V
I
тАЬSebastian!тАЭ
Joe started up in bed then fell back weakly. She stared unbelievingly. Sebastian, big, fur-coated, calm and omniscient, smiled placidly down at her.
There was no sign in his face of the sudden pang her appearance had given him. JoeтБатАФpoor little Joe!
Her hair had grownтБатАФit was arranged in two short plaits, one over each shoulder. Her face was horribly thin, with a high hectic flush on each cheekbone. The bones of her shoulders showed through her thin nightdress.
She looked like a feverish child. There was something childlike in her surprise, in her pleasure, in her eager questioning. The nurse had left them.
Sebastian sat down by the bed and took JoeтАЩs thin hand in his.
тАЬVernon wired me. I didnтАЩt wait for him. I caught the first boat.тАЭ
тАЬTo come to me?тАЭ
тАЬOf course.тАЭ
тАЬDear Sebastian!тАЭ
Tears came into her eyes. Sebastian was alarmed and went on hastily:
тАЬNot that I shanтАЩt do a bit of business while I am over. I often come over on business, and as a matter of fact I can do one or two good deals just now.тАЭ
тАЬDonтАЩt spoil it.тАЭ
тАЬBut itтАЩs true,тАЭ said Sebastian, surprised.
Joe began to laugh, but coughed instead. Sebastian watched anxiously, ready to call the nurse. He had been warned. But the fit passed.
Joe lay there contentedly, her hand creeping into SebastianтАЩs again.
тАЬMother died this way,тАЭ she whispered. тАЬPoor Mother! I thought I was going to be so much wiser than she was, and IтАЩve made such a mess of things. Oh! such a mess of things.тАЭ
тАЬPoor old Joe!тАЭ
тАЬYou donтАЩt know what a mess IтАЩve made of things, Sebastian.тАЭ
тАЬI can imagine it,тАЭ said Sebastian. тАЬI always thought you would.тАЭ
Joe was silent a minute, then she said:
тАЬYou donтАЩt know what a comfort it is to see you, Sebastian. I have seen and known so many rotters. I didnтАЩt like your being strong and successful and cocksureтБатАФit annoyed me. But nowтБатАФoh, itтАЩs wonderful!тАЭ
He squeezed her hand.
тАЬThereтАЩs no one else in the world who would have comeтБатАФas youтАЩve comeтБатАФmilesтБатАФat once. Vernon, of course, but then heтАЩs a relationтБатАФa kind of brother. But youтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm just as much a brotherтБатАФmore than a brother. Ever since Abbots Puissants IтАЩve beenтБатАФwell, ready to stand by if you wanted me.тАЭ
тАЬOh! Sebastian.тАЭ Her eyes opened wideтБатАФhappily. тАЬI never dreamt that youтАЩd feel like that still.тАЭ
He started ever so slightly. He hadnтАЩt meant that exactly. He had meant something that he couldnтАЩt explainтБатАФnot at any rate to Joe. It was a feeling peculiarly and exclusively Jewish. The undying gratitude of the Jew who never forgets a benefit conferred. As a child he had been an outcast and Joe had stood by himтБатАФshe had been willing to defy her world. The child Sebastian had never forgottenтБатАФwould never forget. He would, as he had said, have gone to the ends of the earth if she had wanted him.
She went on.
тАЬThey moved me into this placeтБатАФfrom that horrible ward. Was that you?тАЭ
He nodded.
тАЬI cabled.тАЭ
Joe sighed.
тАЬYouтАЩre so terribly efficient, Sebastian.тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm afraid so.тАЭ
тАЬBut thereтАЩs nobody like youтБатАФnobody. IтАЩve thought of you so often lately.тАЭ
тАЬHave you?тАЭ
He thought of the lonely yearsтБатАФthe aching longingтБатАФthe baffled desire. Why did things always come to you at the wrong time?
She went on.
тАЬI never dreamt youтАЩd still think about me. I always fancied that some day you and JaneтБатАФтАЭ
A queer pang shot through him. JaneтБатАКтБатАж
He and JaneтБатАКтБатАж
He said gruffly: тАЬJane, to my mind, is one of the finest things God ever made. But she belongs body and soul to Vernon and always will.тАЭ
тАЬI suppose so. But itтАЩs a pity. You and she are the strong ones. You belong together.тАЭ
They did, in a curious way. He knew what she meant.
