IV
Vernon sat very still.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж
Horrible to suffer like thisтБатАФto want anyone so much.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж JaneтБатАКтБатАж
Yes, heтАЩd always loved her. After that very first meeting heтАЩd been unable to keep away. HeтАЩd been drawn towards her by something stronger than himself.
Fool and coward to be afraidтБатАФalways afraid. Afraid of any deep realityтБатАФof any violent emotion.
And she had knownтБатАФshe had always known, and been unable to help him. What had she said: тАЬDivided in timeтАЭ? That first evening at SebastianтАЩs party when she had sung:
тАЬI saw a Fairy lady there
With long white hands and drowning hair.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
Drowning hairтБатАКтБатАж no, no, not that. Queer she should have sung that song. And the statue of the drowned womanтБатАКтБатАж That was queer, too.
What was the other thing she had sung that night?
тАЬJтАЩai perdu mon amieтБатАФelle est morte.
Tout sтАЩen va cette fois, ├а jamais,
├А jamais, pour toujours elle emporte
Le dernier des amours que jтАЩaimais.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
He had lost Abbots Puissants, he had lost Nell.
But with Jane, he had indeed lost тАЬle dernier des amours que jтАЩaimais.тАЭ
For the rest of his life he would be able to see only one womanтБатАФJane.
He loved JaneтБатАКтБатАж he loved her.тБатАКтБатАж
And heтАЩd tortured her, slighted her, finally abandoned her to that green evil sea.
The statue in the South Kensington MuseumтБатАКтБатАж
GodтБатАФhe mustnтАЩt think of that.
YesтБатАФheтАЩd think of everything. This time he wouldnтАЩt turn away.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж JaneтБатАКтБатАж JaneтБатАКтБатАж
He wanted her. JaneтБатАКтБатАж
HeтАЩd never see her again.
HeтАЩd lost everything nowтБатАКтБатАж everything.
Those days, months, years in Russia. Wasted years.
FoolтБатАФto live beside her, to hold her body in his arms, and all the time to be afraidтБатАКтБатАж Afraid of his passion for her.
That old terror of the BeastтБатАКтБатАж
And suddenly, as he thought of the Beast, he knewтБатАКтБатАж
Knew that at last he had come into his heritage.