Book + 

II + 

Nell + 

I + 

I + 

The room was full of cigarette smoke. It eddied and drifted about, forming a thin blue haze. Through it came the sound of three voices occupied with the betterment of the human race and the encouragement of artтБатАФespecially art that defied all known conventions. + 

Sebastian Levinne, leaning back against the ornate marble mantelpiece of his motherтАЩs town house, spoke didactically, gesticulating with the long yellow hand that held his cigarette. The tendency to lisp was still there, but very faint. His yellow Mongolian face, his surprised-looking ears, were much the same as they had been at eleven years old. At twenty-two he was the same Sebastian, sure of himself, perceptive, with the same love of beauty and the same unemotional and unerring sense of values. + 

In front of him, reclining in two immense leather covered armchairs, were Vernon and Joe. Very much alike these two, cast in the same sharply accentuated black and white mould. But, as of old, JoeтАЩs was the more aggressive personality, energetic, rebellious, vehement. Vernon, an immense length, lay back slothfully in his chair. His long legs rested on the back of another chair. He was blowing smoke rings and smiling thoughtfully to himself. He occasionally contributed grunts to the conversation, or a short lazy sentence. + 

тАЬThat wouldnтАЩt pay,тАЭ Sebastian had just said decisively. + 

As he had half expected, Joe was roused at once to the point of virulence. + 

тАЬWho wants a thing to pay? ItтАЩs soтБатАФso rottenтБатАФthat point of view! Treating everything from a commercial standpoint. I hate it.тАЭ + 

Sebastian said calmly: тАЬThatтАЩs because youтАЩve got such an incurably romantic view of life. You like poets to starve in garrets, and artists to toil unrecognized, and sculptors to be applauded after they are dead.тАЭ + 

тАЬWellтБатАФthatтАЩs what happens. Always!тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, not always. Very often, perhaps. But it neednтАЩt be as often as it is. ThatтАЩs my point. The world never likes anything newтБатАФbut I say it could be made to. Taken the right way, it could be made to. But youтАЩve got to know just what will go down and what wonтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs compromise,тАЭ murmured Vernon indistinctly. + 

тАЬItтАЩs common sense! Why should I lose money by backing my judgment?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, Sebastian,тАЭ cried Joe, тАЬyouтБатАФyouтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬJew!тАЭ said Sebastian calmly. тАЬThatтАЩs what you mean. Well, we Jews have got tasteтБатАФwe know when a thing is fine and when it isnтАЩt. We donтАЩt go by the fashionтБатАФwe back our own judgment, and weтАЩre right! People always see the money side of it, but the otherтАЩs there too.тАЭ + 

Vernon grunted. Sebastian went on: + 

тАЬThere are two sides to what weтАЩre talking aboutтБатАФthere are people who are thinking of new things, new ways of doing old things, new thoughts altogetherтБатАФand who canтАЩt get their chance because people are afraid of anything new. And there are the other peopleтБатАФthe people who know what the public have always wanted, and who go on giving it to them, because itтАЩs safe and thereтАЩs a sure profit. But thereтАЩs a third wayтБатАФto find things that are new and beautiful, and take a chance on them. ThatтАЩs what IтАЩm going to do. IтАЩm going to run a picture gallery in Bond StreetтБатАФI signed the deeds yesterdayтБатАФand a couple of theatresтБатАФand later I want to run a weekly of some kind on entirely different lines from anything that has been done before. And whatтАЩs more, IтАЩm going to make the whole thing pay. There are all sorts of things that I admire, that a cultivated few would admireтБатАФbut IтАЩm not going out for those. Anything I runтАЩs going to be a popular success. Dash it all, Joe, donтАЩt you see that half the fun of the thing is making it pay? ItтАЩs justifying yourself by success.тАЭ + 

Joe shook her head, unconvinced. + 

тАЬAre you really going to have all those things?тАЭ said Vernon. + 

Both the cousins looked at Sebastian with a tinge of envy. Queer, and rather wonderful, to be in old SebastianтАЩs position. His father had died some years before. Sebastian, at twenty-two, was master of so many millions that it took oneтАЩs breath away to think about them. + 

The friendship with Sebastian, begun all those years ago at Abbots Puissants, had endured and strengthened. He and Vernon had been friends at Eton, they were at the same college at Cambridge. In the holidays, the three had always managed to spend a good deal of time together. + 

тАЬWhat about sculpture?тАЭ asked Joe suddenly. тАЬIs that included?тАЭ + 

тАЬOf course. Are you still keen about taking up modelling?тАЭ + 

тАЬRather. ItтАЩs the only thing I really care about.тАЭ + 

A derisive hoot of laughter came from Vernon. + 

тАЬYes, and what will it be this time next year? YouтАЩll be a frenzied poet or something.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt takes one some time to find oneтАЩs true vocation,тАЭ said Joe with dignity. тАЬBut IтАЩm really in earnest this time.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou always are,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬHowever, thank heaven youтАЩve given up that damned violin.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy do you hate music so, Vernon?тАЭ + 

тАЬDunnoтБатАФI always have.тАЭ + 

Joe turned back to Sebastian. Unconsciously her voice took on a different note. It sounded ever so faintly constrained. + 

тАЬWhat do you think of Paul la MarreтАЩs work? Vernon and I went to his studio last Sunday.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo guts,тАЭ said Sebastian succinctly. + 

A slight flush rose in JoeтАЩs cheek. + 

тАЬThatтАЩs simply because you donтАЩt understand what heтАЩs aiming at. I think heтАЩs wonderful.тАЭ + 

тАЬAnaemic,тАЭ said Sebastian, unperturbed. + 

тАЬSebastian, I think youтАЩre perfectly hateful sometimes. Just because La Marre has the courage to break away from traditionтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs not it at all,тАЭ said Sebastian. тАЬA man can break away from tradition by modelling a Stilton cheese and calling it his idea of a nymph bathing. But if he canтАЩt convince you and impress you by doing so, heтАЩs failed. Just doing things differently to anyone else isnтАЩt genius. Nine times out of ten itтАЩs aiming at getting cheap notoriety.тАЭ + 

The door opened and Mrs.┬аLevinne looked in. + 

тАЬTeaтАЩth ready, dearths,тАЭ she said, and beamed on them. + 

Jet dangled and twinkled on her immense bust. A large black hat with feathers sat on top of her elaborately arranged coiffure. She looked the complete symbol of material prosperity. Her eyes dwelt with adoration on Sebastian. + 

They got up, and prepared to follow her. Sebastian said in a low voice to Joe: + 

тАЬJoeтБатАФyouтАЩre not angry, are you?тАЭ + 

There was suddenly something young and pathetic about his voiceтБатАФa pleading in it that exposed him as immature and vulnerable. A moment ago he had been the master spirit laying down the law in complete self-confidence. + 

тАЬWhy should I be angry?тАЭ said Joe coldly. + 

She moved towards the door without looking at him. SebastianтАЩs eyes rested on her wistfully. She had that dark magnetic beauty that matures early. Her skin was dead white, and her eyelashes so thick and dark that they looked like jet against the even colour of her cheeks. There was magic in her way of moving, something languorous and passionate that was wholly unconscious as yet of its own appeal. Although she was the youngest of the three, just past her twentieth birthday, she was at the same time the oldest. To her Vernon and Sebastian were boys, and she despised boys. That queer doglike devotion of SebastianтАЩs irritated her. She liked men of experience, men who could say exciting, half understood things. She lowered her white eyelids for a moment, remembering Paul la Marre. + 

II + 

Mrs.┬аLevinneтАЩs drawing-room was a curious mixture of sheer blatant opulence, and an almost austere good taste. The opulence was due to herтБатАФshe liked velvet hangings and rich cushions and marble and gildingтБатАФthe taste was SebastianтАЩs. It was he who had torn down a medley of pictures from the wall and substituted two of his own choosing. His mother was reconciled to their plainness, as she called it, by the immense price that had been paid for them. The old Spanish leather screen was one of her sonтАЩs presents to herтБатАФso was the exquisite cloisonn├й vase. + 

Seated behind an unusually massive silver tea-tray, Mrs.┬аLevinne raised the teapot with two hands and made conversational inquiries, lisping slightly. + 

тАЬAnd howтАЩth your dear mother? She never comes to town nowadays. You tell her from me sheтАЩll be getting rusty.тАЭ + 

She laughed, a good-natured fat wheezy chuckle. + 

тАЬIтАЩve never regretted having this town houтАЩth as well as a country one. Deerfields is all very well, but one wantth a bit of life. And of course Sebastian will be home soon for goodтБатАФand that full of schemes as he ith! Well, well, his father was much the same. Went into deals against everybodyтАЩth advice, and instead of losing his money he doubled and trebled it every time. A smart fellow, my poor Yakob.тАЭ + 

Sebastian thought to himself: тАЬI wish she wouldnтАЩt. ThatтАЩs just the sort of remark Joe always hates. JoeтАЩs always against me nowadays.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Mrs.┬аLevinne went on: тАЬIтАЩve got a box for Kings in Arcady on Wednesday night. What about it, my dearth? Will you come?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm awfully sorry, Mrs.┬аLevinne,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬI wish we could. But weтАЩre going down to Birmingham tomorrow.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! youтАЩre going home.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes.тАЭ + 

Why hadnтАЩt he said тАЬgoing homeтАЭ? Why did it sound so fantastic in his ears? There was only one home, of courseтБатАФAbbots Puissants. Home! A queer word, so many meanings to it. It reminded him of the ridiculous words of a song that one of JoeтАЩs young men used to bray out (what a damnable thing music was!) while he fingered his collar and looked at her sentimentally. тАЬHome, love, is where the heart is, whereтАЩer the heart may beтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

But in that case his home ought to be in Birmingham where his mother was. + 

He experienced that faint feeling of disquietude that always came over him when he thought of his mother. He was very fond of her, naturally. Mothers, of course, were hopeless people to explain things to, they never understood. But he was very fond of herтБатАФit would be unnatural if he wasnтАЩt. As she so often said, he was all she had. + 

Suddenly a little imp seemed to jump in VernonтАЩs brain. The imp said suddenly and unexpectedly: тАЬWhat rot you are talking! SheтАЩs got the house, and the servants to talk to and bully, and friends to gossip with, and her own people all round her. SheтАЩd miss all that far more than sheтАЩd miss you. She loves you, but sheтАЩs relieved when you go back to CambridgeтБатАФand even then sheтАЩs not as relieved as you are!тАЭ + 

тАЬVernon!тАЭ It was JoeтАЩs voice, sharp with annoyance. тАЬWhat are you thinking of? Mrs.┬аLevinne was asking about Abbots PuissantsтБатАФif itтАЩs still let?тАЭ + 

How fortunate that when people said, тАЬWhat are you thinking about?тАЭ they didnтАЩt in the least mean that they wanted to know! Still, you could always say тАЬNothing much,тАЭ just as when you were small you had said тАЬNothing.тАЭ + 

He answered Mrs.┬аLevinneтАЩs questions, promised to deliver her various messages to his mother. + 

Sebastian saw them to the door, they said a final goodbye and walked out into the London streets. Joe sniffed the air ecstatically. + 

тАЬHow I love London! You know, Vernon, my mindтАЩs made up. IтАЩm coming up to London to study. IтАЩm going to tackle Aunt Myra about it this time. And I wonтАЩt live with Aunt Ethel, either. IтАЩm going to be on my own.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou canтАЩt do that, Joe. Girls donтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬThey do. I could share rooms with another girl or girls. But to live with Aunt Ethel, always asking me where IтАЩm going, and who withтБатАФI just canтАЩt stand it. And anyway she hates me being a suffragette.тАЭ + 

The Aunt Ethel they referred to was Aunt CarrieтАЩs sister, an aunt by courtesy only. They were staying with her at the present moment. + 

тАЬOh, and that reminds me,тАЭ went on Joe. тАЬYouтАЩve got to do something for me, Vernon.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat?тАЭ + 

тАЬTomorrow afternoon Mrs.┬аCartwrightтАЩs taking me to that Titanic Concert as a special treat.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell?тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, I donтАЩt want to goтБатАФthatтАЩs all.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou can make some excuse or other, I suppose.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs not so easy as that. You see, Aunt EthelтАЩs got to think IтАЩve gone to the concert. I donтАЩt want her ferreting out where I am going.тАЭ + 

Vernon gave a whistle. + 

тАЬOh! so thatтАЩs it? What are you really up to, Joe? Who is it this time?тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs La Marre, if you really want to know.тАЭ + 

тАЬThat bounder.тАЭ + 

тАЬHeтАЩs not a bounder. HeтАЩs wonderfulтБатАФyou donтАЩt know how wonderful he is.тАЭ + 

Vernon grinned. + 

тАЬNo, indeed I donтАЩt. I donтАЩt like Frenchmen.тАЭ + 

тАЬYouтАЩre so horribly insular. But it doesnтАЩt matter whether you like him or not. HeтАЩs going to motor me down to the country to a friendтАЩs house where his chef dтАЩoeuvre is. I do so want to go, and you know perfectly that Aunt Ethel would never let me.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou oughtnтАЩt to go racketing about the country with a fellow like that.тАЭ + 

тАЬDonтАЩt be an ass, Vernon. DonтАЩt you know that I can look after myself?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! I suppose so.тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm not one of those silly girls who know nothing about anything.тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt see, though, where I come in.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, you see,тАЭ Joe displayed a trace of anxiety. тАЬYouтАЩre to go to the concert.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, I wonтАЩt do anything of the kind. You know I hate music.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! you must, Vernon. ItтАЩs the only way. If I say I canтАЩt go, sheтАЩll ring up Aunt Ethel and suggest one of the girls coming instead, and then the fat will be in the fire. But if you just turn up instead of meтБатАФIтАЩm to meet her at the Albert HallтБатАФand give some weak excuse, everything will be all right. SheтАЩs very fond of youтБатАФshe likes you heaps better than me.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut I loathe music.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know, but you can just bear it for one afternoon. An hour and a half. ThatтАЩs all it will be.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, damn it all, Joe, I donтАЩt want to.тАЭ + 

His hand shook with irritation. Joe stared at him. + 

тАЬYou are funny about music, Vernon! IтАЩve never known anyone who sort ofтБатАФwell, hates it like you. Most people just donтАЩt care for it. But I do think you might goтБатАФyou know I always do things for you.тАЭ + 

тАЬAll right,тАЭ said Vernon abruptly. + 

It was no good. It had got to be. Joe and he always stood together. After all, as she had said, it would only be an hour and a half. Why should he feel that he had taken a momentous decision? His heart felt like leadтБатАФright down in his boots. He didnтАЩt want to goтБатАФoh! he didnтАЩt want to go! + 

Like a visit to the dentistтБатАФbest not to think about it. He forced his mind away to other things. Joe looked up sharply as she heard him give vent to a chuckle. + 

тАЬWhat is it?тАЭ + 

тАЬI was thinking of you as a kidтБатАФso grand about saying you were never going to have anything to do with men. And now itтАЩs always men with you, one after the other. You fall in and out of love about once a month.тАЭ + 

тАЬDonтАЩt be so horrid, Vernon. Those were just silly girlsтАЩ fancies. La Marre says if you have any temperament that always happensтБатАФbut the real grand passion is quite different when it comes.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, donтАЩt go and have a grand passion for La Marre.тАЭ + 

Joe did not answer. Presently she said: + 

тАЬIтАЩm not like Mother. Mother wasтБатАФwas so soft about men. She gave in to themтБатАФwould do anything for anyone she was fond of. IтАЩm not like that.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo,тАЭ said Vernon, after thinking for a moment. тАЬNo, I donтАЩt think you are. You wonтАЩt make a mess of your life in the same way she did. But you might make a mess of it in a different way.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat sort of a way?тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt quite know. Going and marrying someone you thought you had a grand passion for, just because everyone else disliked him, and then spending your life fighting him. Or deciding to go and live with someone just because you thought Free Love was a fine idea.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo it is.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! I am not saying it isnтАЩtтБатАФthough as a matter of fact, I really think it is antisocial myself. But youтАЩre always the same. If anyone forbids you anything you always want to do itтБатАФquite irrespective of whether you really want to. I havenтАЩt put that well, but you know what I mean.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat I really want is to do something! To be a great sculptor.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs because youтАЩve got a pash for La Marre.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt isnтАЩt. Oh! Vernon, why will you be so trying? IтАЩve always wanted to do somethingтБатАФalwaysтБатАФalways! I used to say so at Abbots Puissants.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs odd,тАЭ said Vernon thoughtfully. тАЬOld Sebastian used to say then very much what he says now. Perhaps one doesnтАЩt change as much as one thinks.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou were going to marry someone very beautiful and live at Abbots Puissants always,тАЭ said Joe with slight scorn. тАЬYou donтАЩt still feel that to be your lifeтАЩs ambition, do you?тАЭ + 

