭ + 

Mrs.┬аVereker said to Nell when they had taken leave of Mrs.┬аLevinne, who motored them back to London: тАЬOne thing I do hope, Nell, is that you wonтАЩt think it your duty to see a lot of your in-laws. I dislike the way that woman wallowed in her grief more than I can tell you. She was thoroughly enjoying herself, though I dare say sheтАЩd have preferred a proper coffin.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! MotherтБатАФshe was really unhappy. She was awfully fond of Vernon. As she said, he was all she had in the world.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs a phrase women like her are very fond of using. It means nothing at all. And youтАЩre not going to pretend to me that Vernon adored his mother. He merely tolerated her. They had nothing in common. He was a Deyre through and through.тАЭ + 

Nell couldnтАЩt deny that. + 

She stayed at her motherтАЩs flat in town for three weeks. Mrs.┬аVereker was very kind within her own limits. She was not a sympathetic woman at any time, but she respected NellтАЩs grief and did not intrude upon it. Upon practical matters her judgment was, as it always had been, excellent. There were various interviews with lawyers and Mrs.┬аVereker was present at all of them. + 

Abbots Puissants was still let. The tenancy would be up the following year, and the lawyer strongly advised its sale rather than reletting it. Mrs.┬аVereker, to NellтАЩs surprise, did not seem to concur with this view. She suggested a further let of not too long duration. + 

тАЬSo much may happen in a few years,тАЭ she said. + 

Mr.┬аFlemming looked hard at her and seemed to catch her meaning. His glance rested just for a moment on Nell, fair and childish-looking in her mourning. + 

тАЬAs you say,тАЭ he remarked, тАЬmuch may happen. At any rate, nothing need be decided for a year.тАЭ + 

Business matters settled, Nell returned to the hospital at Wiltsbury. She felt that there, and there only, could life be at all possible. Mrs.┬аVereker did not oppose her. She was a sensible woman and she had her own plans. + 

A month after VernonтАЩs death, Nell was once more back in the ward. Nobody ever referred to her loss and she was grateful. To carry on as usual was the motto of the moment. + 

Nell carried on. + 

II + 

тАЬThereтАЩs someone asking for you, Nurse Deyre.тАЭ + 

тАЬFor me?тАЭ Nell was surprised. + 

It must be Sebastian. Only he was likely to come down here and look her up. Did she want to see him or not? She hardly knew. + 

But to her great surprise, her visitor was George Chetwynd. He explained that he was passing through Wiltsbury, and had stopped to see if he could see her. He asked whether she couldnтАЩt come out to lunch with him. + 

тАЬI thought you were on afternoon duty,тАЭ he explained. + 

тАЬI was changed to the morning shift yesterday. IтАЩll ask Matron. WeтАЩre not very busy.тАЭ + 

Permission was accorded her, and half an hour later she was sitting opposite George Chetwynd at the County Hotel with a plate of roast beef in front of her and a waiter hovering over her with a vast dish of cabbage. + 

тАЬThe only vegetable the County Hotel knows,тАЭ observed Chetwynd. + 

He talked interestingly and made no reference to her loss. All he said was that her continuing to work here was the pluckiest thing he had ever heard of. + 

тАЬI canтАЩt tell you how I admire all you women. Carrying on, tackling one job after another. No fussтБатАФno heroicsтБатАФjust sticking to it as though it were the most natural thing in the world. I think Englishwomen are fine.тАЭ + 

тАЬOne must do something.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know. I can understand that feeling. AnythingтАЩs better than sitting with your hands in your lap, eh?тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs it.тАЭ + 

She was grateful. George always understood. He told her that he was off to Serbia in a day or two, organizing relief work there. + 

тАЬFrankly,тАЭ he said, тАЬIтАЩm ashamed of my country for not coming in. But they will. IтАЩm convinced of that. ItтАЩs only a matter of time. In the meantime we do what we can to alleviate the horrors of war.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou look very well.тАЭ + 

He looked younger than she remembered himтБатАФwell set up, bronzed, the grey in his hair a mere distinction rather than a sign of age. + 

тАЬIтАЩm feeling well. Nothing like having plenty to do. Relief workтАЩs pretty strenuous.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhen are you off?тАЭ + 

тАЬDay after tomorrow.тАЭ He paused, then said in a different voice. тАЬLook hereтБатАФyou didnтАЩt mind my looking you up like this? You donтАЩt feel IтАЩd no business to butt in?тАЭ + 