Joe said with a flickering smile: тАЬThis reminds me of the books one reads as a child. Edifying deathbed scenes. Friends and relations gathering round. Wan smiles of heroine.тАЭ
Sebastian had made up his mind. Why had he felt this wasnтАЩt love? It was. This passion of pure disinterested pity and tendernessтБатАФthis deep affection lasting through the years. A thousand times better worthwhile than those stormy or tepid affairs that occurred with monotonous regularityтБатАФthat punctuated his life without ever touching any real depths.
His heart went out to the childish figure. Somehow, heтАЩd bring it off.
He said gently: тАЬThere arenтАЩt going to be any deathbed scenes, Joe. YouтАЩre going to get well and marry me.тАЭ
тАЬDarling Sebastian! Tie you to a consumptive wife? Of course not.тАЭ
тАЬNonsense! YouтАЩll do one of two thingsтБатАФeither get well or die. If you die you die, and thereтАЩs an end of it. If you get cured you marry me. And no expense will be spared to cure you.тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm pretty bad, Sebastian dear.тАЭ
тАЬPossibly. But nothing is more uncertain than tubercleтБатАФany doctor will tell you so. YouтАЩve been just letting yourself go. I think myself youтАЩll get well. A long weary business, but it can be done.тАЭ
She looked at him. He saw the colour rising and falling in her thin cheeks. He knew then that she loved himтБатАФand a queer little stir of warmth woke round his heart. His mother had died two years ago. Since then no one had really cared.
Joe said in a low voice: тАЬSebastian, do you really need me? IтБатАФIтАЩve made such a mess of things.тАЭ
He said with sincerity: тАЬNeed you? IтАЩm the loneliest man on earth.тАЭ
And suddenly he broke down. It was a thing he had never done in his lifeтБатАФnever thought he would do. He knelt by JoeтАЩs bed, his face buried, his shoulders heaving.
Her hand stroked his head. He knew she was happyтБатАФher proud spirit appeased. Dear JoeтБатАФso impulsive, so warmhearted, so wrongheaded. She was dearer to him than anyone on earth. They could help one another.
The nurse came inтБатАФthe visitor had been there long enough. She withdrew again for Sebastian to say goodbye.
тАЬBy the way,тАЭ he said. тАЬThat French fellowтБатАФwhatтАЩs his name?тАЭ
тАЬFran├зois? HeтАЩs dead.тАЭ
тАЬThatтАЩs all right. You could have got a divorce, of course. But being a widow makes it easier.тАЭ
тАЬYou do think I shall get well?тАЭ
Pathetic, the way she said that!
тАЬOf course.тАЭ
The nurse reappeared and he took his departure. He called on the doctorтБатАФhad a long talk. The doctor was not hopeful. But he agreed that there was a chance. They decided on Florida.
Sebastian left the home. He walked along the street deep in thought. He saw a placard with тАЬTerrible Disaster to ResplendentтАЭ on it, but it conveyed nothing to his mind.
He was too busy with his own thoughts. What was really best for Joe? To live or to die? He wondered.
SheтАЩd had such a rotten life. He wanted the best for her.
He went to bed and slept heavily.
II
He awoke to a vague uneasiness. There was somethingтБатАФsomething. For the life of him he couldnтАЩt put a name to it.
It wasnтАЩt Joe. Joe was in the foreground of his mind. This was something in the backgroundтБатАФshoved awayтБатАФsomething that he hadnтАЩt been able to give consideration to at the time.
He thought: тАЬI shall remember presently.тАЭ But he didnтАЩt.
As he dressed, he thought out the problem of Joe. He was all for moving her to Florida as soon as possible. Later, perhaps, Switzerland. She was very weak, but not too weak to be moved. As soon as she had seen Vernon and JaneтБатАКтБатАж
They were arrivingтБатАФwhen? The Resplendent, wasnтАЩt it? The ResplendentтБатАКтБатАж
The razor he was holding dropped from his hand. HeтАЩd got it now! Before his eyes rose the vision of a newspaper placard.
The ResplendentтБатАФTerrible Disaster.
Vernon and Jane were on the Resplendent.