тАЬOne might do worse,тАЭ said Vernon. + 

тАЬLazyтБатАФdownright lazy!тАЭ + 

Joe looked at him in unconcealed impatience. She and Vernon were so alike in some ways, and so different in others! + 

Vernon was thinking, тАЬAbbots Puissants. In a year I shall be twenty-one.тАЭ + 

They were passing a Salvation Army meeting. Joe stopped. A thin, white-faced man was standing on a box. His voice, high and raucous, came echoing across to them: + 

тАЬWhy wonтАЩt you be saved? Why wonтАЩt you? Jesus wants you! Jesus wants you!тАЭ Tremendous emphasis on the you. тАЬYes, brothers and sisters, and IтАЩll tell you something more. You want Jesus. You wonтАЩt admit it to yourselves, you turn your back on him, youтАЩre afraidтБатАФthatтАЩs what it is, youтАЩre afraid, because you want him so badlyтБатАФyou want him and you donтАЩt know!тАЭ His arms waved, his white face shone with ecstasy. тАЬBut you will knowтБатАФyou will knowтБатАФthere are things that you canтАЩt run away from forever.тАЭ He spoke slowly, almost menacingly. тАЬI say unto you, this very night shall thy soul be required of thee.тАЭ + 

Vernon turned away with a slight shiver. A woman on the outskirts of the crowd gave a hysterical sob. + 

тАЬDisgusting,тАЭ said Joe, her nose very much in the air. тАЬIndecent and hysterical! For my part, I canтАЩt see how any rational being can be anything but an atheist.тАЭ + 

Vernon smiled to himself, though he said nothing. He was remembering the time, a year ago, when Joe had risen every day to attend early service and had insisted on eating a boiled egg with some ostentation on Fridays, and had sat spellbound listening to the somewhat uninteresting but strictly dogmatical sermons of handsome Father Cuthbert at the Church of St.┬аBartholomewтАЩs, which was reputed to be so тАЬhighтАЭ that Rome itself could do no more. + 

тАЬI wonder,тАЭ he said aloud, тАЬwhat it would feel like to be тАШsavedтАЩ?тАЭ + 

III + 

It was half-past six on the following afternoon when Joe returned from her stolen dayтАЩs pleasure. Her Aunt Ethel met her in the hall. + 

тАЬWhereтАЩs Vernon?тАЭ inquired Joe, in case she might be asked how she had liked the concert. + 

тАЬHe came in about half an hour ago. He said there was nothing the matter, but somehow I donтАЩt think heтАЩs very well.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh!тАЭ Joe stared. тАЬWhere is he? In his room? IтАЩll go up and see.тАЭ + 

тАЬI wish you would, dear. Really he didnтАЩt look well at all.тАЭ + 

Joe ran quickly up the stairs, gave a perfunctory rap on VernonтАЩs door and walked in. Vernon was sitting on his bed, and something in his appearance gave Joe a shock. She had never seen Vernon look quite like this. + 

He didnтАЩt answer. He had the dazed look of someone who has undergone a terrible shock. It was as though he were too far away to be reached by mere words. + 

тАЬVernon.тАЭ She shook him by the shoulder. тАЬWhat is the matter with you?тАЭ + 

He heard her this time. + 

тАЬNothing.тАЭ + 

тАЬThere must be something. YouтАЩre lookingтБатАФyouтАЩre lookingтБатАФтАЭ + 

Words failed her to express how he was looking. She left it at that. + 

тАЬNothing,тАЭ he repeated dully. + 

She sat down on the bed beside him. + 

тАЬTell me,тАЭ she said gently but authoritatively. + 

A long shuddering sigh broke from Vernon. + 

тАЬJoe, do you remember that man yesterday?тАЭ + 

тАЬWhich man?тАЭ + 

тАЬThat Salvation Army chapтБатАФthose cant phrases he used. And that oneтБатАФa fine oneтБатАФfrom the Bible: This night shall thy soul be required of thee. I said afterwards I wondered what it would be like to be saved. Just idly. Well, I know!тАЭ + 

Joe stared at him. Vernon! Oh! but such a thing was impossible. + 

тАЬDo you meanтБатАФdo you meanтБатАФтАЭ Difficult somehow to get the words. тАЬDo you mean youтАЩve тАШgot religionтАЩтБатАФsuddenlyтБатАФlike people do?тАЭ + 

She felt it was ridiculous as she said it. She was relieved when he gave a sudden spurt of laughter. + 

тАЬReligion? Good God, no! Or is it that for some people? I wonderтБатАКтБатАж No, I meanтБатАФтАЭ He hesitated, brought the word out at last very softly, almost as though he dared not speak it. тАЬMusic.тАЭ + 

тАЬMusic?тАЭ She was still utterly at sea. + 

тАЬYes. Joe, do you remember Nurse Frances?тАЭ + 

тАЬNurse Frances? No, I donтАЩt think I do. Who was she?тАЭ + 

тАЬOf course you wouldnтАЩt. It was before you cameтБатАФthe time I broke my leg. IтАЩve always remembered something she said to me. About not being in a hurry to run away from things before youтАЩve had a good look. Well, thatтАЩs what happened to me today. I couldnтАЩt run away any longerтБатАФI just had to look. Joe, musicтАЩs the most wonderful thing in the worldтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬButтБатАФbutтБатАФyouтАЩve always saidтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬI know. ThatтАЩs why itтАЩs been such an awful shock. Not that I mean music is so wonderful nowтБатАФbut it could beтБатАФif you had it as it was meant to be! Little bits of it are uglyтБатАФitтАЩs like going up to a picture and seeing a nasty grey smear of paintтБатАФbut go to a distance and it falls into its place as the most wonderful shadow. ItтАЩs got to be a whole. I still think one violinтАЩs ugly, and a pianoтАЩs beastlyтБатАФbut useful in a way, I suppose. ButтБатАФoh! Joe, music could be so wonderfulтБатАФI know it could.тАЭ + 

Joe was silent, bewildered. She understood now what Vernon had meant by his opening words. His face had the queer dreamy exaltation that one associated with religious fervour. And yet she was a little frightened. His face had always expressed so little. Now, she thought, it expressed too much. It was a worse face or a better faceтБатАФjust as you chose to look on it. + 

He went on talking, hardly to her, more to himself. + 

тАЬThere were nine orchestras, you know. All massed. Sound can be glorious if you get enough of itтБатАФI donтАЩt mean just loudnessтБатАФit shows more when itтАЩs soft. But there must be enough. I donтАЩt know what they playedтБатАФnothing, I think, that was real. But it showed oneтБатАФit showed oneтБатАФтАЭ + 

He turned queer bright excited eyes upon her. + 

тАЬThereтАЩs so much to knowтБатАФto learn. I donтАЩt want to play thingsтБатАФnever that. But I want to know about every instrument there is. What it can do, what are its limitations, what are its possibilities. And the notes, too. There are notes they donтАЩt useтБатАФnotes that they ought to use. I know there are. Do you know what musicтАЩs like now, Joe? ItтАЩs like the little sturdy Norman pillars in the crypt of Gloucester Cathedral. ItтАЩs at its beginnings, thatтАЩs all.тАЭ + 

He sat silent, leaning forward dreamily. + 

тАЬWell, I think youтАЩve gone quite mad,тАЭ said Joe. + 

She tried on purpose to make her voice sound practical and matter-of-fact. But, in spite of herself, she was impressed. That white-hot conviction. And she had always thought Vernon rather a slow coachтБатАФreactionary, prejudiced, unimaginative. + 

тАЬIтАЩve got to begin to learn. As soon as ever I can. Oh! itтАЩs awfulтБатАФto have wasted twenty years!тАЭ + 

тАЬNonsense,тАЭ said Joe. тАЬYou couldnтАЩt have studied music when you were an infant in a cot.тАЭ + 

He smiled at that. He was coming out of his trance by degrees. + 

тАЬYou think IтАЩm mad? I suppose it must sound like that. But IтАЩm not. And oh! Joe, itтАЩs the most awful relief. As though you had been pretending for years, and now you neednтАЩt pretend any more. IтАЩve been horribly afraid of musicтБатАФalways. NowтБатАФтАЭ + 

He sat up, squared his shoulders. + 

тАЬIтАЩm going to workтБатАФwork like a nigger. IтАЩm going to know the ins and outs of every instrument. By the way, there must be more instruments in the worldтБатАФmany more. There ought to be a kind of waily thingтБатАФIтАЩve heard it somewhere. YouтАЩd want tenтБатАФfifteen of those. And about fifty harps.тАЭ + 

He sat there, planning composedly details that to Joe sounded sheer nonsense. Yet it was evident that to his inner vision some event was perfectly clear. + 

тАЬItтАЩll be supper time in ten minutes,тАЭ Joe reminded him timidly. + 

тАЬOh! will it? What a nuisance. I want to stay here and think and hear things in my head. Tell Aunt Ethel IтАЩve got a headache or that IтАЩve been frightfully sick. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to be sick.тАЭ + 

And somehow that impressed Joe more than anything else. It was a homely familiar happening. When anything upset you very much, either pleasurably or otherwise, you always wanted to be sick! She had felt that herself, often. + 

She stood in the door hesitating. Vernon had relapsed into abstraction again. How queer he lookedтБатАФquite different. As thoughтБатАФas thoughтБатАФJoe sought for the words she wantedтБатАФas though he had suddenly come alive. + 

She was a little frightened. + 

II + 

I + 

Carey Lodge was the name of MyraтАЩs house. It was about eight miles from Birmingham. + 

A subtle depression always weighed down VernonтАЩs spirits as he got near Carey Lodge. He hated the house, hated its solid comfort, its thick bright red carpets, its lounge hall, the carefully selected sporting prints that hung in the dining-room, the superabundance of knickknacks that filled the drawing-room. And yet, was it so much those things he hated as the facts that stood behind them? + 

He questioned himself, trying for the first time to be honest with himself. WasnтАЩt it the truth that he hated his mother being so at home there, so placidly content? He liked to think of her in terms of Abbots PuissantsтБатАФliked to think of her as being, like himself, an exile. + 

And she wasnтАЩt! Abbots Puissants had been to her what a foreign kingdom might be to a Queen Consort. She had felt important there, and pleased with herself. It had been new and exciting. But it hadnтАЩt been home. + 

Myra greeted her son with extravagant affection as always. He wished she wouldnтАЩt. In some way it made it harder than ever for him to respond. When he was away from her, he pictured himself being affectionate to his mother. When he was with her, all that illusion faded away. + 

Myra Deyre had altered a good deal since leaving Abbots Puissants. She had grown much stouter. Her beautiful golden-red hair was flecked with grey. The expression of her face was different, it was at once more satisfied and more placid. There was now a strong resemblance between her and her brother Sydney. + 

тАЬYouтАЩve had a good time in London? IтАЩm so glad. ItтАЩs so exciting to have my fine big son back with meтБатАФIтАЩve been telling everybody how excited I am. Mothers are foolish creatures, arenтАЩt they?тАЭ + 

Vernon thought they were ratherтБатАФthen was ashamed of himself. + 

тАЬVery jolly to see you, Mother,тАЭ he mumbled. + 

Joe said: тАЬYouтАЩre looking splendidly fit, Aunt Myra.тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩve not really been very well, dear. I donтАЩt think Dr.┬аGrey quite understands my case. I hear thereтАЩs a new doctorтБатАФDr.┬аLittleworthтБатАФjust bought Dr.┬аArmstrongтАЩs practice. They say he is wonderfully clever. IтАЩm sure itтАЩs my heartтБатАФand itтАЩs all nonsense Dr.┬аGrey saying itтАЩs indigestion.тАЭ + 

She was quite animated. Her health was always an absorbing topic to Myra. + 

тАЬMaryтАЩs goneтБатАФthe housemaid, you know. I was really very disappointed in that girl. After all I did for her.тАЭ + 

It went on and on. Joe and Vernon listened perfunctorily. Their minds were full of conscious superiority. Thank Heaven they belonged to a new and enlightened generation, far above this insistence on domestic details. For them, a new and splendid world opened out. They were deeply, poignantly sorry for the contented creature who sat there chattering to them. + 

Joe thought: тАЬPoorтБатАФpoor Aunt Myra. So terribly female! Of course Uncle Walter got bored with her. Not her fault! A rotten education, and brought up to believe that domesticity was all that mattered. And here she is, still young reallyтБатАФat least not too terribly oldтБатАФand all sheтАЩs got to do is to sit in the house and gossip, and think about servants, and fuss about her health. If sheтАЩd only been born twenty years later, she could have been happy and free and independent all her life.тАЭ + 

And out of her intense pity for her unconscious aunt she answered gently and pretended an interest that she certainly did not feel. + 

Vernon thought: тАЬWas Mother always like this? Somehow she didnтАЩt seem so at Abbots Puissants. Or was I too much of a kid to notice? ItтАЩs rotten of me to criticize her when sheтАЩs been so good to me always. Only I wish she wouldnтАЩt treat me still as though I were about six years old. Oh, well, I suppose she canтАЩt help it. I donтАЩt think I shall ever marry.тАЭ + 

And suddenly he jerked out abruptly, urged thereto by intense nervousness. + 

тАЬI say, Mother. IтАЩm thinking of taking music at Cambridge.тАЭ + 

There, it was out! He had said it. + 

Myra, distracted from her account of the ArmstrongsтАЩ cook, said vaguely: + 

тАЬBut, darling, you always were so unmusical. You used to be quite unreasonable about it.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know,тАЭ said Vernon gruffly. тАЬBut one changes oneтАЩs mind about things sometimes.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, IтАЩm very glad, dear. I used to play quite brilliant pieces myself when I was a young girl. But one never keeps up anything when one marries.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know. ItтАЩs a wicked shame,тАЭ said Joe hotly. тАЬI donтАЩt mean to marryтБатАФbut if I did, IтАЩd never give up my own career. And that reminds me, Aunt Myra, IтАЩve just got to go to London to study if IтАЩm ever going to be any good at modelling.тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm sure Mr.┬аBradfordтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬOh, damn Mr.┬аBradford! IтАЩm sorry, Aunt Myra, but you donтАЩt understand. IтАЩve got to studyтБатАФhard. And I must be on my own. I could share diggings with another girlтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬJoe, darling, donтАЩt be so absurd.тАЭ Myra laughed. тАЬI need my little Joe here. I always look on you as my daughter, you know, Joe, dear.тАЭ + 

Joe wriggled. + 

тАЬI really am in earnest, Aunt Myra. ItтАЩs my whole life.тАЭ + 

This tragic utterance only made her aunt laugh more. + 

тАЬGirls often think like that. Now donтАЩt letтАЩs spoil this happy evening by quarrelling.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut will you really seriously consider it?тАЭ + 

тАЬWe must see what Uncle Sydney says.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs nothing to do with him. HeтАЩs not my uncle. Surely, if I like, I can take my own money.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt isnтАЩt exactly your own money, Joe. Your father sends it to me as an allowance for youтБатАФthough IтАЩm sure I would be willing to have you without any allowance at allтБатАФand knows you are well and safely looked after with me.тАЭ + 

тАЬThen I suppose IтАЩd better write to Father.тАЭ + 

She said it valiantly, but her heart sank. She had seen her father twice in ten years, and the old antagonism held between them. The present plan doubtless commended itself to Major Waite. At the cost of a few hundreds a year, the problem of his daughter was lifted off his hands. But Joe had no money of her own. She doubted very much if her father would make her any allowance at all if she broke away from Aunt Myra and insisted on leading her own life. + 

Vernon murmured to her: тАЬDonтАЩt be so damned impatient, Joe. Wait till IтАЩm twenty-one.тАЭ + 

That cheered her a little. One could always depend on Vernon. + 

Myra asked Vernon about the Levinnes. Was Mrs.┬аLevinneтАЩs asthma any better? Was it true that they spent almost all of their time in London nowadays? + 

тАЬNo, I donтАЩt think so. Of course, they donтАЩt go down to Deerfields much in the winter, but they were there all the autumn. ItтАЩll be jolly to have them next door when we go back to Abbots Puissants, wonтАЩt it?тАЭ + 

His mother started, and said in a flustered sort of voice: + 

тАЬOh! yesтБатАФvery nice.тАЭ + 

She added almost immediately: + 

тАЬYour Uncle Sydney is coming round to tea. HeтАЩs bringing Enid. By the way, I donтАЩt have late dinner any more. I really think it suits me better to have a good sit-down meal at six.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh!тАЭ said Vernon, rather taken aback. + 

He had an unreasoning prejudice against those meals. He disliked the juxtaposition of tea and scrambled eggs, and rich plum cake. Why couldnтАЩt his mother have proper meals like other people? Of course, Uncle Sydney and Aunt Carrie always had high tea. Bother Uncle Sydney! All this was his fault. + 

His thought stoppedтБатАФchecked. All what? He couldnтАЩt answerтБатАФdidnтАЩt quite know. But, anyway, when he and his mother went back to Abbots Puissants, everything would be different. + 

