II
Vernon was in the seventh heaven. He had had the luck to meet Nell in the park that morning, and now there was a whole glorious rapturous evening! So happy was he that he almost felt affectionate towards Mrs.┬аVereker.
Instead of saying to himself: тАЬThat woman is a gorgon!тАЭ as he usually did, he found himself thinking, тАЬShe may not be so bad after all. Anyhow, sheтАЩs very fond of Nell.тАЭ
At dinner he studied the other members of the party. There was an inferior girl dressed in green, a being not to be mentioned in the same breath with Nell, and there was a tall dark man, a Major Somebody, whose evening dress was very faultless, and who talked about India a lot. An insufferably conceited beingтБатАФVernon hated him. Boasting and swaggering and showing off! A cold hand closed round his heart. Nell would marry this blighter and go away to India. He knew it, he simply knew it. He refused a course that was handed to him and gave the girl in green a hard time, so monosyllabic were his responses to her efforts.
The other man was olderтБатАФvery old to Vernon. A rather wooden figure, very upright. Grey hair, blue eyes, a square determined face. It turned out that he was an American though no one would have known it, for he had no trace of accent.
He spoke stiffly and a little punctiliously. He sounded rich. A very suitable companion for Mrs.┬аVereker, Vernon thought him. She might even marry him, and then, perhaps, she would cease worrying Nell and making her lead this insane life.тБатАКтБатАж
Mr.┬аChetwynd seemed to admire Nell a good deal, which was only natural, and he paid her one or two rather old-fashioned compliments. He sat between her and her mother.
тАЬYou must bring Miss Nell to Dinard this summer, Mrs.┬аVereker,тАЭ he said. тАЬYou really must. Quite a party of us going. Wonderful place.тАЭ
тАЬIt sounds delightful, Mr.┬аChetwynd, but I donтАЩt know whether we can manage it. We seem to have promised so many people for visits and one thing and another.тАЭ
тАЬI know youтАЩre always so much in request that itтАЩs hard to get hold of you. I hope your daughterтАЩs not listening when I congratulate you on being the mother of the beauty of the season.тАЭ
тАЬAnd I said to the syceтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
This from Major Dacre.
All the Deyres had been soldiers. Why wasnтАЩt he a soldier, thought Vernon, instead of being in business in Birmingham? Then he laughed to himself. Absurd to be so jealous. What could be worse than to be a penniless subaltern? There would be no hope of Nell then.
Americans were rather long-windedтБатАФhe was getting tired of the sound of ChetwyndтАЩs voice. If only dinner could come to an end! If he and Nell could wander together under the trees.
Wandering with Nell wasnтАЩt easy. He was foiled by Mrs.┬аVereker. She asked him questions about his mother and Joe, kept him by her side. He was no match for her in tactics. He had to stay there, answer, pretend he liked it.
There was only one crumb of comfort. Nell was walking with the old boyтБатАФnot with Dacre.
Suddenly they encountered friends. Everyone stood talking. It was his chance. He found his way to NellтАЩs side.
тАЬCome with meтБатАФdo. QuicklyтБатАФnow.тАЭ
He had done it! He had got her away from the others. He was hurrying so that she had almost to run to keep up with him, but she didnтАЩt say anythingтБатАФdidnтАЩt protest or make a joke about it.
The voices sounded from farther and farther away. He could hear other sounds nowтБатАФthe hurried unevenness of NellтАЩs breathing. Was that because they had walked so fast? He didnтАЩt somehow think it was.
He slowed up. They were alone nowтБатАФalone in the world. They couldnтАЩt have been more alone, he felt, on a desert island.
He must say somethingтБатАФsomething ordinary and commonplace. Otherwise she might think of going back to the othersтБатАФand he couldnтАЩt bear that. Lucky she didnтАЩt know how his heart was beatingтБатАФin great throbs, right up in his throat somewhere.
He said abruptly:
тАЬIтАЩve gone into my uncleтАЩs business, you know.тАЭ
тАЬYes, I know. Do you like it?тАЭ
A cool, sweet voice. No trace of agitation in it now.
тАЬI donтАЩt like it much. I expect I shall get to, though.тАЭ
тАЬI suppose it will be more interesting when you understand it more.тАЭ
тАЬI donтАЩt see how it ever could be. ItтАЩs making the shanks of buttons, you know.тАЭ
тАЬOh! I seeтБатАФno, that doesnтАЩt sound very thrilling.тАЭ
There was a pause, and then she said, very softly:
тАЬDo you hate it very much, Vernon?тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm afraid I do.тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm awfully sorry. IтБатАФI understand just how you feel.тАЭ
If someone understood, it made the whole world different. Adorable Nell! He said unsteadily:
тАЬI say, thatтАЩsтБатАФthatтАЩs most awfully sweet of you.тАЭ
Another pauseтБатАФone of those pauses that are heavy with the weight of latent emotion. Nell seemed to take fright. She said rather hurriedly:
тАЬWerenтАЩt youтБатАФI mean, I thought you were taking up music?тАЭ
тАЬI was. IтБатАФI gave that up.тАЭ
тАЬBut why? IsnтАЩt that the most awful pity?тАЭ
тАЬItтАЩs the thing I wanted to do most in the world. But itтАЩs no good. IтАЩve got to make some money somehow.тАЭ Should he tell her? Was this the moment? No, he darenтАЩtтБатАФhe simply darenтАЩt. He blundered on quickly. тАЬYou see, Abbots PuissantsтБатАФyou remember Abbots Puissants?тАЭ
тАЬOf course. Why, Vernon, we were talking about it the other day.тАЭ
тАЬSorry. IтАЩm stupid tonight. Well, you see I want awfully to live there again some day.тАЭ
тАЬI think youтАЩre wonderful.тАЭ
тАЬWonderful?тАЭ
тАЬYes. To give up everything you cared about and set to like you are doing. ItтАЩs splendid!тАЭ
тАЬItтАЩs ripping of you to say that. It makesтБатАФoh! you donтАЩt know what a difference it makes.тАЭ
тАЬDoes it?тАЭ said Nell in a very low voice. тАЬIтАЩm glad.тАЭ
She thought to herself: тАЬI ought to go back. Oh! I ought to go back. Mother will be very angry about this. What am I doing? I ought to go back and listen to George Chetwynd, but heтАЩs so dull. Oh! God, donтАЩt let Mother be very cross.тАЭ
And she walked on by VernonтАЩs side. She felt out of breath. StrangeтБатАФwhat was the matter with her? If only Vernon would say something. What was he thinking about?