He rang furiously. A few minutes later he was scanning the morning newspaper. There were now full details to hand. His eyes scanned them rapidly. The Resplendent had struck an icebergтБатАФthe death rollтБатАФsurvivors.
A list of namesтБатАКтБатАж survivors. He found the name there of Groen, Vernon was alive anyway. Then he searched the other list and found at last what he was looking for, fearingтБатАФthe name of Jane Harding.
III
He stood quite still, staring at the newssheet in his hand. Presently he folded it up neatly, laid it on a side table and rang the bell. In a few minutes a curt order given to the bellhop sent his secretary hurrying to him.
тАЬIтАЩve got an appointment at ten oтАЩclock I canтАЩt break. There are some things youтАЩve got to find out for me. Have the information ready for me when I return.тАЭ
He detailed the points succinctly. The fullest particulars as to the Resplendent were to be collected, and certain radios were to be sent off.
Sebastian telephoned himself to the hospital and warned them that no mention of the Resplendent disaster was to be made to the patient. He had a few words with Joe herself which he managed to make normal and commonplace.
He stopped at a florist to send her some flowers and then went off to embark on a long day of meetings and business appointments. It is to be doubted if anyone noticed that the great Sebastian Levinne was unlike himself in the smallest detail. He had never been more shrewd in driving a bargain and his power of getting his own way was never more in evidence.
It was six oтАЩclock when he returned to the Biltmore.
His secretary met him with all the information available. The survivors had been picked up by a Norwegian ship. They would be due in New York in three daysтАЩ time.
Sebastian nodded, his face unchanged. He gave further instructions.
On the evening of the third day following that, he returned to his hotel to be met by the information that Mr.┬аGroen had arrived and was installed in the suite adjoining his own.
Sebastian strode there.
Vernon was standing by the window. He turned round. Sebastian felt something like a shock. In some strange way, he no longer recognized his friend. Something had happened to him.
They stood staring at each other. Sebastian spoke first. He said the thing that all day had been present in his mind.
тАЬJaneтАЩs dead,тАЭ he said.
Vernon noddedтБатАФgravelyтБатАФunderstandingly.
тАЬYes,тАЭ he said quietly. тАЬJaneтАЩs deadтБатАФand I killed her.тАЭ
The old unemotional Sebastian revived and protested.
тАЬFor GodтАЩs sake, Vernon, donтАЩt take it like that. She came with youтБатАФnaturally. DonтАЩt be morbid about it.тАЭ
тАЬYou donтАЩt understand,тАЭ said Vernon. тАЬYou donтАЩt know what happened.тАЭ
He paused and then went on, speaking very quietly and collectedly.
тАЬI canтАЩt describe the thing. It happened quite suddenly, you knowтБатАФin the middle of the night. There was very little time. The boat heeled over, you know, at an appalling angle. The two of them came togetherтБатАФslippingтБатАФsliding down the deck. They couldnтАЩt save themselves.тАЭ
тАЬWhat two?тАЭ
тАЬNell and Jane, of course.тАЭ
тАЬWhatтАЩs Nell got to do with it?тАЭ
тАЬShe was on board.тАЭ
тАЬWhat?тАЭ
тАЬYes. I didnтАЩt know. Jane and I were second-class, of course, and I donтАЩt think we ever glanced at a passenger list. Yes, Nell and George Chetwynd were on board. ThatтАЩs what IтАЩm telling you, if you wouldnтАЩt interrupt. It happenedтБатАФa sort of nightmareтБатАФno time for life boats or anything. I was hanging on to a stanchionтБатАФor whatever you call itтБатАФto save myself from falling into the sea.
тАЬAnd they came drifting along the deck, those two, right by meтБатАФslipping, slidingтБатАФfaster and fasterтБатАФand the sea waiting for them below.
тАЬIтАЩd no idea Nell was on board till I saw her drifting down to destruction, and crying out, тАШVernon!тАЩ
тАЬThere isnтАЩt time to think on these occasions, I tell you. One can just make an instinctive gesture. I could grab on to one or other of themтБатАФNell or Jane. I grabbed Nell and held her, held her like grim death.тАЭ
тАЬAnd Jane?тАЭ
Vernon said quietly:
тАЬI can see her face still, looking at me as she wentтБатАФdown into that green swirlтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
тАЬMy God!тАЭ said Sebastian hoarsely.