II + 

Uncle Sydney arrived very soonтБатАФvery bluff and hearty, a little stouter than of old. With him came Enid, his third daughter. The two eldest were married, and the two youngest were in the schoolroom. + 

Uncle Sydney was full of jokes and fun. Myra looked at her brother admiringly. Really, there was nobody like Syd! He made things go. + 

Vernon laughed politely at his uncleтАЩs jokes which he privately thought both stupid and boring. + 

тАЬI wonder where you buy your tobacco in Cambridge,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney. тАЬFrom a pretty girl, IтАЩll be bound. Ha! Ha! Myra, the boyтАЩs blushingтБатАФactually blushing.тАЭ + 

тАЬStupid old fool,тАЭ thought Vernon disdainfully. + 

тАЬAnd where do you buy your tobacco, Uncle Sydney?тАЭ said Joe, valiantly entering the lists. + 

тАЬHa! Ha!тАЭ trumpeted Uncle Sydney. тАЬThatтАЩs a good one! YouтАЩre a smart girl, Joe. We wonтАЩt tell your Aunt Carrie the answer to that, eh?тАЭ + 

Enid said very little but giggled a good deal. + 

тАЬYou ought to write to your cousin,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney. тАЬHeтАЩd like a letter, wouldnтАЩt you, Vernon?тАЭ + 

тАЬRather,тАЭ said Vernon. + 

тАЬThere you are,тАЭ said Uncle Sydney. тАЬWhat did I tell you, miss? The child wanted to, but was shy. SheтАЩs always thought a lot of you, Vernon. But I mustnтАЩt tell tales out of school, hey, Enid?тАЭ + 

Later, after the heavy composite meal was ended, he talked to Vernon at some length of the prosperity of BentтАЩs. + 

тАЬBooming, my boy, booming.тАЭ + 

He went into long financial explanations: profits had doubled, he was extending the premisesтБатАФand so on and so on. + 

Vernon much preferred this style of conversation. Not being the least interested, he could abstract his attention. An encouraging monosyllable from time to time was all that was needed. + 

Uncle Sydney talked on, developing the fascinating theme of the Power and Glory of BentтАЩs, World without End, Amen. + 

Vernon thought about the book on musical instruments which he had bought that morning and read coming down in the train. There was a terrible lot to know. OboesтБатАФhe felt he was going to have ideas about oboes. And violasтБатАФyes, certainly, violas. + 

Uncle SydneyтАЩs talk made a pleasant accompaniment like a remote double bass. + 

Presently Uncle Sydney said he must be getting along. There was more facetiousnessтБатАФshould or should not Vernon kiss Enid good night? + 

How idiotic people were. Thank goodness heтАЩd soon be able to get up to his own room. + 

Myra heaved a happy sigh as the door closed. + 

тАЬDear me,тАЭ she murmured, тАЬI wish your father had been here. WeтАЩve had such a happy evening. He would have enjoyed it.тАЭ + 

тАЬA jolly good thing he wasnтАЩt,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬI donтАЩt remember he and Uncle Sydney ever hitting it off really well.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou were only a little boy. They were the greatest of friends, and your father was always happy when I was. Oh, dear, how happy we were together.тАЭ + 

She raised a handkerchief to her eyes. Vernon stared at her. For a moment he thought: тАЬThis is the most magnificent loyalty.тАЭ And then suddenly: тАЬNo, it isnтАЩt. She really believes it.тАЭ + 

Myra went on in a soft reminiscent tone. + 

тАЬYou were never really fond of your father, Vernon. I think it must have grieved him sometimes. But then, you were so devoted to me. It was quite ridiculous.тАЭ + 

Vernon said suddenly and violently, and with a strange feeling that he was defending his father by saying so: + 

тАЬFather was a brute to you.тАЭ + 

тАЬVernon, how dare you say such a thing. Your father was the best man in the world.тАЭ + 

She looked at him defiantly. He thought: тАЬSheтАЩs seeing herself being heroic. тАШHow wonderful a womanтАЩs love can beтБатАФprotecting her deadтАЩтБатАФthat sort of thing. Oh! I hate it all. I hate it all.тАЭ + 

He mumbled something, kissed her, and went up to bed. + 

III + 

Later in the evening Joe tapped at his door and was bidden to enter. Vernon was sitting, sprawled out in a chair. The book on musical instruments lay on the floor beside him. + 

тАЬHullo, Joe. God, what a beastly evening!тАЭ + 

тАЬDid you mind it so much?тАЭ + 

тАЬDidnтАЩt you? ItтАЩs all wrong. What an ass Uncle Sydney is. Those idiotic jokes! ItтАЩs all so cheap.тАЭ + 

тАЬHтАЩm,тАЭ said Joe. She sat down thoughtfully on the bed and lit a cigarette. + 

тАЬDonтАЩt you agree?тАЭ + 

тАЬYesтБатАФat least I do in a way.тАЭ + 

тАЬSpit it out,тАЭ said Vernon encouragingly. + 

тАЬWell, what I mean is, theyтАЩre happy enough.тАЭ + 

тАЬWho?тАЭ + 

тАЬAunt Myra. Uncle Sydney. Enid. TheyтАЩre a united happy lot, thoroughly content with one another. ItтАЩs we who are wrong, Vernon. You and I. WeтАЩve lived here all these yearsтБатАФbut we donтАЩt belong. ThatтАЩs whyтБатАФweтАЩve got to get out of it.тАЭ + 

Vernon nodded thoughtfully. + 

тАЬYes, Joe, youтАЩre right. WeтАЩve got to get out of it.тАЭ He smiled happily, because the way was so clear. Twenty-oneтБатАКтБатАж Abbots PuissantsтБатАКтБатАж Music. + 

III + 

I + 

тАЬDo you mind just going over that once more, Mr.┬аFlemming?тАЭ + 

тАЬWillingly.тАЭ + 

Precise, dry, even, word after word fell from the old lawyerтАЩs lips. His meaning was clear and unmistakable! Too much so! It didnтАЩt leave a loophole for doubt. + 

Vernon listened. His face was very white, his hands grasped the arms of the chair in which he was sitting. + 

It couldnтАЩt be trueтБатАФit couldnтАЩt! And yet, after all, hadnтАЩt Mr.┬аFlemming said very much the same, years ago? Yes, but then there had been the magic words тАЬtwenty-oneтАЭ to look forward to. тАЬTwenty-oneтАЭ which by a blessed miracle was to make everything right. Instead of which: + 

тАЬMind you, the position is infinitely improved from what it was at the time of your fatherтАЩs death, but it is no good pretending we are out of the wood. The mortgageтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Surely, surely, they had never mentioned a mortgage? Well, it wouldnтАЩt have been much use, he supposed, to a boy of nine. No good trying to get round it. The plain truth was that he couldnтАЩt afford to live at Abbots Puissants. + 

He waited till Mr.┬аFlemming had finished, and then said: тАЬBut if my motherтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬOh! of course. If Mrs.┬аDeyre were prepared toтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ He left the sentence unfinished, paused and then added: тАЬBut, if I may say so, every time that I have had the pleasure of seeing Mrs.┬аDeyre, she has seemed to me to be very settledтБатАФvery settled indeed. I suppose you know that she bought the freehold of Carey Lodge two years ago?тАЭ + 

Vernon hadnтАЩt known it. He saw plainly enough what it meant. Why hadnтАЩt his mother told him? HadnтАЩt she had the courage? He had always taken it for granted that she would come back with him to Abbots Puissants, not so much because he longed for her presence there, as because it wasтБатАФquite naturallyтБатАФher home. + 

But it wasnтАЩt her home. It never could be in the sense that Carey Lodge was her home. + 

He could appeal to her, of course. Beg her, for his sake, because he wanted it so much. + 

No, a thousand times no! You couldnтАЩt beg favours from people you didnтАЩt really love. And he didnтАЩt really love his mother. He didnтАЩt believe he ever really had. Queer and sad and a little dreadful, but there it was. + 

If he never saw her again, would he mind? Not really. He would like to know that she was well and happyтБатАФcared for. But he wouldnтАЩt miss her, would never feel a longing for her presence. Because, in a queer way, he didnтАЩt really like her. He disliked the touch of her hands, always had to take a hold on himself before kissing her good night. HeтАЩd never been able to tell her anythingтБатАФshe never understood or knew what he was feeling. She had been a good loving motherтБатАФand he didnтАЩt even like her! Rather horrible, he supposed, most people would say.тБатАКтБатАж + 

He said quietly to Mr.┬аFlemming: тАЬYou are quite right. I am sure my mother would not wish to leave Carey Lodge.тАЭ + 

тАЬNow, there are one or two alternatives open to you, Mr.┬аDeyre. Major Salmon, who, as you know, has rented it furnished all these years, is anxious to buyтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬNo!тАЭ The word burst from Vernon like a pistol shot. + 

Mr.┬аFlemming smiled. + 

тАЬI was sure you would say that. And I must confess I am glad. There have beenтБатАФerтБатАФDeyres at Abbots Puissants for, let me see, nearly five hundred years. Nevertheless, I should be failing in my duty if I didnтАЩt point out to you that the price offered is a good one, and that if, later, you should decide to sell, it may not be easy to find a suitable purchaser.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs out of the question.тАЭ + 

тАЬVery good. Then the best thing, I think, is to try and let once more. Major Salmon definitely wants to buy a place, so it will mean finding a new tenant. But I dare say we shall have no great difficulty. The point is, how long do you want to let for? To let the place for another long term of years is, I should say, not very desirable. Life is very uncertain. Who knows, in a few years the state of affairs may haveтБатАФerтБатАФchanged very considerably, and you may be in a position to take up residence there yourself.тАЭ + 

тАЬSo I shall, but not the way you think, you old dunderhead,тАЭ thought Vernon. тАЬItтАЩll be because IтАЩve made a name for myself in musicтБатАФnot because Mother is dead. IтАЩm sure I hope sheтАЩll live to be ninety.тАЭ + 

He exchanged a few more words with Mr.┬аFlemming, then rose to go. + 

тАЬIтАЩm afraid this has been rather a shock to you,тАЭ said the old lawyer as he shook hands. + 

тАЬYesтБатАФjust a bit. IтАЩve been building castles in the air, I suppose.тАЭ + 

тАЬYouтАЩre going down to spend your twenty-first birthday with your mother, I suppose?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou might talk things over with your uncle, Mr.┬аBent. A very shrewd man of business. He has a daughter about your age, I think?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, Enid. The two eldest are married, and the two youngest are at school. EnidтАЩs about a year younger than I am.тАЭ + 

тАЬAh! very pleasant to have a cousin of oneтАЩs own age. I dare say you will see a good deal of her.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, I donтАЩt suppose I shall,тАЭ said Vernon vaguely. + 

Why should he be seeing a lot of Enid? She was a dull girl. But of course Mr.┬аFlemming didnтАЩt know that. + 

Funny old chap. What on earth was there to put on such a sly, knowing expression about? + 

II + 

тАЬWell, Mother, I donтАЩt seem to be exactly the young heir!тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! well, dear, you mustnтАЩt worry. Things arrange themselves, you know. You must have a good talk with your Uncle Sydney.тАЭ + 

Silly! What good could a talk with his Uncle Sydney do him? + 

Fortunately the matter was not referred to again. The extraordinary surprise was that Joe had been allowed to have her way. She was actually in LondonтБатАФsomewhat dragoned and chaperoned, it is trueтБатАФbut still she had got her way. + 

His mother seemed always to be whispering mysteriously to friends. Vernon caught her at it one day. + 

тАЬYesтБатАКтБатАж quite inseparable, they wereтБатАКтБатАж so I thought it wiserтБатАКтБатАж it would be such a pityтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ And what Vernon called the тАЬother tabbyтАЭ said something about тАЬFirst cousinsтБатАКтБатАж most unwiseтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ And his mother with a suddenly heightened colour and raised voice had said: тАЬOh! I donтАЩt think in every case.тАЭ + 

тАЬWho were first cousins?тАЭ asked Vernon later. тАЬWhat was all the mystery about?тАЭ + 

тАЬMystery, darling? I donтАЩt know what you mean.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, you shut up when I came in. I wondered what it was all about?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! nothing interesting. Some people you donтАЩt know.тАЭ + 

She looked rather red and confused. + 

Vernon wasnтАЩt curious. He asked no more. + 

He missed Joe most frightfully. Carey Lodge was pretty deadly without her. For one thing, he saw more of Enid than he had ever done before. She was always coming in to see Myra, and Vernon would find himself let in for taking her to roller skate at the new rink, or for some deadly party or other. + 

Myra told Vernon that it would be nice if he asked Enid up to Cambridge for May week. She was so persistent about it that Vernon gave in. After all, it didnтАЩt matter. Sebastian would have Joe and he himself didnтАЩt much care. Dancing was rather rot. Everything was rot that interfered with musicтБатАКтБатАж + 

The evening before his departure Uncle Sydney came to Carey Lodge and Myra pushed Vernon into the study with him and said: тАЬYour Uncle SydneyтАЩs come to have a little talk with you, Vernon.тАЭ + 

Mr.┬аBent hemmed and hawed for a minute or two and then, rather surprisingly, came straight to the point. Vernon had never liked his uncle as much. His facetious manner had been entirely laid aside. + 

тАЬIтАЩm coming straight out with what I want to say, my boyтБатАФbut I donтАЩt want you interrupting till IтАЩve finished. See?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, Uncle Sydney.тАЭ + 

тАЬThe long and short of it is just this. I want you to come into BentтАЩs. Now remember what I saidтБатАФno interruptions! I know youтАЩve never thought of such a thing, and I dare say the idea isnтАЩt very congenial to you now. IтАЩm a plain man, and I can face facts as well as anyone. If youтАЩd got a good income and could live at Abbots Puissants like a gentleman, there wouldnтАЩt be any question of the thing. Well, I accept that. YouтАЩre like your fatherтАЩs people. But for all that, youтАЩve got good Bent blood in your veins, my boy, and bloodтАЩs bound to tell. + 

тАЬIтАЩve got no son of my own. IтАЩm willingтБатАФif youтАЩre willingтБатАФto look upon you as a son. The girls are provided for, and handsomely provided for at that. And mind you, it wonтАЩt be a case of toiling for life. IтАЩm not unreasonableтБатАФand I realize just as much as you do what that place of yours stands for. YouтАЩre a young fellow. You go into the business when you come down from CambridgeтБатАФmind you, you go into it from the bottom. YouтАЩll start at a moderate salary and work up. If you want to retire before youтАЩre forty, well, you can do so. Please yourself. YouтАЩll be a rich man by then, and youтАЩll be able to run Abbots Puissants as it should be run. + 

тАЬYouтАЩll marry young, I hope. Excellent thing, young marriages. Your eldest boy succeeds to the place, the younger sons find a first-class business to step into where they can show what theyтАЩre made of. IтАЩm proud of BentтАЩsтБатАФas proud of BentтАЩs as you are of Abbots PuissantsтБатАФthatтАЩs why I understand your feeling about the old place. I donтАЩt want you to have to sell it. Let it go out of the family after all these yearsтБатАФthat would be a shame. Well, thereтАЩs the offer.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs most awfully good of you, Uncle SydneyтБатАФтАЭ began Vernon. + 

His uncle threw up a large square hand and stopped him. + 

тАЬWeтАЩll leave it at that, if you please. I donтАЩt want an answer now. In fact I wonтАЩt have one. When you come down from CambridgeтБатАФthatтАЩs time enough.тАЭ + 

He rose. + 

тАЬKind of you to ask Enid up for May Week. Very excited about it, she is. If you knew what that girl thought of you, Vernon, youтАЩd be quite conceited. Ah! well, girls will be girls.тАЭ + 

Laughing boisterously, he slammed the front door. + 

Vernon remained in the hall frowning. It was really jolly decent of Uncle SydneyтБатАФjolly decent. + 

Not that he was going to accept. All the money in the world wouldnтАЩt tear him from music. + 

And, somehow, he would have Abbots Puissants as well. + 

III + 

May Week! + 

Joe and Enid were at Cambridge. Vernon had been let in for Ethel, too, as chaperon. The world seemed largely composed of Bents just at present. + 

Joe had burst out at once with: тАЬWhy on earth did you ask Enid?тАЭ + 

He had answered: тАЬOh! Mother went on about itтБатАФit doesnтАЩt really matter.тАЭ + 

Nothing mattered to Vernon just then except one thing. Joe talked privately to Sebastian about that. + 

тАЬIs Vernon really in earnest about this music business? Will he ever be any good? I suppose itтАЩs just a passing craze?тАЭ + 