тАЬNoтБатАФno. It was very kind of you. Especially after IтБатАФIтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬYou know IтАЩve never borne any rancour over that. I admire you for following your heart. You loved him and you didnтАЩt love me. But thereтАЩs no reason we shouldnтАЩt be friends, is there?тАЭ + 

He looked so friendly, so very unsentimental, that Nell answered happily that there wasnтАЩt. + 

He said: тАЬThatтАЩs fine. And youтАЩll let me do anything for you that a friend can? Advise you in any bothers that arise, I mean?тАЭ + 

Nell said sheтАЩd be only too grateful. + 

They left it like that. He departed in his car shortly after lunch, wringing her hand and saying he hoped theyтАЩd meet again in about six monthsтАЩ time, and begging her again to consult him if she were in a difficulty any time. + 

Nell promised that she would. + 

III + 

The winter was a bad one for Nell. She caught a cold, neglected to take proper care of herself, and was quite ill for a week or so. She was quite unfit to resume hospital work at the end of it, and Mrs.┬аVereker carried her off to London to her flat. There she regained strength slowly. + 

Endless bothers seemed to arise. Abbots Puissants appeared to need an entire new roof. New water pipes had to be installed. The fencing was in a bad state. + 

Nell appreciated for the first time the awful drain property can be. The rent was eaten up many times over with the necessary repairs, and Mrs.┬аVereker had to come to the rescue to tide Nell over a difficult corner and not let her get too much into debt. They were living as penuriously as possible. Vanished were the days of outward show and credit. Mrs.┬аVereker managed to make both ends meet by a very narrow margin, and would hardly have done that but for what she won at the bridge table. She was a first-class player and added materially to her income by play. She was out most of the day at a bridge club that still survived. + 

It was a dull unhappy life for Nell. Worried over money, not strong enough to undertake fresh work, nothing to do but sit and brood. Poverty combined with love in a cottage was one thing. Poverty without love to soften it was another. Sometimes Nell wondered how she was ever going to get through a life that stretched drear and bleak ahead of her. She couldnтАЩt bear things. She simply couldnтАЩt. + 

Then Mr.┬аFlemming urged her to make a decision concerning Abbots Puissants. The tenancy would be up in a month or two. Something must be done. He could not hold out any hopes of letting it for a higher rent. Nobody wanted to rent big places without central heating or modern conveniences. He strongly advised her to sell. + 

He knew the feeling her husband had had about the place. But since she herself was never likely to be able to afford to live in itтБатАКтБатАж + 

Nell admitted the wisdom of what he said, but still pleaded for time to decide. She was reluctant to sell it, but she could not help feeling that the worry of Abbots Puissants once off her mind she would be relieved from her heaviest burden. Then one day Mr.┬аFlemming rang up to say that he had had a very good offer for Abbots Puissants. He mentioned a sum far in excess of herтБатАФor indeed hisтБатАФexpectations. He very strongly advised her to close with it without delay. + 

Nell hesitated a minute, then said тАЬYes.тАЭ + 

IV + 

It was extraordinary how much happier she felt at once. Free of that terrible incubus! It wasnтАЩt as though Vernon had lived. Houses and estates were simply white elephants when you hadnтАЩt the necessary money to keep them up properly. + 

She was undisturbed even by a letter from Joe in Paris. + 

How can you sell Abbots Puissants when you know what Vernon felt about it? I should have thought it would be the last thing you could have done. + 

She thought: тАЬJoe doesnтАЩt understand.тАЭ + 

She wrote back: + 

What was I to do? I donтАЩt know where to turn for money. ThereтАЩs been the roof and the drains and the waterтБатАФitтАЩs endless. I canтАЩt go on running into debt. EverythingтАЩs so tiring I wish I were dead.тБатАКтБатАж + 

Three days later she got a letter from George Chetwynd, asking if he might come and see her. He had, he said, something to confess. + 

Mrs.┬аVereker was out. She received him alone. He broke it rather apprehensively to her. It was he who had purchased Abbots Puissants. + 

Just at first she recoiled from the idea. Not George! Not George at Abbots Puissants! Then with admirable common sense he argued the point. + 

Surely it was better that it should pass into his hands instead of those of a stranger? He hoped that sometimes she and her mother would come and stay there. + 

тАЬIтАЩd like you to feel that your husbandтАЩs home is open to you at any time. I want to change things there as little as possible. You shall advise me. Surely you prefer my having it to its passing into the hands of some vulgarian who will fill it with gilt and spurious Old Masters?тАЭ + 