Then suddenly his impassivity forsook him. His voice rang out bellowing like a bull.
тАЬYou saved Nell? You bloody fool! To save NellтБатАФand let Jane drown. Why, Nell isnтАЩt worth the tip of JaneтАЩs little finger. Damn you!тАЭ
тАЬI know that.тАЭ
тАЬYou know it? ThenтБатАФтАЭ
тАЬI tell you, it isnтАЩt what you knowтБатАФitтАЩs some blind instinct that takes hold of you.тАЭ
тАЬDamn you! Damn you!тАЭ
тАЬIтАЩm damned all right. You neednтАЩt worry. I let Jane drownтБатАФand I love her.тАЭ
тАЬLove her?тАЭ
тАЬYes, IтАЩve always loved her. I see that now. Always, from the beginning, I was afraid of herтБатАФbecause I loved her. I was a coward there, like everywhere elseтБатАФtrying to escape from reality. I fought against her. I was ashamed of the power she had over me. IтАЩve taken her through hell.
тАЬAnd now I want herтБатАФI want her. Oh! youтАЩll say thatтАЩs like me, to want a thing as soon as itтАЩs out of my reach. Perhaps itтАЩs trueтБатАФperhaps I am like that.
тАЬI only know that I love JaneтБатАФthat I love herтБатАФand that sheтАЩs gone from me forever.тАЭ
He sat down on a chair and said in his normal tone: тАЬI want to work. Get out of here, Sebastian, thereтАЩs a good fellow.тАЭ
тАЬMy God, Vernon, I didnтАЩt think I could ever hate youтБатАФтАЭ
Vernon repeated: тАЬI want to work.тАЭ
Sebastian turned on his heel and left the room.
IV
Vernon sat very still.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж
Horrible to suffer like thisтБатАФto want anyone so much.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж JaneтБатАКтБатАж
Yes, heтАЩd always loved her. After that very first meeting heтАЩd been unable to keep away. HeтАЩd been drawn towards her by something stronger than himself.
Fool and coward to be afraidтБатАФalways afraid. Afraid of any deep realityтБатАФof any violent emotion.
And she had knownтБатАФshe had always known, and been unable to help him. What had she said: тАЬDivided in timeтАЭ? That first evening at SebastianтАЩs party when she had sung:
тАЬI saw a Fairy lady there
With long white hands and drowning hair.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
Drowning hairтБатАКтБатАж no, no, not that. Queer she should have sung that song. And the statue of the drowned womanтБатАКтБатАж That was queer, too.
What was the other thing she had sung that night?
тАЬJтАЩai perdu mon amieтБатАФelle est morte.
Tout sтАЩen va cette fois, ├а jamais,
├А jamais, pour toujours elle emporte
Le dernier des amours que jтАЩaimais.тБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
He had lost Abbots Puissants, he had lost Nell.
But with Jane, he had indeed lost тАЬle dernier des amours que jтАЩaimais.тАЭ
For the rest of his life he would be able to see only one womanтБатАФJane.
He loved JaneтБатАКтБатАж he loved her.тБатАКтБатАж
And heтАЩd tortured her, slighted her, finally abandoned her to that green evil sea.
The statue in the South Kensington MuseumтБатАКтБатАж
GodтБатАФhe mustnтАЩt think of that.
YesтБатАФheтАЩd think of everything. This time he wouldnтАЩt turn away.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж JaneтБатАКтБатАж JaneтБатАКтБатАж
He wanted her. JaneтБатАКтБатАж
HeтАЩd never see her again.
HeтАЩd lost everything nowтБатАКтБатАж everything.
Those days, months, years in Russia. Wasted years.
FoolтБатАФto live beside her, to hold her body in his arms, and all the time to be afraidтБатАКтБатАж Afraid of his passion for her.
That old terror of the BeastтБатАКтБатАж
And suddenly, as he thought of the Beast, he knewтБатАКтБатАж
Knew that at last he had come into his heritage.
V
It was like the day he had come back from the Titanic Concert. It was the vision he had had then. He called it vision for it seemed more that than sound. Seeing and hearing were oneтБатАФcurves and spirals of soundтБатАФascending, descending, returning.