But Sebastian was unexpectedly serious. + 

тАЬItтАЩs extraordinarily interesting, you know,тАЭ he said. тАЬAs far as I can make out, what Vernon is aiming at is something entirely revolutionary. HeтАЩs mastering now what you might call the main facts, and mastering them at an extraordinary rate. Old Coddington admits that, though, of course, he snorts at VernonтАЩs ideasтБатАФor would if Vernon ever let out about them. The person whoтАЩs interested is old JeffriesтБатАФmathematics! He says VernonтАЩs ideas of music are fourth dimensional. + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know if Vernon will ever pull it offтБатАФor whether heтАЩll be considered as a harmless lunatic. The borderline is very narrow, I imagine. Old Jeffries is very enthusiastic. But not in the least encouraging. He points out, quite rightly, that to attempt to discover something new and force it on the world is always a thankless task, and that in all probability the truths that Vernon is discovering wonтАЩt be accepted for at least another two hundred years. HeтАЩs a queer old codger. Sits about thinking of imaginary curves in spaceтБатАФthat sort of thing. + 

тАЬBut I see his point. Vernon isnтАЩt creating something new. HeтАЩs discovering something thatтАЩs already there. Rather like a scientist. Jeffries says that VernonтАЩs dislike of music as a child is perfectly understandableтБатАФto his ear musicтАЩs incompleteтБатАФitтАЩs like a picture out of drawing. The whole perspective is wrong. It sounds to Vernon likeтБатАФI supposeтБатАФa primitive savageтАЩs music would sound to usтБатАФmostly unendurable discord. + 

тАЬJeffries is full of queer ideas. Start him off on squares and cubes, and geometrical figures and the speed of light, and he goes quite mad. He writes to a German fellow called Einstein. The queer thing is that he isnтАЩt a bit musical, and yet he can seeтБатАФor says he canтБатАФexactly what Vernon is driving at.тАЭ + 

Joe cogitated deeply. + 

тАЬWell,тАЭ she said at last, тАЬI donтАЩt understand a word of all this. But it looks as though Vernon might make a success of it all.тАЭ + 

Sebastian was discouraging. + 

тАЬI wouldnтАЩt say that. Vernon may be a geniusтБатАФand thatтАЩs quite a different thing. Nobody welcomes genius. On the other hand he may be just slightly mad. He sounds mad enough sometimes when he gets goingтБатАФand yet, somehow, IтАЩve always got a kind of feeling that heтАЩs rightтБатАФthat in some odd way he knows what heтАЩs talking about.тАЭ + 

тАЬYouтАЩve heard about Uncle SydneyтАЩs offer?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes. Vernon seems to be turning it down very light-heartedly, and yet, you know, itтАЩs a good thing.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou wouldnтАЩt have him accept it?тАЭ flamed out Joe. + 

Sebastian remained provokingly cool. + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know. It needs thinking about. Vernon may have wonderful theories about this music businessтБатАФthereтАЩs nothing to show that heтАЩs ever going to be able to put them into practice.тАЭ + 

тАЬYouтАЩre maddening,тАЭ said Joe, turning away. + 

Sebastian annoyed her nowadays. All his cool analytical faculties seemed to be uppermost. If he had enthusiasms, he hid them carefully. + 

And to Joe, just now, enthusiasm seemed the most necessary thing in the world. She had a passion for lost causes, for minorities. She was a passionate champion of the weak and oppressed. + 

Sebastian, she felt, was only interested in successes. She accused him in her own mind of judging everyone and everything from a monetary standard. Most of the time they were together, they fought and bickered incessantly. + 

Vernon, too, seemed separated from her. Music was the only thing he wanted to talk about, and even then on lines that were not familiar to her. + 

His preoccupation was entirely with instrumentsтБатАФtheir scope and power, and the violin which Joe herself played seemed the instrument in which he was least interested. Joe was quite unfitted to talk about clarinets, trombones and bassoons. VernonтАЩs ambition in life seemed to be to form friendships with players of these instruments so as to be able to acquire some practical as opposed to theoretical knowledge. + 

тАЬDonтАЩt you know any bassoon players?тАЭ + 

Joe said she didnтАЩt. + 

Vernon said that she might as well make herself useful, and try to pick up some musical friends. тАЬEven a French horn would do,тАЭ he said kindly. + 

He drew an experimental finger round the edge of his finger-bowl. Joe shuddered and clapped both hands to her ears. The sound increased in volume. Vernon smiled dreamily and ecstatically. + 

тАЬOne ought to be able to catch that and harness it. I wonder how it could be done. ItтАЩs a lovely round sound, isnтАЩt it? Like a circle.тАЭ + 

Sebastian took the finger-bowl forcibly away from him, and he wandered round the room and rang various goblets experimentally. + 

тАЬNice lot of glasses in this room,тАЭ he said appreciatively. + 

тАЬYouтАЩre drowning sailors,тАЭ said Joe. + 

тАЬCanтАЩt you be satisfied with bells and a triangle?тАЭ asked Sebastian. тАЬAnd a little gong to beat.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬI want glass.тБатАКтБатАж LetтАЩs have the Venetian and the Waterford together.тБатАКтБатАж IтАЩm glad you have these aesthetic tastes, Sebastian. Have you got a common glass that I can smash?тБатАФall the tinkling fragments. Wonderful stuffтБатАФglass!тАЭ + 

тАЬSymphony of goblets,тАЭ said Joe scathingly. + 

тАЬWell, why not? I suppose somebody once pulled a bit of catgut tight and found it made a squawky noise, and somebody once blew through a reed and liked it. I wonder when they first thought of making things of brass and metal. I dare say some book tells you.тАЭ + 

тАЬColumbus and the egg. You and SebastianтАЩs glass goblets. Why not a slate and a slate pencil?тАЭ + 

тАЬIf youтАЩve got oneтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬIsnтАЩt he too funny?тАЭ giggled Enid. And that stopped the conversationтБатАФfor the time, at any rate. + 

Not that Vernon really minded her presence. He was far too wrapped up in his ideas to be sensitive about them. Enid and Ethel were welcome to laugh as much as they chose. + 

But he was slightly disturbed by the lack of harmony between Joe and Sebastian. The three of them had always been such a united trio. + 

тАЬI donтАЩt think this тАШliving your own lifeтАЩ stunt agrees with Joe,тАЭ said Vernon to his friend. тАЬSheтАЩs like an angry cat most of the time. I canтАЩt think why Mother agreed. She was dead against it about six months ago. I canтАЩt imagine what made her change her mind, can you?тАЭ + 

A smile creased SebastianтАЩs long yellow face. + 

тАЬI could make a guess,тАЭ he said. + 

тАЬWhat?тАЭ + 

тАЬI shanтАЩt say. In the first place, I may be wrong, and in the second place I should hate to interfere with the (possibly) normal course of events.тАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩs your tortuous Russian mind.тАЭ + 

тАЬI dare say.тАЭ + 

Vernon didnтАЩt insist. He was much too lazy to probe for reasons that werenтАЩt given him. + 

Day succeeded day. They danced, breakfasted, drove at incredibly fast speeds through the countryside, sat and smoked and talked in VernonтАЩs rooms, danced again. It was a point of honour not to sleep. At five in the morning they went on the river. + 

VernonтАЩs right arm ached. Enid fell to his share and she was a heavy partner. Well, it didnтАЩt matter. Uncle Sydney had seemed pleased, and he was a decent old boy. Jolly good of him to make that offer. What a pity it was that he (Vernon) was not more of a Bent and less of a Deyre. + 

A vague memory stirred in his mindтБатАФsomebody saying, тАЬThe Deyres, Vernon, are neither happy nor successful. They canтАЩt make good.тАЭ Who was it who had said that? A womanтАЩs voice, it had been, in a gardenтБатАФand there had been curling cigarette smoke.тБатАКтБатАж + 

SebastianтАЩs voice said: тАЬHeтАЩs going to sleep. Wake up, you blighter! Chuck a chocolate at him, Enid.тАЭ + 

A chocolate whizzed past his head. EnidтАЩs voice said with a giggle: + 

тАЬI canтАЩt throw straight for nuts.тАЭ + 

She giggled again as though she thought it very funny. Tiresome girlтБатАФalways giggling. Besides, her teeth stuck out. + 

He heaved himself over on his side. Not usually very appreciative of the beauties of Nature, this morning he was struck by the beauty of the world. The pale gleaming river, here and there on the banks a flowering tree. + 

The boat drifted slowly downstreamтБатАКтБатАж a queer silent enchanted world. Because, he supposed, there were no human beings about. It was, when you came to think of it, an excess of human beings who spoiled the world. Always chattering and talking and giggling, and asking you what you were thinking of when all you wanted was to be let alone. + 

He always remembered feeling that as a kid. If theyтАЩd only let him alone. He smiled to himself as he remembered the ridiculous games he had been in the habit of inventing. Mr.┬аGreen! He remembered Mr.┬аGreen perfectly. And those three playmatesтБатАФwhat were their names, now? + 

A funny childтАЩs worldтБатАФa world of dragons and princesses and strangely concrete realities mixed up with them. There had been a story someone had told himтБатАФa ragged prince with a little green hat and a princess in a tower whose hair when she combed it was so golden that it could be seen in four kingdoms. + 

He raised his head a little, looked along the river bank. There was a punt tied up under some trees. Four people in itтБатАФbut Vernon only saw one. + 

A girl in a pink evening-frock with hair like spun gold standing under a tree laden with pink blossom. + 

He looked and he looked. + 

тАЬVernon.тАЭ Joe kicked him correctively. тАЬYouтАЩre not asleep, because your eyes are open. YouтАЩve been spoken to four times.тАЭ + 

тАЬSorry. I was looking at that lot over there. ThatтАЩs rather a pretty girl, donтАЩt you think so?тАЭ + 

He tried to make his tone lightтБатАФcasual. Inside him a riotous voice was saying: тАЬPretty? SheтАЩs lovely. SheтАЩs the most lovely girl in the world. IтАЩm going to get to know her. IтАЩve got to know her. IтАЩm going to marry her.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Joe heaved herself up on her elbows, looked, uttered an exclamation. + 

тАЬWhy!тАЭ she exclaimed, тАЬI do believeтБатАФyes, IтАЩm sure it is. ItтАЩs Nell Vereker.тАЭ + 

IV + 

Impossible! It couldnтАЩt be. Nell Vereker? Pale scraggy Nell, with her pink nose and her inappropriate starched dresses. Surely it couldnтАЩt be. Was Time capable of that kind of practical joke? If so, one couldnтАЩt be sure of anything. That long-ago Nell, and this NellтБатАФthey were two different people. + 

The whole world felt dreamlike. Joe was saying: + 

тАЬIf thatтАЩs Nell, I really must speak to her. LetтАЩs go across.тАЭ + 

And then the greetings, exclamations, surprise. + 

тАЬWhy, of course, Joe Waite. And Vernon! ItтАЩs years ago, isnтАЩt it?тАЭ + 

Very soft her voice was. Her eyes smiled into hisтБатАФa trifle shyly. LovelyтБатАФlovelyтБатАФlovelier even than he had thought. Tongue-tied fool, why couldnтАЩt he say anything? Something brilliant, witty, arresting. How blue her eyes were with their long soft golden-brown lashes. She was like the blossom above her headтБатАФuntouched, springlike. + 

A great wave of despondency swept over him. She would never marry him. Was it likely? A great clumsy tongue-tied creature such as he was. She was talking to him. Heavens! he must try and listen to what she saidтБатАФanswer intelligently. + 

тАЬWe left very soon after you did. Father gave up his job.тАЭ + 

An echo came into his head of past gossip. + 

Vereker got the sack. Hopelessly incompetentтБатАФit was bound to come. + 

Her voice went onтБатАФsuch a lovely voice. You wanted to listen to it instead of to the words. + 

тАЬWe live in London now. Father died five years ago.тАЭ + 

He said, feeling idiotic, тАЬOh! I say, IтАЩm sorry, awfully sorry!тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩll give you our address. You must come and see us.тАЭ + 

He blundered out hopes of meeting her that eveningтБатАФwhat dance was she going to? She told him. No good there. The night afterтБатАФthank goodness! theyтАЩd be at the same. He said hurriedly: + 

тАЬLook here. YouтАЩve got to save me a dance or twoтБатАФyou mustтБатАФweтАЩve not seen each other for years.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! but can I?тАЭ Her voice was doubtful. + 

тАЬIтАЩll fix it somehow. Leave it to me.тАЭ + 

It was over all too soon. Goodbyes were said. They were going upstream again. + 

Joe said in an incredibly matter-of-fact tone: тАЬWell, isnтАЩt that strange? Who would ever have thought that Nell Vereker would have turned out so good-looking? I wonder if sheтАЩs as much of an ass as ever.тАЭ + 

Sacrilege! He felt oceans removed from Joe. Joe couldnтАЩt see anything at all. + 

Would Nell ever marry him? Would she? Probably sheтАЩd never look at him. All sorts of fellows must be in love with her. + 

He felt terribly despondent. Black misery swept over him. + 

V + 

He was dancing with her. Never had he imagined that he could be so happy. She was like a feather, a rose leaf in his arms. She was wearing a pink dress againтБатАФa different one. It floated out all round her. + 

If life could only go on like this foreverтБатАКтБатАж foreverтБатАКтБатАж + 

But, of course, life never did. In what seemed to Vernon like one second the music stopped. They were sitting together on two chairs. + 

He wanted to say a thousand things to herтБатАФbut he didnтАЩt know how to begin. He heard himself saying foolish things about the floor and the music. + 

FoolтБатАФunutterable fool! In a few minutes another dance would begin. She would be swept away from him. He must make some planтБатАФsome arrangement to meet her again. + 

She was talkingтБатАФdesultory in-between-dance talk. LondonтБатАФthe season. Horrible to think ofтБатАФshe was going to dances night after nightтБатАФthree dances a night sometimes. And here was he tied by the leg. She would marry someoneтБатАФsome rich, clever, amusing fellow would snap her up. + 

He mumbled something about being in townтБатАФshe gave him their address. Mother would be so pleased to see him again. He wrote it down. + 

The music struck up. He said desperately: тАЬNellтБатАФI say, I do call you Nell, donтАЩt I?тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy, of course.тАЭ She laughed. тАЬDo you remember hauling me over the palings that day we thought the rhinoceros was after us?тАЭ + 

And he had thought her a nuisance, he remembered. Nell! A nuisance! + 

She went on: тАЬI used to think you were wonderful then, Vernon.тАЭ + 

She had, had she? But she couldnтАЩt think him wonderful now. His mood drooped to despondency once more. + 

тАЬIтБатАФI was an awful little rotter, I expect,тАЭ he mumbled. + 

Why couldnтАЩt he be intelligent and clever, and say witty things? + 

тАЬOh! you were a dear. Sebastian hasnтАЩt changed much, has he?тАЭ + 

Sebastian. She called him Sebastian. Well, after all, he supposed she wouldтБатАФsince she called him Vernon. What a lucky thing it was that Sebastian cared for nobody but Joe. Sebastian with his money and his brains. Did Nell like Sebastian, he wondered? + 

тАЬOne would know his ears anywhere!тАЭ said Nell with a laugh. + 

Vernon felt comforted. He had forgotten SebastianтАЩs ears. No girl who had noticed SebastianтАЩs ears could go falling in love with him. Poor old SebastianтБатАФrather rough luck to be handicapped with those ears. + 

He saw NellтАЩs partner arriving. He blurted out quickly and hurriedly: + 

тАЬI say, itтАЩs wonderful to have seen you again, Nell. DonтАЩt forget me, will you? I shall be turning up in town. ItтАЩsтБатАФitтАЩs been awfully jolly seeing you again. (Oh! damn, I said that before!) I meanтБатАФitтАЩs been simply ripping. You donтАЩt know. But you wonтАЩt forget, will you?тАЭ + 

She had gone from him. He saw her whirling round in BarnardтАЩs arms. She couldnтАЩt like Barnard surely, could she? Barnard was such an absolute ass. + 

Her eyes met his over BarnardтАЩs shoulder. She smiled. + 

He was in heaven again. She liked himтБатАФhe knew she liked him. She had smiledтБатАКтБатАж + 

VI + 

May week was over. Vernon was sitting at a table writing. + 

Dear Uncle Sydney: + 

IтАЩve thought over your offer, and IтАЩd like to come into BentтАЩs if you still want me. IтАЩm afraid I shall be rather useless, but I will try all I know. I still think itтАЩs most awfully good of you. + 

He paused. Sebastian was walking up and down restlessly. His pacing disturbed Vernon. + 

тАЬFor goodnessтАЩ sake, sit down,тАЭ he said irritably. тАЬWhatтАЩs the matter with you?тАЭ + 

тАЬNothing.тАЭ + 

Sebastian sat down with unusual mildness. He filled and lighted a pipe. From behind a sheltering haze of smoke, he spoke. + 

тАЬI say, Vernon. I asked Joe to marry me that last night. She turned me down.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! rough luck,тАЭ said Vernon, trying to bring his mind back and be sympathetic. тАЬPerhaps sheтАЩll change her mind,тАЭ he said vaguely. тАЬThey say girls do.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs this damned money,тАЭ said Sebastian angrily. + 