In the end she wondered why she had felt any objection. Better George than anyone. And he was so kind and understanding about everything. She was tired and worried. She broke down suddenly, cried on his shoulder whilst he put an arm round her and told her that everything was all right, that it was only because sheтАЩd been ill. + 

Nobody could have been kinder or more brotherly. + 

When she told her mother Mrs.┬аVereker said: тАЬI knew George was looking out for a place. ItтАЩs lucky heтАЩs chosen Abbots Puissants. HeтАЩs probably haggled less about the price simply because he was once in love with you.тАЭ + 

The remote way she said тАЬonce in love with youтАЭ made Nell feel comfortable. She had imagined that her mother might have тАЬideasтАЭ still about George Chetwynd. + 

V + 

That summer they went down and stayed at Abbots Puissants. They were the only guests. Nell had not been there since she was a child. A deep regret came upon her that she could not have lived there with Vernon. The house was truly beautiful, and so were the stately gardens and the ruined Abbey. + 

George was in the middle of doing up the house and he consulted her taste at every turn. Nell began to feel quite a proprietary interest. She was almost happy again, enjoying the ease and luxury and the freedom from anxiety. + 

True, once she received the money from Abbots Puissants and had invested it she would have a nice little income, but she dreaded the onus of deciding where to live and what to do. She was not really happy with her mother, and all her own friends seemed to have drifted out of touch. She hardly knew where to go or what to do with her life. + 

Abbots Puissants gave her just the peace and rest she needed. She felt sheltered there and safe. She dreaded the return to town. + 

It was the last evening. George had pressed them to remain longer, but Mrs.┬аVereker had declared that they really couldnтАЩt trespass any longer on his hospitality. + 

Nell and George walked together on the long flagged walk. It was a still, balmy evening. + 

тАЬIt has been lovely here,тАЭ said Nell, with a little sigh. тАЬI hate going back.тАЭ + 

тАЬI hate your going back too.тАЭ He paused and then said very quietly: тАЬI suppose thereтАЩs no chance for me, is there, Nell?тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know what you mean?тАЭ + 

But she did knowтБатАФshe knew at once. + 

тАЬI bought this house because I hoped some day youтАЩd live here. I wanted you to have the home that was rightfully yours. Are you going to spend your whole life nursing a memory, Nell? Do you think heтБатАФVernonтБатАФwould wish it? I never think of the dead like thatтБатАФas grudging happiness to the living. I think he would want you to be looked after and taken care of now that he isnтАЩt here to do it.тАЭ + 

She said in a low voice: тАЬI canтАЩtтБатАКтБатАж I canтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou mean you canтАЩt forget him? I know that. But IтАЩd be very good to you, Nell. YouтАЩd be wrapped round with love and care. I think I could make you happyтБатАФhappier, at any rate, than youтАЩll be facing life by yourself. I do honestly and truly believe that Vernon would wish it.тАЭ + 

Would he? She wondered. She thought George was right. People might call it disloyalty, but it wasnтАЩt. That life of hers with Vernon was something by itselfтБатАФnothing could touch it ever. + 

But oh! to be looked after, cared for, petted and understood. She always had been fond of George. + 

She answered very softly: тАЬYes.тАЭ + 

VI + 

The person who was angry about it was Myra. She wrote long abusive letters to Nell. + 

You can forget so soon. Vernon has only one homeтБатАФin my heart. You never loved him. + 

Uncle Sydney twirled his thumbs and said: тАЬThat young woman knows which side her bread is buttered on,тАЭ and wrote her a stereotyped letter of congratulation. + 

An unexpected ally was Joe, who was paying a flying visit to London and came round to see Nell at her motherтАЩs flat. + 

тАЬIтАЩm very glad,тАЭ she said, kissing her. тАЬAnd IтАЩm sure Vernon would be. YouтАЩre not the kind that can face life on your own. You never were. DonтАЩt you mind what Aunt Myra says. IтАЩll talk to her. LifeтАЩs a rotten business for women. I think youтАЩll be happy with George. Vernon would want you to be happy, I know.тАЭ + 

JoeтАЩs support heartened Nell more than anything. Joe had always been the nearest person to Vernon. On the night before her wedding, she knelt by her bed and looked up to where VernonтАЩs sword hung over the head of it. + 

She pressed her hands over her closed eyes. + 

тАЬYou do understand, beloved? You do? You do? ItтАЩs you I love and always shall.тБатАКтБатАж Oh, Vernon, if only I could know that you understood.тАЭ + 

She tried to send her very soul out questing in search of him. He mustтБатАФhe mustтБатАФknow and understand. + 