She said in a would-be detached voice: тАЬHowтАЩs Joe?тАЭ
тАЬVery artistic at present. I thought perhaps you might have been seeing something of each other as you were both in town?тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩve seen her once, I think. ThatтАЩs all.тАЭ She paused and then added, rather diffidently: тАЬI donтАЩt think Joe likes me.тАЭ
тАЬNonsense. Of course she does.тАЭ
тАЬNo, she thinks IтАЩm frivolous, that I only care for social thingsтБатАФdances and parties.тАЭ
тАЬNobody who really knew you could think that.тАЭ
тАЬI donтАЩt know. I feel awfullyтБатАФwell, stupid sometimes.тАЭ
тАЬYou? Stupid?тАЭ
That warm incredulous voice. Darling Vernon. He did think her nice, then. Her mother had been right.
They came to a little bridge across some water. They walked on to it, stood there, side by side, leaning over, looking down on the water below.
Vernon said in a choked kind of voice:
тАЬItтАЩs jolly here.тАЭ
тАЬYes.тАЭ
It was comingтБатАФit was coming. She couldnтАЩt have defined what she meant, but that was the feeling. The world standing still, gathering itself for a leap and a spring.
тАЬNellтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
Why did her knees feel so shaky? Why did her voice sound so far away?
тАЬYes.тАЭ
Was that queer little тАЬYesтАЭ hers?
тАЬOh! NellтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
He had got to tell her. He must.
тАЬI love you soтБатАКтБатАж I do love you soтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
тАЬDo you?тАЭ
It couldnтАЩt be her speaking? What an idiotic thing to say!
тАЬDo you?тАЭ Her voice sounded stiff and unnatural.
His hand found hers. His hand was hotтБатАФhers was cold. They both shook.
тАЬCould youтБатАФdo youтБатАФdo you think you could ever manage to love me?тАЭ
She answered, hardly knowing what she was saying: тАЬI donтАЩt know.тАЭ
They continued to stand there like dazed children, hand in hand, lost in a kind of rapture that was almost fear.
Something must happen soon. They didnтАЩt know what.
Out of the darkness two figures appearedтБатАФa hoarse laugh, a girlтАЩs giggle.
тАЬSo here you are! What a romantic spot!тАЭ
The green girl and that ass Dacre. Nell said something, a saucy somethingтБатАФsaid it with the utmost self-possession. Women were wonderful. She moved out into the moonlightтБатАФcalm, detached, at ease. They all walked together, talking, chaffing each other. They found George Chetwynd with Mrs.┬аVereker on the lawn. He looked very glum, Vernon thought.
Mrs.┬аVereker was distinctly nasty to him. Her manner when bidding him goodbye was quite offensive.
He didnтАЩt care. All he wanted was to get away and lose himself in an orgy of remembrance.
HeтАЩd told herтБатАФheтАЩd told her. HeтАЩd asked her whether she loved himтБатАФyes, he had dared to do thatтБатАФand instead of laughing at him she had said, тАЬI donтАЩt know.тАЭ
But that meantтБатАФthat meantтБатАКтБатАж Oh, it was incredible! Nell, fairy-like Nell, so wonderful, so inaccessible, loved himтБатАФor at least, she was willing to love him.
He wanted to walk on and on through the night. Instead he had to catch the midnight train to Birmingham. Damn! If he could only have walkedтБатАФwalkedтБатАФtill morning.
With a little green hat and a magic flute like the prince in that tale!
Suddenly he saw the whole thing in musicтБатАФthe high tower and the princessтАЩs cascade of golden hair, and the eerie haunting tune of the princeтАЩs pipe which called the princess out from her tower.
Insensibly, this music was more in accordance with recognized canons than VernonтАЩs original conception had been. It was adapted to the limits of known dimensions, though at the same time, the inner vision remained unaltered. He heard the music of the towerтБатАФthe round globular music of the princessтАЩs jewels, and the gay, wild, lawless strain of the vagabond prince: тАЬCome out, my love, come outтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
He walked through the bare drab streets of London as through an enchanted world. The black mass of Paddington station loomed up before him.
In the train he didnтАЩt sleep. Instead, on the back of an envelope, he wrote microscopic notes: тАЬTrumpetsтБатАКтБатАж French hornsтБатАКтБатАж Cor Anglais,тАЭ and alongside them lines and curves that to his understanding represented what he heard.
He was happy.