тАЬWhat damned money?тАЭ + 

тАЬMine. Joe always said she would marry me when we were kids together. She likes meтБатАФIтАЩm sure she does. And nowтБатАФeverything I say or do always seems to be wrong. If I were only persecuted, or looked down on, or socially undesirable, I believe sheтАЩd marry me like a shot. But sheтАЩs always got to be on the losing side. ItтАЩs a ripping quality in a way, but you can carry it to a pitch where itтАЩs damned illogical. Joe is illogical.тАЭ + 

тАЬHm,тАЭ said Vernon vaguely. + 

He was selfishly intent on his own affairs. It seemed to him curious that Sebastian should be so keen on marrying Joe. There were lots of other girls who would suit him just as well. He reread his letter and added another sentence: + 

I will work like a nigger. + 

IV + 

I + 

тАЬWe want another man,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker. + 

Her eyebrows, slightly enhanced by art, drew together in a straight line as she frowned. + 

тАЬItтАЩs too annoying young Wetherill failing us,тАЭ she added. + 

Nell nodded apathetically. She was sitting on the arm of a chair, not yet dressed. Her golden hair hung in a stream over the pale pink kimono she was wearing. She looked very lovely and very young and defenceless. + 

Mrs.┬аVereker, sitting at her inlaid desk, frowned still more and bit the end of her penholder thoughtfully. The hardness that had always been noticeable was now accentuated and, as it were, crystallized. This was a woman who had battled steadily and unceasingly through life and was now engaged in a supreme struggle. She lived in a house the rent of which she could not afford to pay and she dressed her daughter in clothes she could not afford to buy. She got things on creditтБатАФnot, like some others, by cajolery, but by sheer driving power. She never appealed to her creditors, she browbeat them. + 

And the result was that Nell went everywhere and did everything that other girls did and was better dressed while doing so. + 

тАЬMademoiselle is lovely,тАЭ said the dressmakers, and their eyes would meet Mrs.┬аVerekerтАЩs in a glance of understanding. + 

A girl so beautiful, so well turned out, would marry probably in her first season, certainly in her secondтБатАФand then a rich harvest would be reaped. They were used to taking risks of this kindтБатАФMademoiselle was lovely, Madame, her mother, was a woman of the world and a woman, they could see, who was accustomed to success in her undertakings. She would assuredly see to it that her daughter made a good match and did not marry a nobody. + 

Nobody but Mrs.┬аVereker herself knew the difficulties, the setbacks, the galling defeats of the campaign she had undertaken. + 

тАЬThere is young Earnescliff,тАЭ she said thoughtfully. тАЬBut he is really too much of an outsiderтБатАФand not even money to recommend him.тАЭ + 

Nell looked at her pink polished nails. + 

тАЬWhat about Vernon Deyre?тАЭ she suggested. тАЬHe wrote he was coming up to town this weekend.тАЭ + 

тАЬHe would do,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker. She looked sharply at her daughter. тАЬNell, youтАЩre notтБатАФyouтАЩre not allowing yourself to become foolish about that young man, are you? We seem to have seen a great deal of him lately.тАЭ + 

тАЬHe dances well,тАЭ said Nell. тАЬAnd heтАЩs frightfully useful.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker. тАЬYes. ItтАЩs a pity.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhatтАЩs a pity?тАЭ + 

тАЬThat he hasnтАЩt got a few more of this worldтАЩs goods. HeтАЩll have to marry money if heтАЩs ever going to be able to keep up Abbots Puissants. ItтАЩs mortgaged, you know. I found that out. Of course, when his mother diesтБатАКтБатАж But sheтАЩs one of those large healthy women who go on living till theyтАЩre eighty or ninety. And besides, she may marry again. No, Vernon Deyre is hopeless considered as a parti. HeтАЩs very much in love with you, too, poor boy.тАЭ + 

тАЬDo you think so?тАЭ said Nell in a low voice. + 

тАЬAnyone can see it. It sticks out all over himтБатАФit always does with boys of that age. Well, theyтАЩve got to go through calf love, I suppose. But no foolishness on your part, Nell.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, Mother, heтАЩs only a boyтБатАФa very nice boy, but a boy.тАЭ + 

тАЬHeтАЩs a good-looking boy,тАЭ said her mother dryly. тАЬIтАЩm only warning you. Being in love is a painful process when you canтАЩt have the man you want. And worseтБатАФтАЭ + 

She stopped. Nell knew well enough how her thoughts ran on. Captain Vereker had once been a handsome, blue-eyed, impecunious young subaltern. Her mother had been guilty of the folly of marrying him for love. She had lived to rue the day bitterly. A weak man, a failure, a drunkard. Disillusionment enough there in all conscience. + 

тАЬSomeone devoted is always useful,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker, reverting to her utilitarian standpoint. тАЬHe mustnтАЩt, of course, spoil your chances with other men. But youтАЩre too wise to let him monopolize you to that extent. Yes, write and ask him to drive down to Ranelagh and dine with us there on Sunday next.тАЭ + 

Nell nodded. She got up and went to her own room, flung off the trailing kimono and started dressing. With a stiff brush she brushed out the long golden hair before coiling it round her small lovely head. + 

The window was open. A sooty London sparrow chirped and sang with the arrogance of his kind. + 

Something caught at NellтАЩs heart. Oh! why was everything soтБатАФsoтБатАФ + 

So what? She didnтАЩt knowтБатАФcouldnтАЩt put into words, the feeling that surged over her. Why couldnтАЩt things be nice instead of nasty? It would be just as easy for God. + 

Nell never thought much about God, but she knew, of course, that he was there. Perhaps, somehow or other, God would make everything come right for her. + 

There was something childlike about Nell Vereker on that summerтАЩs morning in London. + 

II + 

Vernon was in the seventh heaven. He had had the luck to meet Nell in the park that morning, and now there was a whole glorious rapturous evening! So happy was he that he almost felt affectionate towards Mrs.┬аVereker. + 

Instead of saying to himself: тАЬThat woman is a gorgon!тАЭ as he usually did, he found himself thinking, тАЬShe may not be so bad after all. Anyhow, sheтАЩs very fond of Nell.тАЭ + 

At dinner he studied the other members of the party. There was an inferior girl dressed in green, a being not to be mentioned in the same breath with Nell, and there was a tall dark man, a Major Somebody, whose evening dress was very faultless, and who talked about India a lot. An insufferably conceited beingтБатАФVernon hated him. Boasting and swaggering and showing off! A cold hand closed round his heart. Nell would marry this blighter and go away to India. He knew it, he simply knew it. He refused a course that was handed to him and gave the girl in green a hard time, so monosyllabic were his responses to her efforts. + 

The other man was olderтБатАФvery old to Vernon. A rather wooden figure, very upright. Grey hair, blue eyes, a square determined face. It turned out that he was an American though no one would have known it, for he had no trace of accent. + 

He spoke stiffly and a little punctiliously. He sounded rich. A very suitable companion for Mrs.┬аVereker, Vernon thought him. She might even marry him, and then, perhaps, she would cease worrying Nell and making her lead this insane life.тБатАКтБатАж + 

Mr.┬аChetwynd seemed to admire Nell a good deal, which was only natural, and he paid her one or two rather old-fashioned compliments. He sat between her and her mother. + 

тАЬYou must bring Miss Nell to Dinard this summer, Mrs.┬аVereker,тАЭ he said. тАЬYou really must. Quite a party of us going. Wonderful place.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt sounds delightful, Mr.┬аChetwynd, but I donтАЩt know whether we can manage it. We seem to have promised so many people for visits and one thing and another.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know youтАЩre always so much in request that itтАЩs hard to get hold of you. I hope your daughterтАЩs not listening when I congratulate you on being the mother of the beauty of the season.тАЭ + 

тАЬAnd I said to the syceтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

This from Major Dacre. + 

All the Deyres had been soldiers. Why wasnтАЩt he a soldier, thought Vernon, instead of being in business in Birmingham? Then he laughed to himself. Absurd to be so jealous. What could be worse than to be a penniless subaltern? There would be no hope of Nell then. + 

Americans were rather long-windedтБатАФhe was getting tired of the sound of ChetwyndтАЩs voice. If only dinner could come to an end! If he and Nell could wander together under the trees. + 

Wandering with Nell wasnтАЩt easy. He was foiled by Mrs.┬аVereker. She asked him questions about his mother and Joe, kept him by her side. He was no match for her in tactics. He had to stay there, answer, pretend he liked it. + 

There was only one crumb of comfort. Nell was walking with the old boyтБатАФnot with Dacre. + 

Suddenly they encountered friends. Everyone stood talking. It was his chance. He found his way to NellтАЩs side. + 

тАЬCome with meтБатАФdo. QuicklyтБатАФnow.тАЭ + 

He had done it! He had got her away from the others. He was hurrying so that she had almost to run to keep up with him, but she didnтАЩt say anythingтБатАФdidnтАЩt protest or make a joke about it. + 

The voices sounded from farther and farther away. He could hear other sounds nowтБатАФthe hurried unevenness of NellтАЩs breathing. Was that because they had walked so fast? He didnтАЩt somehow think it was. + 

He slowed up. They were alone nowтБатАФalone in the world. They couldnтАЩt have been more alone, he felt, on a desert island. + 

He must say somethingтБатАФsomething ordinary and commonplace. Otherwise she might think of going back to the othersтБатАФand he couldnтАЩt bear that. Lucky she didnтАЩt know how his heart was beatingтБатАФin great throbs, right up in his throat somewhere. + 

He said abruptly: + 

тАЬIтАЩve gone into my uncleтАЩs business, you know.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, I know. Do you like it?тАЭ + 

A cool, sweet voice. No trace of agitation in it now. + 

тАЬI donтАЩt like it much. I expect I shall get to, though.тАЭ + 

тАЬI suppose it will be more interesting when you understand it more.тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt see how it ever could be. ItтАЩs making the shanks of buttons, you know.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! I seeтБатАФno, that doesnтАЩt sound very thrilling.тАЭ + 

There was a pause, and then she said, very softly: + 

тАЬDo you hate it very much, Vernon?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm afraid I do.тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm awfully sorry. IтБатАФI understand just how you feel.тАЭ + 

If someone understood, it made the whole world different. Adorable Nell! He said unsteadily: + 

тАЬI say, thatтАЩsтБатАФthatтАЩs most awfully sweet of you.тАЭ + 

Another pauseтБатАФone of those pauses that are heavy with the weight of latent emotion. Nell seemed to take fright. She said rather hurriedly: + 

тАЬWerenтАЩt youтБатАФI mean, I thought you were taking up music?тАЭ + 

тАЬI was. IтБатАФI gave that up.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut why? IsnтАЩt that the most awful pity?тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs the thing I wanted to do most in the world. But itтАЩs no good. IтАЩve got to make some money somehow.тАЭ Should he tell her? Was this the moment? No, he darenтАЩtтБатАФhe simply darenтАЩt. He blundered on quickly. тАЬYou see, Abbots PuissantsтБатАФyou remember Abbots Puissants?тАЭ + 

тАЬOf course. Why, Vernon, we were talking about it the other day.тАЭ + 

тАЬSorry. IтАЩm stupid tonight. Well, you see I want awfully to live there again some day.тАЭ + 

тАЬI think youтАЩre wonderful.тАЭ + 

тАЬWonderful?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes. To give up everything you cared about and set to like you are doing. ItтАЩs splendid!тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs ripping of you to say that. It makesтБатАФoh! you donтАЩt know what a difference it makes.тАЭ + 

тАЬDoes it?тАЭ said Nell in a very low voice. тАЬIтАЩm glad.тАЭ + 

She thought to herself: тАЬI ought to go back. Oh! I ought to go back. Mother will be very angry about this. What am I doing? I ought to go back and listen to George Chetwynd, but heтАЩs so dull. Oh! God, donтАЩt let Mother be very cross.тАЭ + 

And she walked on by VernonтАЩs side. She felt out of breath. StrangeтБатАФwhat was the matter with her? If only Vernon would say something. What was he thinking about? + 

She said in a would-be detached voice: тАЬHowтАЩs Joe?тАЭ + 

тАЬVery artistic at present. I thought perhaps you might have been seeing something of each other as you were both in town?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩve seen her once, I think. ThatтАЩs all.тАЭ She paused and then added, rather diffidently: тАЬI donтАЩt think Joe likes me.тАЭ + 

тАЬNonsense. Of course she does.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, she thinks IтАЩm frivolous, that I only care for social thingsтБатАФdances and parties.тАЭ + 

тАЬNobody who really knew you could think that.тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know. I feel awfullyтБатАФwell, stupid sometimes.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou? Stupid?тАЭ + 

That warm incredulous voice. Darling Vernon. He did think her nice, then. Her mother had been right. + 

They came to a little bridge across some water. They walked on to it, stood there, side by side, leaning over, looking down on the water below. + 

Vernon said in a choked kind of voice: + 

тАЬItтАЩs jolly here.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes.тАЭ + 

It was comingтБатАФit was coming. She couldnтАЩt have defined what she meant, but that was the feeling. The world standing still, gathering itself for a leap and a spring. + 

тАЬNellтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Why did her knees feel so shaky? Why did her voice sound so far away? + 

тАЬYes.тАЭ + 

Was that queer little тАЬYesтАЭ hers? + 

тАЬOh! NellтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

He had got to tell her. He must. + 

тАЬI love you soтБатАКтБатАж I do love you soтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬDo you?тАЭ + 

It couldnтАЩt be her speaking? What an idiotic thing to say! + 

тАЬDo you?тАЭ Her voice sounded stiff and unnatural. + 

His hand found hers. His hand was hotтБатАФhers was cold. They both shook. + 

тАЬCould youтБатАФdo youтБатАФdo you think you could ever manage to love me?тАЭ + 

She answered, hardly knowing what she was saying: тАЬI donтАЩt know.тАЭ + 

They continued to stand there like dazed children, hand in hand, lost in a kind of rapture that was almost fear. + 

Something must happen soon. They didnтАЩt know what. + 

Out of the darkness two figures appearedтБатАФa hoarse laugh, a girlтАЩs giggle. + 

тАЬSo here you are! What a romantic spot!тАЭ + 

The green girl and that ass Dacre. Nell said something, a saucy somethingтБатАФsaid it with the utmost self-possession. Women were wonderful. She moved out into the moonlightтБатАФcalm, detached, at ease. They all walked together, talking, chaffing each other. They found George Chetwynd with Mrs.┬аVereker on the lawn. He looked very glum, Vernon thought. + 

Mrs.┬аVereker was distinctly nasty to him. Her manner when bidding him goodbye was quite offensive. + 

He didnтАЩt care. All he wanted was to get away and lose himself in an orgy of remembrance. + 

HeтАЩd told herтБатАФheтАЩd told her. HeтАЩd asked her whether she loved himтБатАФyes, he had dared to do thatтБатАФand instead of laughing at him she had said, тАЬI donтАЩt know.тАЭ + 

But that meantтБатАФthat meantтБатАКтБатАж Oh, it was incredible! Nell, fairy-like Nell, so wonderful, so inaccessible, loved himтБатАФor at least, she was willing to love him. + 

He wanted to walk on and on through the night. Instead he had to catch the midnight train to Birmingham. Damn! If he could only have walkedтБатАФwalkedтБатАФtill morning. + 

With a little green hat and a magic flute like the prince in that tale! + 

Suddenly he saw the whole thing in musicтБатАФthe high tower and the princessтАЩs cascade of golden hair, and the eerie haunting tune of the princeтАЩs pipe which called the princess out from her tower. + 

Insensibly, this music was more in accordance with recognized canons than VernonтАЩs original conception had been. It was adapted to the limits of known dimensions, though at the same time, the inner vision remained unaltered. He heard the music of the towerтБатАФthe round globular music of the princessтАЩs jewels, and the gay, wild, lawless strain of the vagabond prince: тАЬCome out, my love, come outтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

He walked through the bare drab streets of London as through an enchanted world. The black mass of Paddington station loomed up before him. + 

In the train he didnтАЩt sleep. Instead, on the back of an envelope, he wrote microscopic notes: тАЬTrumpetsтБатАКтБатАж French hornsтБатАКтБатАж Cor Anglais,тАЭ and alongside them lines and curves that to his understanding represented what he heard. + 

He was happy. + 

III + 

тАЬIтАЩm ashamed of you. What can you be thinking of?тАЭ + 

Mrs.┬аVereker was very angry. Nell stood before her, dumb and lovely. + 

Her mother uttered a few more virulent and incisive words, then turned and left the room without saying good night. + 

Ten minutes later, as Mrs.┬аVereker completed her preparations for the night, she suddenly laughed to herselfтБатАФa grim chuckle. + 

тАЬI neednтАЩt have been so angry with the child. As a matter of fact, it will do George Chetwynd good. Wake him up. He needed prodding.тАЭ + 