And now he knewтБатАФhe had the technical knowledge.
He snatched at paper, jotted down brief, scrawled hieroglyphics, a kind of frantic shorthand. There were years of work in front of him, but he knew that he should never again recapture this first freshness and clearness of vision.
It must be soтБатАФand so: a whole weight of metalтБатАФbrassтБатАФall the brass in the world.
And those new glass soundsтБатАКтБатАж ringing, clear.
He was happy.
An hour passedтБатАКтБатАж two hours.
For a moment he came out of his frenzyтБатАФrememberedтБатАКтБатАж Jane!
He felt sickтБатАФashamed. CouldnтАЩt he even mourn her for one evening? There was something baseтБатАФcruelтБатАФin the way he was using his sorrow, his desireтБатАФtransmuting it into terms of sound.
That was what it meant being a creatorтБатАФruthlessness, using everything.
And people like Jane were the victims.
JaneтБатАКтБатАж
He felt torn in twoтБатАФagony and wild exultation.
He thought: тАЬPerhaps women feel like this when they have a child.тАЭ
Presently he bent again over his sheets of paper, writing frenziedly, flinging them on the floor as he finished them.
When the door opened he did not hear it. He was deaf to the rustle of a womanтАЩs dress. Only when a small frightened voice said, тАЬVernon,тАЭ did he look up.
With an effort he forced the abstracted look from his face.
тАЬHullo,тАЭ he said. тАЬNell.тАЭ
She stood there, twisting her hands togetherтБатАФher face white and ravaged. She spoke in breathless gasps.
тАЬVernonтБатАКтБатАж I found out. They told meтБатАКтБатАж where you wereтБатАКтБатАж and I came.тАЭ
He nodded.
тАЬYes,тАЭ he said. тАЬYou came?тАЭ
OboesтБатАФno, cut out oboes. Too soft a note. It must be stridentтБатАФbrazen. But harpsтБатАФyes, he wanted the liquidness of harpsтБатАФlike water. You wanted water as a source of power.
Bother! Nell was speaking. HeтАЩd have to listen.
тАЬVernon, after that awful escape from deathтБатАФI knew.тБатАКтБатАж ThereтАЩs only one thing that mattersтБатАФlove. IтАЩve always loved you. IтАЩve come back to youтБатАФfor always.тАЭ
тАЬOh!тАЭ he said stupidly.
She had come nearer, was holding out her hands to him.
He looked at her as if from a great distance. Really, Nell was extraordinarily pretty. He could well see why he had fallen in love with her. Queer, that he wasnтАЩt the least bit in love with her now. How awkward it all was. He did wish she would go away and let him get on with what he was doing. What about trombones? One could improve on a tromboneтБатАКтБатАж
тАЬVernon!тАЭ Her voice was sharpтБатАФfrightened. тАЬDonтАЩt you love me any more?тАЭ
It was really best to be truthful. He said with an odd formal politeness:
тАЬIтАЩm awfully sorry. IтБатАФIтАЩm afraid I donтАЩt. You see, I love Jane.тАЭ
тАЬYouтАЩre angry with meтБатАФbecause of that lie about theтБатАФthe child.тАЭ
тАЬWhat lie? About what child?тАЭ
тАЬDonтАЩt you even remember? I said I was going to have a child and it wasnтАЩt true.тБатАКтБатАж Oh! Vernon, forgive meтБатАКтБатАж forgive me.тАЭ
тАЬThatтАЩs quite all right, Nell. DonтАЩt you worry. IтАЩm sure everythingтАЩs for the best. George is an awfully good chap and youтАЩre really happiest with him. And now, for GodтАЩs sake, do go away. I donтАЩt want to be rude, but IтАЩm most awfully busy. The whole thing will go if I donтАЩt pin it down.тАЭ
She stared at him.
Then slowly she moved towards the door. She stopped, turned, flung out her hands towards him.
тАЬVernonтБатАКтБатАжтАЭ
It was a last cry of despairing appeal.
He did not even look up, only shook his head impatiently.
She went out, shutting the door behind her.
Vernon gave a sigh of relief.
There was nothing now to come between him and his workтБатАКтБатАж
He bent over the table.