She turned out her light and slept, satisfied. + 

Nell lay awake. Again and again she went over the evening, trying to recapture each feeling, each word that had been spoken. + 

What had Vernon said? What had she answered? Queer that she couldnтАЩt remember. + 

He had asked her whether she loved himтБатАФwhat had she said to that? She couldnтАЩt tell. But in the darkness the scene rose up before her eyes. She felt her hand in VernonтАЩs, heard his voice, husky and ill assured.тБатАКтБатАж She shut her eyes, lost in a hazy delicious dream. + 

Life was so lovelyтБатАФso lovely. + 

V + 

I + 

тАЬThen you canтАЩt love me!тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! but Vernon, I do. If youтАЩd only try and understand.тАЭ + 

They faced each other desperately, bewildered by this sudden rift between themтБатАФby the queer unexpected vagaries of life. One minute they had been so near that each thought even had seemed to be shared by the otherтБатАФnow they were poles apart, angry and hurt by the otherтАЩs lack of comprehension. + 

Nell turned away with a little gesture of despair and sank down on a chair. + 

Why was it all like this? Why couldnтАЩt things stay as they ought to be, as you had felt they were going to be forever? That evening at RanelaghтБатАФand the night afterwards when she had lain awake, wrapped in a happy dream. Enough that night just to know that she was loved. Why, even her motherтАЩs scathing words had failed to upset her. They had come from so far away. They couldnтАЩt penetrate that shining web of misty dream. + 

She had woken up happy the next morning. Her mother had been pleasant, had said nothing more. Wrapped in her secret thoughts Nell had gone through the day doing all the usual things: chattering with friends, walking in the park, lunching, teaing, dancing. Nobody, she was sure, could have noticed anything different, and yet all the time she herself was conscious of that one deep strand underneath everything else. Just for a minute, sometimes, she would lose the thread of what she was saying, she would remember.тБатАКтБатАж тАЬOh! Nell, I do love you soтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ The moonlight on the dark water. His hand in hers.тБатАКтБатАж A little shiver and she would recall herself hastily, chatter, laugh. Oh, how happy one could beтБатАФhow happy she had been. + 

Then she had wondered if, perhaps, he would write. She watched for the post, her heart giving little throbs whenever the postman knocked. It came the second day. She hid it beneath a pile of others, kept it till she went up to bed, then opened it with a beating heart. + 

Oh, NellтБатАФoh, darling Nell! Did you really mean it? IтАЩve written three letters to you and torn them up. IтАЩm so afraid of saying something that might make you angry. Because perhaps you didnтАЩt mean it after all. But you did, didnтАЩt you? You are so lovely, Nell, and I do love you so dreadfully. IтАЩm always thinking about you, the whole time. I make awful mistakes at the office just because IтАЩm thinking about you. But oh, Nell, I will work so hard! I want so dreadfully to see you. When can I come up to town? I must see you. Darling, darling Nell, I want to say such lots and lots of things, and I canтАЩt in a letter, and, anyway, perhaps IтАЩm boring you. Write and tell me when I can see you. Very soon, please. I shall go mad if I canтАЩt see you very soon. + 

She read it again and again, put it under her pillow when she slept, read it again the next morning. She was so happy, so dreadfully happy. It was not till the day after that she wrote to him. When the pen was in her hand she felt stiff and awkward. She didnтАЩt know what to say. + 

Dear Vernon. + 

Was that silly? Ought she to say Dearest Vernon? Oh, no, she couldnтАЩtтБатАФshe couldnтАЩt. + 

Dear Vernon. Thank you for your letter. + 

A long pause. She bit the stem of her penholder and gazed in an agonized way at the wall in front of her. + 

A party of us are going to the HowardsтАЩ dance on Friday. Will you dine here first and come with us? Eight oтАЩclock. + 

A longer pause. SheтАЩd got to say somethingтБатАФshe wanted to say something. She bent over, and wrote hastily. + 

I want to see you tooтБатАФvery much. Yours, Nell. + 

He wrote back: + 

Dear Nell, IтАЩd love to come on Friday. Thanks ever so much. + 

A little panic swept over her when she read it. Had she offended him? Did he think she ought to have said more in her letter? Happiness fled. She lay awake, miserable, uncertain, hating herself in case it had been her fault. + 

Then had come Friday night. The moment she saw him she knew it was all right. Their eyes met across the room. The world changed back to radiant happiness again. + 

They did not sit near each other at dinner. It was not till the third dance at the HowardsтАЩ that they were able really to speak to each other. They moved round the crowded room, gyrating in a deep-toned, sentimental waltz. He whispered: + 

тАЬI havenтАЩt asked for too many dances, have I?тАЭ + 

тАЬNo.тАЭ + 

Queer how absolutely tongue-tied it made her feel being with Vernon. He held her just a minute longer when the music stopped. His fingers tightened over hers. She looked at him and smiled. They were both deliriously happy. In a few minutes he was dancing with another girl, talking airily in her ear. Nell was dancing with George Chetwynd. Once or twice her eyes met VernonтАЩs and they both smiled very faintly. Their secret was so wonderful. + 

At his next dance with her, his mood had changed. + 

тАЬNell, darling, isnтАЩt there anywhere where I can talk to you? IтАЩve got such heaps of things I want to say. What a ridiculous house this isтБатАФnowhere to go.тАЭ + 

They tried the stairs, mounting higher and higher as you do in London houses. Still, it seemed impossible to get away from people. Then they saw a tiny iron ladder that led to the roof. + 

тАЬNell, letтАЩs get up there? Could you? Would it ruin your dress?тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt care about my dress.тАЭ + 

Vernon went up first, unbolted the trapdoor, climbed out and knelt down to help Nell. She climbed through safely. + 

They were alone, looking down on London. Insensibly they drew nearer to each other. Her hand found its way into his. + 

тАЬNellтБатАФdarlingтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬVernonтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Her voice could only whisper. + 

тАЬIt is true? You do love me?тАЭ + 

тАЬI do love you.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs too wonderful to be true. Oh, Nell, I do so want to kiss you.тАЭ + 

She turned her face to his. They kissed, rather shakily and timidly. + 

тАЬYour face is so soft and lovely,тАЭ murmured Vernon. + 

Oblivious of dirt and smuts they sat down on a little ledge. His arms went round her, held her. She turned her face to his kisses. + 

тАЬI do love you so, NellтБатАФI love you so much that IтАЩm almost afraid to touch you.тАЭ + 

She didnтАЩt understand thatтБатАФit seemed queer. She drew a little closer to him. The magic of the night was made complete by their kisses.тБатАКтБатАж + 

II + 

They woke from a happy dream. тАЬOh! Vernon, I believe weтАЩve been here ages!тАЭ + 

Conscience-stricken they hurried to the trapdoor. On the landing below, Vernon surveyed Nell anxiously. + 

тАЬIтАЩm afraid youтАЩve been sitting on an awful lot of smuts, Nell.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, have I? How awful.тАЭ + 

тАЬItтАЩs my fault, darling. But, oh, Nell! it was worth it, wasnтАЩt it?тАЭ + 

She smiled up at him, gently, happily. + 

тАЬIt was worth it,тАЭ she said softly. + 

As they went down the stairs she said with a little laugh: + 

тАЬWhat about all the things you wanted to say? Lots and lots of them.тАЭ + 

They both laughed in perfect understanding. They reentered the dancing room rather sheepishly. They had missed six dances. + 

A lovely evening. Nell had gone to sleep and dreamed of more kisses. + 

And then, this morning, Saturday morning, Vernon had rung up. + 

тАЬI want to talk to you. Can I come round?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! Vernon, dear, you canтАЩt. IтАЩm going out now to meet people. I canтАЩt get out of it.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy not?тАЭ + 

тАЬI mean I wouldnтАЩt know what to say to Mother.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou havenтАЩt told her anything?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, no!тАЭ + 

The vehemence of that тАЬOh, no!тАЭ had checked Vernon. He thought: тАЬPoor little darling. Of course she hasnтАЩt.тАЭ He said: тАЬHadnтАЩt I better do that? IтАЩll come round now.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! no, Vernon, not until weтАЩve talked.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, when can we talk?тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know. IтАЩm lunching with people and going to a matin├йe and to the theatre again tonight. If youтАЩd only told me you were going to be up this weekend IтАЩd have arranged something.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat about tomorrow?тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, thereтАЩs churchтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬThatтАЩll do! DonтАЩt go to church. Say youтАЩve got a headache or something. IтАЩll come round. We can talk then, and when your mother comes back from church I can have it out with her.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! Vernon, I donтАЩt think I canтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬYes, you can. IтАЩm going to ring off now before you can make any more excuses. At eleven tomorrow.тАЭ + 

He rang off. He hadnтАЩt even told Nell where he was staying. She admired him for this masculine decision even while it caused her anxiety. She was afraid he was going to spoil everything. + 

And now, here they were, in the middle of a heated discussion. Nell had begged him to say nothing to her mother. + 

тАЬIt will spoil everything. We shanтАЩt be allowed to.тАЭ + 

тАЬShanтАЩt be allowed to what?тАЭ + 

тАЬSee each other or anything.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut Nell darling, I want to marry you. And you want to marry me, donтАЩt you? I want to marry you awfully soon.тАЭ + 

She had her first feeling of exasperation then. CouldnтАЩt he see things as they were? He was talking like a mere boy. + 

тАЬBut, Vernon, we havenтАЩt any money.тАЭ + 

тАЬI know. But IтАЩm going to work awfully hard. You wonтАЩt mind being poor, will you, Nell?тАЭ + 

She said no since it was expected of her, but she was conscious that she did not say it wholeheartedly. It was dreadful being poor. Vernon didnтАЩt know how dreadful it was. She suddenly felt years and years older and more experienced than he. He was talking like a romantic boyтБатАФhe didnтАЩt know what things were really like. + 

тАЬOh, Vernon, canтАЩt we just go on as we are? WeтАЩre so happy now.тАЭ + 

тАЬOf course weтАЩre happyтБатАФbut we could be happier still. I want to be really engaged to youтБатАФI want everyone to know that you belong to me.тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt see that that makes any difference.тАЭ + 

тАЬI suppose it doesnтАЩt. But I want to have a right to see you, instead of being miserable about you going round with chaps like that ass, Dacre.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! Vernon, youтАЩre not jealous?тАЭ + 

тАЬI know I oughtnтАЩt to be. But you donтАЩt really know how lovely you are, Nell! Everyone must be in love with you. I believe even that solemn old American fellow is.тАЭ + 

Nell changed colour slightly. + 

тАЬWell, I think youтАЩll spoil everything,тАЭ she murmured. + 

тАЬYou think your mother will be horrid to you about it? IтАЩm awfully sorry. IтАЩll tell her itтАЩs all my fault. And after all, sheтАЩs got to know. I expect sheтАЩll be disappointed because she probably wanted you to marry someone rich. ThatтАЩs quite natural. But it doesnтАЩt really make you happy being rich, does it?тАЭ + 

Nell said suddenly in a hard, desperate little voice: + 

тАЬYou talk like that, but what do you know about being poor?тАЭ + 

Vernon was astonished. + 

тАЬBut I am poor.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, youтАЩre not. YouтАЩve been to schools and universities and in the holidays youтАЩve lived with your mother whoтАЩs rich. You donтАЩt know anything at all about it. You donтАЩt knowтБатАФтАЭ + 

She stopped in despair. She wasnтАЩt clever with words. How could she paint the picture she knew so well? The shifts, the struggles, the evasions, the desperate fight to keep up appearances. The ease with which friends dropped you if you тАЬcouldnтАЩt keep up with things,тАЭ the slights, the snubsтБатАФworse, the galling patronage! In Captain VerekerтАЩs lifetime, and since his death, it had always been the same. You could, of course, live in a cottage in the country and never see anyone, never go to dances like other girls, never have pretty clothes, live within your income and rot away slowly! Either way was pretty beastly. It was so unfairтБатАФone ought to have money. And always marriage lay ahead of you clearly designated as the way of escape. No more striving and snubs and subterfuges. + 

You didnтАЩt think of it as marrying for money. Nell, with the boundless optimism of youth, had always pictured herself falling in love with a nice, rich man. And now she had fallen in love with Vernon Deyre. Her thoughts hadnтАЩt gone as far as marriage. She was just happyтБатАФwonderfully happy. + 

She almost hated Vernon for dragging her down from the clouds. And she resented his easy taking for granted of her readiness to face poverty for his sake. If heтАЩd put it differently. If heтАЩd said: тАЬI oughtnтАЩt to ask youтБатАФbut do you think you could for my sake?тАЭ Something like that. + 

So that she could feel that her sacrifice was being appreciated. For after all, it was a sacrifice! She didnтАЩt want to be poorтБатАФshe hated the idea of being poor. She was afraid of it. VernonтАЩs contemptuous unworldly attitude infuriated her. It was so easy not to care about money when youтАЩd never felt the lack of it. And Vernon hadnтАЩtтБатАФhe wasnтАЩt aware of the fact but, there it was. HeтАЩd lived softly and comfortably and well. + 

He said now in an astonished kind of way: тАЬOh! Nell, surely you wouldnтАЩt mind being poor?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩve been poor, I tell you. I know what itтАЩs like.тАЭ + 

She felt years and years older than Vernon. He was a childтБатАФa baby! What did he know of the difficulties of getting credit? Of the money that she and her mother already owed? She felt suddenly terribly lonely and miserable. What was the good of men? They said wonderful things to you, they loved you, but did they ever try to understand? Vernon wasnтАЩt trying now. He was just saying condemnatory things, showing her how she had fallen in his estimation. + 

тАЬIf you say that you canтАЩt love me.тАЭ + 

She replied helplessly: тАЬYou donтАЩt understand.тАЭ + 

They gazed at each other hopelessly. What had happened? Why were things like this between them? + 

тАЬYou donтАЩt love me,тАЭ repeated Vernon angrily. + 

тАЬOh, Vernon, I do, I do.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Suddenly, like an enchantment, their love swept over them again. They clung together, kissing. They felt that age-long loversтАЩ delusion that everything must come right because they loved. It was VernonтАЩs victory. He still insisted on telling Mrs.┬аVereker. Nell opposed him no longer. His arms round her, his lips on hersтБатАКтБатАж She couldnтАЩt go on arguing. Better to give oneself up to the joy of being loved, to say: тАЬYesтБатАФyes darling, if you likeтБатАКтБатАж anything you like.тАЭ + 

Yet, almost unknown to herself, under her love was a faint resentment. + 

III + 

Mrs.┬аVereker was a clever woman. She was taken by surprise but she did not show it, and she adopted a different line from any that Vernon had pictured her taking. She was faintly derisively amused. + 

тАЬSo you children think you are in love with one another? Well, well!тАЭ + 

She listened to Vernon with such an expression of kindly irony that despite himself his tongue flustered and tripped. + 

She gave a faint sigh as he subsided into silence. + 

тАЬWhat it is to be young! I feel quite envious. Now, my dear boy, just listen to me. IтАЩm not going to forbid the banns or do anything melodramatic. If Nell really wants to marry you she shall. I donтАЩt say I wonтАЩt be very disappointed if she does. SheтАЩs my only child. I naturally hope that she will marry someone who can give her the best of everything, and surround her with every luxury and comfort. That, I think, is only natural.тАЭ + 

Vernon was forced to agree. Mrs.┬аVerekerтАЩs reasonableness was extremely disconcerting, being so unexpected. + 

тАЬBut as I say, IтАЩm not going to forbid the banns. What I do stipulate is that Nell should be thoroughly sure that she really knows her own mind. You agree to that, IтАЩm sure?тАЭ + 

Vernon agreed to that with an uneasy feeling of being entangled in a mesh from which he was presently not going to be able to escape. + 

тАЬNell is very young. This is her first season. I want her to have every chance of being sure that she does like you better than any other man. If you agree between yourselves that you are engaged that is one thingтБатАФa public announcement of your engagement is another. I could not agree to that. Any understanding between yourselves must be kept quite secret. I think you will see that that is only fair. Nell must be given every chance to change her mind if she wants to.тАЭ + 

тАЬShe doesnтАЩt want to!тАЭ + 

тАЬThen there is certainly no reason for objecting. As a gentleman you can hardly act otherwise. If you agree to these stipulations, I will put no obstacle in the way of your seeing Nell.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut, Mrs.┬аVereker, I want to marry Nell quite soon.тАЭ + 

тАЬAnd what exactly do you propose to marry on?тАЭ + 

Vernon told her the salary he was getting from his uncle and explained the position in regard to Abbots Puissants. + 

When he had finished she spoke. She gave a brief and succinct r├йsum├й of house rent, servantsтАЩ wages, the cost of clothes, alluded delicately to possible perambulators, and then contrasted the picture with NellтАЩs present position. + 

Vernon was like the Queen of ShebaтБатАФno spirit was left in him. He was beaten by the relentless logic of facts. A terrible woman, NellтАЩs motherтБатАФimplacable. But he saw her point. He and Nell would have to wait. He must, as Mrs.┬аVereker said, give her every chance of changing her mind. Not that she would, bless her lovely heart! + 

He essayed one last venture. + 

тАЬMy uncle might increase my salary. He has spoken to me several times on the advantages of early marriages. He seems very keen on the subject.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh!тАЭ Mrs.┬аVereker was thoughtful for a minute or two. тАЬHas he any daughters of his own?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, five, and the two oldest are married already.тАЭ + 

Mrs.┬аVereker smiled. A simple boy. He had quite misunderstood the point of her question. Still, she had found out what she wanted to know. + 

тАЬWeтАЩll leave it like that, then,тАЭ she said. + 

A clever woman! + 

IV + 

Vernon left the house in a restless mood. He wanted badly to talk to someone sympathetic. He thought of Joe, then shook his head. He and Joe had almost quarrelled about Nell. Joe despised Nell as what she called a тАЬregular empty-headed society girl.тАЭ She was unfair and prejudiced. As a passport to JoeтАЩs favour, you had to have short hair, wear art smocks, and live in Chelsea. + 

Sebastian, on the whole, was the best person. Sebastian was always willing to see your point of view, and he was occasionally unusually useful with his matter-of-fact commonsense point of view. A very sound fellow, Sebastian. + 

Rich, too. How queer things were! If only he had SebastianтАЩs money, he could probably marry Nell tomorrow. Yet, with all that money, Sebastian couldnтАЩt get hold of the girl he wanted. Rather a pity. He wished Joe would marry Sebastian instead of some rotter or other who called himself artistic. + 

Sebastian, alas, was not at home. Vernon was entertained by Mrs.┬аLevinne. Strangely enough, he found a kind of comfort in her bulky presence. Funny fat old Mrs.┬аLevinne with her jet and her diamonds and her greasy black hair, managed to be more understanding than his own mother. + 

тАЬYou mustnтАЩt be unhappy, my dear,тАЭ she said. тАЬI can see you are. ItтАЩs some girl, I suppose? Ah well, well, Sebastian is just the same about Joe. I tell him he must be patient. JoeтАЩs just kicking up her heels at present. SheтАЩll settle down soon and begin to find out what it is she really does want.тАЭ + 

тАЬIt would be awfully jolly if she married Sebastian. I wish she would. It would keep us all together.тАЭ + 

тАЬYesтБатАФIтАЩm very fond of Joe myself. Not that I think sheтАЩs really the wife for SebastianтБатАФtheyтАЩd be too far away to understand each other. IтАЩm old-fashioned, my dear. IтАЩd like my boy to marry one of our own people. It always works out best. The same interests, and the same instincts, and Jewish women are good mothers. Well, well, it may come, if Joe is really in earnest about not marrying him. And the same thing with you, Vernon. There are worse things than marrying a cousin.тАЭ + 

тАЬMe? Marry Joe?тАЭ + 

Vernon stared at her in utter astonishment. Mrs.┬аLevinne laughed, a fat, good-natured chuckle that shook her various chins. + 

тАЬJoe? No, indeed. ItтАЩs your cousin Enid IтАЩm talking about. ThatтАЩs the idea at Birmingham, isnтАЩt it?тАЭ + 

тАЬOh, noтБатАФat leastтБатАФIтАЩm sure it isnтАЩt.тАЭ + 

Mrs.┬аLevinne laughed again. + 

тАЬI can see that you at any rate have never thought of it till this minute. But it would be a wise plan, you knowтБатАФthat is, if the other girl wonтАЩt have you. Keeps the money in the family.тАЭ + 

Vernon went away with his brain tingling. All sorts of things fell into line. Uncle SydneyтАЩs chaff and hints. The way Enid was always being thrust at him. That, of course, was what Mrs.┬аVereker had been hinting at. They wanted him to marry Enid! Enid! + 

Another memory came back to him. His mother and some old friend of hers whispering together. Something about first cousins. A sudden idea occurred to him. That was why Joe had been allowed to go to London. His mother had thought that he and Joe mightтБатАКтБатАж + 

He gave a sudden shout of laughter. He and Joe! It showed how little his mother had ever understood. He could never, under any circumstances, imagine himself falling in love with Joe. They were exactly like brother and sister and always would be. They had the same sympathies, the same sharp divergences and differences of opinion. They were cast in the same mould, devoid of any glamour and romance for each other. + 

Enid! So this was what Uncle Sydney was after. Poor old Uncle Sydney, doomed to disappointmentтБатАФbut he shouldnтАЩt have been such an ass. + 

Perhaps, though, he was jumping to conclusions. Perhaps it wasnтАЩt Uncle SydneyтБатАФonly his mother. Women were always marrying you to someone in their minds. Anyway, Uncle Sydney would soon know the truth. + 

V + 

The interview between Vernon and his uncle wasnтАЩt very satisfactory. Uncle Sydney was both annoyed and upset though he tried to conceal the fact from Vernon. He was uncertain at first which line to take, and made one or two vague sallies in different directions. + 

тАЬNonsense, all nonsense, much too young to marry. Packet of nonsense.тАЭ + 

Vernon reminded his uncle of his own words. + 

тАЬPooh!тБатАФI didnтАЩt mean this kind of marriage. Society girlтБатАФI know what they are.тАЭ + 

Vernon broke out hotly. + 

тАЬSorry, my boy, I didnтАЩt mean to hurt your feelings. But that kind of girl wants to marry money. YouтАЩll be no use to her for many years to come.тАЭ + 

тАЬI thought perhapsтБатАФтАЭ + 

Vernon paused. He felt ashamed, uncomfortable. + 

тАЬThat IтАЩd set you up with a large income, hey? Is that what the young lady suggested? Now, I put it to you, my boy, would that be business? No, I see that you know it isnтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬI donтАЩt feel that IтАЩm even worth what you give me, Uncle Sydney.тАЭ + 

тАЬPooh, pooh, I wasnтАЩt saying that. YouтАЩre doing very well for a start. IтАЩm sorry about this affairтБатАФit will upset you. My advice to you is, give the whole thing up. Much the best thing to do.тАЭ + 

тАЬI canтАЩt do that, Uncle Sydney.тАЭ + 

тАЬWell, itтАЩs not my business. By the way, have you talked it over with your mother? No? Well, you have a good talk with her. See if she doesnтАЩt say the same as I do. I bet she will. And remember the old saying, a boyтАЩs best friend is his motherтБатАФhey?тАЭ + 

Why did Uncle Sydney say such idiotic things? He always had as far back as Vernon could remember. And yet he was a shrewd and clever business man. + 

Well, there was nothing for it. He must buckle toтБатАФand wait. The first misty enchantment of love was wearing off. It could be hell as well as heaven. He wanted Nell so badlyтБатАФso badly. + 

He wrote to her: + 

Darling, there is nothing for it. We must be patient and wait. At any rate weтАЩll see each other often. Your mother was really very decent about itтБатАФmuch more so than I thought sheтАЩd be. I do quite see the force of all she said. ItтАЩs only fair that you should be free to see if you like anyone better than me. But you wonтАЩt, will you, darling? I know you wonтАЩt. WeтАЩre going to love each other forever and ever. And it wonтАЩt matter how poor we areтБатАКтБатАж the tiniest place with youтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

VI + 

I + 

Nell was relieved by her motherтАЩs attitude. She had feared recriminations, reproaches. Insensibly she always shrank from harsh words or any kind of scene. Sometimes she thought to herself bitterly: тАЬIтАЩm a coward. I canтАЩt stand up to things.тАЭ + 

She was definitely afraid of her mother. She had been dominated by her always, from the first moment she could remember. Mrs.┬аVereker had the hard imperious character which can rule most weaker natures with whom it comes in contact. And Nell was the more easily subdued because she understood well enough that her mother loved her and that it was because of that love that she was so determined that Nell should have the happiness out of life that she herself had failed to get. + 

So Nell was immeasurably relieved when her mother uttered no reproaches, merely observed: + 

тАЬIf youтАЩre determined to be foolish, well, there it is. Most girls have some little love affair or other which comes to nothing in the end. I havenтАЩt much patience with this sentimental nonsense myself. The boy canтАЩt possibly afford to marry for years to come and youтАЩll only make yourself very unhappy. But you must please yourself.тАЭ + 

In spite of herself, Nell was influenced by this contemptuous attitude. She hoped against hope that VernonтАЩs uncle might perhaps do something. VernonтАЩs letter dashed her hopes. + 

They must waitтБатАФand perhaps wait a very long time. + 

II + 

In the meantime Mrs.┬аVereker had her own methods. One day she asked Nell to go and see an old friendтБатАФa girl who had married some few years ago. Amelie King had been a brilliant dashing creature whom Nell, as a schoolgirl, had admired enviously. She might have made a very good marriage, but to everyoneтАЩs surprise she had married a struggling young man and had disappeared from her own particular gay world. + 

тАЬIt seems unkind to drop old friends,тАЭ said Mrs.┬аVereker. тАЬIтАЩm sure Amelie would be pleased if you went to see her, and youтАЩre not doing anything this afternoon.тАЭ + 

So Nell went off obediently to call on Mrs.┬аHorton at 35 Glenster Gardens, Ealing. + 

It was a hot day. Nell took the District Railway and inquired her way from Ealing Broadway Station when she got there. + 

Glenster Gardens proved to be about a mile from the stationтБатАФa long depressing road of little houses, all exactly alike. The door of No.┬а35 was opened by a frowsy-looking maid with a dirty apron and Nell was shown into a small drawing-room. There were one or two nice old pieces of furniture in it and the cretonnes and curtains were of an attractive pattern though very faded, but the place was very untidy and littered with childrenтАЩs toys and odd bits of mending. A childтАЩs fretful wail rose from somewhere in the house as the door opened and Amelie came in. + 

тАЬNell, why how nice of you! I havenтАЩt seen you for years.тАЭ + 

Nell had quite a shock on seeing her. Could this be the well-turned-out attractive Amelie? Her figure had got sloppy, her blouse was shapeless and evidently homemade, and her face was tired and worried with all the old dash and sparkle gone out of it. + 

She sat down and they talked. Presently Nell was taken to see the two children, a boy and a girl, the younger a baby in a cot. + 

тАЬI ought to take them out now,тАЭ said Amelie, тАЬbut really IтАЩm too tired this afternoon. You donтАЩt know how tired one can get pushing a perambulator all the way up from the shops as I did this morning.тАЭ + 

The boy was an attractive child, the baby girl looked sickly and peevish. + 

тАЬItтАЩs partly her teeth,тАЭ said Amelie. тАЬAnd then her digestion is weak, the doctor says. I do wish she wouldnтАЩt cry so at night. ItтАЩs annoying for Jack, who needs his sleep after working all day.тАЭ + 

тАЬYou donтАЩt have a nurse?тАЭ + 

тАЬCanтАЩt afford it, my dear. We have the half-witтБатАФthatтАЩs what we call the girl who opened the door to you. SheтАЩs a complete idiot, but she comes cheap and she really will set to and do some work which is more than most of them will do. A general servant hates coming anywhere where there are children.тАЭ + 

She called out: тАЬMary, bring some tea,тАЭ and led the way back to the drawing-room. + 

тАЬOh, dear Nell, do you know I almost wish you hadnтАЩt come to see me. You look so smart and coolтБатАФyou remind me of all the fun one used to have in the old days. Tennis and dancing and golf and parties.тАЭ + 

Nell said timidly: тАЬBut youтАЩre happyтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

тАЬOh, of course. IтАЩm only enjoying a grumble. JackтАЩs a dear, and then there are the children, only sometimesтБатАФwell, one is really too tired to care for anyone or anything. I feel IтАЩd sell my nearest and dearest for a tiled bathroom and bath salts and a maid to brush my hair and lovely silken garments to slip into. And then you hear some rich idiot holding forth on how money doesnтАЩt bring happiness. Fools!тАЭ + 

She laughed. + 

тАЬTell me some news, Nell. IтАЩm so out of things nowadays. You canтАЩt keep up if you have no money. I never see any of the old crowd.тАЭ + 

They gossiped a little, so-and-so was married, so-and-so had had a row with her husband, so-and-so had got a new baby, and about so-and-so there was the most terrible scandal. + 

Tea was brought, rather untidily, with smeary silver and thick bread and butter. As they were finishing, the front door was opened with a key and a manтАЩs voice sounded from the hall fretful and irritable. + 

тАЬAmelieтБатАФI say, it is too bad. I only ask you to do one thing and you go and forget it. This parcel has never been taken down to JonesтАЩs. You said you would.тАЭ + 

Amelie ran out to him in the hall. There was a quick interchange of whispers. She brought him into the drawing-room where he greeted Nell. The child in the nursery began to wail again. + 

тАЬI must go to her,тАЭ said Amelie, and hurried away. + 

тАЬWhat a life!тАЭ said Jack Horton. He was still very good-looking, though his clothes were distinctly shabby and there were bad-tempered lines coming round his mouth. He laughed as though it were a great joke. тАЬYouтАЩve found us at sixes and sevens, Miss Vereker. We always are. Travelling to and fro in trains this weather is very tryingтБатАФand no peace in the home when you get there!тАЭ + 

He laughed again, and Nell laughed too, politely. Amelie came back holding the child in her arms. Nell rose to go. They came with her to the door, Amelie sent messages to Mrs.┬аVereker and waved her hand. + 

At the gate Nell looked back and caught the expression on AmelieтАЩs face. A hungry envious look. + 

In spite of herself NellтАЩs heart sank. Was this the inevitable end? Did poverty kill love? + 

She reached the main road and was walking along it in the direction of the station when an unexpected voice made her start. + 

тАЬMiss Nell, by all thatтАЩs wonderful!тАЭ + 

A big Rolls-Royce had drawn up to the kerb, George Chetwynd sat behind the wheel smiling at her. + 

тАЬIf this isnтАЩt too good to be true! I thought I saw a girl who was mighty like youтБатАФfrom the back view anyhowтБатАФso I slowed down to have a look at her face, and it was your very self. Are you going back to town? Because if so, step in.тАЭ + 

Nell stepped in obediently and settled herself contentedly beside the driver. The car glided forward smoothly, gathering power. A heavenly sensation, Nell thoughtтБатАФeffortless, delightful. + 

тАЬAnd what are you doing in Ealing?тАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩve been to see some friends.тАЭ + 

Moved by some obscure prompting, she described her visit. Chetwynd listened sympathetically, nodding his head from side to side, all the while driving the car with the perfection of a master. + 

тАЬIf that isnтАЩt too bad,тАЭ he said sympathetically. тАЬYou know, I hate to think of that poor girl. Women ought to be taken care ofтБатАФto have their lives made easy for them. They ought to be surrounded with everything they want.тАЭ + 

He looked at Nell and said kindly: тАЬItтАЩs upset you, I can see. You must have a very soft heart, Miss Nell.тАЭ + 

Nell looked at him with a sudden warming of her heart. She did like George Chetwynd. There was something so kind and reliable and strong about him. She liked his rather wooden face, and the way his greying hair grew back from his temples. She liked the square, upright way he sat, and the firm precision of his hands on the wheel. He looked the kind of man who could deal with any emergency, a man on whom you could depend. The brunt of things would always be on his shoulders, not on yours. Oh! yes, she liked George. He was a nice person to meet when you were tired at the end of a bothering day. + 

тАЬIs my tie crooked?тАЭ he asked suddenly without looking round. + 

Nell laughed. + 

тАЬWas I staring? IтАЩm afraid I was.тАЭ + 

тАЬI felt the glance. What were you doingтБатАФsizing me up?тАЭ + 

тАЬI believe I was.тАЭ + 

тАЬAnd I suppose IтАЩve been found utterly wanting.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, very much the other way about.тАЭ + 

тАЬDonтАЩt say these nice thingsтБатАФwhich IтАЩm sure you donтАЩt mean. You excited me so much that I nearly collided with a tram then.тАЭ + 

тАЬI never say things I donтАЩt mean.тАЭ + 

тАЬDonтАЩt you? I wonder now.тАЭ His voice altered. тАЬThereтАЩs something IтАЩve wanted to say to you for a long time. This is a funny place to say it, but IтАЩm going to take the plunge here and now. Will you marry me, Nell? I want you very badly.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh!тАЭ Nell was startled. тАЬOh! no, I couldnтАЩt.тАЭ + 

He shot a quick glance at her before returning to his task of steering through the traffic. He slowed down a little. + 

тАЬDo you mean that, I wonder? I know IтАЩm too old for youтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬNoтБатАФyouтАЩre notтБатАФI mean, itтАЩs not that.тАЭ + 

A little smile twisted his mouth. + 

тАЬI must be twenty years older than you, Nell, at least. ItтАЩs a lot, I know. But I do honestly believe that I could make you happy. Queerly enough, IтАЩm sure of it.тАЭ + 

Nell didnтАЩt answer for a minute or two. Then she said rather weakly: тАЬOh! but really, I couldnтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬSplendid! You said it much less decidedly that time.тАЭ + 

тАЬBut indeedтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬIтАЩm not going to bother you any more just now. WeтАЩll take it that youтАЩve said No this time. But you arenтАЩt always going to say No, Nell. I can afford to wait quite a long time for what I want to have. Some day youтАЩll find yourself saying Yes.тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, I shanтАЩt.тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, you will, dear. ThereтАЩs no one else, is there? Ah! but I know there isnтАЩt.тАЭ + 

Nell didnтАЩt answer. She told herself that she didnтАЩt know what to say. She had tacitly promised her mother that nothing should be said about her engagement. + 

And yet, somewhere, deep down, she felt ashamed. + 

George Chetwynd began cheerfully to talk of various outside topics. + 

VII + 

I + 

August was a difficult month for Vernon. Nell and her mother were in Dinard. He wrote to her and she to him, but her letters told him little or nothing of what he wanted to know. She was having a gay time, he gathered, and enjoying herself though longing for Vernon to be there. + 

VernonтАЩs work was of the purely routine order. It required little intelligence. You needed to be careful and methodical, that was all. His mind, free from other distractions, swung back to its secret love, music. + 

He had formed the idea of writing an opera and had taken for his theme the half-forgotten fairy story of his youth. It was now bound up in his mind with NellтБатАФthe whole strength of his love for her flowed into this new channel. + 

He worked feverishly. NellтАЩs words about his living comfortably with his mother had rankled, and he had insisted on having rooms of his own. The ones he had found were very cheap, but they gave him an unexpected sense of freedom. At Carey Lodge he would never have been able to concentrate. His mother would have been, he knew, forever fussing after him, urging him to get to bed. Here, in Arthur Street, he could and often did, sit up till five in the morning if he liked. + 

He got very thin and haggard looking. Myra worried about his health and urged patent restoratives upon him. He assured her curtly that he was all right. He told her nothing of what he was doing. Sometimes he would be full of despair over his work, at others a sudden sense of power would rush over him as he knew that some small infinitesimal fragment was good. + 

Occasionally he went to town and spent a weekend with Sebastian, and on two occasions Sebastian came down to Birmingham. Sebastian was VernonтАЩs most valued standby at this time. His sympathy was real and not assumed and it had a twofold character. He was interested as a friend and also from his own professional standpoint. Vernon had an enormous respect for SebastianтАЩs judgment in all things artistic. He would play excerpts on the piano he had hired, explaining as he did so the proper orchestration. Sebastian listened, nodding very quietly, speaking little. At the end he would say: + 

тАЬItтАЩs going to be good, Vernon. Get on with it.тАЭ + 

He never uttered a word of destructive criticism, for in his belief, such a word might be fatal. Vernon needed encouragement and nothing but encouragement. + 

He said one day: тАЬIs this what you meant to do at Cambridge?тАЭ + 

Vernon considered for a minute. + 

тАЬNo,тАЭ he said at last. тАЬAt least itтАЩs not what I meant originally. After that concert, you know. ItтАЩs gone againтБатАФthe thing I saw then. Perhaps itтАЩll come back again some time. This is, I suppose, the usual sort of thing, conventionalтБатАФand all that. But here and there IтАЩve got what I mean into it.тАЭ + 

тАЬI see.тАЭ + 

To Joe, Sebastian said plainly what he thought. + 

тАЬVernon calls this the тАШusual sort of thing,тАЩ but, as a matter of fact, it isnтАЩt. ItтАЩs entirely unusual. The whole orchestration is conducted on an unusual plan. What it is, though, is immature. Brilliant but immature.тАЭ + 

тАЬHave you told him so?тАЭ + 

тАЬGood lord, no. One disparaging word and heтАЩd shrivel up and consign the whole thing to the wastepaper basket. I know these people. IтАЩm spoonfeeding him with praise at present. WeтАЩll have the pruning knife and the garden syringe later. IтАЩve mixed my metaphors, but you know what I mean.тАЭ + 

In early September Sebastian gave a party to meet Herr Radmaager, the famous composer. Vernon and Joe were bidden to attend. + 

тАЬOnly about a dozen of us,тАЭ said Sebastian. тАЬAnita Quarll, whose dancing IтАЩm interested inтБатАФsheтАЩs a rotten little devil, though. Jane HardingтБатАФyouтАЩll like her. SheтАЩs singing in this English Opera business. Wrong vocationтБатАФsheтАЩs an actress, not a singer. You and VernonтБатАФRadmaagerтБатАФtwo or three others. Radmaager will be interested in VernonтБатАФheтАЩs well disposed towards the younger generation.тАЭ + 

Both Joe and Vernon were elated. + 

тАЬDo you think IтАЩll ever do anything, Joe? Really do anything, I mean.тАЭ + 

Vernon sounded dispirited. + 

тАЬWhy not?тАЭ said Joe valiantly. + 

тАЬI donтАЩt know. Everything IтАЩve done just lately is rotten. I started all right. But now IтАЩm stale as stale. IтАЩm tired before I start.тАЭ + 

тАЬI suppose thatтАЩs because you work all day.тАЭ + 

тАЬI suppose it is.тАЭ + 

He was silent for a minute or two and then said: + 

тАЬItтАЩll be wonderful meeting Radmaager. HeтАЩs one of the only men who write what I call music. I wish I could talk to him about what I really thinkтБатАФbut it would be such awful cheek.тАЭ + 

The party was of an informal character. Sebastian had a large studio, empty save for a dais, a grand piano and a large quantity of cushions thrown down at random about the floor. At one end was a hastily put trestle table and on this were piled viands of all descriptions. + 

You collected what you wanted and then pitched your cushion. When Joe and Vernon arrived a girl was dancingтБатАФa small red-haired girl with a lithe, sinewy body. Her dancing was ugly but alluring. + 

She finished to loud applause and leapt down from the dais. + 

тАЬBravo, Anita,тАЭ said Sebastian. тАЬNow then, Vernon and Joe, have you got what you want? ThatтАЩs right. YouтАЩd better sink down gracefully by Jane. This is Jane.тАЭ + 

They sank down as bidden. Jane was a tall creature with a beautiful body and a mass of very dark brown hair coiled low on her neck. Her face was too broad for beauty and her chin too sharp. Her eyes were deep-set and green. She was about thirty, Vernon thought. He found her disconcerting, but attractive. + 

Joe began to talk to her eagerly. Her enthusiasm for sculpture had been waning of late. She had always had a high soprano voice and she was now coquetting with the idea of becoming an opera singer. + 

Jane Harding listened sympathetically enough, emitting a faintly amused monosyllable from time to time. Finally she said: + 

тАЬIf you like to come round to my flat, IтАЩll try your voice, and I can tell you in two minutes just what your voice is good for.тАЭ + 

тАЬWould you really? ThatтАЩs awfully kind of you.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! not at all. You can trust me. You canтАЩt trust someone who makes their living by teaching to tell you the truth.тАЭ + 

Sebastian came up and said: тАЬWhat about it, Jane?тАЭ + 

She got up from the floorтБатАФrather a beautiful movement. Then, looking round, she said in the curt voice of command one would use to a dog: + 

тАЬMr.┬аHill.тАЭ + 

A small man, rather like a white worm, bustled forward with an ingratiating twist of the body. He followed her up to the dais. + 

She sang a French song Vernon had never heard before. + 

тАЬJтАЩai perdu mon amieтБатАФelle est morte, + 

Tout sтАЩen va cette fois ├а jamais, + 

├А jamais, pour toujours elle emporte + 

Le dernier des amours que jтАЩaimais. + 

тАЬPauvre nous! Rien ne mтАЩa cri├й lтАЩheure + 

O├╣ l├а-bas se nouait son linceul + 

On mтАЩa dit тАШElle est morte!тАЩ Et tout seul + 

Je r├йp├иte тАШElle est morte!тАЩ Et je pleureтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

Like most people who heard Jane Harding sing, Vernon was quite unable to criticize the voice. She created an emotional atmosphereтБатАФthe voice was only an instrument. The sense of overwhelming loss, of dazed grief, the final relief of tears. + 

There was applause. Sebastian murmured: тАЬEnormous emotional powerтБатАФthatтАЩs it.тАЭ + 

She sang again. This time it was a Norwegian song about falling snow. There was no emotion in her voice whatsoeverтБатАФit was like the white flakes of the snow: monotonous, exquisitely clear, finally dying away to silence on the last line. + 

In response to applause, she sang yet a third song. Vernon sat up, suddenly alert. + 

тАЬI saw a Fairy lady there + 

With long white hands and drowning hair + 

And oh! her face was wild and sweet, + 

Was sweet and wild and wild and strange and fairтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ + 

It was like a spell laid on the roomтБатАФthe sense of magic, of terrified enchantment. JaneтАЩs face was thrust forward. Her eyes looked out, past beyondтБатАФseeingтБатАФfrightened yet fascinated. + 

There was a sigh as she finished. A stout burly man with white hair en brosse pushed his way to Sebastian. + 

тАЬAh! my good Sebastian, I have arrived. I will talk to that young ladyтБатАФat once, immediately.тАЭ + 

Sebastian went with him across the room to Jane. Herr Radmaager took her by both hands. He looked at her earnestly. + 

тАЬYes,тАЭ he said at last. тАЬYour physique is good. I should say that both the digestion and the circulation were excellent. You will give me your address and I will come and see you. Is it not so?тАЭ + 

Vernon thought: тАЬThese people are mad.тАЭ + 

But he noticed that Jane Harding seemed to take it as a matter of course. She wrote down her address, talked to Radmaager for a few minutes longer, then came and rejoined Joe and Vernon. + 

тАЬSebastian is a good friend,тАЭ she remarked. тАЬHe knows that Herr Radmaager is looking for a Solveig for his new opera, Peer Gynt. That is why he asked me here tonight.тАЭ + 

Joe got up and went to talk to Sebastian. Vernon and Jane Harding were left alone. + 

тАЬTell me,тАЭ said Vernon stammering a little. тАЬThat song you sangтБатАФтАЭ + 

тАЬFrosted snow?тАЭ + 

тАЬNo, the last one. IтБатАФI heard it years agoтБатАФwhen I was a kid.тАЭ + 

тАЬHow curious. I thought it was a family secret.тАЭ + 

тАЬA hospital nurse sang it to me when I broke my leg. I always loved itтБатАФbut never thought I should hear it again.тАЭ + 

Jane Harding said thoughtfully: + 

тАЬI wonder now. Could that have been my Aunt Frances?тАЭ + 

тАЬYes, that was her name. Nurse Frances. Was she your aunt? WhatтАЩs happened to her?тАЭ + 

тАЬShe died a good many years ago. Diphtheria, caught from a patient.тАЭ + 

тАЬOh! IтАЩm sorry.тАЭ He paused, hesitated, then blundered on. тАЬIтАЩve always remembered her. She wasтБатАФshe was a wonderful friend to me as a kid.тАЭ + 

He caught JaneтАЩs green eyes looking at him, a steady, kindly glance, and he knew at once of whom she had reminded him the first moment he saw her. She was like Nurse Frances. + 

She said quietly: тАЬYou write music, donтАЩt you? Sebastian told me about you.тАЭ + 

тАЬYesтБатАФat least I try to.тАЭ + 

He stopped, hesitated again. He thought: тАЬSheтАЩs terribly attractive. Do I like her? Why am I afraid of her?тАЭ + 

He felt suddenly excited and exalted. He could do thingsтБатАФhe knew he could do thingsтБатАКтБатАж + 

тАЬVernon!тАЭ + 

Sebastian was calling him. He got up. Sebastian presented him to Radmaager. The great man was kindly and sympathetic. + 

тАЬI am interested,тАЭ he said, тАЬin what I hear about your work from my young friend here.тАЭ He laid his hand on SebastianтАЩs shoulder. тАЬHe is very astute, my young friend. In spite of his youth, he is seldom wrong. We will arrange a meeting, and you shall show me your work.тАЭ + 

He moved on. Vernon was left quivering with excitement. Did he really mean it? He went back to Jane. She was smiling. Vernon sat down by her. A sudden wave of depression succeeded the exhilaration. What was the good of it all? He was tied, hand and foot, to Uncle Sydney and Birmingham. You couldnтАЩt write music unless you gave your whole time, your whole thoughts, your whole soul to it. + 

He felt injuredтБатАФmiserableтБатАФyearning for sympathy. If only Nell were here. Darling Nell who always understood. + 

He looked up and found Jane Harding watching him. + 

тАЬWhatтАЩs the matter?тАЭ she said. + 

тАЬI wish I were dead,тАЭ said Vernon bitterly. + 

Jane raised her eyebrows slightly. + 

тАЬWell,тАЭ she said, тАЬif you walk up to the top of this building and jump off, you can be.тАЭ + 

It was hardly the answer that Vernon had expected. He looked up resentfully, but her cool kindly glance disarmed him. + 

тАЬThereтАЩs only one thing I care about in the whole world,тАЭ he said passionately. тАЬI want to write music. I could write music. And instead of that IтАЩm stuck in a beastly business that I hate. Grinding away day after day! ItтАЩs too sickening.тАЭ + 

тАЬWhy do you do it if you donтАЩt like it?тАЭ + 

тАЬBecause I have to.тАЭ + 

тАЬI expect you want to reallyтБатАФotherwise you wouldnтАЩt,тАЭ said Jane indifferently. + 

тАЬHavenтАЩt I told you that I want to write music more than anything else in the world?тАЭ + 

тАЬThen why donтАЩt you do it?тАЭ + 

тАЬBecause I canтАЩt, I tell you.тАЭ + 

He felt exasperated with her. She didnтАЩt seem to understand at all. Her view on life seemed to be that if you wanted to do anything, you just went and did it. + 

He began pouring out things. Abbots Puissants, the concert, his uncleтАЩs offer, and thenтБатАФNell. + 

When he had finished, she said: тАЬYou do expect life to be rather a fairy story, donтАЩt you?тАЭ + 

тАЬWhat do you mean?тАЭ + 

тАЬJust that. You want to be able to live in the house of your forefathers, and to marry the girl you love, and to grow immensely rich, and to be a great composer. I dare say you might manage to do one of those four things if you give your whole mind to it. But itтАЩs not likely that youтАЩll have everything, you know. Life isnтАЩt like a penny novelette.тАЭ + 

He hated her for the moment. And yet, even while he hated, he was attracted. He felt again the curious emotional atmosphere that she had created when singing. He thought to himself: тАЬA magnetic field, thatтАЩs what it is.тАЭ And then again: тАЬI donтАЩt like her. IтАЩm afraid of her.тАЭ + 

A long-haired young man came up and joined them. He was a Swede, but he spoke excellent English. + 

тАЬSebastian tells me that you will write the music of the future,тАЭ he said to Vernon. тАЬI have theories about the future. Time is only another dimension of space. You can move to and fro in time just as you can move to and fro in space. Half your dreams are only confused memories of the future. And as you can be separated from your dear ones in space, so you can be separated from them in time, and that is the greatest tragedy there is or can be.тАЭ + 

Since he was clearly mad, Vernon paid no attention. He was not interested in theories of space and time. But Jane Harding leaned forward. + 

тАЬTo be separated in time,тАЭ she said. тАЬI never thought of that.тАЭ + 

Encouraged, the Swede went on. He talked of time, and of ultimate space, and of time one, and of time two. Whether Jane was interested or not, Vernon did not know. She looked straight in front of her and did not appear to be listening. The Swede went on to time three, and Vernon escaped. + 

He joined Joe and Sebastian. Joe was being enthusiastic on the subject of Jane Harding. + 

тАЬI think sheтАЩs wonderful. DonтАЩt you, Vernon? SheтАЩs asked me to go and see her. I wish I could sing like that.тАЭ + 

тАЬSheтАЩs an actress, not a singer,тАЭ said Sebastian. тАЬA good sort, Jane. SheтАЩs had rather a tragic life. For five years she lived with Boris Androv, the sculptor.тАЭ + 

Joe glanced over in JaneтАЩs direction with enhanced interest. Vernon felt suddenly young and crude. He could still see those enigmatical slightly mocking green eyes. He heard that amused ironical voice. You do expect life to be a fairy story, donтАЩt you? Hang it all, that hurt! + 

And yet he had an immense desire to see her again. + 

Should he ask her if he might? + 

No, he couldnтАЩt. + 

Besides, he was so seldom in town. + 

He heard her voice behind himтБатАФa singerтАЩs voice, slightly husky. + 

тАЬGood night, Sebastian. Thank you.тАЭ + 

She moved towards the door, looked over her shoulder at Vernon. + 

тАЬCome and see me some time,тАЭ she said carelessly. тАЬYour cousin has got my address.тАЭ + 